Recovering...............................

The same day I cleaned my house, the Chaplin from hospice came to visit our residents. He is a funny, down to Earth guy who doesn't talk religion so much as he lives it. As I was talking to him about a totally unrelated topic I heard myself saying, When someone hurts you the best thing you can do is pray for their happiness." Why did I see that dog woman's face right at that moment (along with a couple of others) I wonder? It is never about what someone has done to you (physical violence and harm to a child not included), but about how you perceive things and allow them to color your world long after the other person has moved on. So, I am better now.

And it is time to talk politics.................................

I make it a rule to not talk politics with the general public, but you guys are my trusted friends so I can make an exception to that rule. I need some help in this area.

I will confess to ALWAYS having voted democratic when it comes to president. I will also confess to wanting John Edwards to win the nomination, because I knew something about him aside from political commercials. I try and avoid the news and news paper at all cost (which is why it was almost a week before I heard about John's affair. Just like with Bill, I would rather NOT know the details of his sex life, as I am certain he could care less about mine) to keep the negativity away from me. I have a belief that most of what we hear and read as "news" is what someone has decided we need to hear at least as often as it is fully, factually the truth. I have been using the current political commercials that do reach my ears as meditation practice. When I hear one I try and instantly close my mind and go inside rather than focus on what the commercial says and my negative response to it.

Though this is working well for me, it is not doing much to prepare me to make an informed vote. Not voting is not an option for me. I take that right very serious and would never not exercise it. I was thinking if those of you out there that have made up your minds would share your thoughts with me it would help me learn about the two men as people. I know that you have been an Obama supporter from the get go Sheri, but please share your heart with me on why you are so cemented in your choice.

I did hear yesterday (On Dr. Oz) that one of his guests supports Obama because he feels his style is to bring people together to effect change instead of playing party politics. This sounds good to me, but during his campaigning I have always heard some degree of slamming his opponent.

In a perfect world I would like to vote for the guy that takes the millions of dollars spent on slandering the other guy and uses it to help those less fortunate. I would need to know nothing else about him. Since that isn't like to happen in this election I am asking all of you to let me in on you points of view. If you don't want to post about it, send me an e-mail. Thanks for your help.

I have so much in my head, and really nothing I want to write about. Because I am being selective? Because I have created a certain feel for this blog and what I am currently feeling would expose some ugliness that I want to keep hidden from the world?

More likely because I know that all the darting thoughts are completely invalid, part of whatever dark moment I have decided to sink into for a while. Figments of my imagination.

Did I tell you I have been put on notice?

Night before last the youngest and I were taking our nightly walk with Emma and she says to me, "You need to figure out some solution to whatever you are going through because you have been more negative than I can ever remember you being."

Called out by a nineteen year old kid! Ya! I've been that bad. In my defense I questioned whether or not I have been that negative or if it appears that I am being that extra negative because it is coming on the heels of being so upbeat and positive? If that is the case then good for me... One can't truly enjoy the positive if they don't linger in the negative from time to time. Right?

So today I am taking the bull by the horns and cleaning my house. Don't ask me why but an orderly house gives me a sense of control. Getting every room just the way I like it somehow gives me a sense that I can get everything else in my world just the way I want it. Glancing at a corner and NOT seeing animal fluff along the base boards gives me a feeling of everything else being manageable. Kind of like a placebo, if it works who cares how or why it works.

One more thing... I came across a quote that has also been helpful in lifting the dark veil of feelings:

Instead of believing that you know what is best for others, trust that they know what's best for themselves.

That sure takes a lot of responsibility off one doesn't it? Also leaves lots of time for one to self-nurture. Permission to do so granted.

Ego out of control....................................

I have been crabby the past few days. Crabby enough that even I am noticing. Here's a perfect example of what I am talking about.

Night before last I had some books I wanted to donate to the library so my youngest and I decided to walk them up and take Emma with us. As we are walking along, minding our own business, we approach another dog with it's owner. As we near them the lady says, "Oh! Here comes the dog that is not social." (I need to insert here that a few nights prior my youngest and Emma had met these two and had a conversation about the fact that Emma isn't fond of other dogs.) Just like a mother bear protecting her cub I got instantly defensive and replied, "Who are you to call my dog unsocial? She is VERY social with people, she just doesn't like other dogs." This woman fires back, "It's easy for dogs to be social with people. She isn't social with other dogs. Don't you want your dog to be social with other dogs?" Just like I was a bad mother or something. I began to explain to this COMPLETE AND TOTAL STRANGER that she had absolutely NO RIGHT to say something so negative to my dog when she was within hearing distance. The woman went on to try and tell me that the reason she had said that was because of her conversation with my youngest, but I was having nothing to do with her explanation. I told her she was talking to me, and she did not, in any shape manner of form, have the right to comment on my dogs social skills. Picture this... Two women standing on a public street corner having a loud "discussion," two other people walking their dog pass us, round the corner, and glance back to see if a physical fight was going to break out. I am normally not a person to make a public scene, and at the time I remember the sane part of my brain asking me what I was doing at that moment. Finally, the lady said she was sorry if she had offended me, and I spate out forgiveness, grabbed my dog's leash, and flounced off down the sidewalk.

