A massage critique...........................

For Christmas I was the lucky recipient of a gift certificate for a hot stone massage. I used it last night, and should have had my first clue of the coming experience when I called to make the appointment, used the above "lucky recipient" line with the person on the phone, and was greeted with dead silence. Not a lot of humor in the place hu? Well, it's free so I might as well take advantage of it right?

Don't get me wrong, I REALLY appreciate the gift, and enjoyed the massage. The massage therapist was nice enough, and her skills were okay to good, it is just being a trained professional I couldn't help but notice lots of things that could have been improved upon.

First, from a clinical perspective, I was not ask to fill out any paperwork, sign any waver, or given any instruction on what would be happening or to indicate if the massage was too hard/soft/hot/cold, if I had any special needs/sensitive areas/ allergies to anything, I could go on and on. Simply "undress and lay face up on the table." Talk about opening one up to a lawsuit! Also at the end of the massage, she didn't tell me anything about the fact that I should drink lots of fluids to flush out any toxins she mights have released or that some of my muscles could feel a bit sore tomorrow from having been worked on. Again, elementary disclaimers of the profession.

Second, ya all know that I have been logging lots of miles training for the half, and I specifically ask the therapist to "please work on my hamstrings and gluts" (upper back of the legs and butt) as these areas were really tight. The areas that were massaged were: lower legs and about five inches of my upper legs getting about 1/3 of the hamstring, my arms, and the upper two thirds of my back for about two minutes. If the therapist had a phobia about touching the other parts of my body (besides being in the wrong profession) she should have at least had the common courtesy to point this out to me, NOT just ignore my request.

Third, the room was set up in such a way that she was constantly breaking contact with my body to go get different stones or lotion, the first cardinal no no of massage. This constant breaking away prevents one from being able to relax deeply and trust that they are in competent hands. It is more like being startled just at the moment one begins to doze off. How relaxed do you feel when that happens?

Except for feeling really bad that someone I like spent eighty bucks on such crappy service, the above would not be something to bitch about, but rather just chalk up to a bad experience and move on. The part that really bothers me is that it was VERY apparent that this nice young girl did not really like her job. Like I said, she was pleasant enough, and skilled enough, but her heart was just not in the work. We are not talking filing papers, or dumping garbage, but body work ON A FELLOW HUMAN BEING. When one does this work, there is a transference of energy. I could feel hers and it wasn't a good feeling.

When I massage anyone (but especially those people that I have a strong connection with) if I am not careful to center myself, put a circle of protection around myself, and wear shoes to ground me, I will end up literally taking their pain into my body in whatever area their pain was in. I learned this over time, the hard way. I have no idea how long this therapist has been practicing, but I don't think she has figured this out yet. Come to think of it, it is probably a good thing that she didn't work on my gluts and hammies or she would have gone home wondering why her a$$ hurt so darn much!

Anyway, after giving up the notion that I was going to be able to relax and let my thoughts empty out, I worked on sending her loving energy while she was working on me. Maybe this wasn't totally ethical to take advantage of her being open without directly letting her know that I was doing so, but I did it anyway, as my heart was well meaning. (AND, in case you are wondering, I try and only use my "powers" for good. One has to piss me off pretty bad to get me to send them evil thoughts... Why is it that as I typed that I got this picture of the principal and the cross country coach in my mind? Bad Patty!) I hope it helped her to make it through the rest of her evening feeling a bit better. I know it made me feel better about my entire experience.

Now I just have to decide if I am going to share the (clinical) truth of the experience with the person that gave me the gift certificate. Does this qualify as one of those times where holding back is kinder? I am SO bad at holding anything I feel back knowing me I probably will end up sharing. What if she decides to give me another one? I know places where I can get a much better massage for less money, so really wouldn't I be doing her a service in sharing? Go ahead, call me the world's best justifier. See if I care!