Light and love......................................

Earlier this week I had to take one of my resident's for a post hip surgery visit to the surgeon's office. I take her as her family moved to another state for employment but with her dementia deemed it better to leave her in a familiar environment until they are sure of their plans. I explained this to the surgeons office, that it wasn't as simple as making an appointment, and I would need to mail the info paperwork to the son and he would fill it out and return it to them. The only thing the person on the phone could focus on was that my resident needed to get into the doctor for her checkup yesterday.

Of course she and I arrived at the appointment, and upon going to the window and explaining (again) why I didn't have the paperwork with me (and God forbid, the all important insurance card. The numbers just aren't acceptable) I was told that without the paperwork she would not be able to be seen today and we would have to make another appointment.

I was not mean or aggressive, I did not yell or make any funny faces. I calmly told this woman that yes they were going to see my resident today and if not I would not be bringing her back. The girl started in again about policy, blah, blah, and I interrupted to ask what she would like me to do? Of course she didn't have a clue so she had to go get another person to tell me that answer.

This woman was far worse than the first one and began berating me for coming in without the paperwork. I calmly told her that the best I could do was give her the son's number and she needed to figure out how to get the info from him. After giving her the number I went and had a seat. A few moments later I heard girl number one saying, You can speak to her in a moment, first I need this information." At that point I went back up to the window so that I would be ready to take the phone. Girl number two in on fire by this time and lashes out at me that I would just need to be patient. I replied (in my sweetest voice possible) that I was not aware of being impatient with anyone, and she spat back at me, "Well you are!" Dumping a bit more syrup on my voice I replied, "I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me." She said nothing so I ask for her forgiveness twice more until she finally granted it to me. Then I ask if she would like me to go sit down until the son was ready to speak to me. She mumbled no so I stayed there. Then it occurred to me that I had a great opportunity for a little love experiment.

As I stood there I kept repeating to myself (but directing the words to her soul), "light and love, light and love, light and love." Outwardly she didn't change one bit, but after I talked with the son (who was upset because he had barely time to fill out the papers let alone return them. Knowing they were listening I calmly told him, "_____, we are doing the best we can to take care of your mom. I explained the issue of you being in another state, and you and I can only do what we can do. It is not your fault that much of the information was lost in your mother's head. You can only know what you know. If she is seen today, fine, if she is not seen today she will still be fine and that is our only concern.") I handed the phone back at the end of our conversation and ask girl number two if there was anything else she needed from me. She smiled at least a full half smile and said, "No." And then added, "Thank you for your help." It was all I could do not to snap my head around to see where the ventriloquist was hiding. Those words could not have come out of her mouth!

But of course they could because I bypassed her ego and saluted her soul and that was who was answering me at the end of the conversation. Made me smile for some time after the encounter.

Of course it did not keep me from discussing the behavior of the office staff with the surgeon. I told him that I had much respect for his work and I thought he was not only nice but kinda cute, but I would never come and see him if I needed surgeon after what I had just been through since I deal with him for about five minutes and the rest of the staff the remainder of my visit.

Since I did not speak with anger or nastiness, he took my feelings seriously. After we discussed my patient and he found out my background and we had a little bonding moment over a person he did surgery on and I saw for home care, he again reiterated that we would talk to the staff and explain how he would like things handled.

At the end of the visit he told me he would like to see her again in six weeks, glanced at my resident, and changed it to eight weeks. I think he got a glimmer of how difficult it is for her to go out and have to deal with a different environment and strangers. I told him that I would bring her back unless she was on hospice care (which she probably will be) and in that case I would not be bringing her back. He told me he understood and thanked me for letting him know. How hard was that human to human exchange? NOT!

What about you guys? Any horror stories along this vein that you would like to share?

Does this mean I am a square?.............................

I went rug shopping yesterday, first to Sam's Club and then to Wall mart. I ended up finding the perfect rugs for my laundry/work-out/work room (otherwise known as stage two of the basement re-do). Then I found new rugs for my kitchen. I have to be careful about throw rugs with the OPs, but they are not allowed in the kitchen and so I get to have them there. The other rugs were a couple of years old and looked like it. Anyway, I found some reasonably priced rugs that I really liked and when I got up to the check out discovered that they were half price so I went back and got two more. This morning, as I was pouring my coffee and admiring my new rugs it occurred to me that the pattern was squares (I have never been a floral person, and fruit in the kitchen has never appealed to me either), just like the new pillows (I purchased for the new paint job in the living room) have a square pattern. Do you think this is the start of a geometric stage or am I simply a square? Regardless, I like them and they make me feel happy and contented.

