It's ALL about balance....................

I finally made it back to my yoga class last night. (Between vacation, the race, and playing hooky to lay on the couch, I've been gone for about a month.) The instructor gave me a hand for showing up, (actually it was a hug, but hand fits better) and the class a handout. (hand/handout..... get it now?)

The following is from that handout:

Balance is never achieved by holding it. If you try and hold your balance you will lose it. Instead reach out for it and receive it. Allow your body to become an open conduit for energy to pass through.

After reading that, I kept thinking it could be a metephor for life. (I know! I was suppose to be focusing on the yoga poses and how my body was feeling. I am still in the process of learning to shut my mind off during inner focus time. Besides, as we started warming up, I discovered that my hamstrings and shoulder muscles were still tight from my race. I was trying to get my mind off the pain, by thinking of something else...... I know, wrong again!)

Back to MY POINT.....

Often we spend lots and lots of energy juggling all the relationships in our lives. We go to work, and feel guilty about leaving our kids. We spend time with the kids, and worry it is taking away time from our spouse. We make a nice dinner for our spouse, and worry about getting everything cleaned up before we need to worry about our job and/or kids again. Never mind about the "me time" all the experts tell us is so important. I don't know about you, but I feel like the more I try and get a handle on life, the more out of control it gets. (There is a lesson in that last sentence, but that is another blog.....)

As I have gotten older (Note: I did not say wiser.) I have discovered that many of the things I used to believe were important are not. (Okay! Maybe just a little wiser.)

I no longer define myself by how tidy my house is. Remember I was having someone coming for an interview? As I was showing him around the house, that (annoying) voice in my head kept pointing out to me how messy my house was. (I am not a total slob...... It's just my chair scales was in the middle of the room waiting for the next person to walk by so I could record their monthly weight. The dogs had just done their pillow thing again, so they - pillows not dogs - were on the floor. My daughter is on spring break, so to help her pay for her prom dress I had left dishes, vacuming, and laundry to be taken care of - remember she works on commision, per chore basis. And of course, the bathroom sink was dirty. Whoever ( Okay! It was me) thought a glass sink was a cool idea should be shot. Everytime I walk by it I am wiping it clean, and yet it is always dirty.) Now that I have set the stage for you, I will finish my thought. I was showing him around the house, and I think it was somewhere around the time we passed by the laundry on the bed that I told him something like "As you can see, I am not too concerned with the way the house looks. Being able to say this (and mean it) is a really big step for me. Further into the interview, I ask if he did windows, (What? Not a standard interview question you say.) and he replied, "He guessed he could." I explained that I was kidding, and that I didn't bother much with windows because the dogs just got them dirty as soon as I wash them. I know that now you are all thinking that I have swung too far in the other direction. Maybe so, (Hey! Finding true balance is a work in progress!) but my family is happier and more (emotionally) taken care of since I stopped insisting on dusting ect... every day. Being strong enough to let go of my need to clean has brought many things in my life more into balance.

What I have learned is most important in life is our relationships. Has to be me wrote that she has recently spent the night up with a sick child. While caring for him, she was thinking about what it means to be a mom. The next few days might be rough for her as she brings her world back into balance, but she gets that this is part of what she signed on for when she became a mom. She is making a differnce in her son's life, and this in turn is making her a better person. Her son will grow up strong and secure as she steers his course towards adulthood. From experience I can tell you there is no greater reward than seeing your child making it on their own, knowing you had a part in getting them there.

I am going out on a limb here to say I believe we are our relationships. We define ourselves as moms/wives/husbands/co-workers/friends/ etc..., and our relatioinships speak volumes about how we feel about ourselves. Think about three of your primary relationships. How do you feel about them? Is this how you feel about yourself? Are these relationships based on love and respect, or are you beat up and/or pushed around in your relationships? (Literally or figuratively.)

I have had my share of bad (one sided, and/or abusive) relationships. I never used to believe that I deserved to have kind, loving relationships, so I never entered into one. (I am talking on a subconsious level here folks. I didn't purposely set out to find a crappy relationship - ya know, the who grows up saying I am going to be a drug addict idea? - looking back it is easy to see that my choices were a direct reflection of how I thought about myself at the time.

It wasn't until I took the ideas of forgivness and grace (How is Lent going by the way?) to heart (practised it on myself that is) that I began to have quality relationships. If you are older than sixteen, then I can pretty well guarantee that you have some regrets about some of your actions that you just can't seem to get over. I don't know why, but we love to beat ourselves up. Do you ever find yourself encouraging someone to forgive or not be so hard on themselves for an action, only to realize that you are not practising your own good advice? I used to think it was selfish to practise self-love, or speak up for my needs in any relationship. (Maybe the people in my world think I've gone too far in the other direction, ME, ME, ME. I say, Hey! It's my turn.) The best thing we can do for all of our relationships is practise self-love. It really, really, really is true that we cannot love someone else until we first love ourselves. So the next time you are feeling selfish, remember doing so is for the good of all your relationships..... Keeping it all in balance of course.

Remember as a child how much fun it was to play on the seesaw (teeter-totter) during recess? Life functions a lot like that seesaw on the playground. Sometimes we will be the one most responsible for the seesaw's destiny. (The heavier of the two participants.) Sometimes we will be the one flying high in the air while someone else holds things down. If we are lucky, we will have times when everything comes together perfectly, and we will find ourselves totally balanced, if only for a second. How great does that feel?