Gave up cheese, but apparently not the whine.................

Someone that was once a pretty central figure in my world died Sunday. Just dropped dead from a massive heart attack while out of town on business. And he was only in his mid-forties!

I haven't actually talked with him in several years, keeping up on the going ons of his life through a mutual aquaintance. No more chances for that now is there? Poor me.

Poor me...What about poor him? He won't see his youngest child graduate from high school this spring. He won't get to meet his first grandchild, due to arrive in a few months. He won't get to do a ton of things that he put off while struggling to get his kids raised and out on their own. At the moment I am pretty pissed at these thoughts. Life is just not fair sometimes.

Even as I have these thoughts and emotions, I understand that they are just that, thoughts and emotions. I really do believe that there is life after death and he is going to be trading in the above things for things that are AT LEAST as cool. The regrets I have are really for those of us that are still here, left to deal with our notions of what he will be missing out on.

Being an orphan, my biggest goal in life was to get my kids to adulthood. My youngest will be eighteen this coming April, but for the most part she is already a pretty grown-up teen. I really don't worry that she would be able to make her way in the world if I were to die. I have pretty strongly placed my mark on her, as well as my other two, and am extreamly proud and honored at the way they have all turned out. This doesn't mean I don't get sad when I think about all the moments of their lives that I will miss when I am gone. I can get crazy sad when I think about it. I just MAKE myself be thankful for the gift of getting to see them grow up this far, knowing that I had a lot to do with the way they turned out.

So, putting the whine aside, let this be my thanksgiving post. I am so thankful and grateful for so many things. I am thankful for all the great times I had with the above mentioned friend. I am grateful for the memories of those times that I will always cherish. I am thankful for the knowledge that even though we didn't keep in touch, we continued to stay connected through others and through our continued feelings of fondness (in case you care, a platonic friendship only. While we briefly discuss romance, we opted out, not wanting it to ruin our friendship) for one another. We got one another through some dark times, and my life is better for having known him. It makes me feel better to think the same was true for him.