My chat with death............................

One of the activities we did during the training was a visualization exercise in which we were invited to have a conversation with death. Please don't get so caught up in the actual possibility of doing so that you miss the message. For me, this falls into one of those placebo effect things. Did I REALLY talk to death? Not at all important to what I took away from the exercise. If you are uncomfortable with the whole concept, feel free to close this post now. (Or at any time you become uncomfortable.) If you remain curious, read on to see what death had to say to me during our time together.

We began the activity with the instructions to draw a picture of death, have a conversation with death, and write a letter to someone that has died. Once we had the instructions, we were lead through a visualization to go to a safe place. Once there, we were invited to initiate a conversation with death. Following are some highlights from my chat:

My first question for death, was to ask him (mmmmm death is male?) how he deals with the fact that (most) everyone is afraid of him? DEATH LAUGHED AT ME! (Even in this setting I couldn't help but be a caretaker!) Then he told me not to worry about him, that he did what he did out of love.

My next question was to ask him how I could help him? He told me that I had become a huge help to him by dealing with my fears about death, because this has cleared the way for me to help others deal with their fears.

Next I ask him what it ws like for people the moment they surrender their fear and are ready to pass on? He responded: Bliss! Each person gets to that moment on their own in their own time, and I (we) need to honor that choice and be sure I/we are not putting my/our needs onto them. For example, some people want to have their last breath without others in the room, and a person could sit vigil for hours/days, only to have the love one slip away while they left to go to the bathroom. If this happens I/we can know this was their choice rather than beat ourselves up over the fact that we were not there at the exact moment.

By now, I was feeling pretty comfortable with the conversation, and so Iask him why people have different looks at the moment of death. He told me it had to do with people's varying levels of comfort, different levels of burdens that they are carrying around with them at the time of death. Also has to do with how "in control" they feel regarding their personal death experience, and to continue to work towards giving everyone the ability to control their experience. (I took this to mean spread the work of hospice. Yes! People will continue to die quick deaths, but when one can have a say, nurture there ability to do so.)

How? Be present, be in your heart. Listen to your heart and be open to the possibility and the rest will take care of itself.

You mean "on a need to know basis?" Exactly!


I hope you heard what I heard from this "conversation." This is not just about death, but also about life. (Isn't death just another part of life?) All of these things can be utilized in our day to day relationships. If we deal with our own junk, we will be more able to be present for others when they need us. We need to honor everyone's right to make choices that may be different than our own. We need to honor the things that another person is carrying around with them, and understand that these things are going to color their behavior. We need to be present in the moment when interacting with others, instead of thinking about what we are going to say back, or how many things we are not getting done by spending time with that person. Most importantly we don't always have to have the answers. If we show up, if we listen without any hidden agendgas, if we create a space of loving peace, the person will come to the answers on their own. Powerful, powerful stuff don't ya think?