Training day..........................

I will be leaving for my Hospice training is a few hours, just as soon as I run in the rain (AGAIN!) and pack. I have to say, I must be growing, because the old me would have been packed at least a week ago. It occured to me yesterday that I probably should start thinking about packing, finding directions, etc... Not looking forward to the drive (Small town girl HITS big city better not end up as a literal headline.) It's not that I am a bad driver, (No comments from those that know me please!) it's just that six lane bumper to bumper traffic is not my idea of a good time. Not to mention a minimum of four hours in a car. (My) bladder has been doing holding exercises all week long to prepare, because she knows that I am one of those drivers that doesn't like to stop until I have arrived at my destination. Once (am I am totally blaming this on another of those looser guys from my past) I even managed to relieve myself while driving rather than stop. (Don't ask! I was following him and knew he wouldn't be happy if I signaled him to pull over again.) TMI................

For your entertainment while I am away, I have another Dili story for you. When I began writing it, I didn't know the timing of (the posting of) the story would work out to parallel current life events, but, life works that way sometimes doesn't it? Enjoy!

The sister

“If that phone rings one more time, I’m swear I’m go…..” Dili’s thought was cut off by the shrill ring of the phone. Gritting her teeth, she pushed the talk button, and forced herself to say hello in a normal conversational voice. Blessing upon blessing, it was a wrong number, and Dili thankfully hung up the phone and again tried to collect her thoughts.

What a struggle the last two weeks had been, and yet Dili would have given anything if she could have that time back. Unfortunately, turning back the clock would not cure her sister of the cancer that was draining the life out of her. Who could know for sure when the cancer began, or how far back in time one would have to go, to totally rid her sister of the growing disease. Wishing would never make it so, and standing here feeling sorry for herself would not get her to-do list done either.

Always feeling more in control when busy with a task, Dili had been more than happy to take charge of planning a hurry up wedding for her brother who lived several states away. It was her sister’s dying wish to see their brother married, and no matter what, Dili was going to make this wish come true. The church had been reserved, flowers purchased, tuxes rented. All of their friends were putting together a thanksgiving feast for the reception. They would be having Thanksgiving dinner a few weeks early, but everyone needed something to occupy their hands and minds; as well as helping them avoid thinking about the inevitability of the cancer claiming it’s next victim.

Victim! What a passive picture that conjured up. Nothing to be done. This went totally against Dili’s nature. It seemed she was always fighting for one thing or another. Her mind drifted back to several weeks ago, when she went up to the hospital to visit her sister during one of her chemo treatments. As Dili sat knitting, her sister began crying. When prompted to share her grief, Dili’s sister began lamenting “Why me? I have always tried to be good. Always followed the law, never smoked, or did drugs.” Without missing a beat, Dili responded, “Well you’re not dead yet; there’s still time to do all of those things. If you want to get high, I’ll find you some drugs.” Dili had been attempting to shock her sister out of sinking into a pity party, and it worked. Her sister got so pissed at Dili’s words that she kicked her out of her hospital room. Okay! Maybe it wasn’t the right way to go about it, but it got the desired results. The following day, when Dili arrived to visit, they both pretended that the conversation had never taken place. Though nothing was said, her sister became a bit more accepting of her fate after that conversation, and Dili was glad she had treated her sister as she normally would, rather than as sickly invalid.

Since she had learned of her sister’s illness, Dili had thought a lot about how she would want to be treated if it were her with a death sentence hanging over her head. She had decided that the worst thing anyone could do would be to treat her differently then they would have if she were not sick. Dili had little use for people that acted fake. And yet wasn’t that exactly what she was doing? Acting strong, and brave, and okay, when others were around, and then totally falling apart when alone. For the past twenty years, since their mother had died, her sister had filled in as a surrogate mom. Dili couldn’t begin to get her mind around how she was suppose to go through life without her sister, and yet that was exactly what she was facing. Like it or not.

The day of the wedding dawned cold but clear. Dili’s sister was hanging on, but her blood pressure was so low, it was clear the fight was almost over. Dili held her sister’s hand and wondered to herself how best to minister to her. “Would you like me to shave your legs for the wedding?” she ask? Just as Dili was thinking she must be too weak to answer, she noticed a single tear slipping down her sister's cheek, and she responded in a whisper, “How did you know?” Dili hasn’t known, not really, but she would be forever grateful that the idea had occurred to her, and that she had acted upon it. Even though she could not shave her legs herself, having smooth hairless legs would help her sister feel more like her old self, feminine, and well groomed for the special event she was about to attend. Dili was thrilled to be able to give this gift to her sister, who had always done so much for her over the years. As she was shaving her legs, Dili ask her sister to send her a sign when she had made it safely to heaven. As her sister nodded her head “okay,“ Dili felt a sense of acceptance and peace pass over her, and she knew that they would somehow both be fine.

The wedding came off without a hitch, and though her sister appeared to be sleeping most of the day, during the vows she was alert and participated when Dili’s brother brought her a rose. After the dinner, her brother headed off for his honeymoon, Dili spent a few quiet moments with her sister, and then headed to her own home. Later that evening, Dili’s sister carried out the ending of her life in a way perfect for her. She had not wanted to die at home, but she also had not wanted to die in the hospital. Dili’s sister died in the ambulance, on the way to the hospital. It was her fortieth birthday.

Three days later, on a cold gray November day, Dili stood with the rest of her family to lay her sister’s body to rest. As the minister began to read a line in a poem that began “Let the sunshine dry the tears of those that grieve for me,” the sun burst forth from behind a cloud to shine warm and bright on Dili and her family. With great confidence Dili knew that this was the sign her sister had promised her. She knew her sister was safe and happy in heaven; free of earthly pain and cares. This gave Dili a wonderful sense of peace and comfort, as she smiled back at the sun.