Out of touch, but not out of heart............................

Sorry I have not been in and about blog land the last couple of days, but this great weather is taking up lots of my time with activities that I had to put on the shelf all winter.

One of the things I did over the weekend was participate in the annual "Race for the Cure" 5K, Completing the run in 32.32. The event was more like a festival than a race with all kinds of businesses giving out freebies. Had I known, I would have gone earlier and stocked up. I will know for next year. The above picture is after the race. I am with my dear friend ORA, who is a breast cancer survivor of eight years now and going strong.

I have also been spending time planning my youngest's up (and quickly) coming graduation party. I started finding recipes this morning so I can make a shopping list, blah, blah, blah. The party is only 20 days away so I guess it is time to kick it into gear and get moving on it don't ya think?

Time to go change the laundry, decide what to make for dinner, do dishes...Woe is me! Don't you wish you had it so easy?

The latest in "wanting it all".......................

I try hard not to get to political on this blog, because I really do believe that everyone has a right to do what they want to do, as long as they are not doing anybody else harm.

Having said that I MUST speak to something I heard on the Today Show.

They did a segment about a trend that is happening in which moms that are too busy to nurse their babies are paying other women to do the job for them. They actually call it outsource nursing! Are they nuts?

Okay! I nursed my baby. Once (and only one time) I even nursed a friend's baby when he refused to take a bottle and wouldn't stop screaming, but this was an emergency situation I felt(and prior to this time she and I had talked about this so I sorta had her permission).

I agree that breast milk is the perfect food for an infant, and there are many benefits to nursing (for me the number one was convenience. It was faster than fixing and warming a bottle), but these benefits become liabilities (in my opinion) when another woman is supplying the breast milk long term.

Lots of things pass through breast milk. Yes, they screen the wet nurses, but do they do this prior to every feeding? What if the wet nurse decides to binge drink one night after they pass screening? Or eat something that makes baby gassy? Or need to go on pain killers and baby doesn't latch onto the fill-in wet nurse? Or...Fill in the blank.

Lots of studies have been done about the bonding that takes place during the nursing experience. Is it really okay with these moms that this happens with someone else besides them? If it is good to breastfeed to create this bond, is is beneficial then to create a bond that will be broken around age two when nursing stops? Is it beneficial for the WN to try to supply the breast milk without creating the bond? Would that be possible? Is there enough benefit to breast milk (and not the act of breast feeding) to justify the potential separation anxiety and possible long term bonding issues when the relationships ends once baby is weened?

Millions of babies have grown up on formula and in fact done quite well. As much as we try to kid ourselves we cannot have it all. Why do we even think we need to have it all? All (again in my opinion) is one of those words in the same category as never and always. The more one strives to fulfill their meaning of these words, the more they desire and rarely does satisfaction ever arrive. How will these women feel ten years from now in the event that this new trend turns out not to be such a good idea? One can strive all they want and not change the past. The point will come when peace must be made with a choice. Might it not be better to get this out of the way the first year of the kid's life and then move on? Just a thought?

Do I think that these mother's don't care about their babies welfare and are only out for themselves and their best interest? Of course not. I am sure in their minds these mothers are making a good choice for their child. Who am I to say that my way is the only right way? Who am I to make judgements about the way other people raise their kids? I sure didn't want anyone telling me how to raise mine. But are these mom's best intentions going to create worse case scenarios down the road? How do we tell before it is too late?

And now it is your turn. Let me know what you think of this idea. Has anyone reading actually done this practice or know someone that has done it and been happy with it? I really would like to hear other thoughts on the subject. Not so we can choose sides and get into a big debate, but so I might understand the other point of view, because right now, I just don't get it!

20/20 vision intact.........................

If you count the corrective lenses that is. Went to the eye doctor yesterday, and my vision has not changed over the last two years. This is a good thing when you are getting up there in years as I am. JK! I am sure I have a week or two to live yet.

I have been going to this eye doctor for seventeen years, so you might say I have become friends with he and his staff. Going for a visit is like going back to your hometown and having to catch everyone up on the latest happening in your life, as well as hear all about theirs.

I am not sure why (and I didn't realize it until I got in the office), but I was weepy for some reason yesterday. As we were going through the exam, we got on the subject of kids, and that turned to us sharing some of the moments that we felt terrible about (his was a time when he felt his son should have been more aggressive on the field and he didn't talk to him all the way home. Mine was the story of when I was so broke I could only afford one gallon of milk for the kids for the week) and that our children don't even remember. I always cry when I think of that time in my life and this day was no exception.

