She's a total nut case (YES! I'm talking about me).............................



Just as you all knew would happen from the moment I first talked about him, I am head over heals in love with Fred. Miss Princess and the Pea calls Mr. Freddy Boy when she is heading to bed, and he heeds the call and follows me downstairs to "HIS" spot on the end of the bed... ON MY SIDE! And for the record... I don't share my bed with just anyone, only my special fellows...



About three in the afternoon yesterday I realized that I had not seen Fred in a while. Ya! I should have named him Tom (as in Tomin around), as much of a wanderer that the boy is. I keep an arsenal of kitty treats around for moments like these as a shake or two is all it takes to bring all three cats running. When only two cats showed up, I took to the streets. Ten minutes later I was consoling myself with thoughts of, "Not all relationships are meant to last," and, He'll never be as spoiled in his new home as he was here."



My youngest offered much sympathy and comforting words, "You know how he is. He will be back when it's time to eat. He isn't gone, gone, just away for the moment." Things like that.



I can't help it, this kindness puts me right into high ego alert and I jump right into prime victim roll. "All I ever did was give the best I had to offer to that cat and THIS is how he repays me? I gave him the best moments of my days, not to mention the end of my bed, and he just ups and leaves? What's that about?" And when the anger leaves, the lines turn to, "What will I do without him? My Freddy Boy, Poor Freddy Boy." All my youngest kept saying was, "OH! Mommy!" Leaving me to interprute that line in any way I needed to find comfort.



Now I hope you all know that while these words REALLY did come out of my mouth, and I REALLY was allowing myself to feel these victim feelings and become this roll, I WAS PLAY ACTING! REALLY, I was. But I gotta say that acting or not, playing the victim felt good somehow. My ego LOVED it, L-O-V-E-D it! When my youngest went to see her last client of the day and I requested in a sad little voice, "As you're driving, keep your eye out for any little gray spots so I can scrape Fredddy up and give him a proper burial (God! I am scaring my loved ones for life aren't I?), her response was the sweetest ever. She said, "Don't worry mommy, I will manifest Fred back for you while I am gone." (How many of you are right now thinking how powerful I am to have brought my entire family into my warped way of thinking???)



About fifteen minutes after she left, I was working on final dinner prep and Emma (our Jack Russell) started barking at the door like a maniac. Okay, this is not that unusual and usually means there is a squirril or neighbor dog she wants to go after, but when I went to let her out I saw nothing and yet she was insistant with the barking. I opened the door, and like a flash she was out and headed to the tall grass under the bird feeders. When she arrived, to my total amazement up popped Fred. He flopped over onto his belly, and Emma gave him a warm, licking of a greeting as if to say, "Welcome back old buddy. We've missed you," then high-tailed it back up the porch to me to get her well deserved atta-girls and thank you strokes for having rescequed Fred from a life on the steets.



What? You don't think Emma read my mood/behavior and was concerned about me and Fred? You don't think she was barking because she was on the look out for him and finally spotted him? You don't think that animals can make that kind of connection with people, understand the energy their people are giving off, and offer whatever comfort and support they have within them?



I do! And so it is...

Apparently I can no longer tell a lie..........................

About a month ago the screen on my cell phone went dark. It was still very readable in the house or at night, but in the sunlight I was unable to see anything on the screen. I fiddled with it, (my) Mister fiddled with it, I called for service about it, took it to a dealer to see if they knew anything. Bottom line is the only thing to do is replace the phone. The phone that is not that old, and that I wouldn't even have the dumb thing if I didn't have the business. Spend a hundred or so dollars on a phone because I can't use it in the sun? There WAS one more option...

We carry insurance on our phones that cover loss. If the phone needs repair, it is on us, but if we lose it a new phone is delivered in a timely manner. On our way to a spirit reading session (you can make fun of me about this later, but I like this activity like some of you like television or going to the movies so get over it), (my) Mister and I stopped by the mall to ask a dealer about the phone. After he told me it couldn't be fixed I said to him, "Well, I guess the phone is about to be lost then."