WOW~

There really is no rational explanation for my behavior, even if I choose to believe Emma can pick up on negative energy. The energy I gave off after the comment was far more damaging to Emma's psyche than the comment of a stranger. Whether her comment was appropriate or not, my response definitely wasn't.

Having said that, the incident got me to thinking about how important it is for my dog to be a certain way. I was a very stern parent when I raised my three human children. If I said something I followed through, EVERY SINGLE TIME. That's a lot of hard work. I can be honest and say I don't care to do with my dog. The vision I get is of a Nazi dog trainer with the perfectly behaved dog that cowers when she comes near her (with a face strangely similar to the woman on the street, but I digress), but I get that that is an egoic fantasy and that I could be more consistent with my pets, I just choose not to. Honestly, I got the dog to make my youngest happy, for our enjoyment, not to work hard to make Emma a well rounded dog that is friend to man and beast. Is that wrong? As long as no other dogs are harmed in the process is there a real benefit to Emma to break the news to here she is not human and should be kind to her kind?

I guess I am going to have to do some more thinking on those things once I get my ego back under control, I get over myself, and stop being so crabby.

Wonder how long that will take?

At long last..........................

After another productive weekend we have filled our third (and hopefully final for a few months anyway) dumperster and the new bathroom is finished! I have been drinking extra fluids just for the excuse to go spend time in it I love it so much. JK, but when you see the pictures I think you will agree with me it turned out beautifully. Enjoy...

This is the piece we found at an antique store to turn into a vanity.

My fabulous sink with the waterfall faucet. I should have had the water running to show you just how cool that is. Sorry.

Looks good side by side doesn't it? The black toilet is a pain to keep clean but the look is totally worth it.A view of the shower. Don't you love the color of the shower curtain? I found it on clearance for a mear $9.
The infamous $75 soap dish.

I had these cut out put in to hold soap and shampoo. Much nicer than one of those things hanging from the shower head or just setting the stuff on the floor.

Back from vacation..............................

A wonderful time was had by all (ten of us), and I took over two hundred pictures with my new camera (NO! I do not plan to bore you with them). I actually took more like four hundred pictures, but the new digital cameras have this great little button called, "delete" to separate the chafe from the wheat. My camera is an SLR/digital so I have fun playing with shutter speeds, depth of field, all that jazz, and when it didn't work I could get rid of the evidence and start over.

And I took my knitting class. The knitting class that ended up not using knitting of any type. That what happens I guess when one is successful at staying in the now and doesn't really look into the details of her future class.

What we did was learn different techniques of felting (I knew this part, I just still envisioned some knitting taking place for some reason). At the beginning of the class everyone was given a couple bags of fiber (this is what it is called at the point of having been removed from the sheep and dyed, but not yet spun into actual knitting yarn) and told to pull out a couple of strands. Then we laid over a thick piece of decorators foam and jabbed at it with this thing that held five, long, darning type needles.

About two minutes into this I missed the foam and broke all of the needles. Felt just like I was back in grade school having to confess to having broken the only magenta crayon. Fortunately the instructor was prepared so she had extra needles.

So, I am blissing out, jabbing, layering different colors, and jabbing some more, when the instructor says to me, "So. What are you making?" What? We're suppose to be making something? I thought we were just suppose to be getting the hang of jabbing a needle into foam rubber. Since I hadn't broken any more needles I was feeling pretty good about things until she said that. I was making nothing. Of course I didn't tell her that. I told her I hadn't decided yet and then spent the rest of the class trying to make my felt into something, anything.

As I looked around the room, the other, more experienced felters were creating things like hats and scarfs. This is what I ended up with...

One more example of my uniqueness!

I loved the experience, even if I "didn't make anything" functional, or even recognizable. The fun of the moment, and the interaction with the other ladies made the day a total success for me. And who knows, one of these days I just might figure out what I made if I work at it long enough...

It could happen.

Alive and well...........................

Just wanted to let all my faithful readers know that I am doing well, just too busy to take time to post a decent post.

We leave for a four day vacation tomorrow morning, which means I have to cram two weeks worth of planning and work into three days so that has taken my full focus.

I will be back with a brilliant post (talk about ego!) one day soon.

Love and best wishes...