So, in my work-out room (my) Mister made me a board that holds all of my free weights. For whatever reason I only had one 1 pounder and one 4 pounder. I am sure that I used them for a client and never got them back, and I really can't see me using the 1 pounders but the display wouldn't be complete without them. We went to get some of that rubber flooring that they use in gyms and I found one 4 pound weight but they didn't have a match. I could have used two different colored ones but yes, I AM that anal about those kind of things. They had these blue ones that had most of the rubber coating "chewed" off (his word not mine) and I figured I could remove the rest of it and have a matching pair. So I ask the salesperson how much of a discount he would give me for taking them off his hands? He said 50%. I countered with 75% since I would be spending money in his store that day ("enough actually that you should give them to me for free but I understand why you cannot do that" was the full sentence). He ask me how much and when I told him I was getting three containers of flooring at $49.95 each he gave me the (originally $8.00) weights 75% off. I still felt like I had gotten a deal which just goes to show that we can make ourselves believe anything we want to. When I got home, I was admiring all my free weights lined up in order of size when I noticed that I don't have any 6 pounders. How can that be? It is too much of a jump to go from 5 to 8 (I THINK I can live without 7 pounders) so now I won't feel complete until I add those to my collection. And of course I can't start my new program until I have the room finished and everything complete because, well, just because. But when I do there will be no more excuses!

One question (and I know you know the answer to this Maria) and then I must go start my day. Is is too early to start seeds inside? I found this little plastic greenhouse a few years ago ridiculously cheap and I have always been going to grow my own plants from seeds. This year I have actually purchased the seeds, pots and started dirt which is farther than I ever got in years gone by. Now I just need to know when to start the seeds. We really can't set things out for good until mid-late May, maybe early June in my area without danger of a late season frost. If I plant them now (which is what I want to do) will they wither away in my greenhouse before I can put them in the ground?

Well, that was actually two questions, but if anyone can help me out with the answers I would greatly appreciate it.

Goodbye blister............................

I removed the dead skin (old blister) from my foot two nights ago (it healed nicely) so I decided it was time to post, however short, to get the pic off the top of my blog. I also get that as much as I love wounds not everyone gets into them and having that be the first thing people see might be a bit off-setting.

I feel like the last two weeks have been another marathon. I have been doing home care for long enough now that the patients I first saw are getting sick and going back on caseload. Of course they want me to come back and work with them (I am that good:)!) and of course I can't say no to them so I have had double the people I normally see. That will end next week and with luck so will the yucky weather so I can pick my training back up in above freezing temperatures. That will be nice.

The next step of our basement remodel is about finished and it is time to purge the final room and get started on turning it into a media room. Does anyone need a good double bed mattress? I have decided that I don't need to store it for several more years and if I ever completely close the business I can sell the four Temperpedic twin beds and buy a new mattress to set up a guest room. I also have to make a decision about all the Tupperware and crap like that I have that I use once or twice a year and am tired of storing. I totally know that if I get rid of it I will be upset at some point in time, but it takes up so much space. One would think I could improvise with something else, and I am really hoping that my desire to reduce my material possessions will win out over my desire to own the perfect cooking tools. Or non-cooking tool. Do you know how many things are sold to prepare raw foods (blender, juicer, food processor, dehydrator, mandolin, just to name a few).

Hope all is well with you. I have not had much time to check blogs and see how everyone is doing, but know I think of you often. Take good care.

Race update......................................................

This is a little souvenir that I brought home from my 26.2

I first noticed it somewhere around mile six or eight and when I changed my clothes to head to the airport (in the hotel bathroom since we couldn't get a late check out) I decided it was a good idea just to leave on the shoes since I could walk on it okay. When we went through security and I had to take off my shoes I didn't see any blood on my sock so I opted to look and was sweetly rewarded with that yucky looking thing. It was intact, remains so, and is reabsorbing nicely so no harm no foul. I always loose a toenail (I think I might loose two this time) but never a blister like this and I am totally blaming it on Asics for not making my shoe any longer and having to go up to their "improved" version of that. I will adjust.

