Done with Drama?..................

This post has been walking around with me for some time now, and at this point in time has no ending. In that case, let's proceed with the beginning.

We have all heard the term, "Queen of Drama." Not only have I heard it, I WAS IT for many a year. Over the years, it has played out in a continuing variety of chaos, and looking back, if there wasn't one on the horizon I could very easily take a small little something and whip it into instant chaos. I think one of the reasons I did this was because of my childhood, chaos being my my "norm," and I felt unsettled if this feeling wasn't pervading my senses.

Definitely through my twenties, and at for least the greater part of my thirties, I choose to make a big deal out of so many things that were just NOT a big deal. I think in my forties I finally began to get a handle on this, and had a few successes at just letting things go without getting all worked up about them. Do you any idea how much easier this is than living in continuous chaos? Only if you used to do this and have also gotten past it can you truly understand. If not, then I bet you are scratching your head right now saying, "DUH! What took you so long to figure that out?" Lucky you to not get where I am coming from!

Now this next part might sound TOTALLY judgemental, but please know this is not my intent at all. Over the past several weeks, I have been observing people, watching the choices they make, the knots they tie themselves up in, how they run themselves ragged, and what comes to mind is, 'There but for the change go I." Their behaviors USED TO BE ME! Unable to ask for help at work, thinking it would make me look like a slacker. Feeling superior somehow because no matter how much I was juggling, I would always, willingly, throw one more plate in the air and THEN figure out how to keep all of them up there. And for the record, it was rare that they all came tumbling down, I was a master at this dysfunction. An exhausted master, but a master non the less!

Anyway, to get back to my observations... What I have noticed on a couple of occasions, is that the more these people take on out of a feeling of "I have to, I need to, who else is going to if I don't," resenting it all the way, the more the universe seems to dump on them. Interesting isn't it? I KNOW this used to be the same with me and I never noticed. I guess I was too wrapped up in the moment/drama/chaos/self-importance to take a time out and see a different way of handling things. Unfortunately, we all have to figure this one out for ourselves, but I am pretty sure it has a lot to do with self-love, and being willing to love ourselves enough to put ourselves first once in a while before we find out that doing so not only DOES NOT bring the world to a grinding halt, but actually makes it a better place for everyone to hang out in. A big catch 22 that is hard to break through I know.

So yesterday, I got into an elevator on the sixth floor to go down to the first floor lobby (and did not do the stairs as I was wearing heels and practicing self-love rather than worrying about saving energy, so shoot me!). I picked up a rider at floor five, and after he got in I made the comment, " wonder how many other riders we will pick up on our way down," (Yes! These things just come out of my mouth!). The guy's reply, "Ya! That always seems to be the way it is when you are in a hurry." (Did I present the picture of hurry lounging there on the elevator wall? I thought I was presenting a picture of "WOW!" with my heels and mock-crock leather jacket. I guess this proves one sees what they want to see.) Mouth opens again and this time out comes, "I am finally learning that there really is nothing to rush to, the important stuff will wait, and life will move along just fine without me. It is more important to just enjoy the ride." That little heart-felt speech took us all the way to the lobby, and as we exited the guy says, "WOW! How did you come to learn that, that's great." then hurried away into the men's bathroom before I had a chance to respond (I agree, rushing to the bathroom is the exception to the rule here, and now that I am thinking of it it might just explain his above comment about being in a hurry... I knew I presented "relaxed WOW!")

For me, the point of that conversation is that those words came not only from my heart, but from my head. I really am starting to get that life is and always will be life with and without me. My participation in it is MY gift, and I should make it a point to enjoy the gift of each and every moment instead of trying to micro control the here-and-now so I can relax and enjoy some distant time in the future. I heard this the other day, and it totally explains what I am trying to say... "You never wake up and say Hey it's tomorrow now do you?... You don't even say, it's ten minutes from now... It's always now, only now." This doesn't mean that we don't plan on and for future things like next months house payment, but that we keep things in perspective and enjoy the journey as it is really all we get.

In learning to do this, I have stopped worrying so much. If there is no way I can effect something in the moment, why worry about it? It has also helped me to allow the people around me the right to spend their moments exactly the way they choose to. If they want to spend their nows in worry or chaos, that really is okay with me, I can choose to join in or choose to opt out. How cool is that notion? Choosing not to participate in drama does NOT mean I don't care, that I don't love the person. It is just the opposite. Allowing someone the right to be who they are right at the moment is not only loving but honoring of them. To allow yourself not to be drawn into a place that doesn't feel right for your moment is honoring and loving yourself. The best of both worlds... Try it, and see how it fits into your now.