P.S................................

You may or may not remember my post (July 2, 2006) about a day in the life of one of our resident's; feel free to stop reading this and refresh your memory. The important thing to remember is that she LOVED to be pampered and well groomed. Why is this important? Keep reading and you will see......

The resident that I wrote about passed away yesterday. She had been declining, but she was not showing all the signs that her time was that close. Yesterday, the Hospice aide came to give her a bed bath, and brought with her this really cool "shampoo cap" that allowed the resident to have her hair washed in bed. After the resident was cleaned and lotioned from head to toe, I rolled her hair and put on her perfume. Even though she really wasn't talking any longer I could sense her appreciation for this care.

The nurse arrived to check her out medically, and agreed that she was in the active stages of dying, but death did not apprear imminent. I called her son and gave him a report and after the nurse went, I went in took out her rollers, fixed her hair and make-up, and gave her a splash more of her favorite Channel #5 perfume. She looked very at peace, and very comfortable, even with an oxygen tube in her nose.

After I got her settled, I gathered up the stuff to clean my youngest's knee wound that she sustained during a wipe-out at cross country practice. I had to make two trips from the closet to the sofa (a distance of about twelve feet) because I forgot to grab something, but still this took less than a minute. I sat down and removed the old dressing (maybe another thirty seconds) and somthing told me to check on the resident before beginning. I went into her room, and she did not appear to be breathing. (When I had left the room a couple of minutes prior, you could hear her breathing, as well as see her chest moving as breathing had become an effort for her.) I checked for a pulse, could find none, nor hear a heart beat with a stethescope. She had gone home.

There is no way to say for certain that she was waiting to have her hair done before passing, or that she wanted to hurry up and go meet Jesus while she looked good. AND please don't think I am making light of any of this; I find it truly amazing! I just feel, that for whatever reason, she picked the exact time of her death, and was totally in charge of her ending. Not that I disbelieve that God is fully in charge of the plan for our lives, but that within that plan he has given us free-will choice, and this is what she was exercising with her timing yesterday. What are your thoughts on this subject?

I know I have said it before, but I feel fortunate to have been a part of this sacred time in a person's life, and blessed that I have been given the ability and support to care for others in this transitional part of life. I use the words transitional because I fully believe that while death is an ending of sorts, it is really just a beginning of the next stage of our lives. I would love to hear your thoughts on that idea as well.

HELP! I'm busy, and it's not letting up.....................................

Subtitle: off to a poor start.............................

I don't think I have shared with all of you, but my oldest and I have decided on our next race and I am very excited about it. We are going to be running another half-marathon, during Mardi Gras, in New Orleans! In case anyone wants to join us, the race is being held Sunday, February 25, 2007.

Yesterday was the first day of my official training program for the race. My goals had been established, were reasonable and measurable, and I was pumped. Some of my goals included eating breakfast by 9:00 in the morning, eating at least three meals a day, streaching, and core body work, lifting weights and of course a running schedule. To keep me on track, I also wrote down that if I had not done any stretching or core work by 10:00 in the morning, I was to stop and do some. Well............................

I will spare you the details of my morning yesterday, but I finally grabbed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at 1:30 in the afternoon. First day and I had already failed right? Wrong! I can only fail if I think I failed. I did get out and run my scheduled four miles, and I did have only one sugar treat, and didn't eat after nine at night. (Two of my other goals.)

The biggest reason I didn't fail is because I didn't entertain that thought. I have entertained that thought, thousands of times over my life span. I have gone crazy over a new program/project/diet, only to loose motivation, put the program/project/diet on the shelf, and beat myself up because I couldn't hang in there. Guess who that helped? That's right! No one!

Now that I love myself more, I am able to forgive myself for being less than perfect. I was able to look at my entire plan, my entire day, and realistically assess that I had done pretty well for the first day, considering the morning I had. What this has done is motivate me to hang in there and do better because I know I can. Do better because it will get easier with time. Do better, because I have everything within me that I need to reach my goals. Do better to motivate and help others do what ever they are working on better. None of this would be possible if I simply quit, which is ALWAYS an option.

Have I weathered the storm? Will it be smooth sailing from here on? Of course not. That is where the "riding of the wave of life" comes in. (And I promise that I will still post that blog, I just needed to post this one right now.) All I know is that each day we are given can be a day or promise, a day of hope, a day of change. All we have to do is never give up, and always look for possibilities. The more we look for possibility, the easier it will get to identify them. Today is a new day. Please join me in making the most of it, and living it to the fullest.

Some whine without the cheese..... Remember, I gave that up..................

Yesterday, I had an idea for a good post about "riding the wave of life." Unfortunately, I was too busy riding my own personal wave to take the time to write it down. Now I am finding myself with the morning half over and a bunch of stuff to still get done.