So, I go back to the waiting room to give my eyes time to dilate and to pass the time I start reading the book I had with me. The title of the book is: Last Rites, Rescuing the end of life from the medical system, and is about dying in today's society. I start reading this (made up) story about one fella who is at the end of a battle with cancer. His best friend from work had been struggling with how to handle everything, afraid to visit, afraid not to. One evening he goes to the guy's house and they end up watching a Celtic's game. The guy shares that one of his life regrets is he never got to see his team play in person. The friend arranges this "last wish" type of surprise and takes his buddy to a game with floor seats, meeting the team, the whole shebang. What a great memory for both of them.

Are you crying? That is a very condensed version of what I was reading, but I was sitting there in the waiting room crying, almost blubbering out loud, it is so touching me. Like I said, this group of people are like family to me. The receptionist simply brought me a box of tissues and let me have my moment. The eye doctor simply reassured me that "No! I had not cried all of the chemicals out and he would be able to finish my exam just fine and then did just that.

Changing subjects, I has a second interview for an additional resident yesterday. Very sweet woman, 94 years old and in really excellent health considering her age. Of course, she would prefer to live in her own apartment (a recent fall is what has sent the family down this road to assisted living) but she figured that our place could end up being the second best thing.

I has talked with the sons and showed them around the day before, and yesterday the son was sharing D/C papers from the hospital with me. I noticed a couple of names written on the paper of other AFCs and I started to go into my spiel about what I knew of the places (had done therapy services at both. I try and get people to visit several places so they have reference points to work off from when considering our home) and one of the son's stopped me in mid-sentence to say, 'Well to be honest, we didn't even consider looking anyplace else after visiting with you yesterday." I was extremely honored by this and told the family so. Do I think this was said because I am so special? Well, maybe a little, but mostly I think it was because of what they observed when they were here the previous day.

I am sure they noticed a cobweb or two, and for sure that the glass shower needed to be cleaned (I finally broke down and bought one of those new gadgets that is suppose to do the work for you but (my) Mister hasn't had time to install it yet. After I showed them around, the phone rang and I left then to chat and check out the family pics on the walls while I talked with another resident' family member. The dogs barked, the cat wandered in, the country music station was on in one room, the TV in another. It was evident that they were in a real home and not a sterile, medically oriented, commercially fabricated place. Seems they liked the way this felt. I believe the homey atmosphere, cobwebs and all, is what really makes our place stand out from the rest. Maybe my skills and sense of humor (not to mention my good looks and charm) help to round out the total package. One can only hope!

Tattling on (my) Mister............................

The man totally cracks me up, and why you might have to have been there to find the funny in the following situations, I can't help but indulge myself and share with all of you.

Sunday, I am in the front yard and (my) Mister was going back and forth between working in the front with me and tending to the needs of the OPs. I suggested to him that he might want to clean up the little buds that fell from the maple tree and were all over the deck, as he could do this and see the OPs at the same time. Last week when I ask him to do this he couldn't because, "They were too wet to sweep." I went on to suggest that he use his little vacuum machine thingy that can either blow or suck stuff like leaves up.

He leaves to do this, and I proceed to go back to picking up pine needles. A few minutes pass and he comes out and says, "vacuuming them up isn't working too good." In typical Patty style, I respond with a "well why not, it should,"without even looking up. (Poor) Mister just turned and went back to the task at hand. Several minutes later, he comes back to the front yard to empty the bag in the yard waste dumpster, and again says (almost apologetically) "It really isn't working too good." I look up, all set to argue with him, and he is head to toe orange. I almost fell off my stool I started laughing so hard. Apparently "it isn't working too well" translated to "the damn thing turns the buds to powder and spits the powder all over me. As I am dying from laughing so hard, my sweet Mister says," I'm glad I can be here for your amusement."

The thing is, he really is happy to be here for me in any way he can. He loves to make me smile and laugh and understands while I am laughing at him, I am not really laughing "at" him.

Like later that evening. Unbelievably we found a few minutes before the sun set to lay in the hammock together. We are laying there, listening to the birds sing, not thinking about anything (or at least I wasn't), when out of the blue, (my) Mister says, 'Damn those (name of company) people." Without a clue as to what he was referring to, I am like ," Hu? What are you talking about?" "You know the job I applied for," he said. "Oh, that."

Without us having four full time residents for some time now, we have not had extra income to apply to our credit card debt, and it is looking like it will be the end of the year instead of our original August deadline before we are debt free. In one of my brilliant strokes of genius I told (my) Mister that one of us really needed to pick up a second job. I went on to share that I wouldn't mind being the one, and I would do it if he wanted me to, but my fear was my families would not be that happy with me going out to work when they were paying me to work for them 24/7 (and NO! this wasn't my sneaking way of getting out of being the one, it is how I think I would feel if I placed my loved one somewhere like our AFC).

