I have so much in my head, and really nothing I want to write about. Because I am being selective? Because I have created a certain feel for this blog and what I am currently feeling would expose some ugliness that I want to keep hidden from the world?

More likely because I know that all the darting thoughts are completely invalid, part of whatever dark moment I have decided to sink into for a while. Figments of my imagination.

Did I tell you I have been put on notice?

Night before last the youngest and I were taking our nightly walk with Emma and she says to me, "You need to figure out some solution to whatever you are going through because you have been more negative than I can ever remember you being."

Called out by a nineteen year old kid! Ya! I've been that bad. In my defense I questioned whether or not I have been that negative or if it appears that I am being that extra negative because it is coming on the heels of being so upbeat and positive? If that is the case then good for me... One can't truly enjoy the positive if they don't linger in the negative from time to time. Right?

So today I am taking the bull by the horns and cleaning my house. Don't ask me why but an orderly house gives me a sense of control. Getting every room just the way I like it somehow gives me a sense that I can get everything else in my world just the way I want it. Glancing at a corner and NOT seeing animal fluff along the base boards gives me a feeling of everything else being manageable. Kind of like a placebo, if it works who cares how or why it works.

One more thing... I came across a quote that has also been helpful in lifting the dark veil of feelings:

Instead of believing that you know what is best for others, trust that they know what's best for themselves.

That sure takes a lot of responsibility off one doesn't it? Also leaves lots of time for one to self-nurture. Permission to do so granted.