One of those little white lies right? The kind we all tell without really thinking about it, or feeling at all bad about it. This was me getting my due, standing up to the big corporation. And those phones really don't cost what they charge anyway. Right? My insurance charge every month has already paid for the actual cost of replacing the phone. Hasn't it? It wasn't like anyone was going to get hurt by my tiny lie. Right? On the drive to the reading I even went so far as to practice (in my head) what I was going to say to the phone company when I called to report the phone stolen. I didn't want to get caught in my lie; which might have been the first indication that I shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Of course I ignored this notion, caught up in my justifications as I was.

We arrive at the store and are looking around before the readings start and my phone rings. It is my girlfriend that is meeting us and she can't find the store. I told her I would go stand out front so she could see me and know where to go. Once outside, she called again, still unsure as to the location before spotting me. After the second call, I closed the phone, put it back in my purse (exactly where I always put it) and we went on into the readings.

I will spare you all the details of the readings except for one. The reader shared with me that one of my spirit guides has a real sense of humor and is a great jokester.

Remainder of the readings are finished, good messages, feeling great, decide to call my youngest on the way home to see if she wants or needs anything. NO PHONE!

Rip though my entire bag (currently carrying a HUGE bag) and nothing. Of course (my) Mister had left his phone at home so I was unable to call my bag to see if it rang. About thirty seconds after I realized the phone was missing, I couldn't help but start laughing. And laughing, and laughing...

I HAD LOST MY PHONE! Just like I said I was going to do.

My thoughts created my reality, or else my spirit guide with the great sense of humor was looking out for me and took the phone so that I could report it stolen with a clean conscience. Either way the joke is on me big time, and I guess even white lies are out of the question for me from now on. What do you think?

Truck update..............................

The transmission guy called yesterday as promised. He says, "I have bad news, and bad news. Which would you like first?" Don't ya just love a guy with a sense of humor? I told him he could pick, so he went on to explain that yes indeed, the fly-wheel did break, and when it did it broke everything that we had just paid him to repair. "In all the years (20 that I know of) I have been in this business I have never seen this happen. It is just odd," he said. "Well then, it fits into my life perfectly. There is no one more odd than I," I quipped back at him. "So you re-build it?" I ask hopefully. Not exactly...

Option one would be to have some type of special welding done, IF IT CAN BE, of this he was not sure. Option two would be to get a new transmission, IF ONE CAN BE LOCATED. Seems we have a commercial grade truck and replacement transmissions for those are few and far between. In case you haven't guessed, this would be the second bit of bad news. By the time he had finished relaying this information I sensed I had ducked into my head, trying to fight down the initial panic that was starting, and it took me a few seconds to realize he was waiting for me to respond to his second exclamation of, "The whole thing is really weird"...

"I would very much appreciate if you would look into the welding possibility, and I just want you to know that I completely believe that this entire thing will turn out EXACTLY like it is suppose to." Yes! I know that kind of statement totally supports my above quip; I am an odd individual. But back in the above paragraph, when I was in my head, I came to the notion that this was one of those times that the Course in Miracles has been preparing me for. I had to choose to react to this situation out of fear or out of love. I was going to try my hardest to stick with love.

Fortunately for me, I had made plans to make a quick shopping trip while my youngest was home between her classes since we are sharing a vehicle again. As I drove the fifteen minutes into the store, I focused on staying out of fear. When I would think of the $1700.00 that went into the first repair I would feel waves of nausea come over me, and had an instant whopper of a headache compliments of my ego trying to get me into fear. To avoid getting stuck in the ego thought that, "I might as well have lite the $1700.00 on fire for all the good it did me, I countered it with thoughts of all the good the transmission guy was able to do with the first money we had paid him, as well as all he can do with our future repair funds. The fact that I was able to let go of the negative notion did me a ton of good. My ego, not so much.

At the grocery store I shopped on auto pilot. Fortunately, my angels had had me make a list. It has been months since I have shopped off a list, why I felt the "need" to make one this day is a marvel... But not really. What it is, is one more indication of how much I am looked after. Again in my head, I was amazed at how my physical body was responding to the stress of my fight to stay out of a fearful response. As I shopped, I thought of all the "worst case scenarios" I could, and then played the, "If that is the worst of it, we can handle that. We can just_____ ," corresponding positive outcome to go along with it. By the time I got done with the shopping I was feeling much better physically and was in a much, MUCH better frame of mind.

