Truck update..............................

The transmission guy called yesterday as promised. He says, "I have bad news, and bad news. Which would you like first?" Don't ya just love a guy with a sense of humor? I told him he could pick, so he went on to explain that yes indeed, the fly-wheel did break, and when it did it broke everything that we had just paid him to repair. "In all the years (20 that I know of) I have been in this business I have never seen this happen. It is just odd," he said. "Well then, it fits into my life perfectly. There is no one more odd than I," I quipped back at him. "So you re-build it?" I ask hopefully. Not exactly...

Option one would be to have some type of special welding done, IF IT CAN BE, of this he was not sure. Option two would be to get a new transmission, IF ONE CAN BE LOCATED. Seems we have a commercial grade truck and replacement transmissions for those are few and far between. In case you haven't guessed, this would be the second bit of bad news. By the time he had finished relaying this information I sensed I had ducked into my head, trying to fight down the initial panic that was starting, and it took me a few seconds to realize he was waiting for me to respond to his second exclamation of, "The whole thing is really weird"...

"I would very much appreciate if you would look into the welding possibility, and I just want you to know that I completely believe that this entire thing will turn out EXACTLY like it is suppose to." Yes! I know that kind of statement totally supports my above quip; I am an odd individual. But back in the above paragraph, when I was in my head, I came to the notion that this was one of those times that the Course in Miracles has been preparing me for. I had to choose to react to this situation out of fear or out of love. I was going to try my hardest to stick with love.

Fortunately for me, I had made plans to make a quick shopping trip while my youngest was home between her classes since we are sharing a vehicle again. As I drove the fifteen minutes into the store, I focused on staying out of fear. When I would think of the $1700.00 that went into the first repair I would feel waves of nausea come over me, and had an instant whopper of a headache compliments of my ego trying to get me into fear. To avoid getting stuck in the ego thought that, "I might as well have lite the $1700.00 on fire for all the good it did me, I countered it with thoughts of all the good the transmission guy was able to do with the first money we had paid him, as well as all he can do with our future repair funds. The fact that I was able to let go of the negative notion did me a ton of good. My ego, not so much.

At the grocery store I shopped on auto pilot. Fortunately, my angels had had me make a list. It has been months since I have shopped off a list, why I felt the "need" to make one this day is a marvel... But not really. What it is, is one more indication of how much I am looked after. Again in my head, I was amazed at how my physical body was responding to the stress of my fight to stay out of a fearful response. As I shopped, I thought of all the "worst case scenarios" I could, and then played the, "If that is the worst of it, we can handle that. We can just_____ ," corresponding positive outcome to go along with it. By the time I got done with the shopping I was feeling much better physically and was in a much, MUCH better frame of mind.

Least ya all think I have let mister ego take over this post to brag about how noble and great I was by choosing love over fear, I want to tell you why I felt the need to share this with you.

The one and only reason I ended up picking love over fear was out of total selfishness! Picking love, once I got through the first couple of hours, was the easier choice on me. Picking fear would not have changed the repair situation with the truck. What it would have done is kept me in that place of self-induced stress on my physical body as I simmered in anger and resentment about the "wasted" repair money. By hanging onto negative feelings I more than likely would have lost sleep, and made my family miserable with my lamentations of despair over, "What am I going to do now?" By letting go of the outcome, by getting to a place inside of me that I can truly rest in the statement, "It will all turn out exactly like it is suppose to," I am taking care of me. I am focusing on the only thing I can/do control, and that is my attitude. And you know, silly as it might sound, I am excited to see just how this entire thing is going to play out. You can be sure I will keep you informed of all the details.