My goal is to post over the weekend, but my respite resident is coming this weekend, and my youngest is going to be gone on a cross country camping trip with her team. If you don't hear from me, this is my excuse. Hopefully the litte teaser above will interest you enough that you will keep checking back.

Until then, spend the spare time that you would devote to reading my blog on decorating your imaginary surfboard.

Once again......It's all about me............................

I have been tagged by Has To Be Me.
This might end up being a lesson in "I" messages. You might even learn a thing or two about me that you didn't know before. Here goes.....


I am thinking about: The decline that my resident has taken, and praying for a peaceful ending for her and her family.

I said: "Can you hear me now," (when using my Nextel direct connect phone) LONG BEFORE Verizon (or whatever phone company it was that) stole the line from me for their comercials.

I want: It all; world peace, happiness, and prosperity for all. (And I don't mean money.)

I wish: See my "want." I could make time stand still when I am having a really perfect, wonderful moment.

I miss: Extra sharp cheddar cheese.

I hear: Dave Ramsey giving advice, with a WWII movie playing in the background.

I wonder: About all kinds of things, mostly who, what, where, and when regarding all of my tomorrows. Note I didn't say why.

I regret: All the times I insisted on being right. I am sure I missed out on a great amount of learning by insisting I was right and knew everything there was to know on a subject.

I am not sure: What I am not sure about. I pretty much am always clear on what I am thinking, feeling, doing. Oops! See "regret" above. Maybe, I am not sure when to charge ahead, and when to step back and listen. Do you think?

I am: A runner. And just to make sure everyone knows this, while I am running I am constantly saying as loud as possible (depending how out of breath I am from the run),"I am a runner."

I dance: When I am standing at the starting line, waiting for the race to begin, and I start my Ipod playing so I am set and ready to run. Once in awhile, I share one of the earplugs with my daughter and she joins me for a few seconds. Now there is someone that can dance!

I am happy: When I feel that my loved ones are happy and well cared for.

I sing: Often. I am one of those people that know one line from every song ever written, but never the whole thing. Always when I am running and need to get my mind off of the pain of the moment, or how far I still have to go. I also started singing Karaoke about three years ago as a public act of bravery.

I cry: When I am angry. I also cry when watching the movies, Terms of Enderment, and Boys on the Side. Heck, I don't have to watch the movie......... I start crying at the opening credits.

I am not: A quiter.

I make with my hands: Food, clothing, knitted items, scrap books, sometimes, a BIG mess.

I write: To cheer myself and others. Because I have something to say. As a creative outlet.

I confuse: Needs with wants.

I need to be: Needed.

I should: Take the plunge and trade in the word should for desire to, one hundred percent of the time. In that case, I desire to do way too many things to list, but run a marathon in Hawaii to celebrate my fiftieth birthday (a year from October), be debt free (and scream that fact on air on the Dave Ramsey show), and live to be a hundred and six (from all the running don't you know), are high on the list, and will give you some idea of my desires.

I finish: What I start. And all those projects (including a needlework one that I started when I was pregnant with my twenty-seven year old) are included as I am not dead yet. I am planning ahead for activities for retirement. Another way to look at this is once you have all the value you can get out of something, you can be finished without the something being complete. AND, if you got the logic in that last sentence, I challenge you to take on this tag and share some "I" statements with the rest of us.

If you don't like something change it.............................

My daughter passes her Runner's World magazines on to me when she finishes with them. One recent one was a celebration on the magazine being forty years old. Forty years ago, someone like me would definitely not be considered a runner. Heck, back then, women were not even ALLOWED to participate in road races. (The men were probably scared we would beat them!) Running was definitely a distance thing, a "macho" thing, all about the competion. From that perpective, no wonder there were few participants. Lucky for the rest of us, all that has changed over the years.

Road races are common place events, that not only drag thousands of people out of bed on the weekend, but raise thousands of dollars for great causes. Many a regular Joe and Jill participate, not to win first place, but to celebrate the feeling of movement, the sense of accomplishment that showing up at the start line give you. My hat is off to all that came before me to change the focus of the sport, that has come to give me so many great experiences.

Is there something in your world that you find facinating, but feel excluded from? Something you feel in your gut is exactly what you need? I feel a Jana song coming on.......... The words are, "Let the change begin, let the change begin, let the change begin.......... WITHIN."

Many of the things we long for really are ours for the taking, if we want them bad enough. Yes! I know there are some of you that read this that have physical problems that keep you from your hearts desires. Interestingly enough, you are the ones that never complain, and fill your days serving others. I am talking about those of us that like to whine and complain, but never really stop to ask what WE can to do to elicit change. If nothing else, the one thing that is always within our power to change is our attitude.

Over the years, I have tried to implement a "shut up, or put up" philosophy. If I wasn 't going to do something about my weight, stop bemoning the fact that I was fat. If I wasn't going to lose weight and get in shape, pain WAS going to be my daily companion. If I wasn't going to get involved in the cause for caring for the elderly, then stop complaining about their available living choices. If I didn't vote, I didn't have the right to bitch about my govermental leaders.

