PATTY'S PERSPECTIVE........................

2011-07-10T17:57:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone

If any of you are still following this after a year of absence that is.

Wanted to let you know that I have started a new blog that is located at: http://lifeandtimesofonevolunteercoordinator.blogspot.com/

It is about my new job as a volunteer coordinator of the hospice company I talked so much about in this blog. So, if you have been wondering what I have been up to, come on over to my new blog and see.

Many blessings to you all!

2010-05-07T05:43:00.002-05:00

Big dog little dog..............

I have discovered an off-leash dog park near my home and I love to take my year old Yorkie there to play. It is not going as well as I would like.

When I first took her I knew that there would be an adjustment period so my "tough love" parenting style kicked in and I told her "we were coming every day for two weeks until you learned to like it!" She did okay with the smaller dogs, but as soon as the big dogs came over she would snap and bite at them and then cling tight to my leg. Anyone have any ideas about how to deal with separation anxiety in dogs?

Finally the day came when she met the right dog and they actually played together. I can't tell you how much joy this brought to my heart. I probably looked pretty foolish standing in the woods trying to snap pictures with my cell phone as they circled around one another, but this was a huge deal to me.

Why do I care that a strange dog likes my dog? Though it makes no rational sense what so ever the feelings really were akin to wanting my kids to have friends to play with when they were growing up. I want her to be liked by each and every dog she encounters so her self-esteem (not to mention mine) doesn't suffer.

Going to the dog park I get first hand experience of the idea that one is either a small dog person or a big dog person. Some big dog people can be rude to the point of commenting, "Come this way Duke. I am not in the mood to deal with a little yippie dog today." And this before Bekeeni even gets close enough to sniff Duke's ankle (His ankle being as high as her nose will reach). Most big dog people simply ignore us, as if we are not important enough to even comment on.

I can't decide which is worse!

Having said this, I have to confess that it is not my favorite thing to be approached by a soaking wet, sandy dog and have him/her shake out their coat and them proceed to jump up on my in greeting leaving muddy paw streaks behind. As I learned never to wear white around a toddler, I have learned never to wear clothes I care about to the dog park (like I really care about my clothes we're really talking about shoes here folks).

So are big and/or little dog people born that way or is it environmental? I maintain I am a little dog person because I have always had home businesses and it is much safer for a little dog to jump on someone than a big dog. Shouldn't all dogs be trained not to jump up on people (Ya! Right! That's never gonna happen around here, try as I might)? Truth be told, my belief is, "The bigger the dog, the bigger the mess." Shame on me... Something else for me to work on I guess. What about you? Do you have a preference? Why?

2010-05-05T06:06:00.004-05:00

"Don't come from your history, come from your imagination"........

This is a quote that came my way several days ago that rings very true for me. When I was in foster care, the one thing I was sure of was how I DID NOT want to parent. Shortly after I married I spent time with a woman that had two small children and it was easy to imagine mothering my kids just as she mothered hers. When I shared with her how she was my role model she expressed thoughts of feeling like she didn't do that good of job as a parent. Proof positive we all have our own perspective about joint experiences, and we take what we need, the way we need it from those experiences.

Most of us have graduated from the school of hard knocks. Some of us have had a few refresher courses over the years. In these cases if we approach life from our history it may limit the fullness of our lives. If we choose to overlook a negative past experience and imagine the best possible outcome, we stand a good chance of having just that. After all, what do we have to lose?

So what is the history that you hide behind? How do you let yourself off the hook because of something horrible that happened in the past? What is it causing you to miss out on in the present? Think about it...

2009-03-26T18:33:00.003-05:00

Light and love......................................

Earlier this week I had to take one of my resident's for a post hip surgery visit to the surgeon's office. I take her as her family moved to another state for employment but with her dementia deemed it better to leave her in a familiar environment until they are sure of their plans. I explained this to the surgeons office, that it wasn't as simple as making an appointment, and I would need to mail the info paperwork to the son and he would fill it out and return it to them. The only thing the person on the phone could focus on was that my resident needed to get into the doctor for her checkup yesterday.

Of course she and I arrived at the appointment, and upon going to the window and explaining (again) why I didn't have the paperwork with me (and God forbid, the all important insurance card. The numbers just aren't acceptable) I was told that without the paperwork she would not be able to be seen today and we would have to make another appointment.

I was not mean or aggressive, I did not yell or make any funny faces. I calmly told this woman that yes they were going to see my resident today and if not I would not be bringing her back. The girl started in again about policy, blah, blah, and I interrupted to ask what she would like me to do? Of course she didn't have a clue so she had to go get another person to tell me that answer.

This woman was far worse than the first one and began berating me for coming in without the paperwork. I calmly told her that the best I could do was give her the son's number and she needed to figure out how to get the info from him. After giving her the number I went and had a seat. A few moments later I heard girl number one saying, You can speak to her in a moment, first I need this information." At that point I went back up to the window so that I would be ready to take the phone. Girl number two in on fire by this time and lashes out at me that I would just need to be patient. I replied (in my sweetest voice possible) that I was not aware of being impatient with anyone, and she spat back at me, "Well you are!" Dumping a bit more syrup on my voice I replied, "I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me." She said nothing so I ask for her forgiveness twice more until she finally granted it to me. Then I ask if she would like me to go sit down until the son was ready to speak to me. She mumbled no so I stayed there. Then it occurred to me that I had a great opportunity for a little love experiment.

As I stood there I kept repeating to myself (but directing the words to her soul), "light and love, light and love, light and love." Outwardly she didn't change one bit, but after I talked with the son (who was upset because he had barely time to fill out the papers let alone return them. Knowing they were listening I calmly told him, "_____, we are doing the best we can to take care of your mom. I explained the issue of you being in another state, and you and I can only do what we can do. It is not your fault that much of the information was lost in your mother's head. You can only know what you know. If she is seen today, fine, if she is not seen today she will still be fine and that is our only concern.") I handed the phone back at the end of our conversation and ask girl number two if there was anything else she needed from me. She smiled at least a full half smile and said, "No." And then added, "Thank you for your help." It was all I could do not to snap my head around to see where the ventriloquist was hiding. Those words could not have come out of her mouth!

But of course they could because I bypassed her ego and saluted her soul and that was who was answering me at the end of the conversation. Made me smile for some time after the encounter.

Of course it did not keep me from discussing the behavior of the office staff with the surgeon. I told him that I had much respect for his work and I thought he was not only nice but kinda cute, but I would never come and see him if I needed surgeon after what I had just been through since I deal with him for about five minutes and the rest of the staff the remainder of my visit.

Since I did not speak with anger or nastiness, he took my feelings seriously. After we discussed my patient and he found out my background and we had a little bonding moment over a person he did surgery on and I saw for home care, he again reiterated that we would talk to the staff and explain how he would like things handled.

At the end of the visit he told me he would like to see her again in six weeks, glanced at my resident, and changed it to eight weeks. I think he got a glimmer of how difficult it is for her to go out and have to deal with a different environment and strangers. I told him that I would bring her back unless she was on hospice care (which she probably will be) and in that case I would not be bringing her back. He told me he understood and thanked me for letting him know. How hard was that human to human exchange? NOT!

What about you guys? Any horror stories along this vein that you would like to share?

2009-03-23T05:45:00.002-05:00

Does this mean I am a square?.............................

I went rug shopping yesterday, first to Sam's Club and then to Wall mart. I ended up finding the perfect rugs for my laundry/work-out/work room (otherwise known as stage two of the basement re-do). Then I found new rugs for my kitchen. I have to be careful about throw rugs with the OPs, but they are not allowed in the kitchen and so I get to have them there. The other rugs were a couple of years old and looked like it. Anyway, I found some reasonably priced rugs that I really liked and when I got up to the check out discovered that they were half price so I went back and got two more. This morning, as I was pouring my coffee and admiring my new rugs it occurred to me that the pattern was squares (I have never been a floral person, and fruit in the kitchen has never appealed to me either), just like the new pillows (I purchased for the new paint job in the living room) have a square pattern. Do you think this is the start of a geometric stage or am I simply a square? Regardless, I like them and they make me feel happy and contented.

So, in my work-out room (my) Mister made me a board that holds all of my free weights. For whatever reason I only had one 1 pounder and one 4 pounder. I am sure that I used them for a client and never got them back, and I really can't see me using the 1 pounders but the display wouldn't be complete without them. We went to get some of that rubber flooring that they use in gyms and I found one 4 pound weight but they didn't have a match. I could have used two different colored ones but yes, I AM that anal about those kind of things. They had these blue ones that had most of the rubber coating "chewed" off (his word not mine) and I figured I could remove the rest of it and have a matching pair. So I ask the salesperson how much of a discount he would give me for taking them off his hands? He said 50%. I countered with 75% since I would be spending money in his store that day ("enough actually that you should give them to me for free but I understand why you cannot do that" was the full sentence). He ask me how much and when I told him I was getting three containers of flooring at $49.95 each he gave me the (originally $8.00) weights 75% off. I still felt like I had gotten a deal which just goes to show that we can make ourselves believe anything we want to. When I got home, I was admiring all my free weights lined up in order of size when I noticed that I don't have any 6 pounders. How can that be? It is too much of a jump to go from 5 to 8 (I THINK I can live without 7 pounders) so now I won't feel complete until I add those to my collection. And of course I can't start my new program until I have the room finished and everything complete because, well, just because. But when I do there will be no more excuses!

One question (and I know you know the answer to this Maria) and then I must go start my day. Is is too early to start seeds inside? I found this little plastic greenhouse a few years ago ridiculously cheap and I have always been going to grow my own plants from seeds. This year I have actually purchased the seeds, pots and started dirt which is farther than I ever got in years gone by. Now I just need to know when to start the seeds. We really can't set things out for good until mid-late May, maybe early June in my area without danger of a late season frost. If I plant them now (which is what I want to do) will they wither away in my greenhouse before I can put them in the ground?

Well, that was actually two questions, but if anyone can help me out with the answers I would greatly appreciate it.

2009-03-12T06:29:00.002-05:00

Goodbye blister............................

I removed the dead skin (old blister) from my foot two nights ago (it healed nicely) so I decided it was time to post, however short, to get the pic off the top of my blog. I also get that as much as I love wounds not everyone gets into them and having that be the first thing people see might be a bit off-setting.

I feel like the last two weeks have been another marathon. I have been doing home care for long enough now that the patients I first saw are getting sick and going back on caseload. Of course they want me to come back and work with them (I am that good:)!) and of course I can't say no to them so I have had double the people I normally see. That will end next week and with luck so will the yucky weather so I can pick my training back up in above freezing temperatures. That will be nice.

The next step of our basement remodel is about finished and it is time to purge the final room and get started on turning it into a media room. Does anyone need a good double bed mattress? I have decided that I don't need to store it for several more years and if I ever completely close the business I can sell the four Temperpedic twin beds and buy a new mattress to set up a guest room. I also have to make a decision about all the Tupperware and crap like that I have that I use once or twice a year and am tired of storing. I totally know that if I get rid of it I will be upset at some point in time, but it takes up so much space. One would think I could improvise with something else, and I am really hoping that my desire to reduce my material possessions will win out over my desire to own the perfect cooking tools. Or non-cooking tool. Do you know how many things are sold to prepare raw foods (blender, juicer, food processor, dehydrator, mandolin, just to name a few).

Hope all is well with you. I have not had much time to check blogs and see how everyone is doing, but know I think of you often. Take good care.

2009-03-05T06:59:00.002-05:00

Race update......................................................

This is a little souvenir that I brought home from my 26.2

I first noticed it somewhere around mile six or eight and when I changed my clothes to head to the airport (in the hotel bathroom since we couldn't get a late check out) I decided it was a good idea just to leave on the shoes since I could walk on it okay. When we went through security and I had to take off my shoes I didn't see any blood on my sock so I opted to look and was sweetly rewarded with that yucky looking thing. It was intact, remains so, and is reabsorbing nicely so no harm no foul. I always loose a toenail (I think I might loose two this time) but never a blister like this and I am totally blaming it on Asics for not making my shoe any longer and having to go up to their "improved" version of that. I will adjust.

But the race was great! I started out so strong from all the winter training and finished my first ten miles in two hours, and sixteen miles in about three in a half hours. That is a really good time for me. About an hour and a half into the race it started to rain and did so for the next few hours. Again, because of the conditions I had been training in the rain and wind didn't bother me a bit. Who would have thought sub-zero conditions could be a blessing?

After mile sixteen things get a little blurry for me. The race was an out and back course and I kept waiting for the turn around. Waiting and waiting. Finally I saw the end of the road! Only to find out that the course turned and then went into this park thing and around a lake. I will admit it, I broke down a little at that point. The poor boy at the water station. "Would you like a drink?" Teary eyed me, "No thanks, I just need a moment." So on I trudged, gave myself a little pep talk and kept going. When I emerged from the park I knew I was close to mile 20 and I had this vision of the movie the Wizard of Oz when they run out of the poppy fields and can see the Emerald city in the far distance. This vision gave me some stamina back and I was able to pick up my pace for a bit.

Around mile 22 the bowl issues began (which is one mile later than the last marathon) and this slowed me down for the next couple of miles. The last two miles I have no excuse... I was just tired and moved slow. But moved I did and finished the race in just over six hours. Since coming home I have not had a chance to look up my official time so I can't share. I still knocked a good 15 minutes off my first marathon time and am very proud of that fact.

The day after the marathon I had planned to take off and lay around. As it turned out I ended up working (outside the house) a 12 hour day. I am sure some of my PT patients thought I was the one in need of therapy as I could hardly walk, but in retrospect I am sure the day did me good and by yesterday I was walking normal and all the soreness was gone.

And I am already thinking about my next one!

2009-02-16T06:52:00.002-05:00

Prayer/Positive thoughts anyone?.............................

With the 26 (.2) mile race fast approaching I thought I would find out if anyone would like me to run a mile for them?

Just let me know if you have a prayer request, as specific or vague as you like, or if you just want me to send you love and positive vibes for one of my miles.

The race is March 1, 2009, so let me know before then.

2009-02-10T07:24:00.002-05:00

I am blessed..................................

It is always good to follow a complaining post with a gratitude post, and the last week I am encountered things that make me extremely grateful for my health. I am having an impossible time putting myself in the shoes of the people I am about to share about...

Nancy is a blogger friend that discovered a love of running in spite of it being painful for her almost from the beginning. She recently found out that her body has betrayed her with some funky OVER flexibility thing. In her own words:

I am so damn freakishly flexible that my bones rattle around in the joints and just bang the $hit out of each other. To the point of injury. This injury is usually caused by tackling or falling down, but some people that are really flexible can get it from repetitive motion.

The reality is I really am a Nonrunner. My body was never made for running. I have too much flexibility, not enough control and my bones are beating up on each other simply from running.

I can remember the freak-out I had at the thought of missing one race when I fractured my wrist. I can't imagine how I would feel being told I had to hang up my running shoes in order to save my bones.

Last night I was with a woman who has ALS. While I was visiting she received a return phone call about getting a machine that would talk for her once the time comes that her muscles deteriorate to the point that she is no longer able speak on her own. Imagine dealing with that notion. How does one even begin to get their mind around the fact that your muscles will slowly deteriorate until you are paralyzed, one body part at a time? And, as of yet their is no cure, nothing one can do to prevent it from happening.

My last example is about a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer just before Christmas. She has already had surgery to remove the mass and is in the middle of chemo treatments. Yesterday she went to the area cancer center for a "make over." She was expecting a talk about makeup and being pampered with someone doing her makeup for her. What happen was she got (a very beneficial) talk about how to prevent infection when applying makeup because once on Chemo one has no ability what so ever to fight infections of any kind. In addition to the lecture she got the (dis) pleasure of sitting by two very scared, very angry women. One of them was there for her second go round with cancer and felt the need to tell everyone around her that "just when you think you are cured it comes back."

So here is this woman, full of hope and feeling in control of her personal situation, thinking that she is going in to be pampered and get her mind off her disease for a while, to instead have the full reality of it smashed in her face. What would you do? I imagine the least I would do is to tell the woman to shut the ___ up. This woman said she wanted to tell those woman that dealing with cancer was not the worst thing in the world. How did she know that? Because several years ago she lost a child and losing a child is far worse than losing a breast, and/or fighting for your own life. She went on to say that she chose to be quiet out of respect for their feelings. That folks is a fine example of grace!

So what do I do? I run. I run to help myself buy into the idea that I can outrun my family history of cancer, stroke, and heart attack. I run to convince myself that it is possible to live life as a healthy old person instead of a frail old person. I run because it relieves my stress and they say that stress is the number one cause of disease.

I run.

Because I can.

2009-02-06T06:45:00.003-05:00

Confessions of a rotten wife......................................

Most people send out Christmas cards and often an update of what is happening in their family. Years ago I started sending a Valentines letter instead as it is my favorite holiday and I figured all my friends/family could use a little mid-winter cheer.

Several days back I set down and wrote my portion of our family letter. As my children have grown they have taken over writing their own updates.

In my letter I talked about my business changes, my running, and the changes in our pet population. It was at the point that I was re-reading for errors that I realized I had no mention of (my) Mister in the letter. OMG! Do I really like my cat Fred better than I like my husband? Wasn't I just kidding the time or two that I mentioned this notion?

That is the good thing about letter writing on a computer. It is really easy to insert and/or change paragraphs. What would the world think of me for putting my cat before my husband? Can't have that now can we? So, after backing up a couple of paragraphs, this is what I came up with for (my) Mister's recap:

_______ has had a fairly boring year, no big trips to build boats or fabulous camping trips. He goes to work and comes home to hang out with us. I am hopeful that he is able to cultivate some interest and activities this coming year that will lend some excitement to next years letter.

No wait a minute. He did have to have a hernia repair, that was scheduled two weeks before Christmas. We finally got ceiling lights in our living room (after twenty years of sitting in semi-darkness) and decided to paint the living room the weekend before surgery. Then six out of seven of us got the flu beginning that Friday. And we had a resident Christmas party the weekend after surgery. I think it was a full two weeks after we started painting before we finally finished the project. But it turned out nice and _____ managed to heal in spite of his rigorous schedule.

Next week we will celebrate nine years of marriage and this is the best I can do? What's worse, is that this is the best I think he could do if I ask him to write his own recap.

What I have concluded from this is that I am mad at him, and it is all ego. I am mad at him because I perceive that he has not grown in the time we have been together. He is stable as a rock, as consistent in his behaviors as the sun coming up in the morning. Who could want more than that?