So, (my) Mister agreed with me about a second job, and volunteered to be the one to get it. The very next day I found him an ad for a cleaning job, two hours a day, Monday through Friday, that paid $12.00 an hour. He applied, and has never heard anything from the company.

So, back to the hammock... He precedes to tell me their not hiring him was totally, and completely age discrimination. Sorry, but I laughed in his face, and told him how did he know, and that it hadn't been that long since he had applied, maybe they hadn't hired anybody yet. So then he goes into this long explanation of how these companies don't want to hire someone like him, someone "mature and successful." Again I roared with laughter. Don't get me wrong, I agree that (my) Mister is extremely mature and successful, but he was truly offended that this company might not want to hire him. I just didn't get this and told him as much. If it were me that had applied for a second job I would be praying they DIDN'T call as it would just be one more thing to have to fit into my schedule. I would been thrilled to have made the effort to be the hero without actually having to end up taking the job. He is too good of a guy to think this way I guess.

Though I might not say it out loud often enough, I do appreciate the great lengths (my) Mister is willing to go to that I might be taken care of and happy. He does a fabulous job of bringing joy and sunshine to my days, and making me feel like the luckiest woman in the world. Thanks honey! Love you more!

A pretty productive weekend................

Now that the white trash (that would be us, receiving that title from my oldest when she saw that we duct taped the side mirror back on the car, which BTW worked really great in winter, not so hot is summer when the tape got hot, the sticky melted, and the mirror slid back into it broken position) on our street have gotten most of their front yard cleaned up, the neighborhood is looking pretty pretty. The last couple of years a couple of the houses had some sort of lawn disease and the homeowners spent the summer trying to get grass to grow (Grass is so over-rated...that is why we went with bricks), but this year everything is green and healthy looking. There is some kind of camaraderie that happens when you are out in the yard working along side the other homeowners. Except, of course for those die-hard grass guys (who have, in so many words, told me they think I am nuts for not having grass in the front)who cross w-a-y over the line and can't stand to be out-mowed.

One of them happens to be right next door to me (Poor thing)and for years there was another one across the street from him. The second guy moved a couple of years ago, taking the pressure off grass guy number one. Well, now that the grass disease seems to have been conquered, he has a new competitor, right next door to him.

The face off goes something like this...One of the two decide it is time to mow the lawn. You can put money (lots of money) on the fact that within ten minutes (given the fact that the other guy is home at the time) he will start his mower and be out there. Doesn't matter if he had just mowed. Doesn't matter if they have company (like guy #1 did yesterday). It is like watching Pavlov's dog experiment only with the sound of a lawnmower instead of a bell!

I find this very entertaining (doesn't take much to amuse me), and wish I could find a betting pool I could cash in on. I would be a rich, rich woman! Just because I don't understand the need for a perfectly manicured lawn, doesn't mean I can't be happy for them, and I am sure it isn't hurting the property value in the neighborhood. Wouldn't want them taking that position away from me now would I?

I ended up putting close to fourteen hours into the front yard over the weekend, and that doesn't include my youngest's two hours and the several hours (my) Mister put in. He didn't work as consistently as I did, because he got the fun job of checking on the OPs because I am a much more efficient weeder than he is (not to mention picky, so doing more myself means having to go over less that he did to get right, IE.. how I want it). I am estimating that another eight hours should finish up the job. The good news is the rubber wood chips we put down last year are doing a great job and there are very few weeds coming up. Once all the dead leaves and pine needles are removed (have a shared how MUCH I hate the neighbors pine tree? Thought so) I think it will be an easy up-keep this summer.

After doing the yard yesterday, and running a couple of miles, I got cleaned up and relaxed in front of TV to watch some of the shows that I taped last week.

One of the shows was the latest ER. Part of it was about a guy with Alzheimer's. His son is brought into the ER with congestive heart failure. They get hold of the father and he is in the room when his son dies. A bit later in the show they go in to tell the man they have found a place for him to stay (he had been living with the son and it is apparent that he can not live on his own) and the poor man has no memory of having just watched his son die. They tell him again, and a third time. Finally, the fourth time he begins to talk about needing to go home as his son will be worried about him, Luca begins to talk appropriately to him. He doesn't lie to the man, but focuses his words to comfort and reassure the man that his son wants the best for him and right now it is to go to this new place. The guy says something about the son being able to find him so they can have dinner together and Luca says something to the effect that he is sure the son will know where his father is. By this time I was cheering out loud. When dealing with someone with Alzheimer's, it is imperative that you enter their world not try to orient them to yours. The show demonstrated this beautifully, and we so need education on this subject.

