I guess I needed to get this out there..................

I had decided that I wasn't going to post a blog today...... Moi, with nothing to say? I know none of you will believe that statement,but still.............

Instead I hit the "next blog" button, and up popped a newly started blog. The post was from a woman that had just left a long-cheating husband of twenty years, (of marriage and cheating) with the statement that she had no idea the cheating was going on, and thought they were happy. (Don't we all LIKE to think we are happy?)

She then went on to say that three months after kicking her husband out, she met a wonderful man, the total opposite of her husband. Now, (five months total time)she is deeply in love, and looking forward to a wonderful life with him, and her two children.

After typing the rather lengthy comment (that follows) I figured I did need to post a blog today, and that I was led to her post as a way of getting me to post this one. There is that "getting what I need" thing again. So, poor thing that she is, new to blogging and all, I hope I didn't blow her away with my thoughts. Do you think I came on too strong? We all know I was really talking to myself, and this is what I said...............


I too was cheated on, (with only 8 years invested not as many as you had) and I am glad that you are finding that there is life afer ditching a scum-bag.

A word of advise, if you care to read on..... If not, delete now...

Go slow, enjoy the newness of your relationship, and don't rush through the good parts trying to get your security back.

If you married right out of high school (as I did the first time) you might not have yet discovered who you are on your own, or who you might like to be. Not that you can't find that out with a man in your life, but sometimes we put those we love ahead of our personal needs until we are not getting any of our personal needs attended to.

Figure out why you didn't know that your husband had been cheating on you for years, right under your nose. This will teach you a lot about yourself.

Finally, make sure you and your new love are always on the same page. Why do I say this?

I am in my third marriage (I hate claiming marriage # 2...... Still think someone else was living in my body the entire time..... Could I have really married such a looser?)

#3 is a nice guy! Took me close to 40 years to figure out that I was good enough to have a nice guy in my life instead of cheating losers. With all the good things that we have going for us, we still go through rough patches. Current one...... My guy is so nice, that he finds it hard to speak up to get his needs/feelings/ etc... met. Instead he expects me to see his unhappiness, figure out what is causing it, and fix it for him. I am such a darn good caregiver that for many years this is just what has been happening, but I am growing weary of the responsibility. Not because I no longer want to love, care for, and make him happy, but because it takes two people participating to have a good relationship, (what we both truly desire)and if only one person is activly participating, "we" is really just "me."

So, things are a little rough for him right now, and it is all I can do to keep myself from rescuing him yet again. Yesterday, he finally told me about a couple of things that had been bothering him. One happen 7 years ago, and one 5 years ago! He is now trying to get a handle on the fact that if he doesn't tell me when something bothers him, I won't know it, and we won't be able to deal with it and move on. I guess this is because I have been doing such a great job at guessing...... Or he was willing to take whatever I gave him, and now is starting to think he deserves more. (Which he does!) Whatever the case..... I am very excited about his breakthough, and am praying that I can stay out of it enough to give him the time to, first figure out what he really does want, and second, learn to speak up for himself for as long as it takes to get his needs attended to.

Thanks for letting me take up so much space on your blog. I guess I needed to put all this on paper. Maybe I can copy this and share it with all of my readers.

Best wishes for a happy blessed future!

Well, I guess you can see that I was able to copy it and am now sharing it with you.

Keep (my) Mister in your prayers, as he continues on his brave journey of self-discovery. And pray for me that I am able to keep my mouth shut and let him travel his path the way HE needs to. This will be hard for me......