The thing is I don't want these things for myself, but for him. Who am I to insist that someone else do something? Over the years, when I have made plans for him to go and or do something he has joyfully done so and reported having a good time yet if I don't make plans he does nothing. When I met him it was in a class that he was taking for fun and enjoyment. He bowled on a bowling league and rode his bike at least five days a week. He went to dinner with friends and read books. Why should it matter to me that now all he does is go to work and help with the business? Maybe that is truly has what he wants out of life and because that would never be enough for me I somehow think that he needs to want more as well.

Being totally honest (from my perspective) I think the real issue here is we are in a power struggle. He is W-A-Y over the business in his home and I continue to insist that it is a good thing not only because of the income, but because of the opportunity it allows us to help others. (my) Mister has never came right out and ask if we could close down the business, but when we talk about his lack of outside activities he in insistive that he can't do anything because of the business. Then, of course, I have to point out all of the things that I manage to do in addition to the business and (of course) he looks at me as if to say, "See. That's my point. I'm sitting here taking care of things so that you can go do all the other things you want to do." Since he doesn't ever say that, maybe it is also all in my head. My head goes on to rationalize that I might as well do things and leave him behind because the times that I do make a conscious attempt to be around so he can go do other things nothing happens on his part. Me at my most defensive!

So the plan now is to make sure (my) Mister reads this post and then give him the option of leaving the V letter as is or writing up his own version. Anniversaries are a great time to make renewed commitments and take stock of how things are going. Maybe this coming year will be the one in which I am able to allow things to unfold without so much interference from my ego. I have been working under the premise that I am usually right for so many years (with tons of agreement from others) that this is going to take a lot of conscious focus. But a girl can learn, and a girl can grow. Maybe a boy will want to too.

2009-01-31T06:59:00.002-05:00

I am not the victim of the world I see.............................

The Course in Miracles is a system set up with a daily lesson for each day of the year. After December 31 you start over with lesson one. Last year I did a poor to fair job of keeping up with the daily lessons. It is a desire to do a better job this year.

Today's lesson is the title of this post, I am not the victim of the world I see. When I was reading it it called to mind the pouting, temper tantrums that I have been having over the past two days.

I have been TOTALLY feeling victimized by the snow (of all things).

I actually looked out the window yesterday morning, stomped my foot, and wailed. For the last two days I refused to shovel the driveway (the OCDer in me still had to do the walk and the area of the drive into the house). My childish excuse: "There is no where to put the snow anymore. It can just sit there until it melts." Like I was going to hurt its feelings, or punish it somehow by letting it set there!

Thursday I went for my scheduled 8 mile run. It was somewhere around 8 degrees, the roads were snow covered and it was windy. About an hour into the run my leg muscles started to ache. Not from the run, but from the cold. They could not get warmed up enough to work properly. Did I take responsibility for being crazy for running in low temperatures? Nope. I blamed it on mother nature. Doesn't she know that I have already signed up for the marathon and bought the non-refundable tickets to fly to Tampa in a month? How can she get in my way by having winter this week? Don't I play the victim quite well?

So today, I have a 16 mile run planned. I have wised up that most of it needs to be inside because I really will be screwed if I pull something because my muscles can't warm up in the cold. Currently the temp is -4 with the wind chill. They are thinking it might get to 28 by 4 this afternoon which would be plenty warm to run outside, but if I wait until them I will be running in the dark by the time I complete the full 16. The plan is to try and sneak into the school track to do the biggest share, do a short portion outside, and finish up on the dreaded treadmill.

Hopefully, as I practice today's lesson, "I am not the victim of the world I see" I will be able to complete the run with some dignity, and gratitude, and turn it into an adventure rather than simply another reason to bitch about how bad I have things.

2009-01-21T07:17:00.003-05:00

Race update.......................

I don't have much time but I am sure you are all holding your breath waiting for the results of my winter run so here it is.

In a (three words) IT WAS FABULOUS!

As we were getting ready to start the race director said the course this year was "treacherous" and his recommendation was if anyone was doubtful about finishing it they sit it out this year and stay and have a beer instead. I thought to myself, "since you don't drink beer you might as well give it a shot" so out the door we went.

It snowed the entire time and was totally and completely pitch black except for the small area my headlight lite up. About twenty minutes into the run I had fallen into last place and was having a good time slip sliding down the road. And then I hit the trail... They had said it was knee deep in parts, but for a shorty like me it was more like mid-thigh deep. No way could I perform my pseudo running so I relaxed and walked through those parts.

Needless to say in these conditions one tired out rather quickly. I began to explore the notion of not finishing the fifteen miles. But you know what? Try as I may I could not talk myself into giving up. The guys following me ask once and I told them I just wanted to know how much farther. One nice fellow must have been psychic because he said "about two miles." In my mind, anyone can run two miles so that was all I needed to keep going (I think at the time it was more like three but he "knew" what I needed to hear).

So I kept going, the guys kept checking on me, and I victoriously crossed the finish line at 4:53:10.

Afterwards, the race director commented on the fact that anyone that finished that race could consider they had ran a marathon. So that is what we are going to do on March first, in Tampa. Not sure what the weather will be there, but I doubt they will have as much snow.

2009-01-10T06:49:00.005-05:00

I have been training again. Next weekend we (my youngest and I) are planning to do a 15 mile trail race that begins at six in the evening. Last year it was about eight degrees out when the race started. If the fifteen miles go well we are going to do the full 26.2 in Tampa (where it will be MUCH warmer than eight degrees I hope) on March first.

Today there are plans for an eleven mile run. I am very grateful that we only got a few inches of snow rather than the massive amounts predicted. Now if the wind cooperates it will be a good time.

I mention the running because some of my best ever ideas form into consciousness during my long runs. It is either that what they say about exercise endorphins is correct, or simply that besides sleeping, my runs are the only times when someone isn't interrupting my thoughts every few minutes needing something from me.

But anyway, a day or so ago, around mile four or five, the question came into my mind as to whether or not I was happily married. As I pondered this notion I decided that no I was not happily married. I was much more than that. (Had you scared for a minute didn't I?)

I am not happily married because I determined years ago (and discussed the fact) that my partner was not responsible for my happiness. That was my job. And I have reached a place of personal happiness even when things are not necessarily running smoothly. Happiness is a choice of how I perceive events as they pass through my life. It really is that simple.

Back to my marriage... Out there on the cold snow covered roads I decided that I was contentedly married. A few posts ago on her blog Maria had a question about dating services on the web, and in that context wrote:

And while I will never use it, being happily married and all that (well, lately...okay..we have been treading water, but the vibe will return, it always does)...

That sums up perfectly my idea of being contentedly married. Are there days when I want to strangle/stab/suffocate (and that is just the S words that came to mind) (my) Mister? Sometimes it seems like weeks on end that the man irritates the _____ out of me. We could communicate (W-A-Y) better about certain things. I would give most anything if he listened to what I was saying rather than what I was saying (and you guys out there don't worry; I know that that last sentence won't make any sense to you). But even on our worst days together I have no thoughts of wanting to be in a different relationship. To a great degree this goes back to the notion that my happiness is not my partners responsibility. As I ride the wave of emotions that are part of any relationship I am in charge of how I view things. Maybe it was (my) Mister that didn't do something I ask him to do, but it is up to me to decide if it means the sky is falling or the world is ending. If I determine it is then it becomes my responsibility to fix and or change my perception of the problem and move forward in the relationship.

That sounds pretty great on paper. I guess we will just have to wait and see how I do the next time (my) Mister commits an infraction. Wish me luck!

2009-01-05T17:12:00.003-05:00

My tragic first love.........................

Maria suggest it would get all of our creative juices flowing to share stories of our first love(s). Not sure how creative the old story will be re-hashed. Some of you might already know the tales about to be shared, and others of you might just get a kick of out reading about it and/or possibly (what I am truly hoping for) be jolted back into a memory or two of your own. That is what Maria did for me and why I decided to share with you all. Thanks Maria!

The story of my first love goes all the way back to 1974, when I was a junior in high school. Like many kids today, our "going out" really amounted to us walking the halls, holding hands between classes. We had one group date, a treasure hunt, and he took me to my junior prom. What an innocent, bliss filled night I remember that to be.

A week or so before school got out for the year I was allowed (No, allowed is no where near a Strong enough word for use with the authority figures I lived with) to go out to the movies with him. Arriving back to my driveway a few minutes before curfew we spent the time doing some exploring kissing (no lower than the neck) and I went in for the night. I might not be today, but back then I was a true innocent. When I went inside I was "inspected" apparently, because my brother-in-law (the father figure in my life at the time) noted that one of my buttons on the back of my blouse was unbuttoned and I had a hickey on my neck that was so small that one either needed to be looking for one or use a magnifying glass to discover it. That man was liable to do both if need be. Having mashed passionately enough to give and receive hickeys since that night I know it was a fluke as barely any suction occurred during our few minutes of making out.

Long story short I was grounded until the end of the school year, and when I went back to school in the fall my first love was dating another girl. By Christmas vacation senior year they were pregnant and he and I never talked about our brief relationship, or the connection that was established between us.

Fast forward to our five year class reunion. I went over to say hi and ask to see his kids pictures (He had three by this time. That's a lot of responsibility). As he showed me the snap shot he remarked, "They were suppose to be yours you know?" Even if one happens to want to agree with him, what does a girl say to that kind of thing? I honestly can't remember if I said anything at all. I know I was flattered, and I also knew that there was stuff that we still needed to hash over. A few minutes later I went back to my friends and went home that evening with my husband and conceived my second child.

Ten year class reunion this time. I had grown up enough that I decided it was time to put an ending to our relationship. I was also divorced. Did I want the guy back, now that I was single? Not a chance. I just wanted to put some kind of closure on what we did share because, at the time, that was the way I functioned. Control was really important to me and unfinished business (even perceived unfinished business) got in the way of that control.

I will admit that I looked pretty darn hot that night. I had on this dress that had fringe all of the way down it (like a roaring twenties flapper dress) and EVERYONE was talking about it. Regardless of how I looked I behaved like a perfect lady. We shared one dance in which I ask him if we might get together sometime and talk about the ending of our relationship. He had had a little to drink and told me that he didn't trust himself to be alone with me. I told him that was ridiculous I trusted me enough for the both of us. He then shared that he had had an affair and refused to put himself in that situation again. Since he continued to have feelings for me he would be tempted. Enough said. The song ended, he went outside and I never saw him again.

He didn't attend our fifteen year class reunion and for some reason I have been dropped from the guest list ever since then.

All these years later, I know that the very fact that we have led separate lives is plenty of closure. I no longer feel the need to talk things over with him. He was important, I wish him well, and occasionally pray that he is at peace and happy.

Still, if he called he up and invited me to have coffee I'd do it in a heart beat.

Difference is now, I am not holding my breath at the thought.

I consider that progress.

2008-12-29T06:32:00.002-05:00

Final post for 2008.........................................

As 2008 draws to an end I feel like I have finally surrendered to it.

A week and a half before Christmas six out of seven of us got a bad, bad bug. This was two days after I decided to paint the living room, one week before our scheduled resident Christmas party. Of course the painting got thrown off course and wasn't finished (as planned) before (my) Mister had to take some time off for a hernia repair (I know. Why would anyone schedule voluntary surgery two weeks before Christmas? He has kept putting it off and I INSISTED that he do it before the end of the year since it takes us until June to meet our insurance deductible and I didn't want to have to pay out of pocket in January simply because he wouldn't make a few phone calls)

Of course, surgery went well (doc says he could run three weeks status post. I ask just in case since (my) Mister hasn't actually ran a step since the Marathon a year ago October... I believe in miracles), everyone was well for the party and had a great time singing along with my friends that came and played the guitar and banjo. Ya it was the week after the party that the living room was completely painted (the old me would have never stood for this. The new me was completely cool with it), but so what? Christmas day came and went without a hitch, the tree is packed away and my living room looks just like I pictured it (minus some art work I plan to commission to finish it off). Life is good.

What I discovered a-new the last few weeks was that the more I tried to control circumstances and plan things the more out of control and scattered I feel. If I focused on staying in the moment and letting things play out, life seems to unfold not only effortlessly, but just the way I wanted it to. Everything gets done, everyone is happy, and I get a surprise or two along the way. It really is easier to just go with the flow rather than fight to get upstream against the current.

So why is it, that even as I write that there is a part of me that knows I will be fighting a current of two come 2009? I know that my life is going the way it is suppose to. I know that all of my needs will be met and that I will also be blessed with much more than basis needs. I know that life lessons will present themselves and it is up to me to learn them now or wait to learn them the next time they show up. I know that learning them now would be best for my growth and yet I am under no pressure to do so.

Just to prove that point I have been coasting the last few days, hanging out, reading for pleasure, kicking back and relaxing. Things I normally don't do. It has been good for me, and everyone around me has seemed to survive it as well. Imagine that!

So in gratitude I say "So long 2008, you were good to me and for me," and "Welcome 2009. Can't wait to see what gifts and blessings you have in store for me." Bring it on...

2008-12-09T07:07:00.002-05:00

12-10-08 is "Call in Gay Day"........................................

Have you heard of this day? I don't really know the details of how it originated, but to show support to same sex unions one is to call in sick to work and not spend any money, or any portion of the two that they are able to do. The nature of my business means I will be performing basic care for my OPs, but I am not doing the home care job and I will not be spending money on this day.

The biggest reason I am supporting this idea?

I put gay marriage rights in the civil liberties category. Yes! It is that simple...

So, in conjunction with the defeat of the CA law recognizing gay marriage I heard something (again, sorry about no real details) that there is some state that is trying to make it illegal for a gay person to be a foster parent.

I try not to be too political and truly believe everyone should be allowed to make decisions about their lives for themselves, but we must speak up for the children.

For whatever reason, and most often the reason involves both physical and emotional pain, foster kids end up in a system that is not equipped to handle their needs effectively. Due to a situation that I will not talk details about I learned that in my school district there is not ONE foster parent. Not one! This means that any kids needing to be removed from their homes in my area will also be removed from their school district. So you are telling me if there was a man or woman out there willing to help out a child, and able to pass all the requirements of becoming a foster parent the people wanting this law passed would rather see this child go into a broken system instead of a loving environment because of sexual preference?

If I were a foster parent I doubt I would be sharing my sex life with any foster children, and believe the same would be true for anyone with a same sex preference. Why the need for a distinction between the two, especially considering that most of the children that a person would be fostering would have seen much more graphic crap than a person's sexual preference or they probably wouldn't be in the system in the first place. Right?

The other thing I must mention in support of same sex unions is also pretty simple. Look at the divorce rate of heterosexual couples. We have done a pretty good job of screwing up marriage, making a joke out of intended life-long commitments when the marriage doesn't even last a year. Compare this to a same sex couple that has no legal binds and yet manage to stick together and work things out for years and years while fighting for the simple right of having their love and commitment recognized as valid. I for one think that those of us that jump from union to union might just have a thing or two we could learn from these couples.

Lastly, I understand that people have interpreted the Bible to say that same sex unions is a sin. I am not here to argue religion with those of you that believe this way. I am only offering up for your mature consideration the possibility that the main theme of the Bible is love and acceptance and love can express itself in a wide variety of form. Stop and consider if you are feeling loving towards another human being no matter what the circumstances of the situation and I think the gap to mutual understanding will decrease considerably no matter what the topic is.

Nough said...

2008-12-09T07:03:00.002-05:00

Ahhhh, holidays................

As I travel from home to home bring good cheer and exercise sheets I get to see the homes transformed into various states of holiday cheer. My favorite to date...

A very traditional nativity scene arranged perfectly on a table, and at the foot of the table a VERY laid back red-nosed reindeer hanging out, sprawled across a golden sleigh.

Somehow the two balanced out the opposing angles of Christmas just perfectly!

2008-12-05T06:53:00.002-05:00

Since we are on the subject of healing......................

Last September I was ask to take a weekend seminar for my PT job. It is a program that focuses on improving peoples balance through concentrating on strengthening the three componates of balance; vestibular (ears) ocularmotor (eyes) and proproception (sensation intake of the feet).

It is a really great program, but I will confess that I have been miffed from time to time about the follow-up WEEKLY MONDAY MORNING meetings that make me leave my house by 8:30. Do you have any clue how hard it is to get four women up, dressed, and breakfasted by that time? I know, whaa, whaa. Had I know that piece of the training I might have turned down the opportunity which would have been my loss. See, there is a good reason for us not to be able to see into the future!

So, I get this client about three weeks ago. At that time his life consisted of eating and laying in bed with an occasional fall and/or doctors appointment sprinkled in here and there. To say the least he was not thrilled with the idea of exercise/therapy but I pored on the Patty charm and got him to work with me. To be perfectly honest what I did was pray all the way to his house for my angels to get him to work with me and then give thanks and praise (to both him and my angels) when it happened.

Two short weeks later his wife shared with me that he is now reading the newspaper and that he watched three hours of television with her the other night. Now this might now seem like much of an improvement in the quality of his life (and let me say that he is also up and walking around and doing other things now that he is not so fearful of falling). The point here is his improvement has positively impacted the quality of his relationship/interaction with his spouse. How cool is that for both of them?

I went into his home thinking I could have some impact on his balance to reduce his fall risk, but by having him work to strengthen his eye muscles the program has had a much greater effect on his overall quality of life.

Why post about this? As I was thinking about his changes I realized that I am still putting things into neat little packages and wonder if this isn't somehow limiting the outcomes of my life. If I were more open to unknown, unseen possibilities would I be even more blessed than I already am? Is that selfish to even think about?

Maybe we should all try an experiment and practice being purposefully open to possibility instead of perceived outcomes and chart what comes into our lives as a result of doing so. What do ya think?

2008-12-03T07:04:00.002-05:00

An early Christmas miracle.................................

NOTE: If you get a little squeamish in the middle of the story hang in there I promise a happy ending...

Last Saturday morning I woke up to find Fred (the cat that adopted up last March) not bearing any weight on his right front paw. Having not gotten around to having him de-clawed yet I called the only vet I found that does Lazar de-clawing to see if they could see him since he needed to have a check up before they would do the procedure anyway.

Of course they could not fit him in on Saturday but said if he didn't seem to be too distressed they didn't see any reason that he could not wait until Monday to be seen. Except for the altered gait Fred was acting perfectly normal so we went with that plan.

Come Monday the vet checked him out and Fred let him know how unhappy he was when it came to having the paw touched. The Vet stepped back and declared that the only way they could treat him would be to keep him overnight, knock him out, X-ray the leg and go from there. For these diagnostic procedures the bill would be a minimum of $400.00. If anything needed to be done it would go up from there.

The faithful readers of this blog know how much I love Fred, but he is a cat and the way I was brought up animals are farther down on the food chain than humans (not to mention it is against the law to not seek medical treatment for your children) and I could just not see spending this kind of money to find out what was wrong with him. I called (my) Mister and he concurred so I packed Fred back into the kitty crate and brought him home.