But the race was great! I started out so strong from all the winter training and finished my first ten miles in two hours, and sixteen miles in about three in a half hours. That is a really good time for me. About an hour and a half into the race it started to rain and did so for the next few hours. Again, because of the conditions I had been training in the rain and wind didn't bother me a bit. Who would have thought sub-zero conditions could be a blessing?

After mile sixteen things get a little blurry for me. The race was an out and back course and I kept waiting for the turn around. Waiting and waiting. Finally I saw the end of the road! Only to find out that the course turned and then went into this park thing and around a lake. I will admit it, I broke down a little at that point. The poor boy at the water station. "Would you like a drink?" Teary eyed me, "No thanks, I just need a moment." So on I trudged, gave myself a little pep talk and kept going. When I emerged from the park I knew I was close to mile 20 and I had this vision of the movie the Wizard of Oz when they run out of the poppy fields and can see the Emerald city in the far distance. This vision gave me some stamina back and I was able to pick up my pace for a bit.

Around mile 22 the bowl issues began (which is one mile later than the last marathon) and this slowed me down for the next couple of miles. The last two miles I have no excuse... I was just tired and moved slow. But moved I did and finished the race in just over six hours. Since coming home I have not had a chance to look up my official time so I can't share. I still knocked a good 15 minutes off my first marathon time and am very proud of that fact.

The day after the marathon I had planned to take off and lay around. As it turned out I ended up working (outside the house) a 12 hour day. I am sure some of my PT patients thought I was the one in need of therapy as I could hardly walk, but in retrospect I am sure the day did me good and by yesterday I was walking normal and all the soreness was gone.

And I am already thinking about my next one!

Prayer/Positive thoughts anyone?.............................

With the 26 (.2) mile race fast approaching I thought I would find out if anyone would like me to run a mile for them?

Just let me know if you have a prayer request, as specific or vague as you like, or if you just want me to send you love and positive vibes for one of my miles.

The race is March 1, 2009, so let me know before then.

I am blessed..................................

It is always good to follow a complaining post with a gratitude post, and the last week I am encountered things that make me extremely grateful for my health. I am having an impossible time putting myself in the shoes of the people I am about to share about...

Nancy is a blogger friend that discovered a love of running in spite of it being painful for her almost from the beginning. She recently found out that her body has betrayed her with some funky OVER flexibility thing. In her own words:

I am so damn freakishly flexible that my bones rattle around in the joints and just bang the $hit out of each other. To the point of injury. This injury is usually caused by tackling or falling down, but some people that are really flexible can get it from repetitive motion.

The reality is I really am a Nonrunner. My body was never made for running. I have too much flexibility, not enough control and my bones are beating up on each other simply from running.

I can remember the freak-out I had at the thought of missing one race when I fractured my wrist. I can't imagine how I would feel being told I had to hang up my running shoes in order to save my bones.

Last night I was with a woman who has ALS. While I was visiting she received a return phone call about getting a machine that would talk for her once the time comes that her muscles deteriorate to the point that she is no longer able speak on her own. Imagine dealing with that notion. How does one even begin to get their mind around the fact that your muscles will slowly deteriorate until you are paralyzed, one body part at a time? And, as of yet their is no cure, nothing one can do to prevent it from happening.

My last example is about a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer just before Christmas. She has already had surgery to remove the mass and is in the middle of chemo treatments. Yesterday she went to the area cancer center for a "make over." She was expecting a talk about makeup and being pampered with someone doing her makeup for her. What happen was she got (a very beneficial) talk about how to prevent infection when applying makeup because once on Chemo one has no ability what so ever to fight infections of any kind. In addition to the lecture she got the (dis) pleasure of sitting by two very scared, very angry women. One of them was there for her second go round with cancer and felt the need to tell everyone around her that "just when you think you are cured it comes back."

