I am not the victim of the world I see.............................

The Course in Miracles is a system set up with a daily lesson for each day of the year. After December 31 you start over with lesson one. Last year I did a poor to fair job of keeping up with the daily lessons. It is a desire to do a better job this year.

Today's lesson is the title of this post, I am not the victim of the world I see. When I was reading it it called to mind the pouting, temper tantrums that I have been having over the past two days.

I have been TOTALLY feeling victimized by the snow (of all things).

I actually looked out the window yesterday morning, stomped my foot, and wailed. For the last two days I refused to shovel the driveway (the OCDer in me still had to do the walk and the area of the drive into the house). My childish excuse: "There is no where to put the snow anymore. It can just sit there until it melts." Like I was going to hurt its feelings, or punish it somehow by letting it set there!

Thursday I went for my scheduled 8 mile run. It was somewhere around 8 degrees, the roads were snow covered and it was windy. About an hour into the run my leg muscles started to ache. Not from the run, but from the cold. They could not get warmed up enough to work properly. Did I take responsibility for being crazy for running in low temperatures? Nope. I blamed it on mother nature. Doesn't she know that I have already signed up for the marathon and bought the non-refundable tickets to fly to Tampa in a month? How can she get in my way by having winter this week? Don't I play the victim quite well?

So today, I have a 16 mile run planned. I have wised up that most of it needs to be inside because I really will be screwed if I pull something because my muscles can't warm up in the cold. Currently the temp is -4 with the wind chill. They are thinking it might get to 28 by 4 this afternoon which would be plenty warm to run outside, but if I wait until them I will be running in the dark by the time I complete the full 16. The plan is to try and sneak into the school track to do the biggest share, do a short portion outside, and finish up on the dreaded treadmill.

Hopefully, as I practice today's lesson, "I am not the victim of the world I see" I will be able to complete the run with some dignity, and gratitude, and turn it into an adventure rather than simply another reason to bitch about how bad I have things.