In the small amount of time the Vet was actually able to check out the leg Fred only made noise when he arrived at the paw so I deduced that the leg was not broken, and that he had done something to the paw. We held his paw over the sink and dumped some peroxide over the paw and then put some antibiotic ointment on the paw.

We repeated this procedure again yesterday morning, and last night when Fred was jumping up onto his favorite ledge he hit the paw and some blood spurted out of it.

This morning he is weight bearing on the paw and seems to be just fine which totally supports my theory that the body is a miraculous thing and given time it will often heal itself without a lot of intervention. I am thrilled and grateful beyond belief. This makes two times now that I have almost had to lose Fred and then got him back.

And even though I know it isn't logical, somehow I feel $400.00 richer! Crazy I know...

2008-11-30T19:13:00.000-05:00

2008-11-26T06:33:00.002-05:00

The kindness of a stranger......................................

I know it has been a while since I last posted, but this gift was meant to be shared as a perfect thing to give thanks for around the dinner table tomorrow.

A few months back I started being a hospice volunteer for a family with three (tweenish aged) children. Last September was the first time I threw a football in years but I tell you within a couple of weeks I was spiraling that bugger with the greatest of ease (just like riding a bike). Let me also say that I haven't a clue about computer war games, but it is enough that I just sit and watch so my lack on knowledge in that area has not been a problem so far.

Anyway, on last Monday's visit the plan was to make pies for the holiday. One of the girls wanted to have a pie to take to their celebration at school the following day and I had not brought the ingredients to make another one but told her we could run to the store and get fake/frozen pie crust and canned filling if she wanted to.

When we arrived at the store I discovered I had left my purse at home. YES! My life has been that crazy lately! What to do?

Not wanting to disappoint I told the girls to wait in the car (smaller town than the one I live in, and they ARE old enough) and I went inside and ask to talk to the manager. I explained to her that I had promised to help this child make a pie, had forgotten my purse, and was there some way she could float me a loan until the following afternoon when my husband got off work (he drives right by every day as part of his 50 minute commute). She said, "Sure. I can do that." After giving her a hug and many blessings, I went out and got the girls, we got the goods, and were on our way home in no time at all.

Back in the car, one of the girls ask me what I had said to the woman to get her to help us out. After I told her she said, "Man. I would never have the guts to do that." Which gave me a perfect in to share my belief that one should always ask/go for what they want because being told no is never the worst thing in the world and people will often surprise you by stepping up to help when you think your chances are slim to none.

So folks, listen up. It may appear that times are economically hard right now, and I am positive that the $12.00 that woman loaned me would have been felt had I not repaid her. SHE DID IT ANYWAY. I am not advocating that you take this story as license to spend money foolishly, or that you absolutely should put your change into every Salvation Army bucket you pass this season. What I am advocating is that you listen to your heart and if it prompts you to share something you have received with another then do so with without fear and without worrying that it will cause you lack. The best way to gain abundance is to practice gratitude by sharing what you have already been given.

I hope this story warms your soul and sets the tone for your holiday season. May your blessings be many and may your cup be filled to the brim with all your true hearts desire. Practice gratitude and give thanks, tomorrow and every day.

2008-11-06T06:40:00.002-05:00

Conversations.....................................

The phone rang yesterday. It was my youngest...

"Hey, Mommy, Did I leave any of my books at home?"

(me) "Didn't know it was my day to watch them."

"Well, it's just strange. My satchel is here, but my books aren't with it and I was sure I had picked everything up this morning. I just thought maybe you would see them on the counter."

(me) Nope. No books as far as my eyes can see."

"Okay. Thanks for checking."

About fifteen minutes later the phone rings again...

"I've been robbed!"

(me) Wow! That's a little dramatic don't ya think?"

"No! I mean someone got into my car and took my books, Cd's, wallet, and tic-tacs."

"They took your tic-tacs?" Apparently you forgot to put a circle of protection around your car this morning when you went to class."

"Yeah, on both counts. I went back towards class, but something was just bugging me so I went back and checked and I realized that only some things were missing. But at least I have my drivers licence because you know how I never keep it in my... Oh! Wait! I took care of it after I voted so that was in there too."

(me) Okay. hold on a second. You are fine, it will be a hassle maybe, but as long as you are not hurt everything else can be dealt with.

"Ya! I know. I just need to get to class so I was wondering if you could call the bank and cancel my debit/ATM cards?"

(me) I'll take care of it, just stay in the moment and don't worry about anything else.

"Man! When I was driving in to the ramp today my gut was telling me to go park on the third level, but I didn't listen. Should have listened I guess?"

(me) Go to class, things will work themselves out."

Third phone call later in the day...

"Well, I went to campus security and reported what they took (ME - see one can't say break in if they don't lock their doors. And for the record, I am guilty of this as well). The guy ask me if I noticed it right away and I told him it took me about a half hour since it isn't all that uncommon for me to lose things. He said that they have been having a rash of theft in the ramp and he came and took finger prints off my car."

She is fine now folks. When she got home we talked about how violated it feels to know that someone had been in your space and took something from you, and yet no one can ever take the really important stuff, the stuff you are made of, unless you allow the experience to change you. Oh! And when I went to the store to buy bread I replaced her tic-tacs. See, I am not the heartless mother that it might seem I am at times.

I can't help but wonder if the person (s) that took her books were just up to mischief or if they were financially desperate. I like to think someone would only steal if they had no other choice (yup, rose colored glasses I know). I guess, for my sanity and peace of mind, I have to think that there are NOT that many people in the world that are just simply evil, that most of us are driven by perceived circumstances or beliefs.

And I sincerely hope that the few hundred bucks that the person (s) gets when they sell what they took goes to feeding hungry children or some other worthy effort.

It makes it easier for me to sleep at night having this belief, so let me be.

2008-10-23T16:35:00.003-05:00

Follow up to the last post.....................

As you might recall, I made a visit to the wife of the man in the yellow house, and discovered that I am known as Fred's mom.

Last weekend, I was returning home from a run and the man in the yellow house was chatting with the neighbor to the right of us. Being on the right of them there was no way to avoid an encounter, but I will be honest enough to admit to trying to figure out how I might do so.

I opted to go for a pleasant nod and smile and just as I felt the distance between us was appropriate to do so I looked up and the man in the yellow house was coming toward me. Me? Panic? Okay. Just a little... What could he want?

What he wanted was to share with me how much it meant that I had offered assistance to his wife and how much he appreciated my offer. And then, right there in the middle of our block the man in the yellow house and I hugged. From the heart! WOW!

He went on to ask if we could use some squash that had been very prolific in his garden. Reciprocal helpfulness between the two of us? See why I believe in miracles?

But ya, I am not perfect yet. I went home to share the encounter with the family and that imperfect part of me had to ask, "Are you sitting down? You will never believe what just happen" before sharing with them. And two days later, when Fred was trying to get out the door, informed him that while the man in the yellow house had given us squash he would still probably want to trap him if he went in his yard.

Do you think? Or is my weak faith in people's ability to change the issue at hand?

2008-10-07T05:49:00.000-05:00

My latest claim to fame..................

Some of you might recall my past troubles with "The Man in the Yellow House T.M.I.T.Y.H.)." The guy that hates neighborhood animals and likes to trap cats. I have taken to calling him T.M.I.T.Y.H as a way of being neutral and not emotional.

Anyway, word in the neighborhood is that his bladder cancer has returned. Regardless of how negative he is this is still not happy news, and I have been debating whether or not to send him a note to let him know I am holding good thoughts for him and his wife. (Am I the only one that writes letters in her head for several days before actually committing them to paper to get the wording just right?)

Sunday, I was returning from a five mile run when I noticed that T.M.I.T.Y.H. was in his back yard mowing the lawn and his wife was unloading some stuff from her car. In the moment I decided to just let her know I was available if they needed anything and headed up their driveway. Of course she looked at me like I was a total stranger. I introduced myself and when she still looked confused I pointed to my house (two doors down) and said my address. Then I added, "the house with the big travel trailer in the drive, to which she added, "You mean the ____'s house." No, this side of _____'s house. Then I said, "I'm Fred's mom."

INSTANT RECOGNITION!

She got a big smile on her face, and said, Oh! Patty." Then went on to rave about what a cute boy Fred is (For those of you who are not regular readers, Fred is my naughty cat that likes to sun himself on their deck), and we had a quick visit. Now, two days later, I am still smiling over the fact that my claim to neighborhood fame is being my cat's mom. How cool is that?

2008-10-03T15:08:00.002-05:00

This is for your Maria......................................

I got this from a friend and thought you would enjoy it if you have not read it already (or even if you have). I don't have an e-mail address so this was the next best way I could think to share it with you (and everyone)...

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell You which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, hang up. It doesn't matter which number you press,nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down,hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blond, don't press any buttons.You'll just mess it up.

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

(Well, my job is done . Your turn!!)

2008-09-17T05:29:00.003-05:00

This life I've created........................................

When I was in my twenties, I thrived on chaos. If my life wasn't full of crisis, perceived pain, and drama, I (unconsciously) set out to create some. Fortunately for me I somehow learned along the way that the only way I could be a victim was if I saw myself as one, and that I was the only one in charge of my life and my destiny.

Did this mean crap stopped happening to me? Nope. It just meant that I started looking at it as an opportunity to learn instead of another excuse to lament about, "poor me."

The last couple of weeks I have been gifted lots of new learning and interactions with challenging individuals that once upon a time would have sent me into a bitching frenzy. I've come a long way baby!

If it were possible I would have no desire to exchange what I now carry inside of me for the taunt skin and youthful glow of a twenty something. Maybe I don't look lovingly at my "bat wings" (Flabby upper arms for you youngsters reading this) and crows feet, but I am okay with the fact that they are part of the package that is me. As my next birthday gets set to role around I am holding this image of a one-of-a-kind treasure wrapped in crumpled, recycled wrapping paper. Once you get past the wrapping you are awed and amazed at what you find inside.

Are there any of these aging presents in your world? If so, do yourself a favor and take the time to value the gifts you will discover by spending time with us old souls.

2008-09-05T06:00:00.003-05:00

Back to school................................

Not me, not yet, but I am thinking of buying/getting one of those Internet minister degrees to "assist" me in my pursuit of an official grief counselor certificate. Oh! And my youngest is taking a photography class for fun (and to fulfill one of her required credits) so I am unofficially taking the class with her to learn more things about my new camera. Also not what I am blogging about.

Over the summer I have gotten to know one of our neighbors that my youngest has been babysitting for for years. She has two children, one requiring about forty minutes of before school care. When she called to ask my youngest if she was available (since she leaves the house at 6:30 for work now that school has started up for her this was a no go) I convinced her it would be fine (that is no problem for me) if her daughter just came her for that short time. I was honored when she agreed.

This young lady (I don't think she would appreciate the term "little girl" anymore) is very sweet, quiet, and shy (around me anyway). The first morning she was here she comes into the room where I am and says, "which one of those clocks out there is the right time?" Poor thing! We have three clocks (wall, oven, micro) and they all had close, but different times on them. Smart woman that I am I suggested we compare the times to our computers. You guessed it, we got two different numbers there as well, proof that in this house close counts. She thought for a minute and said, "Well, eleven is in the middle of all of them so we can go with that." Smart kid!

Next day she comes in and five minutes later it begins to rain cats and dogs (wouldn't it be cool to really see that expression in action one time?). I inquired if she had brought the rain gear we had talked about the previous day. Her reply, "Sorta." What did sorta mean? "I have a sweatshirt." Nonplussed she reassured me that the rain was going to stop before she needed to leave. And you guessed it again. The rain stopped and she headed merrily off to school. That is what I consider a psychic-in-the-making.

It is good to have some young blood around here again, if only for a few minutes a day. The pets are all loving the extra attention as well. Lady luck has shined down upon us yet again.

2008-09-03T08:11:00.002-05:00

Running the Mighty Mac....................................

I haven't talked much about running lately because I haven't done much of it truth be told. Early in the spring I did a run that allowed me to enter a lotto to run across the Mackinaw bridge. They have been doing a walk (not allowing anyone to run for safety reasons) across for the past fifty years, and five years ago added a run limited to three hundred people.

Anyway, I was chosen this year to participate and had a great time doing so. The distance was about four and a half miles and since it was recreational, and I never remember to turn on/off my stop watch, I have no official finishing time Who cares? I finished and had fun. That makes me a winner.

A fellow fun-loving participant snapped this picture of me just as the sun was coming up.

Pretty big bridge isn't it?

Oh! Ya! The whole thing is part of the Governor's counsel on physical fitness, and our current governor is the one that started the run as she herself is a runner. The week of the race I got an e-mail from favorite coffee place that ask for vacation pictures sporting your coffee cup. The pictures are entered into a monthly drawing to win a month's worth of free coffee. After the race I ask Ms. Governor herself to pose with me to give me an edge towards winning. Yup, I am the one with her hair plastered to her forehead like a bad-bowl-cut-gone-wrong, and the blond in the red shirt is the very supportive, accommodating governor of my state.

I am so going to win!

2008-08-28T05:35:00.002-05:00

Recovering...............................

The same day I cleaned my house, the Chaplin from hospice came to visit our residents. He is a funny, down to Earth guy who doesn't talk religion so much as he lives it. As I was talking to him about a totally unrelated topic I heard myself saying, When someone hurts you the best thing you can do is pray for their happiness." Why did I see that dog woman's face right at that moment (along with a couple of others) I wonder? It is never about what someone has done to you (physical violence and harm to a child not included), but about how you perceive things and allow them to color your world long after the other person has moved on. So, I am better now.

And it is time to talk politics.................................

I make it a rule to not talk politics with the general public, but you guys are my trusted friends so I can make an exception to that rule. I need some help in this area.

I will confess to ALWAYS having voted democratic when it comes to president. I will also confess to wanting John Edwards to win the nomination, because I knew something about him aside from political commercials. I try and avoid the news and news paper at all cost (which is why it was almost a week before I heard about John's affair. Just like with Bill, I would rather NOT know the details of his sex life, as I am certain he could care less about mine) to keep the negativity away from me. I have a belief that most of what we hear and read as "news" is what someone has decided we need to hear at least as often as it is fully, factually the truth. I have been using the current political commercials that do reach my ears as meditation practice. When I hear one I try and instantly close my mind and go inside rather than focus on what the commercial says and my negative response to it.

Though this is working well for me, it is not doing much to prepare me to make an informed vote. Not voting is not an option for me. I take that right very serious and would never not exercise it. I was thinking if those of you out there that have made up your minds would share your thoughts with me it would help me learn about the two men as people. I know that you have been an Obama supporter from the get go Sheri, but please share your heart with me on why you are so cemented in your choice.

I did hear yesterday (On Dr. Oz) that one of his guests supports Obama because he feels his style is to bring people together to effect change instead of playing party politics. This sounds good to me, but during his campaigning I have always heard some degree of slamming his opponent.

In a perfect world I would like to vote for the guy that takes the millions of dollars spent on slandering the other guy and uses it to help those less fortunate. I would need to know nothing else about him. Since that isn't like to happen in this election I am asking all of you to let me in on you points of view. If you don't want to post about it, send me an e-mail. Thanks for your help.

2008-08-26T06:37:00.002-05:00

I have so much in my head, and really nothing I want to write about. Because I am being selective? Because I have created a certain feel for this blog and what I am currently feeling would expose some ugliness that I want to keep hidden from the world?

More likely because I know that all the darting thoughts are completely invalid, part of whatever dark moment I have decided to sink into for a while. Figments of my imagination.

Did I tell you I have been put on notice?

Night before last the youngest and I were taking our nightly walk with Emma and she says to me, "You need to figure out some solution to whatever you are going through because you have been more negative than I can ever remember you being."

Called out by a nineteen year old kid! Ya! I've been that bad. In my defense I questioned whether or not I have been that negative or if it appears that I am being that extra negative because it is coming on the heels of being so upbeat and positive? If that is the case then good for me... One can't truly enjoy the positive if they don't linger in the negative from time to time. Right?

So today I am taking the bull by the horns and cleaning my house. Don't ask me why but an orderly house gives me a sense of control. Getting every room just the way I like it somehow gives me a sense that I can get everything else in my world just the way I want it. Glancing at a corner and NOT seeing animal fluff along the base boards gives me a feeling of everything else being manageable. Kind of like a placebo, if it works who cares how or why it works.

One more thing... I came across a quote that has also been helpful in lifting the dark veil of feelings:

Instead of believing that you know what is best for others, trust that they know what's best for themselves.

That sure takes a lot of responsibility off one doesn't it? Also leaves lots of time for one to self-nurture. Permission to do so granted.

2008-08-20T07:34:00.003-05:00

Ego out of control....................................

I have been crabby the past few days. Crabby enough that even I am noticing. Here's a perfect example of what I am talking about.

Night before last I had some books I wanted to donate to the library so my youngest and I decided to walk them up and take Emma with us. As we are walking along, minding our own business, we approach another dog with it's owner. As we near them the lady says, "Oh! Here comes the dog that is not social." (I need to insert here that a few nights prior my youngest and Emma had met these two and had a conversation about the fact that Emma isn't fond of other dogs.) Just like a mother bear protecting her cub I got instantly defensive and replied, "Who are you to call my dog unsocial? She is VERY social with people, she just doesn't like other dogs." This woman fires back, "It's easy for dogs to be social with people. She isn't social with other dogs. Don't you want your dog to be social with other dogs?" Just like I was a bad mother or something. I began to explain to this COMPLETE AND TOTAL STRANGER that she had absolutely NO RIGHT to say something so negative to my dog when she was within hearing distance. The woman went on to try and tell me that the reason she had said that was because of her conversation with my youngest, but I was having nothing to do with her explanation. I told her she was talking to me, and she did not, in any shape manner of form, have the right to comment on my dogs social skills. Picture this... Two women standing on a public street corner having a loud "discussion," two other people walking their dog pass us, round the corner, and glance back to see if a physical fight was going to break out. I am normally not a person to make a public scene, and at the time I remember the sane part of my brain asking me what I was doing at that moment. Finally, the lady said she was sorry if she had offended me, and I spate out forgiveness, grabbed my dog's leash, and flounced off down the sidewalk.

WOW~

There really is no rational explanation for my behavior, even if I choose to believe Emma can pick up on negative energy. The energy I gave off after the comment was far more damaging to Emma's psyche than the comment of a stranger. Whether her comment was appropriate or not, my response definitely wasn't.

