No living things were harmed during these life experiments...............................

When my two older children moved out on their own I forced them to take a houseplant with them on the journey. The reason; to help them see and understand how much effort it took to nurture another living thing before they jumped into relationships and/or children.

Their two very polar personalities emerged immediately. My oldest, Miss type A personality, not only gave her plant a name, but gave her plant a prominate location in her new home where she could "keep an eye on her," and brought her some "friend plants" so "Greeny" wouldn't be lonely. We used to have weekly (bi-weekly when Greeny was "sick") phone conversations in which she would brag about Greeny's accomplishments. It wasn't long before Greeny was having babies (Greeny was a spider plant) and my oldest was sharing the joys of parenthood with all of her new friends.

My son, on the other hand rolled his eyes at me ( his way of saying, "another of mom's crazy ideas"), as he grabbed his plant on the way to his new place. Once his music and video collection were perfectly positioned for ease of access, the plant got picked up off the floor and placed on the end table where it was easier to use as an ashtray in a pinch. On a good note, knowing how I felt about his smoking habit, his plant did get aerated a lot, as he moved the dirt around in an attempt to bury the ashes, after hiding the real ashtrays and spaying the room with air freshener when he knew I was coming to visit. Don't get me wrong, he loved his plant, talked to it in a nurturing way, and tried repeatedly to get his plant on a regular schedule of feeding and watering, but in the end realized that his plant did okay with the hit and miss approach that was more often the norm, and this was good enough for my son. The two of them bonded in their struggles towards making their way in the world, and finding their own personal niche, one step forward, two steps back. Did the plant like being someones ashtray? Not sure, but I do know it figured out a way to survive while being one, just as my son figured out how to survive during his own personal struggles.

Now to move on to my youngest... Remember Francesca Belle?

My super mature, super serious, youngest has taken "mom's caring for experiment" to a whole new level. The same kid that I was constantly yelling at to clean the cat liter box is now scooping twenty or more times a day, or each and every time Franny uses the box. I guess this just goes to show two things; yelling is NOT an effective means of communicating, and when something is important to someone they will "get it" without your assistance.

My youngest has been dating the same boy for close to two years, and they have decided to co-parent Franny. My youngest talked everything over with the BF before committing to raising a kitten, insisted he be here to help her pick from the litter of kittens, and settled on her name only after receiving approval from the BF. Like lots of relationships, the youngest takes on the bulk of responsibility for the care and feeding of Franny, but when the BF is over makes sure that the two of them are spending lots of quality bonding time together. I love eaves dropping on their conversations in which the youngest is describing in Minuit detail all of Franny's latest accomplishments. I have to say that the BF is EXTREMELY patient with listening and viewing the hundreds of pictures the youngest takes of "their little girl."

Yesterday, Franny had her first doctors appointment. Thinking I was being a Smart Alec I said, " So, is the BF meeting you at the Vets?" She gave me that look that says, "you are so behind the times mom" and said, 'Oh no! He's picking us up!" Of course he was, as that's what "involved" fathers apparently do.

It did my heart good to see and hear the pride that my youngest had when reporting all the details of Franny's vet visit. Seems the doctor was VERY impressed with Franny's social skills. (I ask my youngest if she had told the vet that Franny must take after her grandmother since she is cute AND social.) They LOVED her name, and for the most part Franny was well behaved; seems she did want to sit still so they could weigh her. Franny had such a good report, and my youngest had such pride in the job she and the BF are doing as parents, the $142 dollar bill hardly fazed her.

My point?

I feel so fortunate and blessed to have children that are taking their time to grow up and not rushing into life experiences that carry greater responsibility and consequences if done the wrong way. Makes me feel like I did something right.

My oldest and I had a great conversation last night about the pros and cons of having a fall semester of hell and being done with grad school classes by Christmas, or have fall AND winter semesters of purgatory, and not be done with class work until next spring. She is very well equipped to make the best choice for her on her own, but I love that she listens to my input regarding these things.

My son has chosen to take a hiatus from mothering and do things on his own for a while. I honor and respect his decision, and know that he is quite capable of taking care of himself and his needs without my involvement. After all, I raised him to be a Strong, independent man, so how can I object to his taking a path, just because it is a path I might not want to be traveling?

Not all of parenting is grins and giggles, but all of it is a wonderful learning experience and so very worth any of the pain. If you don't yet have children, get a plant or a pet and find out what I am talking about.