Thursday, August 17, 2006

Losing a super support..............................

Yesterday, my youngest got more paperwork from school. The lastest idea is to have the children arrive as scheduled on August thirtieth to pick up class schedules and get their picture taken. As my daughter is scheduled to work all day that day, she went over to the school to find out what she should do. She was told that they had yet to come up with an alternate plan for student's unable to get in that day.

I got on the phone to express my displeasure at their lack of planning with the principal, but of course he was on the other line. Though I can't prove it, I think the administration has figured out a way to circumvent my phone calls to a special phone. When this phone rings, the entire office has strict instuctions "that the principal, vice-principal, and a certain sellect group of teachers are "on the other line, and would I like to leave a message on their voice mail." They really don't want me leaving them a message on their voice mail, but I refrain from sharing this and state that I will call back.

About half way through last year, I discovered my own secret weapon to get around the phone system. I ask to speak to my daughter's guidance counselor. If she is not at her desk, she always gets back to me in a timely manner.

With permission I share with you that last year my youngest was going through some rough emotional times having to do with her absentee father. Before she figured out a way to talk about it, she tried what she had heard other girls did....... Cutting. Only she used her car key to dig her skin until it was raw and bleeding. Yes! I noticed, and yes she lied about having scapped the site or injured it while falling during a run. After the second time, one of her friends ratted her out to this counselor, and the counselor took her under wing and gave her a place to talk. In addition to that I forced her to go to the outside counselor that I had been suggesting she go to because she seemed to be sad and withdrawn but she kept insisting she was fine. I also told her in no uncertain terms is she continued to harm herself, I would take away her weapon of choice, her car keys. Might sound like tough love, but after she confessed what she was doing, there was only one set-back where she did it again. When she got the keys back after that time she was more respectful of their proper use.

I bring this up as background so you can understand the value that the school counselor was to both my youngest and I. She was a safe haven for my daughter, and an extra set of eyes and ears for me. When I couldn't get the principal yesterday, I ask to speak to her. After she told us what to do about getting the schedule, she shared with me that she was taking a new job at the college level and would not be working at my daughter's school this coming year. Since, in our state, one does not know from year to year if they will continue to have a job, I can't blame her for moving on. I am just fearful of the unknown, (I know so what else is new!) and about who they might hire to fill her role.

I also wanted to take the time to give her a big thank you and an even bigger (cyber) hug, for doing her job, and doing it so very well. It is not always the easy to work with teens, let alone earn their respect to the point that they will listen to what you have to say, and to the things you have to teach them. I think that she had two really important things going for her. One, she really respected the students that she worked with, and two, she really liked her job and wanted to make a difference in the world through her job. Both things served her well, and will continue to serve her in all of her future endevors. Best wishes Ms. ______, we will miss you!

6 comments:

Patty said...

Julia,

We did get her into a trained professional, as soon as we found out what was happening. She stayed with him for about three months before they mutually agreed that she was ready to fly solo. For the rest of the school year, she continued to visit the school counselor just as a preventative and like I said a pair of eyes for me. Through the counseling, my youngest learned other ways to difuss her stress than turning it inward, and I have learned that it is okay to do body checks if she is having several emotional meltdowns daily. This promotes her to start talking about what is bugging her, and to date the cutting thing is a thing of the past.

Has to be me said...

Oops that was shocking to note that she resorted to cutting herself. I only pray & hope that she doesnt do / attempt to do any such things in the future. God bless her & the person counselling her.

Patty said...

It has been over a year since this incident, and she continues to make progress with speaking her feelings instead of holding them inside or taking them out on herself.

You might be surprised to find this activity is pretty common among teens these days. I wrote about her experience with her permission. While not proud, she is able to claim where she has been. Maybe by doing so another will benefit.
"Normal" people do have problems and sometimes make poor choices. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I am proud of her that she did not feel the need to hide this, like it was some "dirty little secret."

Thanks for your concern.

Jenna said...

I too have warm memories and owe a ton of gratitude to my school counsellor who got me through the darkest of days- being a kid ain't easy especially when you have issues above and beyond mom not buying that 200$ pair of jeans- I am glad to hear she is doing well..

Patty said...

Thanks Jenna. I will pass on your regards to my youngest.

I am glad you found someone when you needed them. Sometimes that is the hardest part. (With the second hardest part being willing to let them help you.

Rajesh &Shankari said...

I am so glad that your daughter opened upto you and things r a lot better now.