Having said that, the incident got me to thinking about how important it is for my dog to be a certain way. I was a very stern parent when I raised my three human children. If I said something I followed through, EVERY SINGLE TIME. That's a lot of hard work. I can be honest and say I don't care to do with my dog. The vision I get is of a Nazi dog trainer with the perfectly behaved dog that cowers when she comes near her (with a face strangely similar to the woman on the street, but I digress), but I get that that is an egoic fantasy and that I could be more consistent with my pets, I just choose not to. Honestly, I got the dog to make my youngest happy, for our enjoyment, not to work hard to make Emma a well rounded dog that is friend to man and beast. Is that wrong? As long as no other dogs are harmed in the process is there a real benefit to Emma to break the news to here she is not human and should be kind to her kind?

I guess I am going to have to do some more thinking on those things once I get my ego back under control, I get over myself, and stop being so crabby.

Wonder how long that will take?

2008-08-18T05:28:00.006-05:00

At long last..........................

After another productive weekend we have filled our third (and hopefully final for a few months anyway) dumperster and the new bathroom is finished! I have been drinking extra fluids just for the excuse to go spend time in it I love it so much. JK, but when you see the pictures I think you will agree with me it turned out beautifully. Enjoy...

This is the piece we found at an antique store to turn into a vanity.

My fabulous sink with the waterfall faucet. I should have had the water running to show you just how cool that is. Sorry.

Looks good side by side doesn't it? The black toilet is a pain to keep clean but the look is totally worth it.A view of the shower. Don't you love the color of the shower curtain? I found it on clearance for a mear $9.
The infamous $75 soap dish.

I had these cut out put in to hold soap and shampoo. Much nicer than one of those things hanging from the shower head or just setting the stuff on the floor.

2008-08-12T05:22:00.003-05:00

Back from vacation..............................

A wonderful time was had by all (ten of us), and I took over two hundred pictures with my new camera (NO! I do not plan to bore you with them). I actually took more like four hundred pictures, but the new digital cameras have this great little button called, "delete" to separate the chafe from the wheat. My camera is an SLR/digital so I have fun playing with shutter speeds, depth of field, all that jazz, and when it didn't work I could get rid of the evidence and start over.

And I took my knitting class. The knitting class that ended up not using knitting of any type. That what happens I guess when one is successful at staying in the now and doesn't really look into the details of her future class.

What we did was learn different techniques of felting (I knew this part, I just still envisioned some knitting taking place for some reason). At the beginning of the class everyone was given a couple bags of fiber (this is what it is called at the point of having been removed from the sheep and dyed, but not yet spun into actual knitting yarn) and told to pull out a couple of strands. Then we laid over a thick piece of decorators foam and jabbed at it with this thing that held five, long, darning type needles.

About two minutes into this I missed the foam and broke all of the needles. Felt just like I was back in grade school having to confess to having broken the only magenta crayon. Fortunately the instructor was prepared so she had extra needles.

So, I am blissing out, jabbing, layering different colors, and jabbing some more, when the instructor says to me, "So. What are you making?" What? We're suppose to be making something? I thought we were just suppose to be getting the hang of jabbing a needle into foam rubber. Since I hadn't broken any more needles I was feeling pretty good about things until she said that. I was making nothing. Of course I didn't tell her that. I told her I hadn't decided yet and then spent the rest of the class trying to make my felt into something, anything.

As I looked around the room, the other, more experienced felters were creating things like hats and scarfs. This is what I ended up with...

One more example of my uniqueness!

I loved the experience, even if I "didn't make anything" functional, or even recognizable. The fun of the moment, and the interaction with the other ladies made the day a total success for me. And who knows, one of these days I just might figure out what I made if I work at it long enough...

It could happen.

2008-08-06T05:01:00.002-05:00

Alive and well...........................

Just wanted to let all my faithful readers know that I am doing well, just too busy to take time to post a decent post.

We leave for a four day vacation tomorrow morning, which means I have to cram two weeks worth of planning and work into three days so that has taken my full focus.

I will be back with a brilliant post (talk about ego!) one day soon.

Love and best wishes...

2008-07-26T06:45:00.002-05:00

It's a rental..................................

I have a new slogan, the one above. Let me explain so you can adopt it too.

Without sharing too much information... Young (22 y/o) single mom of two (1 y/o and 3 y/o), MVA (motor vehicle accident) left her with her three lower vertebra fused (L 3,4,5), floppy feet due to nerve damage, and mostly confined to a wheel chair.

Due to a crappy role of the dice (DON'T let your car insurance lap people!), she has only been granted five PT home visits to get her up and walking again.

As her cheer coach (yours truly) was giving her a pep talk about how she (I) was confident this young woman could accomplish anything she desired to accomplish she (the young woman)looked up and said,

"I agree. After all, the wheel chair is ONLY a rental!"

Is that wonderful or what?

How many things could you apply that slogan to in your life?

Having a bad day at the office, "It's only a rental day." Hubby driving you nuts, "He's only a rental." Car cuts you off at the intersection, "Only a rental." YES! I'm talking about the attitude, not actually renting jobs or husbands (though, can you imagine???:). More of a This too shall pass kind of belief instead of taking on a problem, owning, and then allowing that problem to become a part of your identity.

If we could flow through, and with things as they arrive maybe they would pass more quickly? More of that being in the now stuff again I know. But how many times do we hang onto a hurt or a perceived wrong days, months, and even years after the actual event? If we looked at it as a rental, we might just send it back and stop paying the charges it is continuing to cost us emotionally. Think about it. You might just find you have a rental or two you're ready to return.

2008-07-25T05:25:00.002-05:00

Oh! The fun I've been having...........................

After the last Attic clean out I had a small to medium pile of boxes to go through to divide up among my three children. Yesterday I actually had a few minutes to go through them. I found the newspapers I saved from the days that my children were born (1979, 1981, and 1989 were the years). I had also saved the paper from December 31, 1999, and January 1, 2000. Remember all the Y2K hullabaloo? I bet there were many people disappointed that morning when it turned out to be just another ordinary day.

Anyway, I also found a selection of writing I had done in high school; poems and short stories. Here's the gist of one poem (?):

This paper was blank before I wrote upon it.

Now,

it is not full,

But it's a start.

Feel free to gag. I did! It was still enjoyable to laugh as I remembered how good I thought some of those papers had been and what I could see now. Do you think I will feel the same way about this blog when I read it thirty years from now?

The other cool thing I found were a couple of piles of love letters that my former spouses and I had sent to one another. It was nice to be reminded of how much love there was between us, and easy to see why we opted to get married. For some silly reason all this love gets pushed to the side when one is going through a divorce (at least in my cases it did).

My children were all small when I divorced (3 and 5, and 3), so they have no memory of loving times between their parents. Maybe they will enjoy reading these letters and getting a glimpse of what once was. Maybe they will simply burn them when I die. Either is okay with me, but I am glad that I saved them so they could have the option.

So, I am down to one book shelf to go through. This has crap, I mean mementos of their school days; papers, art work, report cards, school pictures. Once this is divided up then I will turn up the nagging on (my) Mister. He is suppose to be gathering all the important papers (like insurance info, money account info, etc...) into one space, so when he dies I won't have to scramble around for any of it.

What? Of course he is going to die first. He's an old man according to him, and old people die. I told someone just the other day that even when I am eighty I will not be old, and they could only agree with me. But seriously folks. Do you loved ones a favor and get your business affairs in order. In the event that something does happen to you (and we ARE all going to die someday) do you really want them to have to put their grieving on hold why they look for account info to tie up the lose ends of your life? If you love them you won't put them through this. Think of it as a last gift, and throw in a love note of two among the papers for good measure. Just make sure the important papers are in those plastic page protectors because there WILL be tears of gratitude from your loved one for your thoughtful pre-planning.

2008-07-22T03:33:00.002-05:00

Early morning post.............................

First let me share with you that the wedding was wonderful. A Greek wedding ceremony is steeped in ritual and tradition that I found very meaningful, and it has been about seven years since I have been in a church for something other than a funeral so that was also a refreshing change.

Random, I also discovered how it is that you can wear your highest heels out for the night and keep them on the entire time. Translation... Three cosmopolitans and my feet didn't hurt one tiny bit. Seriously the first time I did NOT kick my shoes off the second the dancing started.

And the food, some of the best I ever tasted. Of course after two cosmos I took three bites and was too full to eat my dinner. Tacky or not table twenty-three ask for doggie bags. Knowing the price of the food, along with the taste we could not see wasting it. Do you think this is why they put us in the way back corner?

Regardless we had a nice time and it was great to spend some quality time with my close circle of friends. This coming Saturday we have another wedding to attend (no weddings in three years and now two in two weeks?). This one is taking place in a park and will be night and day different from the Greek wedding, but I am looking forward to it just as much.

*******************************************************************************

A couple of hours ago (two AM my time), as I was waiting to see if the medicine had kicked in for our current hospice resident, I read the following sentence:

What others think of you is really none of your business.

What?

Read it again.

What others think of you is really none of your business.

WOW! I never looked at it from that angle before, but that is a pretty powerful statement!

We, the people, tend to be so concerned about what others think that we are rarely our true selves. Kind of like how table twenty-three had to first discuss just "how tacky was it" to ask for doggie bags at a wedding instead of just doing it. Or why we feel more comfortable walking into a room full of strangers AFTER someone has told us we look good, and our heels TOTALLY rock. Why our favorite things to hear are phrases like, "I see what you mean," and "You're right."

What's the problem with caring what other people think about us?

I think it becomes an issue when it keeps one from being ones self on a soul level; if what others think stops us from extending comfort or support to another because we are not sure of their response. God forbid you offer someone a hug to show you care and they think you're hitting on them. Right?

Trust me, there is nobody out there that should stop and think more than myself before just blurting out some thought, but how many times have you swallowed an expression of true concern because you wondered how it would be received?

It is a wonderful gift to yourself to be able to comfort another, and feel that you have made a difference in the life of another. Don't let ego take that away from you. Since we are all one, what you do unto others you do unto yourself. What you send out you get back, so do some self-nurturing today and perform an act of kindness towards a (perceived) stranger. And remember, how they receive it, is none of your business.

2008-07-19T05:43:00.004-05:00

Going to a wedding...........................

This picture was forwarded to me by Dee. I am ALMOST ashamed that I find the photo funny. One should not make light of divorce right? Especially someone that has been through it twice, right? But if we can't laugh at ourselves...

Oh! Yes, There were times when I would have happily taken the above brides place. I am grateful those years are behind me. (Yes, Mister, you can relax. It's NOT about you.)

The wedding we are going to this afternoon is the first among our circle of friends. The bride and groom are in their mid and late twenties respectively, and I wish for them not only a magical day today, but everyday they share as husband and wife.

I have been told it is to be a BIG, FAT Greek wedding, and will be my first. I shall let you know if it was anything like the movie. Of course, since I turn into a pumpkin after eight in the evening I will probably miss all the good stuff. Such is life for someone that doesn't get out much.

2008-07-16T08:26:00.002-05:00

Should we filter ALL of our relationships?......................

I just finished sending my oldest an e-mail that was a follow up to a phone conversation last night. The two of us talk about everything and anything, and we are open and honest no matter the topic or how the other might feel about things.

For example, I created some drama a couple of weeks back (see, ego is not fully in check as of yet), having to do with a paper the youngest was writing for her class. I heard the oldest questioning my reason for helping/editing the paper, and I heard her talking to me like she would one of her employees. I am not saying she said the things she said in that way, just that I heard them that way.

So, in my pouty little way, I ignored her for a couple of days (really mature aren't I?) and then when she called next and ask what was wrong I told her that regardless of how old she was I still expected her to speak to me respectfully. Of course she had no clue what I was refering to. Once I shared my opinion she saw things from my point of view and we were able to correct perceptions and move on. A good thing right, since our relationship was once again on an even keel.

After I pushed send on today's e-mail I began to think about the opinions I had expressed and the teasing I did completely confident that she would get the joke and not be upset. This reminded me of our early conversation when I got upset and she didn't have a clue. That got me to thinking about whether or not we should extend the filters we put on our conversations with friends and acquaintances to include our close, intimate relationships.

I don't think so, because I think it would stifle the opportunity for growth on both sides, which is what I believe intimate relationships exist for; growth for the people involved. Since I had a minute to write I thought I would put the question out there and see what the rest of you think about this topic. Please do share. Thanks.

2008-07-15T04:58:00.002-05:00

Another amazing day...................................

I hope that it comes across in my posts that I don't scare easy, because really I don't. Having said that, a home care client that I picked up last week had me trembling Sunday evening when I called her to see whether or not she had decided to let me come back. It was probably all tied up in ego thinking and not wanting to be rejected. Something along those lines anyway.

She grudgingly (again, an ego thought for sure) agreed to let me come see her, so Monday, mid-morning I headed over, praying I didn't put my foot in my mouth by saying something wrong.

I went into her home, apologizing for being ten minutes late. In a deadpan voice (NOT an ego statement) she says, "I noticed," so I went on to explain that I had to get my new hospice resident settled before I could leave. She says (without a hint of humor I might add), "I was just kidding." I re-apologized and went in to wash my hands thrilled she hadn't kicked me out.

As I sat down the woman says to me, "Have you ever treated anyone that had a heart valve replaced?" Like I remember??? Praying I wasn't lying and about to turn into a pillar of salt I replied with confidence, "Oh! Yes!" She continues, "Well, tell me about it."

Remember I am already on pins and needles. You know that candy bar commercial when the guy stuffs the bar in his mouth to give himself a chance to think? That was me! It did occur to me to find out what she was really asking instead of just rushing in to talk. I sent up a quick, "shut my mouth Lord and you do the talking," and went into an explanation of no matter what one has done, after a hospital stay muscles are going to be weak and exercise will be helpful. Then I meekly inquired if she knew someone with this problem. "Yes! Me," she replied. Okay. Now what? She went on to explain that she only had 23% of her heart functioning, and her doctor said she might have to have a valve replaced.

I am not a doctor, and not about to give medical advice. I also, can't just say that and then add, "so let's get on with your exercises." Still asking for diving guidance, the words come out, "So, what does your gut tell you to do?" she said with no hesitation, "Have the surgery." "Do you trust your doctor?" "Oh yes!" She replied. I went on to tell her that what she might want to do them is get all the information she could from her doctor, make a list of pros and cons, and if she has spiritual belief and/or a spiritual support system to utilize these things to help her make her decision. After she assured me that she did have spiritual support, I found myself telling her my story of the note I wrote for the OR staff about my angels being present at my surgery and to feel free to rely on them in need be. SHE ACTUALLY SMILED AT ME, and assured me that she thought it was a great idea not a whacked out one (like I suggested she might think at the beginning of the story).

So, now we are BFFs. She told me that her grandson was coming to paint something for her and that she was making him meatloaf and pumpkin pie. We swapped recipes, and even managed to do a few exercises (I had physical therapy progress to document whether or not that was what she needed at this particular visit. JACO doesn't see trust building at documentable progress).

The best part... At the end of my visit, this woman let out a loud sign of relief and said to me, "I feel so much better after talking to you." If you re-read what I said to her, you will note that I said nothing medical, really I said nothing specific at all. What I did do was listen to her and that listening helped her to put voice to what she was feeling, and gain a small feeling of control over what was happening to her; at least for the moment.

So, the way she came across to me as harsh, was simply a cover for her fear. Once she was able to function outside of that, her true personality came through. Thanks be to God!

Oh! And I promised her I would have everyone pray for a good outcome for her. Thanks ya all!

2008-07-11T05:27:00.002-05:00

From phone calls to miracles...................................

Before I share details, let me share a paragraph from the book The Heart of the Buddha's Teachings. It is s supplement book recommended in the New Earth book club I am attending.

Yes, there is tremendous suffering all over the world, but knowing this need not paralyze us. If we practice mindful breathing, mindful walking, mindful sitting, and working in mindfulness, we try our best to help and we can have peace in our hearts. Worrying does not accomplish anything. Even if you worry twenty times more, it will not change the situation of the world. Even though things are not as we would like, we can still be content, knowing we are trying our best and will continue to do so. If we don't know how to breathe, smile, and live every moment of our life deeply, we will never be able to help anyone. I am happy in the present moment. I do not ask for anything else.

So the past week or so my focus has been on not worrying about things, knowing they will turn out as they are intended to. That is the biggest reason I was able to come to terms with letting Fred go.

Last Sunday, (my) Mister headed up north to bring the trailer home after the youngest had been camping. He called me and told me the truck has died in the middle of the road, just past somewhere (like I know road names?). I ask him why he was calling me, "well because..." I suggested he call AAA instead and let the situation take care of itself. After hanging up I reminded myself that in the now I didn't have truck problems, I was sitting in my living room relaxing. "I am happy in the present moment. I do not ask for anything else." (my) Mister called back about fifteen minutes later and told me he wasn't sure what happen but the truck had started and he was moving again.

Last night my youngest called and said her car was stopped on the side of the road. I ask where she was, and she reported she was on the off ramp of our exit, off to the side out of traffic. RIGHT ACROSS THE ROAD FROM A GAS STATION! She reported that the "add oil" light had come on so I told her to go buy a couple of quarts and dump it in, and then went back to what I was doing. I called her twenty or so minutes later and she reported she was just starting up the car. A nice man had stopped to help her find the place in the car where the oil goes (she shouldn't be driving not knowing this), but that both he and (my) Mister had told her it wasn't an oil problem because there was oil on the dip stick. She put in a quart anyway, on faith from having seen the light flash when the car first stopped. When she got home she says, 'The car runs better than it has in weeks."

Who are we to be granted such great miracles? I have no idea. The three of us sat around last night and gave thanks for the blessings of the week (and there were plenty more than just these two) and for one another. And just think, there are still two day left of the week. Life is great indeed!

2008-07-09T05:52:00.003-05:00

So, Fred is staying home for the time being......................................

If you haven't read the comments from the last post, I will fill you in on the e-mail I received from (my) Mister yesterday morning. Don't tell his boss, but he got on line and found a bunch of systems to build an outdoor space for Fred so that he can be happy, roam, and stay safe.

Yes, Fred has purred his way into (my) Mister's heart, but it is much more than that. He is doing all this for me (and our youngest). Call him old fashioned, but in his world a guy takes care of his family. He fixes their problems and rights the wrongs done to them. He has defined himself as our hero, and this Fred fiasco has him shining up his sword and armor.

That's the really wonderful thing about love and commitment, be it partnership, work relationship, or friendship. If the parties involved can define and carry out those two things to the fullest, ego tends to take a back seat.

Some of our biggest fights have been over stupid things like me insisting that he cut drywall a certain way (like I know about construction), or the way he files (I should say DOESN'T file) things. Just yesterday I was snipping at him because he didn't record a debit purchase in the checkbook. Will I ever learn?

