Food............... Haven't mentioned it in a while...........

From my first post about my ending love affair with food, my blog has seemes to have taken a totally different direction from where I expected it to lead me. I guess that is proof that the love affair has truly ended. Kind of like running into an old friend; while I enjoy catching up, they just don't hold the importance in my day to day life that they once did. Considering how many years food was a main focus in my life, I still find these new events puzzling.

Since my pre-race diet worked so well for me for the half-marathon, I have been pretty much keeping it up since March, with the modification of usually having something with cheese or a higher fat content if I want it after my long run day. When I went to the hospice training, I hauled my own food with me, not being sure what they would be serving. It wasn't until the drive home that I reflected on the fact that all three days there were all kinds of munchies, donuts, and assorted snacks, as well as pizza on the final day. None of it held any appeal to me, or even tempted me. Now I know there are those of you that have never veiwed food as anything more than what it is, fuel for the body, and I doubt you will see the magnitude of the previous statement. For those of you that have experienced the diet-go-round, binges/purging, "Oh my gauwd if I don't have a piece of that ___ right now I am going to kill someone," lifestyle you just might relate to the wonderment of that fact.

There have been many times in the past when I would be at a social gathering and manage to avoid (what I considered at the moment) bad food. The key difference was that it was a huge battle doing so. I would station myself as far from the enemy as possible, and if it approached (on someone else's plate for example) the real fight would begin. "Come on, just have a little." Followed by, "Come on you fat slacker. Go ahead and give in AGAIN! JUST LIKE LAST TIME!" Or various versions of these words until I was so caught up in the food that the entire social event was lost to me. Do you know how much guilt I could have avoided, had this whole mystifying not into food thing had happen to me twenty years ago? I am guessing at least enough to have kept me from ballooning up to over two hundred pounds, and maybe even enough that by now I would have a better understanding as to how this happened in the first place to help someone else deciding to end their own love affair.

I am guessing that what happen was I healed the something inside of me that was relying on food for medication. If this guess is correct, then I really can't give someone else a magic formula of steps to take to breaking it off with their beloved. Maybe, what I can give someone is the knowledge that it is possible to do so. It seems for me, the less I tried to control my food consumption/issues the more they controlled themselves leaving me more available to focus on other desires.

One of those desires is being more assertive in getting my needs met. Through the years, I have always talked a good game about needing this, and wanting that, but the fact is as soon as life happened, (as it always seems to) I threw my needs out with the trash and took care of everything and everyone else. Now I make sure and get my "me time." (If running in eighty degree, ninety percent humidty is your idea of quality me time that is. Maybe next year it will be focusing on learning a new language, or how to paint, or..........................) What I do with that time is not nearly as important as that I DO do something daily (or near-daily) where the focus is on ME. I have always given lip service to the idea that if I don't take care of me, then I won't be any good to anyone else. Now I am actually putting it into practice. I am sure this too is due to whatever I healed inside of me, however I managed to heal it.

And now that I have shared all of that, it is only far to also tell you that I am expecting a big shipment of chocolates from John and Kira today. (Stop laughing, and/or calling me names.) After I placed my first order, they sent me a coupon for fifteen percent off my next order. You know how I can't resist a good deal. I ordered some for the doctors and hospice that have been so fabulous to me and our residents. I ordered some for gifts, and yes I ordered a box for me. (And I have to tell you, when I called to place the order John himself answered the phone, and was so helpful and friendly, I am already looking forward to placing my next order just to have another chat with him. In addition to that, shipping is the same price whether you order one box or twenty boxes. How is that for a deal/great marketing technique?) The difference with eating chocolate now, is I enjoy it, rather than obsess and then guilt over it. Talk about having the best of both worlds. Yummy!