Them there's fightin' words................

Sounds pretty juicy doesn't it? Ready for all the (silly) gory details?

One of my single friends has decided that it is time for her to put herself back out into the dating world. As she was sharing her plans with me, I did what I aways do, rush in to help, ie...thought of all the single guys I know. This is a total of two, one of which is newly seperated, so he can't really count can he?

The (lucky, ha ha) one single guy happens to be my brother-in-law, (my) Mister's brother. His wife passed away several years ago, and honestly I had never thought to "fix him up" prior to this time. In case this was one of those intuition things I ask (my) Mister to ask his brother if he was interested in dating yet. Simple right? No so much...

(my) Mister's response was to say, "I'll talk to _______ (his sister)." Thus ensued a conversation as to why he had to go through his sister rather than simply call his brother up and talk to him directly. IN MY OPINION, since his mother has passed away, (my) Mister has passed that roll onto his sister. I am sure she doesn't mind, and I love her for being willing to do the things she does for the family. My problem is she DOES have her own life and family and she should be free to focus on them. Regardless, at the end of this conversation I ask (my) Mister to not talk to his sister about the dating thing, but rather talk to his brother, and he told me that he would do so.

So now you get to see the details of how we fight...

Yesterday (when we were talking on the phone) (my) Mister (out of the blue) started asking me details about the person I "wanted to fix up" with his brother. Since it had been several days since the subject had been discussed, and I knew he had NOT called his brother, I was curious. Yup! You guessed it. He had ask his sister about the whole idea of his brother dating. Not being one to mince words, I shared with him that his behavior had pissed me off, and I needed to get off the phone (which I did).

That was morning, late afternoon I get an e-mail from (my) Mister saying something to the effect of "I am writing to you so that you know I am not punishing you for being pissed at me." Good damage control, but was it enough?

A few hours later, in the same room for the first time sine the first morning conversation, I bring up the subject (if I waited for him to bring it up it would happen maybe a month or so from now, if ever). I ask him "why he had talked to his sister about his brother when I had specifically ask him not to?"

...And just in case you are slow, please be aware that I am upset NOT because he talked to his sister, but because he talked to his sister when I ask him not to...

His response, "I thought it would be better to talk to her."

...And we are off, each of us fighting our own fight to be right, no longer interested in what the other is REALLY saying. And in case you care to know what I was feeling, if he thought it better to talk to his sister, that is fine and he is entitled to think and feel anything he chooses. What isn't okay is for him to just go ahead and disregard my feelings and talk with his sister BEFORE coming to me and telling me that he is not able to honor my request...

So I repeat my question of why would he do something that I specifically ask him not to do and this time he says, "Well I didn't know I was FORBIDDEN to talk to her about it."

...Definitely in attack mode now...

I can't believe he said either of those things to me. The next twenty minutes or so we switched into our mode of me ranting and raving and him saying NOTHING. Then I stopped talking/shouting/carrying on, and go on with my night. Right on schedule he shows up and ask me if he can get anything for me, as if everything is fine between us and it is just a normal, everyday evening.

Which sets me off and I say something REAL classy like, "drop dead/get out of my house/why don't you ask your sister if you could do anything for me." We spend the rest of the night ignoring one another. Talk about your healthy communication. NOT!

Of course/per usual after fight-night (not to be confused with date-night), I find a note from (my) Mister this morning. "He is sorry for being inconsiderate, and wouldn't hurt me deliberately." Neither of which I said anything about which strengths my point that WE don't listen to one another when we fight, BUT...

We are finally to the point of today's post and boy do I bet you are glad...

(my) Mister finishes his note with the following: "I wish I could write like you do, letting all your feelings come out."

Knowing that (my) Mister reads my posts, this one was written for him, an example of how "YES I CAN put my feelings down on paper." I think that (my) Mister cops out when he "says he can't do the same." He hates to write, and does as little of it as possible. How in the world can anyone expect to be good at something that they avoid like the plauge? This is like me saying I am no good at figuring out the computer. I don't even try, or have any interest in getting good. Chances are great that with that attitude ten years from now my computer expertise will still be eons behind most peoples.

I am wondering how, after eight years of being together, (my) Mister could NOT know that his reference to not being able to express his feelings would trigger further irritation? (Or maybe he did know and wrote with purposeful intent? Mmmmmm!)

I have told him countless times how I can't understand why someone says things like, "I'm just not romantic/I don't do _______/I am just not good at _______." It's like fingernails screeching down a chalkboard to me. IT MAKES ME CRAZY! The first step towards resolution of a problem is to recognize there is a problem. It does no good to recognize something if one does not move onto step two which would be to try and change whatever negative behavior you are acknowledging. If you have no plans to try and change it, then acknowledge that and own your choice/right to do so, ie. my computer skills example above.

Anyway, since (my) Mister acknowledged my ability to do so, here are my current feelings, out there for the whole world to examine. Written well? You be the judge. Written to the best of my ability? You bet ya! Will I continue to improve as I continue to write frequently? That is the hope, one of the most important reasons I write in the first place. What do you think?