Yet, the big things have never been a source of tension for the two of us. We have never fought over money, child raising, or religion. Okay, the kids were pretty much raised by the time we met, and both of us are following a spiritual path and have no need to attend a church, but still... We support each other's dreams. Never once has he degraded my crazy dreams and ideals, instead embracing them and telling me that he knows I will do anything I put my heart and soul in. And I tell him that he better support me or I won't be letting him ride on my coattails once I am rich and famous!

My point? Take a peek at your relationships. Do any of them need polishing? Is your relationship garden in need of weeding, to help it flourish and bloom? Trust me when I say if you make the effort it will be you that comes out the winner. Approach a problem with love and you will receive a miracle for sure.

There is a poem that goes along the lines of, If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it is yours. If it doesn't it never was. First I have to tell you that one of the creepy guys I used to date sent me this poem and told me he wrote it. I bought it hook line and sinker, and then one day I read it in a published book. Yah! I was that good at picking men back then. My point is, I made the choice to do what I felt was best for Fred, out of love and compassion, and because of another person's love and compassion towards me I got my Freddy boy back. Miracles DO happen every day! Be on the look out and enjoy yours today.

2008-07-08T06:13:00.002-05:00

Fred's next adventure........................................

Yesterday morning one of my neighbors came over and informed me that another neighbor had my Freddy Boy trapped in a live trap. Yes, for you long time readers, this is the same neighbor that has had issue with our dogs.

I had a total meltdown. Upon calling animal control I was told that he did indeed have the right to trap a cat that went onto his property. I broke into uncontrollable sobs over a cat. Not so much that he was trapped, I am sure that Fred just made an adventure out of that, but the idea that he was outside in the sun without water tore me apart. Maybe I have watched too much Animal Planet?

Of course, I couldn't leave to go spring Fred from Jail, but my neighbor went and talked to the guy and he told her he wouldn't give Fred back and that he had to trap him because, 'He just couldn't talk to me." I find this funny because you might recall the letter I wrote to him about the dogs (not a harsh letter at all), that he didn't respond to. The one and only conversation I have had with this man was the time the trash people left trash in the road after dumping mine. He called me threatening to call the city if I didn't get it cleaned up. My reply was to encourage him to call the city on my behalf as I had been calling for two weeks about the sloppy job without success, and that maybe if more of us called the issue would get resolved. He hung up on me.

I had always known that Fred showed up in my life for a reason, and now I am thinking that the reason was to give me a chance to choose not to be angry and bitter at this man for trapping my cat. Reading Tolle's book about pain bodies would leave me to believe that this man behaves like he does to draw other people into his drama with their anger so that his ego can feed off of it. As soon as I was able to push out the horror thoughts about my Freddy being in anything less than stellar conditions I made a conscious choice to pray for this mans happiness. After all, if his life is so miserable that he has nothing better to do with his time than trap neighborhood animals that is totally and completely sad.

Of course I called (my) Mister and sobbed my troubles to him, and then shared the news with our youngest. Above all else, we agreed that we did not want Fred to get trapped again and again by this man. Being a, "Don't fence me in kind of cat" it would also be mean to try and make him a strictly indoor cat, and with all the coming and going around here it would be hard to be successful at that.

Not all relationships are meant to be forever relationships, so to hold onto Fred would be selfish, and not in his best interest. We decided we would surrender Fred to animal control. In tears, I dug out his little life book and wrote the following letter to send with him to increase his chances at adoption:

Hello,
My name is Fred and I am the best ever cat in the world.

Why am I here then? Because I like to roam, and we have a neighbor that does not appreciate that reality. My mommy takes care of senior citizens and can’t leave the house to come find me when I get out so she sent me here to find a new, really great family to take care of me.

I like to go for walks with the family dogs if you have them. I don’t need a leash, but will follow behind and stay right with the group. I have a fabulous personality and promise to make you smile and laugh all day long.

My mommy rescued me from the snow and cold this past March when I jogged the block with her. Unable to find my previous parents, she took me into her home and heart.

My family had been saving up to get me de-clawed and fixed, but you will have to take care of that for me now. Trust me, I will be well worth the effort in entertainment value.

Mommy says I am the most charismatic cat that she has ever met, and that she is thankful for the time that I was in her life. She also says that she will be eternally grateful for whoever gives me a home next.

Will that be you?

I was so proud of our youngest. She called me up and shared with me that she was about half-way through her anger and working towards forgiveness for this man. Like me, the part that bothered her was that he trapped Fred without water and didn't come to us with his concerns.

I had to go do some home care in the afternoon (red eyes and all) so the youngest was here when animal control brought back Fred. She went out to his truck, held out Fred's life book and said, "You have to keep him," and promptly burst into tears. The officer calmed her down, and told her the guy is known for doing this kind of thing but there is nothing that they can do to stop it. He also told her he could tell that Fred was a special cat and he didn't want to see him put down. The officer told her that she needed to keep Fred over night and talk to her mother about what we wanted to do long term.

So Fred came home, plopped down in his favorite chair and took a nap, unfazed by it all. Told you he was a cool cat.

When I walked in the door from seeing clients the first thing I noticed was (my) Mister's red eyes. Since my ego was totally convinced he was jealous of Fred I found this interesting. As we talked about the situation what came out was, "I'm pissed! He made my wife cry." Isn't that the sweetest, most romantic thing you ever heard? A little behind us, he eventually made peace with the fact that the honorable thing to do was find Fred a new home, and send love and blessings to the neighbor. I hope to compose a letter to him today, and will share it when I do.

In the meantime please send good thoughts to Fred that he enjoy his next adventure and that the universe assists in leading him to the perfect new home where he can teach his next life lesson to a deserving family.

2008-07-07T06:09:00.001-05:00

Psychic typing (as in what type are you?) quiz.................................

I am taking a psychic development class, and one of the things that the instructor had us do was to take this quiz to help us figure if we lean towards being clairvoyance (visual), clairsantience (feeling), clairaudiance (hearing), or claircognisance (mind). I am not going to reproduce the entire thing, but if someone wants to take it, let me know and I will give it to you. Basically, the questions are designed to tally how you react to your environment as described above.

This quiz was really hard for me as will become clear as I share the questions with you.

1) What is the first thing that comes to mind the last time you went out to eat?

I honestly couldn't remember the last time I went out to eat.

2) If you were trapped on a deserted island, you would rather have your favorite a) pictures, b) set of comfy clothes, c) CD/MP3 player, d) books.

I would find taking my cat Fred much better company and entertaining, but at least I was able to pick an answer for this one...books.

3) Ask about vacations, a) scenic tour, b) pampered cruise, c) touring with your favorite band, d) working vacation.

There is no place like home.

4) When you arrive at a social gathering or party, you first: a) notice what everyone is wearing, b) find a comfy spot to sit, c) take note of the music, d) map out your environment.

I take a look around to see what needs doing and then take care of it. That is how all of my friends are.

5) When you are talking about your brand new car, you first mention:

I have NEVER purchased a brand new car, never desired to do so, and never plan to do so in the future. I love and appreciate my old, paid for cars.

6) Your friends usually ask you a) does this outfit match, b) why is s/he acting this way, c) what is the word I am looking for, d) how do you get to ____ from here.

All of the above and lots more. My mom should have named me Abby.

7) You are most likely to say, a) I've got the blues today, b) I feel kind of down, c) nothing sounds good right now, d) I think I'm depressed.

I have made it a point to not say anything of this nature because my thoughts create my reality, and I don't give credence to negative thoughts.

8) What do you remember best about your first date a) eye color, butterflies, conversation, random details.

Once I decided what constituted my first date, I remembered it was a group treasure hunt, so then I went back to whether a group thing was a true date or not, got lost on a tangent and decided to just pick "d."

9) You prefer to learn by a) reading or diagrams, b)tactile, c) verbal, D) you just seem to pick it up.

I really need to utilize the first three to cement things into my memory.

10) Your ideal first job would have been a) at a museum, b) daycare or candy striper, c) music store, d) real world job

All I ever dreamed of being was a wife and mother so I picked "b," but now that I am typing this I realize that after being a wife and mother for many years I should have picked "d." What is more real world than being a wife (husband) and mother (father)?

11) Your worst class in high school was?

FINALLY, one I could answer without hesitation, b) math.

12) Favorite class in high school, again, b, the one with your favorite teacher of the school year.

Which happen to be ALL of my classes. As long as I was out of my crappy home environment I was happy with being anyplace else, even math class. It only got the worst class award because of the grade I got, but I loved the teacher.

So, did I make too much of the questions, or over-think them? That's okay... I just relied on my developing psychic feelings and ended up determining that I am prone to using clairsentience. But then we already knew I was a feeling kind of gal didn't we? What brand of psychic are you?

2008-07-06T07:40:00.001-05:00

The Law Of The Garbage Truck.............................

The following story was sent to me and I enjoyed it so much that I thought I would share it with all of you. Consider it food for thought.

I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport . We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so..... Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.

2008-07-01T18:35:00.003-05:00

Needed, but not needed...................................

I got a phone call Monday morning from the couple I was to provide labor support for. As soon as I heard her voice I ask, "Are you in labor?" Her reply, "Well, I was!" As it turns out she was at the hospital for about an hour before the baby was born. Since it was three in the morning, she was waiting to call me. I was so thrilled for them that I couldn't even be disappointed about not being there. She also told me how all the things we talked about really helped her husband be a good support for the short labor. They are such special people that she probably told me that to make me feel better, but I am claiming it as being helpful anyway. BTW, baby is healthy, and according to his mommy, "VERY hansom."

Just as well I wasn't needed at the hospital over the weekend as we have a new hospice resident that moved in on Saturday. Hippa being Hippa, let me just say that he arrived with a bad reputation. Let me also say that the man is dying, and facing a lot of regrets about choices he made in the past. If you put yourself in his place can't you see yourself acting out in one way or another?

So, if you have not done so already, stop living a life of regret before it is your too late. If you have fences to mend, get mending. If you have plans and dreams, get going on shifting them into reality. Stop thinking, "I can't," and get on with, "How?" All things ARE possible for those that truly believe.

This post is not written to brag, or get an ego rush (though ego is pretty pleased with my accomplishments), but to remind everyone to stop and step into the other person's shoes the next time someone is short with you or has an over the top reaction to something or someone. Remember that one doesn't always know the full, behind the scene story.

By reminding myself (every few seconds at first) not to take his reactions personally, and giving him unconditional positive regard, he has become calm, thankful, and expressing gratitude for his surroundings. Trust me, this was not by my doing. For the first two days I went anywhere near him I first prayed that God keep MY mouth shut and that he say the words that this man needed to hear in order to trust that we had his best interest at heart. In addition, the entire time I was with him I was keeping a running plea in my head for help from all of my (and his) angels. Now that I have learned a bit about how he likes things I am starting to trust myself to go into a conversation without so much care, and things are fine. It has been an amazing blessing to be a part of this transformation, and I am the one that is blessed.

If I don't get back to post before, have a safe, happy holiday. My oldest will be turning twenty-nine on the fourth of July. How time flies when we're having fun!

2008-06-26T07:01:00.000-05:00

Finishing touches.........................................

It was one year ago last May that I picked out the new tile for the walls and floor for the bathroom that we are remodeling downstairs. For a year it was either no time or no money for the project, finally we were able to hire the job out and we started to see progress.

It is shaping up nicely now, and we are finally in the home stretch. I am holding out on pics for the final outcome but I will share a little bit.

The shower/wall tile is hard to describe, but is darker, and then we have a small black band of tile that goes around the room (about half way up) on the (one) tiled wall and shower. We have a lighter colored tile on the floor and bottom half of the walls. Then I got a black toilet that sort of grounds the light tile and brings the top and bottom of the room together.

I found a really cool antique oak cabinet that our carpenter is making into a vanity and my sink is the kind that the people in the Holler commercials would drool over.

Now we come to the counter top, the last real expense of the project. Since we have all these other top of the line products we couldn't skimp on that (even though the part of the basement outside this bathroom is cement walls, studs on the ceiling, exposed pipes/duct work, storage/work-out area/furnace room/laundry room/just-plain-unfinished mess) could we now? We are getting the coolest stone counter that is black but has sparkles in it that pick up the light. The room is not that big and is rectangle shaped with the shower taking up the entire end of the room. I wanted a corner soap dish installed (along with the two I had installed into the wall of the shower. I hate all those bottles of shower supplies sitting all over the floor), and I thought it would be a cool tie-in to have the soap dish made out of the counter top stone. This silly thing cost $75.00 dollars. Ya! I'm that spoiled...

This is funny, because I have been working so hard to save money at the grocery store, consolidate trips to save gas, opt not to enter races I did last year to save the entry fees, all to get us to the finish line of being debt free (except our home) by early fall.

But I needed it. Right? I will make it back in re-sale value when the house is sold. Right? Quality is a good investment. Right? One justification after another...

Maybe there is no good reason to spend $75.00 on a soap dish beyond the fact that I wanted it. Now we are totally into ego, entitlement, selfishness, me, me, me.

So I will take ownership. Fortunately it wasn't a $75,000.00 car I wanted. I paid cash, there is food on the table, and gas in the cars. I am blessed beyond measure and count those blessings daily, and with gratitude. It is the spoiled brat in me that is making me type: Just wait until you see the pictures of the finished bathroom. Then you will get it!

2008-06-22T06:18:00.000-05:00

To let you all know I am alive and well.............................

The plan was to post yesterday (Sunday). I got out of bed early to do just that. Being the good mother I am, I opted to first look up a bit of research for the paper my youngest has to write for the summer class she is taking. That filled the first hour of my day yesterday, then I started my morning resident care routine. Once breakfast was over I decided I could not stand the futon mattress in the middle of the living room floor one more second (this is where it landed when the youngest sat up her garage sale last Thursday). That led to vacuuming, which made the other rooms look bad... Then I noticed that the pond was low on water - lunch break (fixing, not taking time to eat) - weeding, lawn mowing, a little tiff with (my) Mister. Where-in-the-world- did-the-day-go-it-is-already-time-to-make-dinner??? Tarot homework, a few business e-mails, and sorry folks but I put food ahead of posting.

But I had a good week, in spite of being crazy busy. I instantly remembered what I didn't like about home care (dealing with people's schedules) and driving in summer construction traffic) and what I did like (the sweetest little old people and all of their little quirks). I also discovered the job is like riding a bike... After five years I wondered if I would forget anything, but the medical terms shorthand came right back and my soap notes are as long as ever (when I was in school we were scared into believing if you didn't write it down it didn't happen and if it didn't happen you could be hauled into court and have your note blown up to life size and tore apart by some cut throat attorney) Needless to say, in my quest for perfection, if someone sniffles I not only document it, but why I think they did it, why they think they did it, why their caregiver (if they have one) thinks they did it, and what each person in turn plans to do about it.

I saw one lady that was being seen after a total knee replacement. She had one tiny area of her incision that MAYBE looked a little red. She ask me about it. If this were one of my residents I would have pushed around on the area, seen if it had any puss or was open, and through some triple antibiotic ointment on it, checked her temp a couple times a day and kept an eye on it. Easy peasy... In this case I took her temp (97.4) felt to the way outside of the incision for any warm areas. Did NOT touch the actual incision because I am neither a nurse or a doctor.

While I was doing this the client was telling me she didn't know when the nurse was coming out. I can fix that, call the office. This is the same office I worked for five years ago, so the receptionist recognized me, and put me through to a supervisor. I left a message detailing the knee and the client's concerns and then called the PT I work with ( a PTA has to be supervised by a PT) and left him a message telling him what I had done. As I am leaving he calls me and tells me this client is a rehab only and she doesn't have a nurse coming in. At least I now know why she couldn't remember her name! In this case, I am to call the doctor's office directly, and speak to his nurse. This I did, and of course was told to tell the client to simply keep an eye on it. Then I had to call the office back and tell the supervisor to disregard my first message and that the matter had been addressed with the doctor's office so it was all good. And then, as soon as I had hung up from that one of my resident's son's called to go over his mom's medication list for an upcoming doctor's visit. Fortunately, I have a good memory for those things so I was able to give him a list of all the non-prescription meds/supplements.

And yes, I will confess to doing all this while driving. I really do not like to talk while I drive, but I has another sweet client waiting for me to do her PT visit and they get really upset and worried if you are not right there when you say you will be. If they get worried, the blood pressure goes up, and I discover it, have to report it, and the cycle begins itself all over again...

Hope you all had a great week and that this one turns out to be just what you want it to be! I don't expect to be that busy and will try to post soon.

2008-06-17T06:39:00.002-05:00

Race review.......................................

Though I seem to have been lost from blog-land, I did not get lost in the woods this year at our (third) annual trail race. Due to an injury and a last minute emergency-had-to-drop-out, we ended up doing the race with five runners instead of six. The first year the race director informed us that it couldn't be done, but what the hell, no one has ever called any of us quitters.

I headed to the woods with our trailer (actually, (my) sweet Mister hauled it up and dropped me off and then came home to handle OP duty... WHAT A GUY!) two days before the actual race, and it was the first time since December that I have actually been totally, and completely alone. Talk about Heaven on Earth!

On Thursday, the area got more rain, the river was rising, and a bridge had been washed out. I sent out the SOS to bring extra shoes, and to plan on getting wet, and by Friday night I had been joined by the rest of the team.

We opt to camp at the end of the 78 mile race course, so bright and early (4:00 AM) we were up and preparing for our latest, greatest, adventure. In addition to only having five runners, one of them was only six weeks post knee surgery. With a trail full of hills we opted to each do a leg and from them on plan as we go. Finish or not we set out to have a great time, which is exactly what we did.

I am going to finish this post by sharing the post-race e-mails sent out yesterday. It really sums up why I am foolish enough to get up at 4:00 in the morning and spend the next 13 plus hours fighting towards the finish line. This weekend is about much more than running a race. It is about friendship and teamwork. It is about bonding and supporting one another. It is about living life instead of just going through the motions. Enjoy the comradely...

************************************************************************************

Hey All! We made it home safe too- glad to hear everyone is back and settled.

So-- I looked up our time from last year and it was 13:07 (not adjusted) That means with us at 13:17 and some change this year we were only 10 minutes slower than last year with only 5 people!!!! This to me is insane and I would not have bet money we could do it going into it. Not that I don't have confidence in us but it is a tough race! I think our teamwork, positive attitudes, and flexibility all came together and is the reason we did so well. Every single person was a huge, integral part to our team and we could not have done it without the people we had. That and the crack cookies ( one of the guys brought these insanely good homemade cookies and the way everyone was eating them we were joking that he must have put crack in them) I suppose... ;-)

I have attached our times and paces from this year- as a team we were right about 10 minute pace! Can you believe it? I am so proud of us you guys- those trails are beasts and we conquered them! XXX- we hope you had fun and will consider doing this again. XXX- you are a maniac in a great way and that is all I have to say. XXX, I would promise you don't have to do that 6.4 gut buster next year but that is what I said last year so no promises! Mom (me)- I am still skipping because we did not get lost on that evil leg- that one is yours forever. I have pictures but am having problems getting them downloaded so I will send later. We Northern "Crushed" (our team name is Northern Crush) my expectations of this weekend in both fun and performance. You all rule.

