Monday, February 16, 2009

Prayer/Positive thoughts anyone?.............................

With the 26 (.2) mile race fast approaching I thought I would find out if anyone would like me to run a mile for them?

Just let me know if you have a prayer request, as specific or vague as you like, or if you just want me to send you love and positive vibes for one of my miles.

The race is March 1, 2009, so let me know before then.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I am blessed..................................

It is always good to follow a complaining post with a gratitude post, and the last week I am encountered things that make me extremely grateful for my health. I am having an impossible time putting myself in the shoes of the people I am about to share about...

Nancy is a blogger friend that discovered a love of running in spite of it being painful for her almost from the beginning. She recently found out that her body has betrayed her with some funky OVER flexibility thing. In her own words:

I am so damn freakishly flexible that my bones rattle around in the joints and just bang the $hit out of each other. To the point of injury. This injury is usually caused by tackling or falling down, but some people that are really flexible can get it from repetitive motion.

The reality is I really am a Nonrunner. My body was never made for running. I have too much flexibility, not enough control and my bones are beating up on each other simply from running.

I can remember the freak-out I had at the thought of missing one race when I fractured my wrist. I can't imagine how I would feel being told I had to hang up my running shoes in order to save my bones.

Last night I was with a woman who has ALS. While I was visiting she received a return phone call about getting a machine that would talk for her once the time comes that her muscles deteriorate to the point that she is no longer able speak on her own. Imagine dealing with that notion. How does one even begin to get their mind around the fact that your muscles will slowly deteriorate until you are paralyzed, one body part at a time? And, as of yet their is no cure, nothing one can do to prevent it from happening.

My last example is about a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer just before Christmas. She has already had surgery to remove the mass and is in the middle of chemo treatments. Yesterday she went to the area cancer center for a "make over." She was expecting a talk about makeup and being pampered with someone doing her makeup for her. What happen was she got (a very beneficial) talk about how to prevent infection when applying makeup because once on Chemo one has no ability what so ever to fight infections of any kind. In addition to the lecture she got the (dis) pleasure of sitting by two very scared, very angry women. One of them was there for her second go round with cancer and felt the need to tell everyone around her that "just when you think you are cured it comes back."

So here is this woman, full of hope and feeling in control of her personal situation, thinking that she is going in to be pampered and get her mind off her disease for a while, to instead have the full reality of it smashed in her face. What would you do? I imagine the least I would do is to tell the woman to shut the ___ up. This woman said she wanted to tell those woman that dealing with cancer was not the worst thing in the world. How did she know that? Because several years ago she lost a child and losing a child is far worse than losing a breast, and/or fighting for your own life. She went on to say that she chose to be quiet out of respect for their feelings. That folks is a fine example of grace!

So what do I do? I run. I run to help myself buy into the idea that I can outrun my family history of cancer, stroke, and heart attack. I run to convince myself that it is possible to live life as a healthy old person instead of a frail old person. I run because it relieves my stress and they say that stress is the number one cause of disease.

I run.

Because I can.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Confessions of a rotten wife......................................

Most people send out Christmas cards and often an update of what is happening in their family. Years ago I started sending a Valentines letter instead as it is my favorite holiday and I figured all my friends/family could use a little mid-winter cheer.

Several days back I set down and wrote my portion of our family letter. As my children have grown they have taken over writing their own updates.

In my letter I talked about my business changes, my running, and the changes in our pet population. It was at the point that I was re-reading for errors that I realized I had no mention of (my) Mister in the letter. OMG! Do I really like my cat Fred better than I like my husband? Wasn't I just kidding the time or two that I mentioned this notion?

That is the good thing about letter writing on a computer. It is really easy to insert and/or change paragraphs. What would the world think of me for putting my cat before my husband? Can't have that now can we? So, after backing up a couple of paragraphs, this is what I came up with for (my) Mister's recap:

_______ has had a fairly boring year, no big trips to build boats or fabulous camping trips. He goes to work and comes home to hang out with us. I am hopeful that he is able to cultivate some interest and activities this coming year that will lend some excitement to next years letter.

No wait a minute. He did have to have a hernia repair, that was scheduled two weeks before Christmas. We finally got ceiling lights in our living room (after twenty years of sitting in semi-darkness) and decided to paint the living room the weekend before surgery. Then six out of seven of us got the flu beginning that Friday. And we had a resident Christmas party the weekend after surgery. I think it was a full two weeks after we started painting before we finally finished the project. But it turned out nice and _____ managed to heal in spite of his rigorous schedule.

Next week we will celebrate nine years of marriage and this is the best I can do? What's worse, is that this is the best I think he could do if I ask him to write his own recap.

What I have concluded from this is that I am mad at him, and it is all ego. I am mad at him because I perceive that he has not grown in the time we have been together. He is stable as a rock, as consistent in his behaviors as the sun coming up in the morning. Who could want more than that?

The thing is I don't want these things for myself, but for him. Who am I to insist that someone else do something? Over the years, when I have made plans for him to go and or do something he has joyfully done so and reported having a good time yet if I don't make plans he does nothing. When I met him it was in a class that he was taking for fun and enjoyment. He bowled on a bowling league and rode his bike at least five days a week. He went to dinner with friends and read books. Why should it matter to me that now all he does is go to work and help with the business? Maybe that is truly has what he wants out of life and because that would never be enough for me I somehow think that he needs to want more as well.

Being totally honest (from my perspective) I think the real issue here is we are in a power struggle. He is W-A-Y over the business in his home and I continue to insist that it is a good thing not only because of the income, but because of the opportunity it allows us to help others. (my) Mister has never came right out and ask if we could close down the business, but when we talk about his lack of outside activities he in insistive that he can't do anything because of the business. Then, of course, I have to point out all of the things that I manage to do in addition to the business and (of course) he looks at me as if to say, "See. That's my point. I'm sitting here taking care of things so that you can go do all the other things you want to do." Since he doesn't ever say that, maybe it is also all in my head. My head goes on to rationalize that I might as well do things and leave him behind because the times that I do make a conscious attempt to be around so he can go do other things nothing happens on his part. Me at my most defensive!

So the plan now is to make sure (my) Mister reads this post and then give him the option of leaving the V letter as is or writing up his own version. Anniversaries are a great time to make renewed commitments and take stock of how things are going. Maybe this coming year will be the one in which I am able to allow things to unfold without so much interference from my ego. I have been working under the premise that I am usually right for so many years (with tons of agreement from others) that this is going to take a lot of conscious focus. But a girl can learn, and a girl can grow. Maybe a boy will want to too.