Must be nice to be content with the way you are!.................

For as long as I can remember, I have been a fixer of self. I could probably cover my entire house (inside and out) with the pages from all of the self-help books I have purchased to "fix" my latest fixation of what was wrong with me. Of course I could never really do this, as not only would I NEVER tear a book, but I would NEVER get rid of these books, just in case I need to review them again in the future.

I have always thought it a good thing to want to change and grow. Always thought it was a sign of growth to recognize something about me that could benefit from change. Always thought it positive when I was able to correct/change a perceived "flaw" to the benefit of myself and of those around me.

Lately, I have been wondering if it is time to change another of my beliefs, since more and more I am feeling like I am one of only a few that carry this belief.

I believe that if I am able to change a behavior, then anyone can make a change if a true desire to change said behavior is behind it.

How many times in the past two weeks have you either heard or felt the implication of the words, " That's just how I am. I can't help it. I'm just not ____________, and there is nothing I can do about it."

Those type of statements are like fingernails scratching down a blackboard to me. I try and keep my mouth shut against giving my opinion, but come on people....... Aren't you simply giving up before exhausting all potential means of changing? I think it is a cop-out on your part, maybe even laziness.

I will give you that one cannot grow taller after puberty, or re-grow missing body parts. But to say, "I'm just not sensitive to another's feelings," while possibly being a true statement (you cad!) is definitely something you can (and should) work to change. Statements like, "I can't, that's not me, it won't matter what I try, it won't work" are, in my opinion, all examples of giving up and/or settling for less than your best.

I would do much better if these people would say, "Ya! I am not _____________, and I have no plans now or in the future of changing that fact." At least I would know up front what I was getting into. How great (for me anyway) would it be upon meeting a new friend to be able to ask questions like, "How are you at being on time, keeping confidences/promises/your hands off my clothes, etc..." before deciding on whether or not to move further along with the friendship based on those answers?

Have we really come so far from caring about one another that our selfish self-centered behavior takes center stage in our relatationships? How can one make a statement of commitment and then turn around and say, "Well, Ya, but"..........

I get that I need to accept people as they are, and that it is their right to be anyway they choose to be. The problem comes when I decide to exercise my right to not continue to have that person in my life because of how I feel about their choices. Then I have to ask why I wanted them in my life in the first place? This usually leads me to seeing things that I choose to overlook at the beginning of the relationship. (It is sooo true, no matter the type of relationship, when entering into it, check out the person's already established relationships with as open an eye as you can manage. What seems cute and refreshing today, might just drive you nuts a few months from now!) So now do I give up a relationship because I am no longer enthrawled with what used to be entertaining? Do I ask them to change for me? Do I hold it all inside and fume and fester about it until I blow up? Do I simply stop developing new relationships to make sure I don't have to deal with it in the future?

Seems to me I need to go out and get another self-help book to help me weed through all of the possible choices. Can anyone recommend a good one?