**********************************************************************************

Well, I to made it home and just finished my first post race jog, and let me tell you that smooth flat pavement felt good. I felt as if I was flying the effort of climbing hill after hill no longer present. I was actually surprised my legs are almost back into working condition and with a little more time and stretching things should work themselves out.

I feel as if I have re-discovered my love for running and owe it to each and everyone of you for not giving up when things were not going our way and making me get off my butt and get moving again. Maybe this time I can stick to it and be more of an assist next year

As for finishing, well that I never doubted. I knew our team was Strong and the challenge of this year has only made each and every one of us a stronger runner. Have a great summer everybody and don't forget to mark your calender next year :)

**********************************************************************************

Good lord, Northern Crush! Did you see that, with our handicap adjustment, we were 20 out of 28 in our division, 35 out of 49 overall? Wow!! That’s pretty fantastic for a team of 5 who wondered if we’d finish! Last year we were 26 in our division, 46 overall. We even improved, a lot, on our standing from last year!

So it looks like we have even one more reason to be proud! What a great performance by every last one of us. No runners were lost (not this year, not on our team, though that “evil leg” still trapped some teams!), the trucks got to the exchange points with time to spare (no mean feat with some of the roads nearly washed away!), and our runners came in fast and strong. 5 people, 15 legs, 77.8 miles. What a tremendous effort, what a great success!

Congratulations all around. This was a whole lot of fun and a great story to tell for years to come. I am certainly happy to be part of this team.

***********************************************************************************

Hi you crazy running types,

Being new, I have no experience to compare this year to previous years, but, it feels like we collectively kicked ass (he is SO right about that!). What a wonderful experience and thank you for inviting me to play. I would like to play again next year if you’ll have me. I’ll make another batch of crack cookies, I promise. It’s been fun telling my friends about the race and all the wonderful people, they think I’m nuts, so that makes all of you, well, um, nuts too! Hopefully my legs will quit aching soon so I can hit the roads again, my training now is going to include trail running. Gotta go for now. Have a GREAT day.

2008-06-10T06:09:00.002-05:00

The (really cool) return of my past.........................

Several days back I was sitting with some thoughts about potential employment. Not as in "what am I going to be doing in six months," but of all the things I will capable/able to do six months from now. One of the thoughts that came into my head was traveling back to home care physical therapy with my friend who has a home care therapy company. The thought came in, I went, "mmmm," and the thought went on and that was that.

Until this past Saturday when this friend called me and ask me to do some visits for him. After saying yes, I thought to myself, "Did my thoughts create my reality? Did I pull this to me by thinking it? Or is he just desperate for help and my ego is having a hey-day with the other thoughts?" I settled on a combination of all three.

After this coming weekend I have no races scheduled so I can use the time I was using to run to help out a friend and take a look at how it feels to work outside my house after being home for so long.

With life being life, it has been about a year since we actually talked, so his next bit of news really knocked me for an exciting loop. He is having his fourth child sometime next month. His youngest of three girls is four, and this child is a boy so that is pretty cool. They found out about the pregnancy on his wife's fortieth birthday so I would say the number four might have some significance in their world, and I am hoping for a fourth of July birth. That is my oldest's birthday and she has always loved it.

Anyway, my friend and his wife have ask me to provide labor support for their birth and I am thrilled beyond belief. It has been around ten years since I last had the privilege to do this. It will be a refreshing change of pace to step out of the life cycle of death and witness the life cycle of birth. Now I just have to brush up on my Lamaze breathing and review the stages and progression of labor and delivery and I will be all set.

Oh! To help me out, please include this couple and baby in your prayers during the last month of pregnancy and that the outcome will be a safe, joyous, healthy birth when the time comes.

2008-06-05T05:20:00.003-05:00

The power of now..........................

I know you must all be getting sick of me and my chatter about the changes in my life since discovering Eckhart Tolle. Even I have had a moment or two where I thought I might be off my rocker for taking something so in stride that used to blast me from zero to rage in ten seconds or less. If I am getting too Pollyanna for you I will understand you skipping out on this blog for a while.

With my first disclaimer out of the way, I next have to say that details will be sketchy because my story has to do with a resident and I want to respect the privacy rights.

Okay. I think I am ready to share...

There has been a situation brewing with a resident for a couple of weeks now, that mostly has to do with me being at a point of questioning my ability to care for her from a safety aspect, being that I am a staff of one.

In the last couple of weeks of consciously practicing being present/ in the now, I have caught myself in mind chatter on a regular basis. Yesterday I found this going on about the resident situation. Instead of being in the now I was worrying about the future. Her safety, my potential loss of income, blah, blah, blah. Projecting into a future that had not happen was not helping the situation so I had a very in the now conversation with (my) Mister and told him it was time to share my concerns with the family and see what happen.

I dialed the phone vowing to stay open and present to whatever came up.

Of course I got voicemail... But you know what? I hung up the phone and went and read a book. I didn't revert back to my old habit of ruminating on the problem, and/or potential solutions. In that moment I didn't have a problem, I only had a book to enjoy.

Now for the really cool part...

While I was reading my book, and then taking a bike ride with my youngest a solution presented itself to us. I am not sharing the details, but I will say it is not anything that would have ever occurred to me in a thousand years and yet it appears it is the exact perfect answer for everyone involved. I am amazed, thrilled, and grateful beyond belief.

With results like this how can I NOT be all caught up in the power of now? It is much easier than all the emotional drama I used to call my life, not to mention MUCH less stressful!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

And in my defense for the above post topic, I want to tell you that when I was sitting in the hot tub last night the tiniest, most perfectly shaped leaf fell into the water with me and I was planning on taking a picture of it to share with all of you but I couldn't find it this morning so I had to come up with a new post idea.

If it turns up...

2008-06-03T05:54:00.002-05:00

Send money please...............................

If you want to do that in the form of cold hard cash, feel free, but I was thinking more along the lines of positive thinking and ideas to generate money.

My youngest has projected that she needs to get ten thousand dollars in the bank to keep on top of her plan to cash flow college. Currently she is not getting full time hours at her hospice job and this is throwing her plan off a bit. We talked about her getting a second job and decided that there were other ways of making money that didn't require schedule commitments.

She has had a couple of garage sales and made about fifty dollars. HUGE bonus for me, she emptied her room to sell things and I CAN FINALLY SEE THE FLOOR OF HER ROOM for the first time in years! I swear ALL of the pets wander around in her room now with a look of "where am I?" on their faces.

She has put a few things on Craig's list but they haven't moved yet. Does anyone have any great, unusual, ideas that have worked for them in the past to raise money? Yes! It has to be legal! Her goal is to raise an extra $2000.00 and she has raised between three and four hundred of that amount since the middle of May.

When you are throwing up your requests to the Universe throw a few up for my kid that she might get some money tossed her way okay? And if you have any junk you want to send her way to sell, all donations are appreciated.

Speaking of the Universe, you might find this kind of amusing...

Late yesterday afternoon a marking guy for a home health/hospice company came to my door. Being in the middle of making dinner I invite him into the kitchen to give me his pitch, after I warned him that I was more than satisfied with my current home health/hospice team.

He started by telling me about how big his company was and all the awards that had been bestowed upon them. I deflated his balloon by telling him I believed that any company was only as good as the staff at the moment, and this sorta ended his marketing call.

He noticed the dogs and ask how many animals I had. I told him and he replied that his family "was looking for the perfect cat for the girls." I told him it might sound nuts but all he needed to do (if he was serious about wanting one) was to ask the Universe and the perfect cat would come to them. For some reason this prompted the man to ask me what religion I was. I got to say he held it together pretty good when I told him I was spiritual not religious, and believed that God was more loving than to hold a position that there was only one REAL religion/lifestyle (as so many faiths believe) and that the rest of us were all going to hell.

He told me he was raised Catholic, strayed from the church for years, started back with his family, didn't like the priest, found a church with a younger priest, and now he is content (what was I saying about an institution only being as good as it's current staff?) attending with his wife and daughters.

I went on to tell him that I would feel comfortable in any worship service (okay, maybe not if there were sacrifices going on), but I was most happy interacting with God on a one to one basis. Oh! I also told him about my free hospice house that I was waiting for my investor to show up and fund.

As he was leaving he told me I reminded him of his Aunt Dorthy, the one that had like a hundred and ten cats and was SUPER religious. I laughed with him and told him I sensed he would be having some great dinner conversation about our visit. He ended by saying he couldn't wait to check back and see how things were progressing with the hospice house and I concurred.

See, in the end, we found something we had in common.

2008-06-02T05:29:00.002-05:00

Notre Dame revisited...............................

This time it was for our (fourth) annual 10K (6.2 miles) race.

I got into town Friday, late afternoon, with plenty of time to pick up our race packets and fix a great pre-race dinner. With both wheat and tomatoes on my do not eat list the girls were more than happy to forgo the normal spaghetti and bread sticks and eat what I was having; fresh green beans, asparagus, and some pasta made from rice and vegetables, dressed with a little oil.

The next morning, as I stumbled my way to the coffee pot a wave of nausea came over me. How strange is that? Stranger still is both of the girls were feeling the same thing. The only thing that seemed the reasonable culprit was the balsamic vinegar I had used on the asparagus. Who knew vinegar could go bad? And what did it matter at that point? We had a race to run.

I really enjoyed the race course this year, for a couple of reasons. First, because I have ran it enough that it is familiar and thus comfortable. Second, working with the homeopathic doctor has really helped my breathing. I didn't wheeze once while running, and was able to control my breathing the entire race. I suppose I should add that I may have had an easier time controlling my breath because each time I tried to push my legs a little faster I got that cold, clammy, followed by chills feeling, that would cause me to drop back to my normal running pace.

I did have a few thoughts about whether or not this would be the race I would receive my DNF (did not finish) status. When these would surface, I would focus on staying in the now, in being present and say things like, "Right now you are running fine. No problems or concerns, right this moment." Which was exactly true. Worrying about feeling sick and whether or not I could keep running (thoughts about an unknown future) were hindering my race. As long as I stayed focused on the actual present time/step, I REALLY didn't have any trouble, and before I knew it I saw the dome and then was running onto the the Notre Dame football field with one more race behind me. My time? 1:08;58. No PR (personal record), but I was very happy with the time as well as the entire experience.

Here is another way to explain why I was able to finish a race that I could have as easily dropped out of, in the words of Eckhart Tolle, from his book, The Power Of Now:

As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out of present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action.

Enjoy your day!

2008-05-27T07:06:00.003-05:00

MAJOR ego breakthrough.................

Before I share, I wanted to give A New Earth, by: Eckhart Tolle one more plug. If you are unhappy about anything in your life, read this book. If there is any lack in your life, read this book. If there are any people in your life you think should change, read this book. If you do read this book and it doesn't speak to you in the first few chapters, put it on the book shelf and it will show up in your life again when you are ready for it.

I started reading the book when Oprah was doing her New Earth Series. I read the first chapter, wasn't that impressed, and put the book down. Having an XM radio I happened on the second lesson talk, that got my interest up enough to compel me to picked the book back up. Going through the next eight weeks I learned lots about ego and about myself, but I can't say I put all of the ideas into practice right away.

About a month and a half ago I discovered that there was going to be a group discussing the book and I decided it might be fun to go through the book again in a group setting and see if it turned up anything I had missed on my own. I was the only "student" to show up, but the two of us went ahead and started talking about the book.

Again, this past Saturday, it was just he and I that came together to discuss how to tame our egos. I am sure that it was total divine intervention that no others showed up because I would not have opened up in a group setting. Not because I have something to hide, or am ashamed of how I am, but simply because I am one of those people that hate it when a person in a group asks a completely personal question. In a group setting I only ask questions that I feel would be beneficial for the entire group to hear, and save the individual questions for a one on one with the instructor.

After discussing our homework from the previous week we moved into the new lesson and before I knew it I was discussing the (eight year) state of my marriage.

As I told the instructor, I am married to a great guy. We agree on all the important things in life. He is loving, supportive, and helpful beyond belief, and there is no one I would rather be with than he. That being said, every single disagreement/fight/argument/conflict/etc... that we have ever had has stemmed from the fact that I don't feel heard by him.

I went on to say that I know without a doubt that the two of us could/would have the world's greatest relationship ever, if he would just validate me by listening. If he would do this for me I know we could then move forward towards bliss. {How many of you have the same one or two points of contention that keep getting rehashed but never resolved in your relationships?}

Being a wise counsel, my instructor ask me where I thought this need stemmed from. This was easy. Childhood. I was never listened to as a kid, and if I tried to have my opinion count it usually resulted in physical punishment. I was looking to my spouse to assist me in healing these childhood wounds.

The instructor then said the most amazing thing:

Your emotional attachment of trying to be heard falls into an attachment to the idea of being felt heard.

So what was behind my need to be heard? Ego, of course! It was as if someone had opened the shades in a darkened room. Way back, all those years ago, my ego grabbed onto the pain of my childhood and replayed it over and over in order to stay in charge of me. If I believe the idea that all we have is an exact moment in time, why was I letting past feelings keep me from living in the moment? What purpose is this serving beyond that of my ego?

Does it change my self-worth if I feel not listened to? Only from an ego perspective. Does it keep me from growing as a person? Again, only if I give into the notions that my ego would have me give into. As I sat in that classroom and tried to find one valid reason why I should have an attachment to another person's behavior being a certain way I became liberated.

Seriously, I am going to do anything I need to do regardless of what anyone else says or doesn't say to me. What was happening is that I was letting my ego be in charge and was fighting for some perceived notions that it was another person's job to fix me, or make me whole, when in actuality I was whole all along.

Since the last class, I have made no requests what-so-ever of (my) Mister (on an interpersonal level that is. I continue to convey day to day messages/requests to him), and I really have felt no need to. I stay focused on being in the now and I think this has caused some confusion for him. Here is an example of a conversation between us since my last class:

(him ~ initiating the conversation) "I can't just sit down and talk to you."

(me ~ reminding myself to stay in the moment of now) "Okay. Then don't worry about sitting down and talking to me."

(him ~ visibly confused by my lack of argument) "But I want to sit down and talk to you."

(me ~ truly feeling I had nothing vested either way) "Okay, then sit down and talk to me."

After a few seconds he walked away, and I went about my business.

My desire is to learn to let go of all of the attachments I have to other people's behaviors towards me and continue to stay in the peace of now. I will keep you informed with how well I progress.

And just in case you want to join in, here is some homework that you can do whether or not you have read the book:

Make a list of what you need to be fulfilled.

Why does the actions (or in-actions) of another person determine my feelings of fulfillment?

2008-05-26T08:06:00.003-05:00

Neighborhood Potty............................

As our downstairs bathroom remodel progressed it was time to toss out the old toilet. It was actually loaded into the dumpster when my youngest told me the neighbor down the road told her she was looking for a toilet for her back yard. Since I am all about recycling, we hauled it out and down to her.

The best part of the story is how it came to us in the first place.

When we moved into our house (nineteen years ago) another family moving into our basement at the same time. So they didn't have to come upstairs to use the facilities I wanted to put a toilet and sink downstairs. As luck would have it, the neighbors to the side of us were doing a bathroom remodel at that time and were happy to pass on the old stool, sink, and medicine cabinet (the ones original to their house when it was built twenty years prior) for us to use.

So, now three neighborhood homes are linked by the lineage of a toilet, and we are taking bets to see what happens to the toilet twenty years from now?

Gives a whole new meaning to "flower pot" doesn't it?

2008-05-20T05:39:00.002-05:00

Time is a great healer..........................

This past weekend was a joyous, celebratory one for our family. My oldest daughter received her Master's degree from Notre Dame. Twenty-nine and ready to tackle the world!

Unable to find a suitable caregiver for the level of care our current respite resident requires (my) Mister volunteered to miss the festivities, so my youngest and I headed off to South Bend on Friday to attend a banquet for the 20 Master's recipients, a family picnic on Saturday, and the actual graduation Sunday morning. My oldest daughter's dad (and family) joined in for the picnic and graduation activities.

For those of you in the middle of a stressful relationship with an ex/soon to be ex these next words are for you. It does/will get better. When I checked in with (my) Mister on Saturday he ask what I was doing and I (jokingly) replied, "Bonding with my ex over charcoal."

The original plan was that dad be in charge of the grill. Stuck in traffic, we moved on to plan B and started the coals. When they arrived the first of the chicken was on, and the oldest "didn't know how to tell if it was done," so I took over. After the initial hellos, I noticed dad sitting in a lawn chair. Without really thinking about it, I went over, put my hand on his shoulder (maybe should have thought about doing that with the daggers I felt fly out of the eyes of his wife, but what's done is done), and said to him, "~~~ was totally planning on you being in charge of the grill, we just got things started while you finished the drive. Feel free to jump in anytime and take over for me." "Really?" he said, I brought my apron. It's in the car," and he was up and gone to get it in a flash (I REFUSE to comment on the fact that he had to have an apron in the first place, especially since he tied it at his waist instead of over his neck... Trying to be nice here).

So there I am, minding my own business, enjoying the sun along with a little spiked cranberry juice when dad says to me, "We're going to need a hotter fire. Any suggestions?" WOW! It's been over twenty years since the man voiced any need of my opinion or help (NOT that I can say it has been over twenty years since I offered it anyway, but...). Gotta tell you it was a little strange...

And then it wasn't.

Everything sorta shifted, and while not totally normal, it seemed right somehow, fitting that we would be sharing in the preparations and celebrations of our first born. That took center stage as all the bitterness, anger, and pain, took it's rightful place as a distant memory of what once was, but now isn't needed. Though morphed somewhat, we will always be connected to one another through our children, even as they progress through adulthood. What a blessing it is to be able to share in the joy of their accomplishments without the burdens of the past.

So, feeling all proud and happy over my oldest daughter's accomplishments, my wish for all of you out there in a painful relationship is that it not take twenty years for you to find the peace that her father and I seemed to have found with one another.

2008-05-16T05:15:00.002-05:00

Call me crazy, but..................

You might remember how Fred came into our lives, by joining us for a short jog on a cold day. He continues to do this from time to time, always stopping at the end of the street. I bought him a cute little (elastic) collar, but he hates it and prefers to roam as a, "Don't fence me in kind of cat."

The night before last Fred joined us when we took the two dogs for a walk around the block. I kinda thought he would stop at the corner, but he followed us down and around. Strange as it might sound, he was really walking with us. He didn't wander into yards, or exhibit other cat behaviors, simply followed us about two to three feet behind the entire way.

