Okay Readers, this one's a tiebreaker......... Who do you think is right?..............

Yes! It is a fact that I love my husband. In fact, there is absolutely NO DOUBT in my mind that he is the sweetest, kindest, nicest man I have ever married. (There were ONLY two others.) Or dated for that matter. He is a really great guy, and yet there are times when I'd like to _______ him. (Better not kill, I mean fill in that blank in case a young person wanders onto this site.)

My husband and I are BOTH well practised, seasoned veteran"right fighters." What is a right fighter you ask? A right fighter is someone that must be right at all cost. There is a statement that I read years ago, and have tried to apply it to my interpersonal relationships, "Would you rather be right, or would you rather be loved?" (Being truthful........ Good as it sounds, during confict,the way I usually use it is to throw it at the other guy. There have even been times where I have given it a threatening edge. "Okay! You are right...... But you sure aren't loved!" Shame on me! I still have much work to be done!) The problem with right fighting comes in when in your quest to be right, you don't listen to the other person's point of view. (To busy formulating you rebutle in your head waiting for them to take a breath so you can start firing back.) You can't let go of your position long enough to see their point of view. (They might sneak in something that makes sense to you and weaken your defensive stance. Once that happens, all might be lost. God forbid you lose an argument!) A right fighter has a "take no prisioners, win at all cost" attitude. Take yesterday for example....................

I went down to do my weight lifting in the basement, and there was all kinds of stuff out of place. Two of those things I had previously ask my husband to take care of. (Trying to get you on my side with that.) There was also three cases of canned vegetables sitting on a chair from a shopping trip a couple of weeks before. I called him downstairs and ask why he had STILL not taken care of the mirror. (thing one) He said "I don't know?" THEM-THERES FIGHTEN WORDS PARDNER! ME: How can he not know why he didn't do something? (Vote for me.) HIM: No matter what I say it is going to sound like an excuse, and that is really going to piss her off. (You understand don't you guys? Vote for me.) Being a fair judge, I would have to give that round to him. I do (tend to) accuse him of having lots of excuses for the things he didn't do. Ninty-nine percent of them do piss me off. I don't let myself have excuses, so I guess I expect those around me to operate on the same premise.

After saying he didn't know, he patiently waited in silence for me to let him have it. Of course, after a couple minutes of silence I willingly gave him what HE wanted. I have no problem letting other know my needs or expectations of them. I have told him countless times that I hate it when he just stands there saying nothing. Translation....... If he isn't talking, he MUST be doing it to piss me off because I have told him it does. (Another point for me?) Silence on his part is more akin to what a trapped rat might feel as he sees the cat getting closer and closer, knowing there is NO WAY OUT! (Go ahead and vote for him........ Traitor!) Moving right along............

I next addressed the stack of canned veggies on the chair. His response was "I didn't bring them in the house." (WHAT?) ME: Well! I don't pee (or worse) on the toilet seat several times a day, but I clean it up. I don't throw used tissues on the floor by the basket, but not in it, forty-five times a day, but I pick them up. I don't shed cat/dog hair, but I sweep it up. (Or at least make my daughter do it.) I don't wear your clothes, but I wash them. I don't eat what you eat, (except for the salmon) but I cook it. You get the point........ (Now you're on my side. Right?)

That is what I was talking about with the right fighting..... Right to the defensive.......

HIM: I didn't bring them into the house, therefore they never entered my consiousness, so I never thought about taking care of them. (If you are able to find the logic in that statement, then I URGE you to vote for him...... I don't want your vote....... Just kiddin!)

At that point, I remembered (Thank you angels!) that I was trying to avoid stress before my race, so I just told him to go away, I wasn't going to let him ruin or interfer with my work-out. (I know..... he gets that vote.) Of course, just because he left, I didn't stop thinking about what he said, nor could I let it go. (Are you nuts?) After I finished lifting, I picked up the three cases of vegetables (YUP! All...... Let's see...... Twelve cans to a case..... Times three cases..... Two plus two is four, carry the one......Twenty-four plus twelve........ Thirty-six cans of them.) and carried them up the stairs, through the kitchen, down the hall, into our bedroom, and dumped them onto HIS side of the bed! Of course, it would have been more dramatic had I made it all in one trip....... Something was lost when four of the cans fell as I was making my way through the kitchen and I had to go back, retreive them, and add them to the pile. As I walked back out to the kitchen I mumbled something like, "Now there's an example of getting even, not angry!" (I know..... No points for "fair" fighting now.)

When my husband "noticed" what I had done, he said "You're being silly." (Told you he was a nice guy.) My reply was, "Not at all. I am doing you a favor. I'm making sure the cans get into your consiousness, to help you remember to take care of them." Now I could let it go. (Is there anyone out there not yet convinced that I am a total bitch?)

When I was relaying the events to my sister, (Sisters always take your side! In fact she told me it almost made her want to be married just so she could think of cool ways like that to get revenge.) she ask a valid question. "How far away from where they were suppose to be where the cans located?" Well..... Only about three steps...... Don't ask me why I choose to haul them all the way up and across the house instead of just taking care of them? I guess it was more important for me to be right. (Do ya think?)

Fast forward.... Hours later, I was out doing some shopping, and called hubby to tell him I had (finally) found the weight bench I wanted to get (At a price I was willing to pay.) and that he would have to assemble it for me. He said okay, and proceeded to tell me what he planned to feed the OPs for dinner. With a smile (in my voice) I said, Oh! Really! What to have for dinner never even entered my consiousness." He laughed and called me a big liar. (Affectionately of course!) I called him back about an hour later and told him I bought him a present. (Found it on the two dollar rack at Kohl's...... They have the best deals of all the stores in our area) It was one of those "Happy Bunny" items. "A hat," I told him, "That says 'I just don't listen'." When I got home, I gave it to him to try on. He looked disapointed as he was doing so, and said, "I thought you had gotten me a baseball cap." (What am I going to do with that man! I am trying to punish him, and it goes right over his head!)

I am sure none of you have ever had any arguments that played out even close to that one. (I am a ONE OF A KIND kinda gal.) Believe it or not, compared to the dysfunction way I was brought up, I have made lots of progress when it comes to arguing with my loved ones. I am still working on learning to pick my battles. I tend to get all bent out of shape about the little things, and am much calmer when dealing with bigger more important issues. I am very fortunate to have been blessed with a husband that is willing to put up with my little temper tantrums for the most part, and continues to love me inspite of them. (He took care of the cans by the way. I am sure most of the rest of us would have been tempted to at the very least simply move them to the other side of the bed, and/or at the very worst throw them at the other person.) I am very blessed! (even if I'm not right!)