Least ya all think I have let mister ego take over this post to brag about how noble and great I was by choosing love over fear, I want to tell you why I felt the need to share this with you.

The one and only reason I ended up picking love over fear was out of total selfishness! Picking love, once I got through the first couple of hours, was the easier choice on me. Picking fear would not have changed the repair situation with the truck. What it would have done is kept me in that place of self-induced stress on my physical body as I simmered in anger and resentment about the "wasted" repair money. By hanging onto negative feelings I more than likely would have lost sleep, and made my family miserable with my lamentations of despair over, "What am I going to do now?" By letting go of the outcome, by getting to a place inside of me that I can truly rest in the statement, "It will all turn out exactly like it is suppose to," I am taking care of me. I am focusing on the only thing I can/do control, and that is my attitude. And you know, silly as it might sound, I am excited to see just how this entire thing is going to play out. You can be sure I will keep you informed of all the details.

Yesterday's blessings.................................

My biggest blessing yesterday was when the phone rang in I discovered
Random on the other end of the line. To remind you, Random and I met once, when we did a half-marathon together last summer, and are huge soul-sisters when it comes to shoes. She was calling me to tell me that DSW was online now (Did I just feel a collective swoon?)and we had a wonderful catch-up chat. I think it was absolutely terrific of her to make sure I was in the loop on how to get the latest, greatest shoe styles from my favorite shoe store. Thanks Random.

After dinner I headed south with a resident to get her hair permed by my hairstylist. About half way my truck made this little clunky sound and then stopped working. I coasted to a stop along side of the road, tried putting the truck into park and then seeing if it would work. Nope, and we just had the transmission repaired. Rats!

Now starts the cool part of the story. Yes, I was surrounded by empty fields, but I was only about three miles from the transmission shop. (my) Mister called them and they said they would come and check out the truck as soon as possible. Blessing one.

Through my youngest daughter's work she/we have been getting to know one of our neighbors, and have discovered that her mother is also in this line of work. I have made arrangements for her to start working for me a few hours a week so I can do my running during the day. Fortunately for us, she hangs out at her daughters a lot so she was willing and able to come sit with the residents so that (my) Mister could come and pick us up and take us the rest of the way to the hairstylist. I got my resident settled in, and made the twenty minute trip back home to drop off (my) Mister and still made it back to the shop in time to visit with the ladies. All this might not seem like a big deal, but in my world it is indeed a miracle. Blessing two.

Tentative word from the transmission guy is my truck needs a fly-wheel (whatever the heck a fly-wheel is), with a price tag of five to six hundred dollars. (my) Mister and I were planning a two day trip to Chicago the end of May to take a class, and for one reason or another have not actually signed up for the class as of yet. The money we have saved up for that will be enough to repair the truck and so that is what we will do. The fact that we have the funds available is truly a blessing because a few short months ago this would not have been the case. Am I saying that I would rather spend money on truck repairs than take a trip with (my) Mister? Not in the least. What I am saying is that my reactions to last night's events did not send me into a panic attack and/or a financial struggle. If you have ever had a panic attack or a financial struggle you will better relate to the inner peace and joy I felt/feel regarding this.

We are suppose to go up north and bring home our travel trailer this weekend. I am claiming a miracle for the truck to be repaired in time. Regardless, I have total faith that things will work out exactly as they are suppose to.

Enough with the Spring cleaning already........................

Before moving on from tales of trash, I have to tell you this one more thing...

I called (my) Mister yesterday morning and in that "Proud as a Peacock voice" guys sometimes use he says to me, "Guess what I am doing?" Ummmm, working? (and please I DON'T need details) went through my head but I refrained from speaking. "I'm cleaning out my office! And I just threw away the detailed list you made for what every one's job was when we decorated for our wedding." Reminder... We got married on February 13, 2000. I am thinking of finding a 12 step hoarders group for him to attend...

In other news, I got out for the day last Saturday to attend a class on getting in touch with your higher consciousness. It was a great class, I learned a lot, and met a great group of people. I also validated (again) that I am not shy anymore (I used to be. REALLY!).

