Learning through doing.......................

"I learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, I learn to love by loving.

~ Saint Francis de Sales

I totally believe what the above quote is saying and believe it can be expanded to any focus one might be engaged in at the moment. A big focus in my world right now has been in regards to unconscious roadblocks I throw up that are keeping miracles at bay.

Most of these roadblocks occur in my head, in the form of negative thought. I have come a long way in reducing the negative thoughts in my head, and yet others seem to be lurking, waiting for their perfect moment to cast doubt into the forethought of my mind. Let's use money as an example...

For months, and months, and months we always have enough funds to take care of all of our needs and a great share of our wants. In many of those months I was not totally clear as to where the funds would originate from, and they often came in forms that I would never have imagined, but they ALWAYS showed up to take care of us. Because of these facts I very rarely worry about paying our monthly bills, having enough money to eat, or finding money for (within reason) extras.

The (current) thorn in my side is in becoming debt free. We are working at it, we are heading there with good progress, and yet I can't get the old thoughts like "I will always have a car payment" from surfacing. Mind you, we have not had a car payment for over two years but I keep replaying the thought process that I have held for forty plus years.

When we stopped using credit cards we had amassed a whopping $104,000.00 worth of debt. We have that balance down somewhere around $15,000.00, and I am trilled with that fact, but I have let that chunk of debt become a noose around my neck. Last spring/summer we were cruising on through the debt and were slated to pay off the balance by August 2007. Couple of things presented themselves and it was pushed back to November, then April 2008. Another lose of income later, and now April isn't looking that realistic either.

What is interesting is at the same time I am letting this debt have a personality so I can be angry with it, I am making choices (to spend six thousand dollars to go on vacation for one example) that logically explain why this bad boy is still hanging around.

Sure, I have really logical sounding reasons to spend the money on other things, but that isn't the point. The point is that my thoughts are keeping this debt around long past any learning opportunity. Paying down this debt has most importantly shown me it can be done, and I can live a wonderful life without using credit. Why then can't I let go of that deep seeded notion of "I'll always have some debt?" Crazier still, why am I doing things to keep it around like a pet and/or negative reminder of past mistakes?

I have been manifesting money like crazy, and I know that it IS possible for a large chunk of money to show up and pay off the last of this debt. TODAY! RIGHT THIS MOMENT. HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE. I know this is as great a possibility as the sun coming up tomorrow. I also know I am blocking this from happening because I hear little whispers of doubt, and "voices" stating my unworthiness to receive a gift of this magnitude. Since I have been irresponsible with funds that could have been used to pay off this debt how could I possibly deserve to have more come my way?

And even as I write that what comes to mind is that if I was reading this after ANYONE else had written it I would instantly say that of course they were worthy, money is but one lesson given to us to learn things from, and for better or worse our thoughts create our reality. That it is not ones unworthiness, but the limitations one places on the universal abundance that is keeping the payoff at bay. Since I believe we are all interconnected why can I believe one thing about another and not hold the same belief for myself?

Here is what I am going to do to tackle this block...Every time I notice one of those thoughts I am going to ask it what it is afraid of. I am going to explore why I am fearful of being debt free. A few ideas come to mind right away, but I want to sit with them for a bit before sharing. I am going to work through this, because debt IS going to be a part of my past, and not a part of my future. It already is, and I need to be ready to handle my increasing wealth in a trustworthy, loving fashion, as doing so will benefit many more than myself, and that is really what it is all about. We are all one, and what we do to the detriment of ourselves we do to one another.