Time is a great healer..........................

This past weekend was a joyous, celebratory one for our family. My oldest daughter received her Master's degree from Notre Dame. Twenty-nine and ready to tackle the world!

Unable to find a suitable caregiver for the level of care our current respite resident requires (my) Mister volunteered to miss the festivities, so my youngest and I headed off to South Bend on Friday to attend a banquet for the 20 Master's recipients, a family picnic on Saturday, and the actual graduation Sunday morning. My oldest daughter's dad (and family) joined in for the picnic and graduation activities.

For those of you in the middle of a stressful relationship with an ex/soon to be ex these next words are for you. It does/will get better. When I checked in with (my) Mister on Saturday he ask what I was doing and I (jokingly) replied, "Bonding with my ex over charcoal."

The original plan was that dad be in charge of the grill. Stuck in traffic, we moved on to plan B and started the coals. When they arrived the first of the chicken was on, and the oldest "didn't know how to tell if it was done," so I took over. After the initial hellos, I noticed dad sitting in a lawn chair. Without really thinking about it, I went over, put my hand on his shoulder (maybe should have thought about doing that with the daggers I felt fly out of the eyes of his wife, but what's done is done), and said to him, "~~~ was totally planning on you being in charge of the grill, we just got things started while you finished the drive. Feel free to jump in anytime and take over for me." "Really?" he said, I brought my apron. It's in the car," and he was up and gone to get it in a flash (I REFUSE to comment on the fact that he had to have an apron in the first place, especially since he tied it at his waist instead of over his neck... Trying to be nice here).

So there I am, minding my own business, enjoying the sun along with a little spiked cranberry juice when dad says to me, "We're going to need a hotter fire. Any suggestions?" WOW! It's been over twenty years since the man voiced any need of my opinion or help (NOT that I can say it has been over twenty years since I offered it anyway, but...). Gotta tell you it was a little strange...

And then it wasn't.

Everything sorta shifted, and while not totally normal, it seemed right somehow, fitting that we would be sharing in the preparations and celebrations of our first born. That took center stage as all the bitterness, anger, and pain, took it's rightful place as a distant memory of what once was, but now isn't needed. Though morphed somewhat, we will always be connected to one another through our children, even as they progress through adulthood. What a blessing it is to be able to share in the joy of their accomplishments without the burdens of the past.

So, feeling all proud and happy over my oldest daughter's accomplishments, my wish for all of you out there in a painful relationship is that it not take twenty years for you to find the peace that her father and I seemed to have found with one another.