I got to class when there was only one other person in the room. The instructor ask us to please sign in and when the other person did, I heard her say, "Ouch! My thumb is really sore." "Well, come over here and I will work on it," was my reply. She must not have been shy either because she did, and I did, and then class got underway. Fast forward to after lunch. ____ (who I sorta knew. He had taught (my) Mister and I Level One Reiki) was sprawled out on the floor and was joking about someone walking on his back. I went over and started doing Thai massage on his legs by "walking" down them. This led into others doing bodywork on others, switching partners and treatments for about forty-five minutes.

When it was my turn to be worked on, my body worker was a massage therapist. She ask me if there was an area that I needed worked on and I told her my right Achilles tendon. I need to stretch more after running, and I had let this particular area get tight to the point that it aches a bit when I first get up in the morning. This girl knows her stuff, and in about five minutes she had my entire calf calm and relaxed. Wonderful...

When I was thinking about the day later, it occurred to me that my "higher consciousness" had worked out that entire bodywork thing as a way to get me the attention I had not been giving to myself. One might even say I manifested the entire thing for my own good, but I won't because I know there are those out there that believe my manifesting is a bunch of nonsense. Still... If you think about it...

World's worst wife...................................



In my quest to clear the clutter from my life I am sure I earned that title yesterday...



Yup, I inched my way into (my) Mister's work room and insisted he get rid of a wide assortment of "I can use that someday" items to, "I can't throw that away, it is the ticket stub to the first movie I ever went to with so and so." I found a pile of "Congratulations on your wedding cards," and thought to myself, "Who do these belong to? I gave him ours to throw away the last time I did a big clean." Instead of throwing them away, he had added them to one of the many pikes in his work-room, "In case I want to look at them someday." Did I just hear you call me a cold-harded-bitch? I would have to agree. Especially as things got heated as we argued over the value of things and I got to the bottom line; "When you die, all of this crap is going to be tossed without a backwards glance. Do you really want to inflict all that pain and suffering on whoever is left to clean up after you?" I got the sense that that is exactly what would make him the happiest. But it gets worse folks.



I came across this little stand, maybe the ugliest, pinkest color I have ever witnessed. First he fed me, "It's an antique" line. "Well, since you know I am not an antique kind of gal you know that carries no weight with me," was my immediate comeback. He then went on to explain that this was his bedside stand for all the years of growing up at his family home, as if this was a reason to have it sitting around in an over crowded room. Case in point was it took two hours of solid work to even uncover the thing. He thinks I am going to believe that he was enjoying the stands presence in our home?



I said, "If you want to keep it, integrate it into the house someplace." How noble of me. Right? Instead of thanking me, all this stuff about how it was my house and everything was my stuff and the only place I "let" him keep things was in his work-room came out of his mouth. WOW! Many things that I would never have displayed if they had not been a part of his past came to mind, but I pushed them aside and tried to understand why he felt this way. Did I not just say to put the pink stand somewhere? How did he hear that his only option was to get rid of anything from his past?



From here we entered into the on-going-for-eight-years-now, "discussion" on how he is still living his life as a single guy instead of marriage and sharing a life/home with someone, and this "sneaking" everything he got after his mother died (coming up on four years ago) down into his work-room without showing me any of it is further proof of this fact. He doesn't see this any more than I see, and/or understand why he clings to scraps from a past that he often says was less than stellar.



So, there we stood there hugging while we both cried. Me because I felt like I shouldn't have to force him to pick me over his past, and he because he felt I was insisting he could only have one of us. All I can say is my children had better appreciate the emotional trauma I am going through just to save them from having to go through it.



I get his point that I am a force to be reckoned with. How does he think that things get accomplished? He is also accurate when he said I am further along on the path of letting go of material things as a means of holding onto memories (both good and bad). I remember our wedding day with great detail, all the people that came bearing cards and good wishes, the immense amount of love that filled the room. We have three organized scrapbooks that holds bits and pieces of our dating days through our honeymoon. Isn't that enough sentimentality? And just because I am further along the path does this mean that it is okay for him to lag behind?



This post might sound like I am airing our "dirty laundry," but that is not my intent. I decided to write these things down to help me process and let go of the intense feelings I had yesterday. The sooner I can let go of them, the sooner I can get back to holding a feeling of love for (my) Mister AND myself.



