I Sooooooo used to be her..............................................

Several days back, I watched a segment on the Today Show, about this lady that was obsessively tidy. Boy did that bring back memories! This lady has it all figured out, and feeds her eighteen month old lunch IN THE KITCHEN SINK so she can keep him and her kitchen clean. (I have to tell you, there was a part of me that thought "Why didn't I think of that?") Watching this story got me to thinking about how we draw lines between normal and compulsive behavior? Like every thing else, I believe it is up to each of us to determine if a certain behavior is helping or harming our day to day journey through life.

There was a time (long long ago) that having a clean house was all tied up with my self-esteem. I would sweep, vacume, dust, and clean the bathrooms AT LEAST once a day, often more. (Right now, reading parents are saying to themselves "This must have been before she had kids." Sadly it was before AND after.) During that time frame, I took a psychology class and one of our projects was to pick a habit, record how many times we performed it in a specific period of time, and figure out what benefit or detriment it had on our life. Believe it or not I picked fluffing the throw pillows on my sofa. While I can't remember how many times a day I fluffed, (It was a lot believe me) one thing I did discover was that fluffing (for me) was akin to feeling in control. When I would have a babysitter, the first thing I did (maybe the second, I wasn't that bad of a mother) was tidy up the house, moving items on the end tables a fraction of an inch, fluffing the throw pillows, scooting a chair back into the indentations it made on the carpet. I discovered this was my way of taking back control of my domain. Sounds weird, but it was true.

The idea that this kind of behavior of mine might be interfering with my life came the night that we had people over and I found myself taking peoples forks BEFORE they had finished eating, an asking them to lift their feet so I might vacume beneath them. (Don't ask me why I couldn't pospone this activity until after they left for home? That is why they call it an obsession I guess.)

Getting divorced turned out to be my cure to this obsession. (Maybe a cure for one of many things?) While married, we had an unspoken rule that I took care of the inside of the house and he took care of the outside. After he moved out, I had to find the time to do yard work, and (fortunately for my children,) I decided I would have to let go of some of my daily chores to fit in the new ones. Know what I discovered? The world did not end if I didn't vacume every day! Wow! I can't begin to tell you how freeing this was for me. In a variety of ways.

Some days I think the pendulum may have swung too far towards the messy side, but when someone comes to visit they can usually find a chair empty enough to sit in. (Just a cat or dog here or there. Haven't we all been to those homes where they invite you to have a seat and you glance around wondering if they mean on the floor because all the chairs are full of books, papers, clothes, etc...?) While way back in the dim recesses (A scary scary place I might add.) of my brain it still sorta bothers me if my throw pillows are not just so, but for the most part I have let that go. Even as I type, I can see three of the four pillows mass-piled up on one end of the sofa, while the fourth lays flat on the other end; the throw wadded up on top of it. The dogs like to use them to make a comfortable bed. (Did I mention that ALLOWING the dogs to get on the sofa was also a huge breakthrough for me?)

I find it interesting that out of my three children, one carries on my past obsessions, and two are total slobs. I went to a conference with my oldest and after checking into our hotel room I did what everyone does....... Kicked off my shoes and laid down on the bed. I could sense a bit of tension in the room. About three to five minutes after we got there my oldest jumped up and said "I can't stand it anymore!" and proceeded to straighten up the shoes we had kicked off! Chill out! Having just recently returned from sharing a room with the other two (on the cruise) I can assure you that neither of them cared if shoes (OR ANYTHING ELSE) was neat and tidy. So, which one wins........ Heredity or Environment?

As with all things, balance is the key. As we go through life, we will put different emphasis on different things. If you are wondering if any of your behaviors are bordering on the obsessive, keep track of them for a few days noting your feelings, actions, and reactions to participating in the behaviors. If you determine a behavior to be a problem, Lent is a great time to focus on changing a behavior. Just remember to subtitute a positive behavior in place of the one you want to change. Our brains are not fans of empty air space. Also, they say it takes two months of participation for something to become a habit so hang in with your desired changes and give them enough time to become your new habit. Before you know it, you too will be turning your back on messed up throw pillows to continue blogging peacefully away!