We need to talk...................................

Why is it that those four simple words, strung in that particular order, instantly transport many of us staight into intstant anxiety? Is it me, or does most everyone immediately think that the worst is about to happen?

Two days ago, someone said those four little words to me. Instantly my heart leapt into my thoat, my body kicked into the fight or flight reaction, the pit of my stomach registered dred, and I began to shake inside. And, of course, my mind raced straight to "What have I done wrong? Pretty strong reaction for such short words, don't ya think?

Some other things needed attending to before we could have "the talk," and brain spent that time pondering why she tends to leap to conclusions before hearing the facts, without coming to any specific conclusions. And to end your suspense, the subject of "the talk" had nothing to do with anything I had done, but with something I would need to start doing as part of a resident's plan of care. (Sorry no more details..... Can you spell HIPA?...... How about RELIEF, no Rolaids needed this time.)

I kept wondering if others would have as strong of a reaction, so I turned to my resident Guinea Pigs, (my) Mister, and my youngest. I posed the question "What are the worst words I could say to you?" My youngest replied, "If you told me I was ugly." (Hey! She is seventeen, aren't they all into looks at that age?) After a little sidebar chat about loving yourself, and beauty comes from within, I ask her how she feels when someone says, "We have to talk?" Her IMEDIATE response was, "That's ALWAYS horrible news." When I ask her why, she too had no clear reason for her reaction.

Posing a slightly different question "What are the worst words anyone could say to you?" to (my) Mister, his response was, "If someone told me that you were dead." (Okay! Not quite as self-centered, and it is good to know he cares!) When I ask him what he thinks when told "we have to talk," his response was "That we have to talk." Three thoughts 1. He is too literal for his own good. 2. He has become an expert at keeping his emotions well hidden, even from himself. 3. I am a "jump to conclusion nut case" that has worn off on her kids, and he represents the greater population. More than likely, all three hold some validity.

Maybe the whole thing can be chalked up to simple conditioning. I laugh at my dogs, because when they are naughty, and take off out the front door, the way I get them to come back is to get their leashes, and call down the road, "Want to go for a walk?" They come charging back from the corner, happy as clams that they get to go for a walk. I always make sure that when they come, I actually take them for a walk (abet a short one, sometimes just the length of the driveway) so it keeps working for me about ninty percent of the time.

Conditioning? I often eat because it is lunch time, (or someone else is eating) not because I am hungry. I do laundry every day, not because we are out of clothes, but because I hate to see them piling up. I lift weights because it is Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday, not because I get any great pleasure from it. (Though, I am still hoping to fall in love with it someday.) Maybe this is the same way with hearing the words "we have to tak?"

While I think it is too much to ask that someday I learn to respond like (my) Mister did to those words, I am hopeful, as I continue to work on loving myself, I might make headway with not taking the words so personally. Maybe I can condition myself to think something is wrong, instead of I DID SOMETHING WRONG. That would be progress don't you think?