The fine art of control..............

Control might just be my number one desire. Too bad it is also a fantasy created by me, to make me feel better.

When I was younger, I loved to invite chaos into my life and then work like the dickens to gain control over it. If things were too calm for too long I might have to start looking at the real problems in my life. If I kept busy looking at others, then it was easier to not focus on myself.

Much smarter in my old age, I have learned that I can run from myself, but I cannot hide. Once I faced this fact, I found out I am really nothing to fear, in fact I am kinda nice. When I became more comfortable in my own skin, I didn't need all of the drama any longer. Still, at the slightest sign of it, I flip back into "control" mode.

Like I said yesterday, doing something, anything, gives me a sense that I am controlling rather than being controlled. What does this say about my beliefs that there is a purpose for everything that happens, and that everything that happens is suppose to be just the way it is?

Since I believe that there is a power much stronger than me that is ultimately in charge, why do I like to pretend that I am in control? I believe that this power, my God, protects and provides for me in spite of my meddling, and in fact might even find my ideas of being in control amusing. Just like a loving parent, he pretends to look the other way letting me have my silly notions that I am in charge, while keeping an eye on me so no serious harms comes to me. Talk about love.

Another thing I have discovered about control, is the more I am able to let go, the happier and more "in control" I feel. When I am able to accept a situation for what it is, I end up enjoying the moment and the simple act of being, rather than worrying about the next moment before it even arrives. The same is true of relationships. When I am able to let the other person worry about their junk, rather than try to fix and control them, the more I am available to love and support them, which makes us both happier. Imagine that!

So! What I need to learn is, like worrying, attempting to control a situation instead of enjoying the unfolding of it is a waste of time and energy. I need to focus on the fact that life's best presents come from being present in the present, whatever that present may be. Maybe I should have swapped out some "here and nows" for "presents?" There I go, trying to control how you would perceive the sentence, if you would be bothered by it, or amused? Enough all ready! I am off to enjoy the next approaching moment, and I hope you do the same.