So here is this woman, full of hope and feeling in control of her personal situation, thinking that she is going in to be pampered and get her mind off her disease for a while, to instead have the full reality of it smashed in her face. What would you do? I imagine the least I would do is to tell the woman to shut the ___ up. This woman said she wanted to tell those woman that dealing with cancer was not the worst thing in the world. How did she know that? Because several years ago she lost a child and losing a child is far worse than losing a breast, and/or fighting for your own life. She went on to say that she chose to be quiet out of respect for their feelings. That folks is a fine example of grace!

So what do I do? I run. I run to help myself buy into the idea that I can outrun my family history of cancer, stroke, and heart attack. I run to convince myself that it is possible to live life as a healthy old person instead of a frail old person. I run because it relieves my stress and they say that stress is the number one cause of disease.

I run.

Because I can.

Confessions of a rotten wife......................................

Most people send out Christmas cards and often an update of what is happening in their family. Years ago I started sending a Valentines letter instead as it is my favorite holiday and I figured all my friends/family could use a little mid-winter cheer.

Several days back I set down and wrote my portion of our family letter. As my children have grown they have taken over writing their own updates.

In my letter I talked about my business changes, my running, and the changes in our pet population. It was at the point that I was re-reading for errors that I realized I had no mention of (my) Mister in the letter. OMG! Do I really like my cat Fred better than I like my husband? Wasn't I just kidding the time or two that I mentioned this notion?

That is the good thing about letter writing on a computer. It is really easy to insert and/or change paragraphs. What would the world think of me for putting my cat before my husband? Can't have that now can we? So, after backing up a couple of paragraphs, this is what I came up with for (my) Mister's recap:


_______ has had a fairly boring year, no big trips to build boats or fabulous camping trips. He goes to work and comes home to hang out with us. I am hopeful that he is able to cultivate some interest and activities this coming year that will lend some excitement to next years letter.

No wait a minute. He did have to have a hernia repair, that was scheduled two weeks before Christmas. We finally got ceiling lights in our living room (after twenty years of sitting in semi-darkness) and decided to paint the living room the weekend before surgery. Then six out of seven of us got the flu beginning that Friday. And we had a resident Christmas party the weekend after surgery. I think it was a full two weeks after we started painting before we finally finished the project. But it turned out nice and _____ managed to heal in spite of his rigorous schedule.

Next week we will celebrate nine years of marriage and this is the best I can do? What's worse, is that this is the best I think he could do if I ask him to write his own recap.

What I have concluded from this is that I am mad at him, and it is all ego. I am mad at him because I perceive that he has not grown in the time we have been together. He is stable as a rock, as consistent in his behaviors as the sun coming up in the morning. Who could want more than that?

The thing is I don't want these things for myself, but for him. Who am I to insist that someone else do something? Over the years, when I have made plans for him to go and or do something he has joyfully done so and reported having a good time yet if I don't make plans he does nothing. When I met him it was in a class that he was taking for fun and enjoyment. He bowled on a bowling league and rode his bike at least five days a week. He went to dinner with friends and read books. Why should it matter to me that now all he does is go to work and help with the business? Maybe that is truly has what he wants out of life and because that would never be enough for me I somehow think that he needs to want more as well.

Being totally honest (from my perspective) I think the real issue here is we are in a power struggle. He is W-A-Y over the business in his home and I continue to insist that it is a good thing not only because of the income, but because of the opportunity it allows us to help others. (my) Mister has never came right out and ask if we could close down the business, but when we talk about his lack of outside activities he in insistive that he can't do anything because of the business. Then, of course, I have to point out all of the things that I manage to do in addition to the business and (of course) he looks at me as if to say, "See. That's my point. I'm sitting here taking care of things so that you can go do all the other things you want to do." Since he doesn't ever say that, maybe it is also all in my head. My head goes on to rationalize that I might as well do things and leave him behind because the times that I do make a conscious attempt to be around so he can go do other things nothing happens on his part. Me at my most defensive!

So the plan now is to make sure (my) Mister reads this post and then give him the option of leaving the V letter as is or writing up his own version. Anniversaries are a great time to make renewed commitments and take stock of how things are going. Maybe this coming year will be the one in which I am able to allow things to unfold without so much interference from my ego. I have been working under the premise that I am usually right for so many years (with tons of agreement from others) that this is going to take a lot of conscious focus. But a girl can learn, and a girl can grow. Maybe a boy will want to too.