And now the other lesson. If your parents are getting on in years are they prepared in the event something happens to you? In this story (which is often true in real life) the son was the guardian, DPA, everything, and there was no other family. Upon his death, the father was not only homeless, but penniless. The son's estate would be tied up in probate for a year, and in the meantime who was to look out for this man that could no longer look out for himself. The show had a parallel story about a young boy that ended up needing foster care and at one point the social worker made the statement, "It is easy to find foster care for a child, for the older man it is almost impossible." Those are the facts people. As a society we get that children can need to be taken care of or watched over if something happens to their family, but once we become adults it is just assumed (WRONGLY) that we will always be taking care of ourselves. It is believed that everyone is out there doing the things that need doing to assure they will be taken care of if the time comes. This father and son thought they had done so, but they didn't factor in the son's death.

Most of us do not want to think about death, specially ours or a loved ones, but I want you to consider that you are not doing anybody any favors by ignoring the fact that everyone dies, and not only when they have had a long happy life. If you happen to be an only child, make sure you find a second person to step in if you are unable to do so. If you are the sibling in charge, keep the others up to speed, and legally able to step in so mom and dad continue to have their needs met first and foremost. If you know a neighbor that is in need of help, risk being nosy and make sure they have things covered.

Turning fifty this fall, I can tell you first hand, old age (not that fifty is old, but wasn't I just going to the prom the other day?) creeps up on you and you don't see it coming. From talking with many clients I have learned that it is a very real possibility that one day you can manage your own shopping and laundry and then, just like that, you can't make it up and down stairs. Then, because none of us want to admit we need help, you spend all your energy covering up the facts and our needs go un-met. It is only the lucky ones that are "found out" before some negative event happens. Check on your loved ones, and get those legal papers in order...Theirs AND yours!

Okay! I'm stepping off the soap box now...enjoy your day!

Much more than expected..........................

The weather has taken a turn for the fabulous, just when I thought our extended winter was going to last forever. I am getting so hopeful that winter is finally over that I am thinking about moving my big plants out onto the deck, their first transition home towards their final summer home out in the yard, on the patio. What is my point? I have been back to gardening instead of blogging. Don't ask me why I didn't just say that? My only answer is I am more of a War and Peace kind of story teller instead of a Reader's Digest Condensed Book one.

If you read my previous post, you know I was/am looking for runners for the team I am putting together to pace me and celebrate with me as I run my first marathon to celebrate turning fifty. Well, turns out I got much more than a member for my team, I got a full fledged partner.
Random has signed on to run the full 26.2 with me. Isn't that terrific! She is turning thirty around the same time I am turning fifty, so we are going to have a blow-out birthday bash compliments of the Detroit Marathon! We are both very excited and ready to get out there and log the miles necessary to complete the race. Do you know how great of shape we are going to be in six months from now, when we cross that finish line? BTW, there is still one, possibly two spots left on the team if anyone else wants to join us.

Well, I need to go wake my youngest up and get her going. She has committed to helping me with the front yard for a couple of hours. Ya, she is a great kid, but the real reason she is helping me is because she wants to earn extra money so she can go tanning to get rid of the tan lines she acquired at her track meet yesterday so she doesn't have a funky tan in her prom dress. Prom is less than two weeks away so she is getting desperate enough for extra cash that weeding has suddenly become tolerable, if not appealing. I tell you parents, this commission idea is one of the greatest things ever invented!

Volunteers needed..........................

I think I have mentioned in the past that I plan to celebrate turning fifty this fall by running my first, full marathon. I received some info on a sort of local race that is being held on October 21. The really cool and exciting part is that in addition to the marathon, and the half distance, they have a relay marathon made up of teams of five people. with each person on the team doing a portion of the 26.2 distance. So...This is my plan...

I will do is the full marathon, but have a five member relay team that will break up the distance and run with me to be my running buddy. Having a partner to run with will keep me going, especially at the end when I am tired and am wondering if I will see the finish line. It will also be great to be celebrating each and every step towards the finish line with someone that is special to me.

If you would like to be a part of this fabulous opportunity let me know soon as the relay and half-marathon slots are said to fill up fast. (my) Mister and my youngest have already claimed two of the spots (if truth be told, (my) Mister semi-reluctantly let himself be talked into it after I assured him it was all I wanted from him for my birthday. He sooooo wishes I could be like other wives and want something store-bought!) That leaves three positions currently available though I am sure they will go fast because of the fact that I am so loved and so many people are just going to be dying to celebrate with me. Will you get to be one of the lucky ones? Maybe we will end up having to draw straws? Anyone out there know how to draw straws cyber style?