Ask yourself what you are putting up with, that you could do something about. Not over night, maybe not over the next year, but over time. Maybe like Runner's World, over the next forty years. When I am out running and tired, I sometimes say to myself (or out loud), "One step, one step, one step." That is all it takes................. A first step, and then another, and another, and before you know it everything has changed for the better. Take the first step today, and let me know what changes.

It's so nice to be needed...............................

And also why I have not posted over the weekend. I am sure you regular readers already guessed this. My respite resident was here, and one of my Hospice residents has taken a decline, so I have actually been having to work. But that is really not what I was refering to in the above caption.

Yesterday, midmorning, my oldest daughter called me and told me that she was feeling down because all she had been doing was working and feeling too tired at night to go for her runs. After explaining to her (yet again) that she needed to set limits at work, because what corporation wasn't going to let one of their workers do just as much as they could possibly do? (I have never heard of one, have you?) I raised a MAJOR over achiever with that one. Must be something to that first born thing after all?

Anyway, our conversation got around to what she could do to motivate her to stick with her running goals. My daughter graduated in the top five of her college graduating class. One time when I was telling her how proud I was of her she replied, "Mom, if you could go back to school with three kids and graduate with high honors, how could I not do at least as good when all I had to do was go to school?" I mentioned this to her and ask her if she could use the same sort of thing now. If I could manage to get out and run with all the folks I am caring for AND having to pay hard earned money for the privilege, she could manage to get out and run after work. Guess what she told me?

That she used to do exactly that, use me to motivate her. But now that I have been running consistently, she consideres me an athlete and it is just normal for me to figure out a way to fit in my running. I don't think I have gotten a better compliment in some time. Me? An athlete? WOW!

We moved onto discussing other options, and then after a few more minutes she told me she was feeling motivated and was going to go out and get in her run. I told her I would call her back later to see how she did. When I did, she reported that she had ran six miles felt great while running, and then came back and mowed her lawn. Am I good or what? Maybe my next career could be that of a motivational speaker. Let's get fired up!

Losing a super support..............................

Yesterday, my youngest got more paperwork from school. The lastest idea is to have the children arrive as scheduled on August thirtieth to pick up class schedules and get their picture taken. As my daughter is scheduled to work all day that day, she went over to the school to find out what she should do. She was told that they had yet to come up with an alternate plan for student's unable to get in that day.

I got on the phone to express my displeasure at their lack of planning with the principal, but of course he was on the other line. Though I can't prove it, I think the administration has figured out a way to circumvent my phone calls to a special phone. When this phone rings, the entire office has strict instuctions "that the principal, vice-principal, and a certain sellect group of teachers are "on the other line, and would I like to leave a message on their voice mail." They really don't want me leaving them a message on their voice mail, but I refrain from sharing this and state that I will call back.

About half way through last year, I discovered my own secret weapon to get around the phone system. I ask to speak to my daughter's guidance counselor. If she is not at her desk, she always gets back to me in a timely manner.

With permission I share with you that last year my youngest was going through some rough emotional times having to do with her absentee father. Before she figured out a way to talk about it, she tried what she had heard other girls did....... Cutting. Only she used her car key to dig her skin until it was raw and bleeding. Yes! I noticed, and yes she lied about having scapped the site or injured it while falling during a run. After the second time, one of her friends ratted her out to this counselor, and the counselor took her under wing and gave her a place to talk. In addition to that I forced her to go to the outside counselor that I had been suggesting she go to because she seemed to be sad and withdrawn but she kept insisting she was fine. I also told her in no uncertain terms is she continued to harm herself, I would take away her weapon of choice, her car keys. Might sound like tough love, but after she confessed what she was doing, there was only one set-back where she did it again. When she got the keys back after that time she was more respectful of their proper use.

I bring this up as background so you can understand the value that the school counselor was to both my youngest and I. She was a safe haven for my daughter, and an extra set of eyes and ears for me. When I couldn't get the principal yesterday, I ask to speak to her. After she told us what to do about getting the schedule, she shared with me that she was taking a new job at the college level and would not be working at my daughter's school this coming year. Since, in our state, one does not know from year to year if they will continue to have a job, I can't blame her for moving on. I am just fearful of the unknown, (I know so what else is new!) and about who they might hire to fill her role.

I also wanted to take the time to give her a big thank you and an even bigger (cyber) hug, for doing her job, and doing it so very well. It is not always the easy to work with teens, let alone earn their respect to the point that they will listen to what you have to say, and to the things you have to teach them. I think that she had two really important things going for her. One, she really respected the students that she worked with, and two, she really liked her job and wanted to make a difference in the world through her job. Both things served her well, and will continue to serve her in all of her future endevors. Best wishes Ms. ______, we will miss you!