Of course (my) Mister doesn't live in the past, and prefer the reminders of his old life to our life as a couple. Of course he feels like I am taking away something that holds great value, if only to himself, while knowing from a logical level that this is not my intent. Partnership is finding the delicate balance between the two of us that makes us feel equally loved and listened to. We will continue to plug away to find this balance as the next dumpster (yes! We have enough to fill another one) arrives, fills up, and our home at long last becomes devoid of all of it's excess baggage. Relationships are indeed filled with lots of hard work...

Contagious manifestation..........................

I took some pictures of my F-U-L-L dumpster, but I am too lazy to up-load them right now so I will share with you soon I promise. Until then here is a great (true) story to entertain you.

I know most of you have already received and used any tax returns you were owed. Since I am self-employed, and pay quarterly taxes, I work really hard to figure out how to pay Uncle Sam just the right amount. Since I am not in a hurry to send off a check if I still owe something I tell my accountant that she can do my taxes last. ( and just to brag, we are getting $79.00 back so I did a darn good job of figuring this year) Since she does my youngest's along with ours, hers are done late as well.

She got her state return in the mail on Wednesday. No big deal right? We knew it was money she would be getting so how could it be money she manifested? Here is the good part... She came home that day while I was out with the dogs. As we were walking up the driveway together I said, "Did you see you got your check from the state?" Her response, "Oh! Ya!, And I TOTALLY manifested it. I decided I could do it (as in manifest money) so I stopped at the bike store and told them," Get my bike ready( She ordered it when it was on sale a couple of weeks ago). I am still not sure where the money is coming from, but I will have it by then and I am picking up the bike on Friday. I got home and there was the check with the amount that I needed." And I thought I was proud when she learned to say her ABC's!

The story gets better... Yesterday she says to me, "I've gotta quit manifesting money. It's creating too much work for me. I thought I was going to have the entire day off and now I have three people to see." And still later when she checked in over the phone... "I feel a little bad that my manifesting for me made S0-and-So get pneumonia." I explained to her that is was So-and-So that manifested the illness so that her body could have the rest it was demanding. Us receiving from the Universe is never going to take away from another.

Maybe there are those of you out there that are thinking I should be committed, or charged with harming a child's mind, but I think this autonomy she is practicing is great. She has always been a spiritual child, aware that there are things greater than herself. I am glad that she has begun to work with this greatness independently from my encouragement. My baby is growing up!

Let me mention here that this is one great kid. The reason she didn't have the cash to simply buy the bike outright was because she had a $600.00 car bill. Beyond room and board (and a little college tuition) she is financially responsible for all of her other needs (and remember the kid LOVES shoes!). She DOES NOT use credit cards or student loans, and is consistently putting money in the bank to finance her last two years of College. She has it much more together and not just financially) at (just) 19 than I did by my late twenties.

Beyond sharing the story because I think it is a great story, I share it with you to encourage you to increase your own faith. Not necessarily in God or the Universal Energy of Spirit, but in yourself. Believe that you have whatever you need inside of yourself to reach all your goals and dreams. Believe that life doesn't have to be hard, and that you can take the bull by the horns so to speak and get what YOU want out of life. Practice faith in yourself, even when you don't feel it. This a great time to employ "Fake it till you make it." Before you know it you will have enough successes in your world that your faith will soar and you will understand without a doubt that you are Captain of your own life and you can steer your ship towards any destination you want to reach. Bon Voyage...

Great weekend.............................

Our dumpster is about half full at this point. Now I am trying to hold the thought that it will be big enough to hold all we want to get rid of. Most of the work room and all of the shed is finished, but the attic hasn't even been touched. I am sure (my) Mister is getting sick of hearing me ask if there will be enough room or if we will have to have a second load.

My heart is sick about the stuff I am throwing away. There must have been hundreds of those plastic pots that plants come in. Plastic in land fills, I know they will be there years from now, but I have no use for them and it is the only way the plant people sell their plants. Is it my fault they don't use peat pots to begin with?

So far we have consistently converted to the new light bulbs. I even found a couple of the old style ones the counter the other day. Seems (my) Mister switched them out for the new ones because they were in lights we used frequently. He plans to use them in lights used less often. I am rubbing off on him (poor soul). I have also surrendered to no more plastic water bottles, even if they are convenient. The re-usable shopping bags are going great. The other night I bought close to four hundred dollars worth of stuff and had to use only one plastic bag. If the silly store would keep the bags at the check-out lanes instead of at the door of the store (who is thinking of checking out when they have yet to face the nightmare of shopping?) they would sell more bags and maybe even market to the shopper behind the person using the re-usable bags. The other day I even discovered that our small grocery in town refunds you five cents for every plastic bag you don't use (based on how many of your own bags you do use).

