Apparently the honeymoon is over.............................

Now that the weather is getting nicer my attention has been turning more and more to my backyard. Last fall, after the addition was completed, the leftover siding was left on part of the deck. I ask (my) Mister to take care of it before the snow arrived, and I know that he heard me because he told me he would do so (that is his response was, "okay" when I made the request for him to get the siding off the deck before snow fall).

For whatever reason this didn't happen, and twice since the snow melted I again ask him to take care of it and he again said he would.

Yesterday I had a few free minutes and decided that I would clean up some more of the left-over leaves. In order to do so the siding needed to get moved so I moved it. All you guys out there cover your eyes because I am about to tell you where I moved it to... The hood of (my) Mister's Corvette.

And before you all have a heart attack, I only moved a little bit of it there, the big box I just left on the sidewalk going into the garage, so there wasn't any tremendous amount of weight on it or anything on the hood that would damage the car. I was also VERY careful not to drop it or anything, but just to make a point (which I will get to in a minute).

So, right on schedule (my) Mister came home from work yesterday, came in the house and accused me of putting the siding on the car "just to piss me (as in him) off." Not at all I assured him. I moved it there because I knew it would get his attention, plain and simple. And as crabby as he got over the whole thing, it did seem to get his attention. Uncharacteristic of him, he even threatened to move the siding downstairs to my bed ( he must have learned this one from me...Remember when I moved the cases of veggies onto his side of the bed?) wondering out loud, "How I (as in me) would like that?" When I (uncharacteristic of me) didn't get mad, but simply told him it was fine with me for him to put it anywhere he wanted to, that I could move it again if I needed to, he wasn't quite sure how to react. (MUST remember this approach for future use!)

I told the story a little out of order. It was AFTER he said the part of moving the siding to the bed that he accused me of doing it to piss him off. After I told him the move was designed to get his attention, the conversation got more predictably us. I said, he told me that he would move it, and he said he would move it, and I said, since he wasn't yet dead I guess he had me on the fact that he could still possibly be planning on moving it, then went on with the example of how if he says the words "I'll take care of it" at work it is implied that it will be taken care of in a timely manner even if a specific date is not given, and when I hear the words, "I'll take care of it," the time line in my head is within two weeks max NOT four months or more, and then he shares all the reasons why he didn't take care of it, and I share how him not attending to the things that he says he will do makes me feel that he doesn't respect me, blah, blah, I've been waiting for him to finish the kitchen for four years now, blah, blah, all that right fighting junk again.

I honestly thought I had been making some progress in pulling back from right fighting, if only a tiny bit. I just don't know what else I should say when I ask him to do something and he responds in the affirmative. I have tried asking him for a completion date, and this only makes him feel more pressure. I have requested that he just tell me he is too busy to do it over the next two weeks if that is the case and I will come up with a plan B. He can't seem to do this either. Something to do with that little problem he has of not being able to say no to me I think. My newest idea of quietly giving him a reminder that I knew he would notice didn't seem to make him any happier than anything I have tried in the past.

I know the bigger problem here is that I expect him to be like I am. If I tell someone I am going to do something, it goes on this little to-do list in my head and sets off a sensor every few seconds to remind me of it until I get it done and off the list. Gosh I'm a nag to myself, and it would work really well for me if (my) Mister's nag button worked as efficiently as mine does. I also do things for people in a timely fashion because I believe that it shows how important they are to me. This is the belief that makes me feel he doesn't think I am important when he puts off doing the things he says he will do for me.

Let's face it...I would NEVER marry me, I know how many things are wrong with me! Why then do I want my chosen spouse to be more like me? Crazy isn't it? Why can't I embrace the fact that when it comes to doing things for me his time line seems to be uniquely his own, and really doesn't have anything to do with his feelings for me? Selfish I suppose, wanting things when I want them. Imagine that! Anyone out there able to relate to these feelings?