Now the best part... When we arrived back at our house, Fred stopped at the neighbors and did his business, just like he had been taking walks and relieving himself during the course of the walk forever! I am not sure which my youngest thought more incredulous, that Fred was accompanying us on our walk or the fact that she "Had to clean up after a cat, don't they use litter boxes?"

Maybe the reason Fred fits in so well around here is that in our house all of the stereotypical rules are blurred. We don't really work on a system of "this is my job and that is your job," we all just sort of pitch in and do what needs doing. While I purchase both dog and cat food, all of them eat what is out, and our girl dog, Emma has been known to jump her cat sister, Franny from time to time in a show of dominance. Now, I am not saying I am proud of this, just that it is what it is, and I am okay with it.

Have you ever wondered how many of these behavior rules got set up in the first place? My guess is it started for some one's benefit. Often something will start out as a working idea and end up being touted as gospel. Take relationships for example. One is not suppose to be friends with their boss. I get this might be a bad idea if the boss needs to discipline the friend regarding a work matter, but I have been here with a "friend" that accepted a management position. It was touch and go for a while until we figured out how we were suppose to act within the new dynamic. Looking back on the situation (being the model employee and all) I can no longer see the need for what I then believed we should change.

And then we have the more intimate relationships. Boys are suppose to date girls and vice-versa. Only a male and female are allowed the benefits of marriage. One's relationship really isn't intimate unless it is sexual. Are you reading between the lines that I no longer want to follow these rules? Sorry to disappoint you I am content where, and with whom I am with. But I will go on to say one of the most intimate relationships I ever had was with a female back in high school, and NO! We didn't have sex. But we sure did share. We wrote letters to one another daily, cried together over our joys AND disappointments, held nothing back from one another. I don't know that I have ever been that open and honest with anyone since.

For a time between marriages I also shared a house with another female and her two sons. We were partners in every since of the word, again except the sex, but don't you know lots of married couples that don't have sex? Because we didn't have a marriage license we couldn't share insurance benefits or family discounts even though we were living as a family. Something is wrong with that picture in my view.

How did a cat behaving like a dog turn into a discussion on what constitutes the correct relationship? Don't ask me... All I am saying is, having been married and divorced twice (and now married again), I have to admit that a ceremony and the blessing of the state was not enough to constitute a healthy, lasting union. Marriage is much more than a piece of paper, and yet many benefits are denied couples that exemplify the love and mutual respect that a marital union should have, because they are not allowed to have the coveted piece of paper and all that that piece of paper grants. Who are any of us to say what is right for anyone but ourselves? If we happen to be born into the body of a cat why oh why is it so strange to want to go for an evening walk with one's family? What is the harm? Is it really taking anything away from any other dog?

The time has come in our world to practice tolerance and acceptance. Period! No one person has all the answers and no one person can make judgement calls for the good of all. The beauty of the human spirit is that we are all different. It is time that we all stop trying to fit ourselves into the same four or five square pegs. The world will not come to an end because we agree to live and let live. In fact the destruction of the world will come out of trying to make others believe in what we believe in. Think about it. I am done preaching for now...

2008-05-15T05:49:00.002-05:00

Manifesting gutters...........................

We need new gutters for our house. I am sure that the ones currently attached (if you can still call them attached) are the original to the house. As of last Saturday, I had done nothing about the gutters except for writing the need down on my list of expected summer purchases, with the desire that we would have the funds for them this June.

A friend of a friend showed up Saturday afternoon, canvasing for a construction company and ask if it would be okay to send someone out Monday to give us an official estimate. Why not? Especially when we were assured we would be getting the friends and family discount.

The guy showed up Monday evening (They have to have both wife and husband present. Do you think that either would really buy gutters without the other one being aware? I know halves of couples that have been known to sneak shoes or tools into the house without getting caught, but gutters?) I really try and not judge people, but this man simply dripped sleaze. He gave off that vibe of the older guy that is still trying to be a chick magnet when you know full well he wasn't even a chick magnet in his twenties. Bold, gold jewelry, shirt with one button too many open at the neck, bad, bad, dye job. I fully understand how hard a job in sales is, and that it must be terrible to be told no all of the time, but this guys problem went much deeper than that. You would be proud that I didn't wipe my hand on my pants after shaking hello, but I digress from my story.

It took him all of five minutes to measure our house and come in with his little gutter model. The gutters are shot, I get that, but to hear this man talk, our roof (less than 12 years old) was also in complete disrepair and desperately needed replacing. And goodness knows what damage the company would be finding once the old gutters where taken off the house. CRAP, CRAP, CRAP! Designed to scare us into a purchase. I was polite, simply smiled at him and told him he might be correct, but we would not be getting a roof this year.

In case none of you have looked into gutters lately, they now have a kind that has a type of shield designed to keep debris out of the gutter. His estimate for this kind of gutter was over six thousand (NO! not a typo) dollars, the old fashion kind coming in at over three thousand bucks. Fortunately, (my) Mister is used to by assertive ways, because after I picked my jaw off the floor I calmly looked at him and said, "I think that price is too high and we can do better than that don't you?" He mumbled an agreement, not speaking clearly I think because he was still in shock at the price. Can you imagine his quote without the family discount? Me neither.

Tuesday morning (my) Mister called and told me he found someone else to give us an estimate and they would be coming over after dinner to give us another quote. This young kid shows up in shorts and a T-shirt, polite beyond belief. He kinda looked familiar, and when he told me his VERY unusual first name I ask him his last name and discovered I knew his family well and had "known" him since he was about five years old. He told us it would take him about twenty minutes to measure the house and come up with an estimate, and we actually saw him going around the house and doing so, unlike the last guy. When he came in he had a couple of questions about the current placement of the down spouts, and while he wasn't showing off, one could tell by the way he talked that this kid knew his gutters, and he wasn't just a sales person.

Ready for the good part. As we were talking, okay, I mean while I was telling him about the other estimate we had received, (my) Mister made the statement, "Ya! I was looking through the phone book for another company and your ad just sort of jumped out at me." I looked at (my) Mister and said, "You know that was divine intervention don't ya?" and the kid never missed a beat. And ya, his out the door price for the same system was two thousand two hundred. A four thousand dollar difference. His company will be installing new gutters on our house the second week in June.

My point of boring you all with this tale of two gutter companies? Pay attention to the intent you set. Like I said in the beginning, I had written down that we needed new gutters and I would like to get them in June, but the rest of the story happened without me doing another thing and hardly giving the process another thought. Make sure, once you determine a need, that you pay attention to what comes to you. I have had things come into my life only to leave before I realized it was an answer to a thought or request of mine. Lots of times I think we not only have a need, but a notion of exactly how that need is going to get fulfilled. Sometimes this can lead to our missing out on special blessings, and sometimes the need itself.

So, in my quest to turn you all into manifesters, sent an intent for something. Write it down, stay positive, and mostly stay open to the way in which it will come to you. And make sure you let me know what happens.

2008-05-12T12:35:00.002-05:00

Update......................

Remember the post in which I shared my brush with identity thief? The post that mysteriously disappeared.

Well, I held my thoughts of resolution of the situation, and am happy to report that the money has been credited back to my account.

I am not sure how much I shared about the letter I faxed to continue the process of denial of the purchase, but in that letter I shared how I have never purchased or played a computer game and that I would be happy to submit my computer or any computer in my household to the bank so they could look for computer games. At the end of that paragraph I put, " Now if it had been a shoe purchase..."

Towards the end of last week I received the exact same paper work that I had first received from the bank telling me they had determined the purchase valid. I contacted the bank and told them I had not only faxed a letter, but had followed up and been told the fax had been received, and I had no idea why I was getting a copy of the paperwork they had already sent to me. Long story short, the lady I talked to actually did her job, looked me up and found that no fax had been recorded. Then she told me, "Fax it again, and I will call you back when I get it." Talk about doing one's job above and beyond! Then she called me back and told me the person "handling" my case was not in this day, and I had not signed the letter (had typed my name, but forgot to sign), but as soon as I did and faxed it back, her manager would credit the money back to my account. Not sure I heard correctly, but not wanting to question my good fortune of the other person being sick and my case going to the higher court so to speak, I told her thanks and faxed the signed letter pronto. Yesterday when I checked my balance there was the money, right back where it belonged.

Happy as I am, and let me tell you I feel blessed and grateful beyond belief, but I still have a few questions. I don't understand what if anything in my letter caused the change of feeling with the manager, or did she just not want to have to deal with it on a Friday afternoon? My big question is this still does nothing to discover who committed the fraud in the first place, thus does nothing to stop him/her from doing it again. I still have no idea of what else can be done to stop this person from doing this to others, and that was my main intent in pushing my point of innocence.

For now the money sits in my account waiting for it to be needed to help out another deal with a fraudulent situation as I pledged the money to that purpose upon its return. I continue to hold the intent that the person responsible for the Internet purchase will be brought to light and any further crimes against others by this person will be stopped. I will be sure and keep you informed of any further updates.

2008-05-08T06:00:00.002-05:00

Is it all in my head?............................

Through the training of my marathon last summer, and continuing to run 15 to 20 miles a week, giving up all white/processed foods, and ninety percent of the sugar I used to consume I have gained ten pounds over the past six months. All of it around my middle, which my doctor says is carb weight. The only carbs I was eating where things like lentils, beans, and multi-grain tostada chips for nachos (beans, cheese, veggies) which was my splurge treat.

I went to the doctor, hormones fine, IE. no menopause as of yet. Sugar number fine, I still believe I am glucose intolerant, but she says my numbers were not at a point that she could treat me yet. IE. One must be diabetic before modern science can help them. No thank you. She also said my over-all cholesterol number was up by 20 points. This she wanted to treat with medication. Again, I said no thanks. I insisted that she give me a couple of months to bring it down myself. I had read somewhere that more people are diagnosed with high cholesterol in the winter months (this was last January) because your body needs vitamin D to make the good cholesterol. One gets vitamin D from the sun and where I live sun is a scarcity in the winter months. I plan to expose my tummy to the sun for a few weeks before my next test as it can't hurt. A little aside here. For those of you that believe in supplements, Dr. Oz believes that we are all vitamin D deficient and that it is one of the most important vitamins we can have. One must take the correct type of D and that number (I think it is D-3) is not in my memory bank at the moment, but if you are interested let me know and I will dig up what the correct kind of Vitamin D we should be taking.

After going to the doctor, I ate perfect for a week and tracked everything I ate. Fruits, veggies, grains, reasonable portions, about 1,300 calories a day. I gained two pounds that week.

For the next four or five weeks I tried the low carb, high protein diet. Only about thirty grams of carbs a day, daily calorie intact again around 1,300. I lost the two pounds I had gained the previous week and another three in the first two weeks. The remaining weeks I lost a big, fat, nothing. The pain in the ass of writing everything down would have been worth it if I continued to lose weight but since I wasn't I gave up.

Through a string of unusual events I discovered that we have a natural-path (doctor) in our town and so I made an appointment to see her. My first visit to her was two and a half hours long, and the total cost including herbal prescriptions was $130.00. My doc charges a hundred bucks a visit, not covered by my insurance. I have a $5.00 co-pay on prescriptions, received five of these which (if they had been doctor prescribed) would have cost me $15.00. So, here is what I got for the extra $15.00.

She began the session with muscle testing. She would touch all of these little vials and push down on my arm as I held it out. Once she figured one thing out she would hand me a group of these little vials and do more muscle testing. The first thing she honed in on was I had parasites in my liver AND IN MY HEART, including my heart valves. YUCK!!! But she assured me we all have them. She wanted to treat these first and then I will go back to see her in a few weeks and we will see what my body wants to focus on at that time.
To treat the parasites, she zapped me. She plugged in this little machine and I held it over my heart and then my liver. I felt nothing with this zapping, except towards the end of the treatment the paddle began to get a little warm. After I had these treatments she tested me to see if I had any left by asking the question, "What number are left in the heart/liver?" and then muscle testing me while counting until the answer was none.

I get that the whole thing sounds like mumbo jumbo, but it didn't hurt and couldn't be worse for me than hearing the words, "I can't do anything for you due to the results of your counts from your blood test." The herbal prescriptions she gave me where to get rid of the few lingering parasites and also my liver "wanted" some additional support.

So how do I know it worked?

First, I found it interesting that I "failed" everything that has to do with the gallbladder. I had mine removed when I was fifteen. Can't really be working if it isn't in there can it? Second, I have to tell you that I am not a good pill taker. I not only hate pills and have trouble swallowing them, I am usually sick to my stomach for the rest of the day after taking them. I've been told that we should all take a daily multi-vitamin, and I have over the years tried to do this. They ALWAYS make me sick and I always give in and stop taking them. The natural-path's little vials told her that my vitamin and mineral counts were pretty good.

Now this is what I think is really cool. I was really worried about feeling sick while taking these herbal medications, but willing to give it a try to see if it would bring my body back into balance. Monday will be two weeks since I started taking these (big, honkin) pills and I HAVE NOT FELT SICK ONE SINGLE TIME! It seriously makes me think I felt sick from the other pills/vitamins because my body was trying to tell me I didn't need them. My body wanted/needed the pills I am currently taking so it consumed them without ill effect.

The other things I have noticed are small and yet significant. My stomach (where all the weight went on) is not as paunchy now. Still there, but a bit smaller. The bigger thing I have noticed is my breathing seems to be easier when I am running. If my heart and heart valves where fighting parasites and now they don't have to it stands to reason that the heart would be pumping better, the blood would be getting more oxygen in it, and I would be breathing easier with exertion.

Ya, it could also all be in my head. These herbal prescriptions and the zapping could only be working because I think they are working. I am totally okay with that. As long as I am feeling healthy, and am able to do the things I want to do in life it doesn't matter to me how it comes about.

What do you think? Any thoughts on alternative medicine?

2008-05-07T04:49:00.003-05:00

Just doing a little test post.......................

For some strange reason the post about my identity thief disappeared and the comments are on the latest post.

Thought I should do a test to see if something is messed up on my blog.

Have been busy enjoying the beautiful weather we have been having. My flowers are coming up in bursts of color and we have all been enjoying that.

2008-05-03T06:12:00.000-05:00

A funny thing happen on the way to pick up my truck..........................

I have my truck back again, and the repair was (only) $700.00. Considering that the guy was talking potential thousands I feel blessed. The final amount was only a $100.00 over what we had for the trip, so I don't buy any shoes this month (pick yourself up off the floor Random... I will be fine!), and we are golden. But on to the story...

Having finished the book A New Earth, I have been trying hard to be "in the moment," "live the present." I must have a ways to go yet. My youngest got a speeding ticket earlier in the week. I know she told me of the details, but I didn't really pay attention to them. On the way to pick up the truck, yours truly was also using her lead foot and was stopped by Mr. "Officer Friendly" himself. I sat in the car REFUSING to give into the self directed anger and stupidity of the moment. If he wrote fast, I could still get the truck and make it to the coffee place to pick up beans before they close. Coffee is a necessity in our house. With four "heavy drinkers (of coffee of course), we are always running out of coffee (and toilet paper, but that is another story).

See, I have gotten over speeding tickets years ago. I consider myself a safe driver (don't we all?). I wasn't going 110, he had me at 13 miles over, on a country road, no other cars in site (Queen of justification when it comes to breaking the law). Remember the line in the song, "I can't drive fifty-five?" I speed sometimes. For every time I get caught, there are probably hundreds of times I have "gotten away with it." Since I am still running a good average I am not going to let it ruin my day. After all, someone had to help nice officer friendly reach his quota for the month. This month I took my turn. I will admit my patience was running a little thin by the time he got the written ticket to the car. As he was explaining the procedure in his friendliest voice (one of these times I REALLY and going to tell one of them I don't need their charity, just write the damn thing for the full-on over speed, instead of GENEROUSLY writing it for ONLY five miles over, blah, blah, blah...), I cut him off with a curt, "I've done this before," took the ticket out of his hand and started the car to his patronizing words of, "Drive safely now." I told my youngest if I had more time I would totally speed out of there just to show him I don't give a rat's ass about the ticket, but since I don't... OH! YA! I have a ways to go with all this Zen stuff!

So, we continue our drive down the road only nothing looks familiar. This is the same road I broke down on (was it last week or two weeks ago) and I drive it often. It took me a couple of minutes to figure out it didn't look familar because I had missed the road I wanted to turn on so my mind was looking for those landmarks. Back tracking, the silly road was BEFORE where I had my stand-off with the law (another old song, "I fought the law and the law won!"). Had I been in the moment instead of blabbing off about the identity thief I (potentially) could have avoided the entire matter. My youngest then reminds me that her experience was exactly the same, she missed her turn and was pulled over past that point so also could also have avoided her experience (different county, different cop, two days prior). How's that for mother daughter bonding?

Totally spoiled beyond belief, we presented our tickets to (my) Mister yesterday (she also gave him a check out of her account) so he could call on them and get the fines in the mail. I told him of my desire to ask for the full speed charges and he turned a little green. Have I told you that (my) Mister is THE MOST law abiding citizen I know? I promised to try and stop myself before actually doing it.

Not five minutes after (my) Mister informed me that the charge for my ticket was $110.00 I opened an e-mail to find I had been gifted the second level Reiki class which (of course) costs $110.00 EXACTLY! How can I act like such a brat and still get all these blessings??? Who's questioning? I'm not questioning... Only gratitude here.

Ya all drive safely now...

2008-04-30T05:51:00.003-05:00

She's a total nut case (YES! I'm talking about me).............................

Just as you all knew would happen from the moment I first talked about him, I am head over heals in love with Fred. Miss Princess and the Pea calls Mr. Freddy Boy when she is heading to bed, and he heeds the call and follows me downstairs to "HIS" spot on the end of the bed... ON MY SIDE! And for the record... I don't share my bed with just anyone, only my special fellows...

About three in the afternoon yesterday I realized that I had not seen Fred in a while. Ya! I should have named him Tom (as in Tomin around), as much of a wanderer that the boy is. I keep an arsenal of kitty treats around for moments like these as a shake or two is all it takes to bring all three cats running. When only two cats showed up, I took to the streets. Ten minutes later I was consoling myself with thoughts of, "Not all relationships are meant to last," and, He'll never be as spoiled in his new home as he was here."

My youngest offered much sympathy and comforting words, "You know how he is. He will be back when it's time to eat. He isn't gone, gone, just away for the moment." Things like that.

I can't help it, this kindness puts me right into high ego alert and I jump right into prime victim roll. "All I ever did was give the best I had to offer to that cat and THIS is how he repays me? I gave him the best moments of my days, not to mention the end of my bed, and he just ups and leaves? What's that about?" And when the anger leaves, the lines turn to, "What will I do without him? My Freddy Boy, Poor Freddy Boy." All my youngest kept saying was, "OH! Mommy!" Leaving me to interprute that line in any way I needed to find comfort.