I am working on cutting down on plastic baggies/wrap to cover food, and trying to work up the courage to tackle decreasing my paper towel/napkin usage, and then it is on to cleaning chemicals. I use bleach and would absolutely die if someone took away my Clorox wipes, but I keep entertaining the notion that one day I will be able to do so, and try and be patient with myself.

So Saturday was my youngest daughter's nineteenth birthday. We started the day with a 5K race, and we both ended up winning second place in our age division. This was only the second time I placed in a race. The first time I was also last overall, and was in the bathroom "recovering" from the six miles when they called my name as a winner. It was VERY sweet to hear my name being called. The other cool thing was I used two guys to pace myself against during the race and beat both of them, and at the end passed a girl that I had chatted with at the beginning of the race. Ended up she got third in our age group, and when she turned around and saw it was me that got second she said, "Man! I so should have passed you." Ya! She looked the part of a runner MUCH more than I did; tall, lean, with full on make-up, to my short, stubby, really need to wash my hair look. Just goes to show you never know what is inside the package until you open it!

After birthday cake and presents the two of us went for another run in the rain (thankful it wasn't snow), uptown to buy marshmallows (she wanted Rice Krispy treats) and a rent video to watch. It made me feel good to be alive. It also made me think of you Maria, and the hard time you are having right now. I know you don't believe in prayer, so I sent out good thoughts to the Universe for a timely recovery for you, my friend.

Okay, the sun is up. Time to go wake (my) Mister and get him back on dumpster filling patrol. Enjoy your day...

De-cluttering...........................

Our fifteen yard dumpster arrived yesterday, and I was almost as excited as Christmas morning. Since the beginning of the year I have been trying to clear the clutter out of my life and this will help a lot. Not to mention that currently I have an old toilet and sink adorning the area beside the garage.

I moved into my current home about 18 years ago on a Saturday. The next day my friend, her boyfriend, and her three children moved into my basement because they needed a place to stay. There was a shower in the basement, but not stool or sink. Shortly after they moved in I discovered that that boys were peeing in the shower (gross but true) instead of coming upstairs to use the facilities. I needed a bathroom downstairs fast. At that exact time my neighbor was re-doing his bathroom and I noted the toilet, sink, and medicine cabinet outside. After inquiring what his plans were for them they became mine and have served me well all these years, and deserve to be retired.

The other thing we did shortly after moving in was to build a big tree house. It too was past it's prime and needed to come down. We are taking the wood that can be saved to Habitat for Humanity but the rest will be dumped. Now that it is down, I can see my pond from every (back) room of my house. I LOVE IT!

And then there is the attic. (my) Mister's personal nightmare. I want our construction friend to move a couple of lights in the kitchen and when I told (my) Mister this he got all defensive and said there was no reason to move the lights. After we talked it came out that he didn't want the work done because he didn't want to have to move all the junk in the attic that would need to be moved before the work could be done. We will give away as much as we can before trashing it, but it is a fact that some things just plain wear out and need to be thrown away.

I totally get that I can be a hard person to live with, and plan to nominate (my) Mister for sainthood upon his death. Here is the latest reason why...

The other day when I borrowed his truck I discovered all the junk that he "promised" to get rid of hanging out in the bed of the truck. When we were "discussing" what could be passed on from the attic and what would need to be trashed I brought up the truck contents and told him how it was bad Feng Shui to keep it around (and went on to inquire why he lets stuff pile up in the first place, blah, blah, blah).

The next day he says to me, "I heard what you said about the bad Feng Shui so I took a bunch of that stuff to Goodwill and took the returnable bottles back to the store and got you five dollars for your vacation jar. The rest of it is in the dumpster." Told you he would qualify for Sainthood!

Enjoy your weekend...

Police Brutality..............................

Reminder... I live in small town U.S.A. The biggest thing our police officers have to entertain themselves with is setting up stings on the outskirts of town and catch people not slowing to the posted 25MPH speed limit. Not such a tough job I wouldn't think.

