World's worst wife...................................



In my quest to clear the clutter from my life I am sure I earned that title yesterday...



Yup, I inched my way into (my) Mister's work room and insisted he get rid of a wide assortment of "I can use that someday" items to, "I can't throw that away, it is the ticket stub to the first movie I ever went to with so and so." I found a pile of "Congratulations on your wedding cards," and thought to myself, "Who do these belong to? I gave him ours to throw away the last time I did a big clean." Instead of throwing them away, he had added them to one of the many pikes in his work-room, "In case I want to look at them someday." Did I just hear you call me a cold-harded-bitch? I would have to agree. Especially as things got heated as we argued over the value of things and I got to the bottom line; "When you die, all of this crap is going to be tossed without a backwards glance. Do you really want to inflict all that pain and suffering on whoever is left to clean up after you?" I got the sense that that is exactly what would make him the happiest. But it gets worse folks.



I came across this little stand, maybe the ugliest, pinkest color I have ever witnessed. First he fed me, "It's an antique" line. "Well, since you know I am not an antique kind of gal you know that carries no weight with me," was my immediate comeback. He then went on to explain that this was his bedside stand for all the years of growing up at his family home, as if this was a reason to have it sitting around in an over crowded room. Case in point was it took two hours of solid work to even uncover the thing. He thinks I am going to believe that he was enjoying the stands presence in our home?



I said, "If you want to keep it, integrate it into the house someplace." How noble of me. Right? Instead of thanking me, all this stuff about how it was my house and everything was my stuff and the only place I "let" him keep things was in his work-room came out of his mouth. WOW! Many things that I would never have displayed if they had not been a part of his past came to mind, but I pushed them aside and tried to understand why he felt this way. Did I not just say to put the pink stand somewhere? How did he hear that his only option was to get rid of anything from his past?



From here we entered into the on-going-for-eight-years-now, "discussion" on how he is still living his life as a single guy instead of marriage and sharing a life/home with someone, and this "sneaking" everything he got after his mother died (coming up on four years ago) down into his work-room without showing me any of it is further proof of this fact. He doesn't see this any more than I see, and/or understand why he clings to scraps from a past that he often says was less than stellar.



So, there we stood there hugging while we both cried. Me because I felt like I shouldn't have to force him to pick me over his past, and he because he felt I was insisting he could only have one of us. All I can say is my children had better appreciate the emotional trauma I am going through just to save them from having to go through it.



I get his point that I am a force to be reckoned with. How does he think that things get accomplished? He is also accurate when he said I am further along on the path of letting go of material things as a means of holding onto memories (both good and bad). I remember our wedding day with great detail, all the people that came bearing cards and good wishes, the immense amount of love that filled the room. We have three organized scrapbooks that holds bits and pieces of our dating days through our honeymoon. Isn't that enough sentimentality? And just because I am further along the path does this mean that it is okay for him to lag behind?



This post might sound like I am airing our "dirty laundry," but that is not my intent. I decided to write these things down to help me process and let go of the intense feelings I had yesterday. The sooner I can let go of them, the sooner I can get back to holding a feeling of love for (my) Mister AND myself.



Of course (my) Mister doesn't live in the past, and prefer the reminders of his old life to our life as a couple. Of course he feels like I am taking away something that holds great value, if only to himself, while knowing from a logical level that this is not my intent. Partnership is finding the delicate balance between the two of us that makes us feel equally loved and listened to. We will continue to plug away to find this balance as the next dumpster (yes! We have enough to fill another one) arrives, fills up, and our home at long last becomes devoid of all of it's excess baggage. Relationships are indeed filled with lots of hard work...