Sharing a feeling..................................

In the past three weeks, we have had two new residents move in. The first came to us by way of regular circumstances. I "need" to talk about resident two, but first I have to clarify that what I am going to say are just MY FEELINGS. NOTHING is substantiated, and I am not looking into doing so. This is more of a gut feeling, and maybe a bit educational if any of you have loved one in this stage of life.

A received a call last Thursday inquiring about our place; did we have opening, the rate, yada, yada. I ask the son for some more specifics about his mom and he told me she had been living at a place that as far as I knew has a good reputation in the area, and was quite nice (in the scheme of some of the places out there). He went on to tell me that he felt his mom wasn't receiving good care. For example, she had "lost" her toothbrush and it was a month before they informed him about it so that he could replace it, and when he visited it appeared that her hair was not being combed. Then they raised their rates (to almost five thousand dollars a month), and he felt he was doing his mother a disservice by spending her money for care he felt was lacking. He took her home to live with him and his wife.

He came for a tour that day, and moved his mother in Easter Sunday evening. This woman is what I term, "pleasantly confused," meaning she is sweet, soft spoken, and has trouble remembering where the bathroom and her easy chair are. Day one she was pretty quiet as she checked everything out and worked on getting the lay of the land. Day two (and forward) she began to say things to me like, "Everyone is so nice here," "I'll get better at remembering how to do things for myself. I will," and, "That other place. It was so big, and there were so many people (not able to articulate what she wanted to finish the sentence with), or, "I'm sorry I can't eat all of my food."

As much as I like hearing how nice we all are, my gut tells me it is forefront in her mind because someone wasn't so nice to her. Do I think she was technically abused? NO. If I did I would pursue it with the state. What I do think is some overworked, under paid staff member rushed this resident so that she could get her required tasks finished. I am also thinking that some dignity issues and care standards were less than stellar.

My mind goes back to the woman we cared for last summer that DID have the definite marking of someone that had been abused (hand print bruise on the back of her arm). Her son called me several times before I agreed to increase my license capacity so that we could take her. Though, because of her level of dementia, she was not able to substantiate the abuse, innocent things she said to me confirmed it in my heart and I felt blessed and honored to be able to make her last couple of months of life happy and peaceful. I also continue to have a touch of regret that I didn't get the message and move faster on getting her her.

I can't help wondering if having done that there wasn't some cosmic thing happening that sent this new resident to us before she had to endure what the former resident had gone through. I love the notion that the universe sees me as some kind of Lady Liberty (send me your sick and infirmed... and whatever else it says on her plaque), that can improve the quality of life for our residents.

With the staggering numbers of projected dementia related diseases in the future of our country we have to do something to change the way people with this disease are cared for, as well as what the government sees as being important to regulate. If we don't step up now, it might be us going for a month without having our teeth brushed, or being forced to finish our milk. That is not okay with me.

Now that I have done this business for (almost) five years I am ready to take my knowledge on the road and show others that great care CAN happen, and for a lot less money than it costs to vegetate at a nursing home. I am kicking around some ideas for a book. The current working title is, The Proper Care and Feeding of OPs... You're only old once so make it matter. The only way for things the change is for every individual to speak up and insist on the best care for themselves or the loved one they are in charge of. If we continue to let the system direct the care there will be very few places that I will want to live in. Fortunately for me, I am going to make long term care insurance a MUST HAVE (yes, even over shoes) once I turn 62, and my oldest always fully funds her Roth so between the two I will be able to buy quality care if I need it.

Please join me in thanking the universe for sending me this delightful resident. Also, hold me up in prayer and/or thought as to how I am to fine tweak my message and get it out into the world, and into the normal course of elder care.