It is not unusual for me to see a patrol car driving slowly down my street a couple of times a day. On Sunday I noted that one had stopped at the edge of my property in front of the neighbors edge of property. I really am not a nosy neighbor, but I this concerned me as she is in the stage of active dying and I thought maybe... He drove on down the street a few seconds later.

About an hour later I heard a car pulling into our driveway. I try and get to the door before the door bell is rang to help keep the dogs under control. (Our doorbell is a Pavlovian signal for them to bark.) As I looked out the window I noted the same officer sitting in front of our property shuffling some papers and then he drove off. I opened the door to let in our guest and found a red tag hanging on my door.

I will quickly tell you the violation was for yard waste and liter in the street. Our city picks up leaves from the street, and brush from the edge of the yard. My youngest had misunderstood me and put some branches on the leaf pile. The leaf pile originated from the yard worker of the neighbor that is dying, and yes we added leaves of our own in a pile beside of hers. If we were wrong to do this fine, not at all upset to be informed of this violation.

What totally freaked me out, to the point of throwing me into an instant anxiety attack (don't know why, it didn't seem like a big deal but one was triggered anyway), was the fact that the officer walked up to my door to place the tag on the door handle, but didn't have the common courtesy to knock on my door and clear up the matter with me directly (and it was obvious that someone was home with several cars in the drive and one person sitting in a car in the drive) . Living in the community that I do, this IS common practice and community expectation. We REALLY DO have an Officer Friendly that goes around talking to our children and teaching them about the law and safety issues. I felt totally disrespected and violated. Over a pile of leaves I know...Totally overreacting.

Yesterday morning I called the police station to report this abusive treatment. I talked with the police Sargent, and he assured me this is not normal protocol. He said, "I know this is no excuse, but he is young and I will be talking to him about how things are done in name-of-city. I am really sorry for his behavior and will take care of it." I suggested that he send Junior over to properly introduce himself to me and the Sargent thought this was a wonderful plan.

The Sargent checked into the leave situation and it seems the city only picks them up in the fall. I assured him that I would get ours and the neighbors picked up. Just to show you the inner workings of our town, he did know that the neighbor was at the end of life and a couple other details about my block. Some people might find this Big Brotherish, but I find it reassuring, like we are being looked after.

I have thought a little about why hanging a tag verses knocking on the door was such a big deal to me. The best I can come up with is it shattered my illusion of the give and take that I feel exists in our city. Our police officers are here to serve and protect, not issue summons in secret and throw around their power. I guess the biggest thing was the feeling of discourtesy. I am a total believer that if you have a problem with someone go and talk to them. Clear up the situation and move on. I guess, if I am totally honest, my ego might not be able to stand the thought of someone having a problem with me. NOT ME??? Now there is something I can work on.

Manifesting oatmeal............................

I am forewarning you that this is one of those posts that is going to make you shake your heads in disbelief; either out of amazement at my powers, or regarding what a nut-case you think I am.

Either is fine with me.

Last night I got a hankering for a batch of "that time of the month" cookies (you all know them as no-bakes). As I started to make some, my youngest said, "You might want to check and see if we have oatmeal, because there is not much in the container up here." I continued on with the other ingredients thinking, (quote) "I will just have to manifest some if it isn't down there already."

My youngest went downstairs to check for me (we have shelves in the basement with overflow staple products), and returned to tell me there wasn't any down there. I went down to look with visions of oatmeal manifesting in my mind. There sat a (small size) box right on the bottom shelf. When I returned to the kitchen singing praises of my manifestation powers my youngest tried to convince me she didn't notice it because she was looking for a big box. (She didn't notice it because it hadn't been fully formed when she went down to look was my take on things.)

When I turned my attention back to the cookies I realized I had confused recipes - cookies for brownies (that is what happens when a fifty-year-old cooks from memory) and had put too much butter in the pan. What to do except increase to a double batch...

I ended up having the EXACT amount of needed oatmeal for the double batch. Not only did I manifest the oatmeal in the first place, but the universe sent exactly what was needed, no more, and no less. Pretty awesome isn't it?

And yes, there was another check in the mail last week; reimbursement for a new mask for (my) Mister's C-Pap machine that he got at the end of last year. My thoughts are creating a great reality!

