Another request for prayer and positive thoughts................

NOTE: I started this post on June Twenty-four, but didn't have time to finish it until June twenty-five.......

Earlier today I talked with the Hospice nurse about the new resident that is suppose to be moving in on July first. She met and evaluated the resident yesterday, and is concerned with some of her behaviors related to her currently unmanaged Dementia.

I have spent many hours talking with the resident's son, and it is clear that he has been doing everything in his power to care for his mother as she has progressed deeper into the stages of this disease. When he finally accepted that he needed some "Professional" help, things really began to fall apart.

Imagine that you woke up one day to find you were in a strange land. One in which everyone but you spoke the language, (Medical jargon)and were very comfortable with the "laws of the land" while you had just a brief knowledge of them. (The stages and behaviors of dementia/Alzheimer's)While you are trying to learn to navigate the basics, one of the citizens of the land started telling you how things "NEED to be done, and when you question something, they tell you that you are being heartless to your loved one if you choose not to do it that way, and then cut you off from further discussion, by hanging up on you.

While you are still trying to come to terms with all of the new ideas people are sharing with you, the "professionals" that you have found to provide the day to day care for your loved one tell you that she is "mentally distrubed, and a danger to the staff." Oh! Ya! They tell you this over the phone, in a loud angry voice, throwing in a few personal attacks as well regarding YOUR character. What would you do?

When I heard how those "professionals" were handling this situation, I first wanted all of their jobs. Am I saying that they were not entitled to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or anything else they might have been feeling? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Having said that, in no way are they entitled to behave like that. It is behavior like that that gives health care a bad name.

I know that this man needs lots of gentle, loving education to gain comfort and confidence in what is needed to provide quality care to his mother. One needs an entire different state of mind when dealing with dementia and end of life care. It took me many more than one attempt to "be okay" with going into the world of an Alzeimer's patient without "feeling" like I was being dishonest telling them something that didn't totally jive with "my" reality. Things like time and place lose all meaning for a person with dementia and trying to tell them that they just took a shower that morning has NO meaning if they don't remember doing so. It is also not practical to think you can simply stop doing what you are doing to help them take a shower. Is it a lie then to tell them "I'll help you in just a few minutes,why don't you look at this book until then," if it calms and reassures them? I have learned that the answer is no, but it took some doing. Imagine if the person with the forgetfullness was a beloved parent? That would be much harder to come to terms with I am sure.

I've tried to explain the situation to you without breaking confidentiality. Taking this resident isn't about making money. My first attemp was to help the son find good care at another facility, but this isn't happening. I am really feeling that I need to try and provide care and assistance to this family. I also have to consider the residents that I already have, as well as MY family. This is where your thoughts and prayers come in. It is my prayer that things work out, however they are meant to, and that I recognize the way that things are suppose to go and can them make that happen.

In talking with the nurse, she told me that her concern is for me, and it is only because she knows me and my home that she thinks things have a chance of working out. I told her that the only reason I even considered taking this on was because I am so confident in the assistance the resident, son, and I will get from her and her agency. Talk about a mutual admiration club.

So, as it stands today, the son has changed Hospice agencies from the first one to the one I am currently working with. (The same group of people that I wrote the "angels on Earth" blog about after the passing of our last resident.) They have already begun increasing the son's knowledge and comfort about Hospice and dementia care, as well as begin to work on managing the resident's medical needs. The last I talked with the son, he told me he felt more trusting or the two people he has talked with from the new Hospice agency. I have the room ready for my license person to okay this coming Thursday. If things progress the way I am expecting the resident will move in on Friday or Saturday of next week.

I am working really hard at listening to my intuition and "gut." I want this to work out in the best interest of us all. Even if the resident doesn't stay with us long term, with the help of Hospice I want be able to give the son and the resident an experience of helpful respect in the short term. The goal is to find the best environment for the resident. Please keep positive thoughts and love for all of us in this time of transition. Thanks everyone!