Another one about to bite the dust..........................

Another bill that is! It was my goal for this month to pay off our truck. The money I need is sitting in the checkbook, and yet something is keeping me from transfering it to the pay-off. It might be my intuition "knows" that I will need the thousand dollars for something else, but I don't think this is it. I think it is more about the fact that for ALL of my adult life I have been involved in the "money struggle game," and I am finding it hard to give up this identity. I have always taken pride in the fact that I could stretch a dollar to make ends meet, and I am finding something missing when I can simply write out a check without wondering if I should hang onto it until the next payday is closer.

Okay! I know you are all out there thinking if this is the only thing I have to whine about I need to just grow up and get over it. I agree, and trust me, I really am NOT complaining about my good fortune. It isn't even as if I am totally debt free. We still have a trailer payment, a first and second mortgage, and there are still five credit cards being payed off with the monthly payment to Greenpath. That is still a fair amount of debt, it is just that we also have a fair amount of income to handle the load. What I am questioning are the feelings I am having.

When I dreamed of the day when money wasn't a stuggle I would imagine doing things like buying things NOT on sale, and paying full price without even thinking about it. The reality is that I still get a thrill out of finding a great bargin, and have more fun seeking a deal than simply making a purchase. I did not imagine it would be this way. I am finding that I don't want to give up my identity as a penny-pincher, and I guess there is really no reason to.

The other thing that I am finding strange is my reluctance to talk about how well we are doing with paying off our debts and not using credit, because we seem to be in the minority when it comes to this. I don't want to seem to be bragging about our good fortune when others are struggling, but at the same time I want them to understand that if I can be successful, then they can do the same.

The best thing that has come out of this whole getting out of debt thing is how it has transfered to my youngest. The other day she told me that when her dad was telling her about how he was planning on going into debt for a new car, she responded by telling him that he should buy a thousand dollar car and pay cash for it! She and I both cried when we found out that her car would cost more than it is worth to fix it so we will be replacing it. Her plans were for the car to get her through four years of college, and we are sad at the thought of having to part with our beloved car that has been through so much with us. We were hoping to get two hundred and fifty thousand miles out of it, but it is not looking good.

My youngest has taken two part time jobs for the summer to put money away for college, and I couldn't be more proud of her. At seventeen, to understand that it is better to pay for things as you go along rather than rack up a bunch of bills speaks to her maturity level don't ya think? I would like to think this is because of something I did right, but it is far more likely that is from watching all the mistakes I have made with money and learning from them. Either way it is a good thing, and that is what counts.