I got the exclusive!.....................................

Yesterday the phone rang, and it was an advertising firm offering me EXCLUSIVITY if I signed on to be one of eight companies advertised on a handout to be in the businesses up town with the high school football schedule on it.

I do very little purchased advertising since most of residents make it to us by word of mouth. I wouldn't put my loved one in a home from a list of yellow pages ads so I don't advertise in the phone book. Regardless, I opted to listen to the sales pitch and see if I felt compelled to purchase.

As he was going through the script, I could not suppress a giggle every time he used the word "exclusive." I finally had to stop him and ask why this was such a big deal, and why I would want it. Giving the guy lots of credit, he didn't miss a beat but just went into how that very morning a real estate business said the ONLY way he would sign up is if exclusiveness was guaranteed.

"Wow!" I said, and then: I really feel sorry for that person because he doesn't get that there is abundance in the Universe and there is really enough of everything to go around for everyone. In my experience the more we try to hang onto a little, the more that little dwindles and then we allow the fear to take over.

The poor boy! I think he said something like, "that is a good point, but many people like the idea of being the only one on the listing so we mention it." Just to show him how much I believe in putting stuff out in the Universe to keep things stimulated, I bought the ad.

So, after he finished his job, his manager had to go over things with me again. When we got to the "exclusive" part for the final time I was trying to tell him that I am an adult foster care, but I also provide respite and hospice services. He says, "Tell you what? We'll just give you anything close to any of those categories. How's that sound?" I was too polite to tell him I didn't care about any of it, so I just said, "fine," and we wrapped things up.

Please share your ideas with me about areas of your life and when you feel having an exclusive contract is required or why not? I only have one in my life and that is this little expectation that (my) Mister is intimate with me and me alone since he signed the marriage contract.

I will admit that the last time my youngest went shoe shopping without me I was jealous and thought about making that activity an exclusive between her and I, but as long as she is willing to share what she gets I can let this one slide. For now anyway...

Friendships...............................

In one of her current posts,Maria was talking about the diversity of the friends in her life and ask about her reader's friends. Rather than fill up her comment section I decided to write a post about my friends...

If I had to do so in one thought, I would say my friends are patient, loyal, and true, because I rarely (if ever) see or do anything with them and yet I know that they would coming running in a minute if I needed them. The one thing that I thought would be easy when I started this business was finding people that wanted to work for me. Turns out this was the hardest thing of all. If I do have a fill-in caregiver, it creates a bunch of extra planning for me as I am really picky that things be done in a consistent fashion to how I would do them. Like when you have infants/toddlers, most of the time it isn't worth it just to go out to lunch (NOT a big fan of eating out so maybe this colors things a bit).

All of my friends have been VERY understanding of this, and keep me in the loop as to group happenings, and I am very appreciative of this.

The other group of friends that have become uber important to me is my blog family. Besides Random, I have not met a one of you, and yet I laugh, cry, and rejoice with you as I read about your life adventures. I honestly don't think a face-to-face meeting would make me feel closer to you then I already do.

If I had to pick BFF, I would have to list my kids and Mister. Maybe, because these are the people I continue to see on a regular basis (they have no where to run and hide), but mostly because we have a truly genuine good time when we are together. I am blessed.

That is a description of my friends in a nutshell. As to the demographics that Maria discussed in her post (taking out my blog family for the moment), well over half of my (small) circle of friends are much older than me (from five to fifty plus years if you count all of my former home care patients that I still keep in touch with). Ninety plus percent of them are or have been married, leaving less than ten percent same sex preference or in a same sex committed relationship. If any of my friends are Republicans OR prejudice they hide it well out of respect for our relationship.

I think where my group of friends are the most diverse is in regards to religion. We range from VERY involved in organized religion to no belief in a higher power of any kind. Each of these views is respected and had no bearing on the friendships in the least.

The other way my group of friends is diverse is in regards to our talents. We each seem to excel in a talent (music, art, computer skills, etc...) that makes a really awesome collective group of supports. Does it surprise anyone that my talent is telling it like it is, and speaking up for a group cause? My secondary talent has to do with advice regarding shoes as an accessory, but since this is a post about my friends and not me I won't elaborate.

Passing on the question, what about your friends?