Do you like yourself?................

This may sound like a strange question, but I believe many of the things that happen to us on a daily basis have a direct correlation to the answer to that question.

As usual, there are both extremes to this question...Who among us has not encountered that person that likes themselves Soooooo much that they have the expectation that the world (IE. the rest of us) should hand them their every heart's desire on a silver platter. We also might know of someone that puts up with continued physical and/or emotional abuse because somewhere, deep inside, they think they somehow deserve it.

Let's aim for the middle of these two extremes. Do you like yourself enough to exercise on a daily basis, or do you put it off because you are too busy doing things for everyone else in your life? Do you make time to do things you enjoy, or simply to do NOTHING? This is a wonderful way to honor your self-worth.

Without trying to sound too bitter, let me share a true story with you about me in my mid-twenties... I was married (to my first husband) and had two small children. Financially we were struggling to make ends meet. I think you know by now how much I love shoes, so you might agree that it was a great sacrifice that I made sure my babies had Buster Brown Walkers (you young kids won't recognized the brand probably, but back in my day if you loved your kids you bought them these shoes when they were learning to walk or else you ran the risk of destroying the bones in their little feet and legs.) , and my husband had wing-tips for his suit and tie job. I owned one pair of two dollar white keds, and wore these year round. Don't feel sorry for me, I didn't care because I thought I was doing what was best for my family. I also spent absolutely no time on myself, and since I was home all day long, what was the point of buying any clothes besides my functional jeans and T-shirts? Okay, ready for the punch line?

When I discovered my husband was having an affair, of course I ask him what she had that I didn't have. His reply, "She dresses nice, and does sit-ups every night." Of course, had I done these things we would have fought about the money I was spending on clothes and why the house wasn't clean, but my sit-ups were done. The foundation to sustain a marriage just wasn't there. The point I am making was I really didn't think I deserved to spend time or money on myself, and used sacrificing for my family as a way to hide from the truth. Maybe my behavior also gave my former husband the notion that he deserved someone better than me?

And just to share the bitter/vendetta part... When he married his affair, he also inherited the privilege to provide the money for her closets full of clothes,her need to purchase $500.00 Beanie Babies, as well as her insistence on constantly replacing/upgrading home furnishings, television sets, and stereos. It is a good thing we were not married long enough that he had to share his pension with me now isn't it? Maybe, just maybe, he won't have to eat Alpo in his golden years, and all these years later I can be happy about that. There is even a part of me that thinks he has suffered enough. How's that for moving on?

I didn't really mean to get off on such a long tangent, but do you get how me not taking care of me might have added to my unhappiness with my life? It took me many years and many set-backs to finally get to a place where I not only like myself, but think I deserve the good that life has to offer. It was only when I got to this point that good things finally started presenting themselves to me.

So, get out your pen and paper (or keyboard), and make two lists. One list of all the ways you are sabotaging yourself and your happiness/contentment, and one list of all the ways you are supporting those things. Hopefully your second list will be longer than your first. If it isn't, pick one thing you want to improve upon and then tell yourself ten times a day that you deserve to have ____ in your life and start acting like you already have it. Before you know it, it won't be an act.