Now I hope you all know that while these words REALLY did come out of my mouth, and I REALLY was allowing myself to feel these victim feelings and become this roll, I WAS PLAY ACTING! REALLY, I was. But I gotta say that acting or not, playing the victim felt good somehow. My ego LOVED it, L-O-V-E-D it! When my youngest went to see her last client of the day and I requested in a sad little voice, "As you're driving, keep your eye out for any little gray spots so I can scrape Fredddy up and give him a proper burial (God! I am scaring my loved ones for life aren't I?), her response was the sweetest ever. She said, "Don't worry mommy, I will manifest Fred back for you while I am gone." (How many of you are right now thinking how powerful I am to have brought my entire family into my warped way of thinking???)

About fifteen minutes after she left, I was working on final dinner prep and Emma (our Jack Russell) started barking at the door like a maniac. Okay, this is not that unusual and usually means there is a squirril or neighbor dog she wants to go after, but when I went to let her out I saw nothing and yet she was insistant with the barking. I opened the door, and like a flash she was out and headed to the tall grass under the bird feeders. When she arrived, to my total amazement up popped Fred. He flopped over onto his belly, and Emma gave him a warm, licking of a greeting as if to say, "Welcome back old buddy. We've missed you," then high-tailed it back up the porch to me to get her well deserved atta-girls and thank you strokes for having rescequed Fred from a life on the steets.

What? You don't think Emma read my mood/behavior and was concerned about me and Fred? You don't think she was barking because she was on the look out for him and finally spotted him? You don't think that animals can make that kind of connection with people, understand the energy their people are giving off, and offer whatever comfort and support they have within them?

I do! And so it is...

2008-04-28T06:08:00.002-05:00

Apparently I can no longer tell a lie..........................

About a month ago the screen on my cell phone went dark. It was still very readable in the house or at night, but in the sunlight I was unable to see anything on the screen. I fiddled with it, (my) Mister fiddled with it, I called for service about it, took it to a dealer to see if they knew anything. Bottom line is the only thing to do is replace the phone. The phone that is not that old, and that I wouldn't even have the dumb thing if I didn't have the business. Spend a hundred or so dollars on a phone because I can't use it in the sun? There WAS one more option...

We carry insurance on our phones that cover loss. If the phone needs repair, it is on us, but if we lose it a new phone is delivered in a timely manner. On our way to a spirit reading session (you can make fun of me about this later, but I like this activity like some of you like television or going to the movies so get over it), (my) Mister and I stopped by the mall to ask a dealer about the phone. After he told me it couldn't be fixed I said to him, "Well, I guess the phone is about to be lost then."

One of those little white lies right? The kind we all tell without really thinking about it, or feeling at all bad about it. This was me getting my due, standing up to the big corporation. And those phones really don't cost what they charge anyway. Right? My insurance charge every month has already paid for the actual cost of replacing the phone. Hasn't it? It wasn't like anyone was going to get hurt by my tiny lie. Right? On the drive to the reading I even went so far as to practice (in my head) what I was going to say to the phone company when I called to report the phone stolen. I didn't want to get caught in my lie; which might have been the first indication that I shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Of course I ignored this notion, caught up in my justifications as I was.

We arrive at the store and are looking around before the readings start and my phone rings. It is my girlfriend that is meeting us and she can't find the store. I told her I would go stand out front so she could see me and know where to go. Once outside, she called again, still unsure as to the location before spotting me. After the second call, I closed the phone, put it back in my purse (exactly where I always put it) and we went on into the readings.

I will spare you all the details of the readings except for one. The reader shared with me that one of my spirit guides has a real sense of humor and is a great jokester.

Remainder of the readings are finished, good messages, feeling great, decide to call my youngest on the way home to see if she wants or needs anything. NO PHONE!

Rip though my entire bag (currently carrying a HUGE bag) and nothing. Of course (my) Mister had left his phone at home so I was unable to call my bag to see if it rang. About thirty seconds after I realized the phone was missing, I couldn't help but start laughing. And laughing, and laughing...

I HAD LOST MY PHONE! Just like I said I was going to do.

My thoughts created my reality, or else my spirit guide with the great sense of humor was looking out for me and took the phone so that I could report it stolen with a clean conscience. Either way the joke is on me big time, and I guess even white lies are out of the question for me from now on. What do you think?

2008-04-25T05:25:00.002-05:00

Truck update..............................

The transmission guy called yesterday as promised. He says, "I have bad news, and bad news. Which would you like first?" Don't ya just love a guy with a sense of humor? I told him he could pick, so he went on to explain that yes indeed, the fly-wheel did break, and when it did it broke everything that we had just paid him to repair. "In all the years (20 that I know of) I have been in this business I have never seen this happen. It is just odd," he said. "Well then, it fits into my life perfectly. There is no one more odd than I," I quipped back at him. "So you re-build it?" I ask hopefully. Not exactly...

Option one would be to have some type of special welding done, IF IT CAN BE, of this he was not sure. Option two would be to get a new transmission, IF ONE CAN BE LOCATED. Seems we have a commercial grade truck and replacement transmissions for those are few and far between. In case you haven't guessed, this would be the second bit of bad news. By the time he had finished relaying this information I sensed I had ducked into my head, trying to fight down the initial panic that was starting, and it took me a few seconds to realize he was waiting for me to respond to his second exclamation of, "The whole thing is really weird"...

"I would very much appreciate if you would look into the welding possibility, and I just want you to know that I completely believe that this entire thing will turn out EXACTLY like it is suppose to." Yes! I know that kind of statement totally supports my above quip; I am an odd individual. But back in the above paragraph, when I was in my head, I came to the notion that this was one of those times that the Course in Miracles has been preparing me for. I had to choose to react to this situation out of fear or out of love. I was going to try my hardest to stick with love.

Fortunately for me, I had made plans to make a quick shopping trip while my youngest was home between her classes since we are sharing a vehicle again. As I drove the fifteen minutes into the store, I focused on staying out of fear. When I would think of the $1700.00 that went into the first repair I would feel waves of nausea come over me, and had an instant whopper of a headache compliments of my ego trying to get me into fear. To avoid getting stuck in the ego thought that, "I might as well have lite the $1700.00 on fire for all the good it did me, I countered it with thoughts of all the good the transmission guy was able to do with the first money we had paid him, as well as all he can do with our future repair funds. The fact that I was able to let go of the negative notion did me a ton of good. My ego, not so much.

At the grocery store I shopped on auto pilot. Fortunately, my angels had had me make a list. It has been months since I have shopped off a list, why I felt the "need" to make one this day is a marvel... But not really. What it is, is one more indication of how much I am looked after. Again in my head, I was amazed at how my physical body was responding to the stress of my fight to stay out of a fearful response. As I shopped, I thought of all the "worst case scenarios" I could, and then played the, "If that is the worst of it, we can handle that. We can just_____ ," corresponding positive outcome to go along with it. By the time I got done with the shopping I was feeling much better physically and was in a much, MUCH better frame of mind.

Least ya all think I have let mister ego take over this post to brag about how noble and great I was by choosing love over fear, I want to tell you why I felt the need to share this with you.

The one and only reason I ended up picking love over fear was out of total selfishness! Picking love, once I got through the first couple of hours, was the easier choice on me. Picking fear would not have changed the repair situation with the truck. What it would have done is kept me in that place of self-induced stress on my physical body as I simmered in anger and resentment about the "wasted" repair money. By hanging onto negative feelings I more than likely would have lost sleep, and made my family miserable with my lamentations of despair over, "What am I going to do now?" By letting go of the outcome, by getting to a place inside of me that I can truly rest in the statement, "It will all turn out exactly like it is suppose to," I am taking care of me. I am focusing on the only thing I can/do control, and that is my attitude. And you know, silly as it might sound, I am excited to see just how this entire thing is going to play out. You can be sure I will keep you informed of all the details.

2008-04-24T05:29:00.003-05:00

Yesterday's blessings.................................

My biggest blessing yesterday was when the phone rang in I discovered
Random on the other end of the line. To remind you, Random and I met once, when we did a half-marathon together last summer, and are huge soul-sisters when it comes to shoes. She was calling me to tell me that DSW was online now (Did I just feel a collective swoon?)and we had a wonderful catch-up chat. I think it was absolutely terrific of her to make sure I was in the loop on how to get the latest, greatest shoe styles from my favorite shoe store. Thanks Random.

After dinner I headed south with a resident to get her hair permed by my hairstylist. About half way my truck made this little clunky sound and then stopped working. I coasted to a stop along side of the road, tried putting the truck into park and then seeing if it would work. Nope, and we just had the transmission repaired. Rats!

Now starts the cool part of the story. Yes, I was surrounded by empty fields, but I was only about three miles from the transmission shop. (my) Mister called them and they said they would come and check out the truck as soon as possible. Blessing one.

Through my youngest daughter's work she/we have been getting to know one of our neighbors, and have discovered that her mother is also in this line of work. I have made arrangements for her to start working for me a few hours a week so I can do my running during the day. Fortunately for us, she hangs out at her daughters a lot so she was willing and able to come sit with the residents so that (my) Mister could come and pick us up and take us the rest of the way to the hairstylist. I got my resident settled in, and made the twenty minute trip back home to drop off (my) Mister and still made it back to the shop in time to visit with the ladies. All this might not seem like a big deal, but in my world it is indeed a miracle. Blessing two.

Tentative word from the transmission guy is my truck needs a fly-wheel (whatever the heck a fly-wheel is), with a price tag of five to six hundred dollars. (my) Mister and I were planning a two day trip to Chicago the end of May to take a class, and for one reason or another have not actually signed up for the class as of yet. The money we have saved up for that will be enough to repair the truck and so that is what we will do. The fact that we have the funds available is truly a blessing because a few short months ago this would not have been the case. Am I saying that I would rather spend money on truck repairs than take a trip with (my) Mister? Not in the least. What I am saying is that my reactions to last night's events did not send me into a panic attack and/or a financial struggle. If you have ever had a panic attack or a financial struggle you will better relate to the inner peace and joy I felt/feel regarding this.

We are suppose to go up north and bring home our travel trailer this weekend. I am claiming a miracle for the truck to be repaired in time. Regardless, I have total faith that things will work out exactly as they are suppose to.

2008-04-22T05:39:00.002-05:00

Enough with the Spring cleaning already........................

Before moving on from tales of trash, I have to tell you this one more thing...

I called (my) Mister yesterday morning and in that "Proud as a Peacock voice" guys sometimes use he says to me, "Guess what I am doing?" Ummmm, working? (and please I DON'T need details) went through my head but I refrained from speaking. "I'm cleaning out my office! And I just threw away the detailed list you made for what every one's job was when we decorated for our wedding." Reminder... We got married on February 13, 2000. I am thinking of finding a 12 step hoarders group for him to attend...

In other news, I got out for the day last Saturday to attend a class on getting in touch with your higher consciousness. It was a great class, I learned a lot, and met a great group of people. I also validated (again) that I am not shy anymore (I used to be. REALLY!).

I got to class when there was only one other person in the room. The instructor ask us to please sign in and when the other person did, I heard her say, "Ouch! My thumb is really sore." "Well, come over here and I will work on it," was my reply. She must not have been shy either because she did, and I did, and then class got underway. Fast forward to after lunch. ____ (who I sorta knew. He had taught (my) Mister and I Level One Reiki) was sprawled out on the floor and was joking about someone walking on his back. I went over and started doing Thai massage on his legs by "walking" down them. This led into others doing bodywork on others, switching partners and treatments for about forty-five minutes.

When it was my turn to be worked on, my body worker was a massage therapist. She ask me if there was an area that I needed worked on and I told her my right Achilles tendon. I need to stretch more after running, and I had let this particular area get tight to the point that it aches a bit when I first get up in the morning. This girl knows her stuff, and in about five minutes she had my entire calf calm and relaxed. Wonderful...

When I was thinking about the day later, it occurred to me that my "higher consciousness" had worked out that entire bodywork thing as a way to get me the attention I had not been giving to myself. One might even say I manifested the entire thing for my own good, but I won't because I know there are those out there that believe my manifesting is a bunch of nonsense. Still... If you think about it...

2008-04-21T06:10:00.002-05:00

World's worst wife...................................

In my quest to clear the clutter from my life I am sure I earned that title yesterday...

Yup, I inched my way into (my) Mister's work room and insisted he get rid of a wide assortment of "I can use that someday" items to, "I can't throw that away, it is the ticket stub to the first movie I ever went to with so and so." I found a pile of "Congratulations on your wedding cards," and thought to myself, "Who do these belong to? I gave him ours to throw away the last time I did a big clean." Instead of throwing them away, he had added them to one of the many pikes in his work-room, "In case I want to look at them someday." Did I just hear you call me a cold-harded-bitch? I would have to agree. Especially as things got heated as we argued over the value of things and I got to the bottom line; "When you die, all of this crap is going to be tossed without a backwards glance. Do you really want to inflict all that pain and suffering on whoever is left to clean up after you?" I got the sense that that is exactly what would make him the happiest. But it gets worse folks.

I came across this little stand, maybe the ugliest, pinkest color I have ever witnessed. First he fed me, "It's an antique" line. "Well, since you know I am not an antique kind of gal you know that carries no weight with me," was my immediate comeback. He then went on to explain that this was his bedside stand for all the years of growing up at his family home, as if this was a reason to have it sitting around in an over crowded room. Case in point was it took two hours of solid work to even uncover the thing. He thinks I am going to believe that he was enjoying the stands presence in our home?

I said, "If you want to keep it, integrate it into the house someplace." How noble of me. Right? Instead of thanking me, all this stuff about how it was my house and everything was my stuff and the only place I "let" him keep things was in his work-room came out of his mouth. WOW! Many things that I would never have displayed if they had not been a part of his past came to mind, but I pushed them aside and tried to understand why he felt this way. Did I not just say to put the pink stand somewhere? How did he hear that his only option was to get rid of anything from his past?

From here we entered into the on-going-for-eight-years-now, "discussion" on how he is still living his life as a single guy instead of marriage and sharing a life/home with someone, and this "sneaking" everything he got after his mother died (coming up on four years ago) down into his work-room without showing me any of it is further proof of this fact. He doesn't see this any more than I see, and/or understand why he clings to scraps from a past that he often says was less than stellar.

So, there we stood there hugging while we both cried. Me because I felt like I shouldn't have to force him to pick me over his past, and he because he felt I was insisting he could only have one of us. All I can say is my children had better appreciate the emotional trauma I am going through just to save them from having to go through it.

I get his point that I am a force to be reckoned with. How does he think that things get accomplished? He is also accurate when he said I am further along on the path of letting go of material things as a means of holding onto memories (both good and bad). I remember our wedding day with great detail, all the people that came bearing cards and good wishes, the immense amount of love that filled the room. We have three organized scrapbooks that holds bits and pieces of our dating days through our honeymoon. Isn't that enough sentimentality? And just because I am further along the path does this mean that it is okay for him to lag behind?

This post might sound like I am airing our "dirty laundry," but that is not my intent. I decided to write these things down to help me process and let go of the intense feelings I had yesterday. The sooner I can let go of them, the sooner I can get back to holding a feeling of love for (my) Mister AND myself.

Of course (my) Mister doesn't live in the past, and prefer the reminders of his old life to our life as a couple. Of course he feels like I am taking away something that holds great value, if only to himself, while knowing from a logical level that this is not my intent. Partnership is finding the delicate balance between the two of us that makes us feel equally loved and listened to. We will continue to plug away to find this balance as the next dumpster (yes! We have enough to fill another one) arrives, fills up, and our home at long last becomes devoid of all of it's excess baggage. Relationships are indeed filled with lots of hard work...

2008-04-18T05:36:00.003-05:00

Contagious manifestation..........................

I took some pictures of my F-U-L-L dumpster, but I am too lazy to up-load them right now so I will share with you soon I promise. Until then here is a great (true) story to entertain you.

I know most of you have already received and used any tax returns you were owed. Since I am self-employed, and pay quarterly taxes, I work really hard to figure out how to pay Uncle Sam just the right amount. Since I am not in a hurry to send off a check if I still owe something I tell my accountant that she can do my taxes last. ( and just to brag, we are getting $79.00 back so I did a darn good job of figuring this year) Since she does my youngest's along with ours, hers are done late as well.

She got her state return in the mail on Wednesday. No big deal right? We knew it was money she would be getting so how could it be money she manifested? Here is the good part... She came home that day while I was out with the dogs. As we were walking up the driveway together I said, "Did you see you got your check from the state?" Her response, "Oh! Ya!, And I TOTALLY manifested it. I decided I could do it (as in manifest money) so I stopped at the bike store and told them," Get my bike ready( She ordered it when it was on sale a couple of weeks ago). I am still not sure where the money is coming from, but I will have it by then and I am picking up the bike on Friday. I got home and there was the check with the amount that I needed." And I thought I was proud when she learned to say her ABC's!

The story gets better... Yesterday she says to me, "I've gotta quit manifesting money. It's creating too much work for me. I thought I was going to have the entire day off and now I have three people to see." And still later when she checked in over the phone... "I feel a little bad that my manifesting for me made S0-and-So get pneumonia." I explained to her that is was So-and-So that manifested the illness so that her body could have the rest it was demanding. Us receiving from the Universe is never going to take away from another.

Maybe there are those of you out there that are thinking I should be committed, or charged with harming a child's mind, but I think this autonomy she is practicing is great. She has always been a spiritual child, aware that there are things greater than herself. I am glad that she has begun to work with this greatness independently from my encouragement. My baby is growing up!

Let me mention here that this is one great kid. The reason she didn't have the cash to simply buy the bike outright was because she had a $600.00 car bill. Beyond room and board (and a little college tuition) she is financially responsible for all of her other needs (and remember the kid LOVES shoes!). She DOES NOT use credit cards or student loans, and is consistently putting money in the bank to finance her last two years of College. She has it much more together and not just financially) at (just) 19 than I did by my late twenties.

Beyond sharing the story because I think it is a great story, I share it with you to encourage you to increase your own faith. Not necessarily in God or the Universal Energy of Spirit, but in yourself. Believe that you have whatever you need inside of yourself to reach all your goals and dreams. Believe that life doesn't have to be hard, and that you can take the bull by the horns so to speak and get what YOU want out of life. Practice faith in yourself, even when you don't feel it. This a great time to employ "Fake it till you make it." Before you know it you will have enough successes in your world that your faith will soar and you will understand without a doubt that you are Captain of your own life and you can steer your ship towards any destination you want to reach. Bon Voyage...

2008-04-14T05:58:00.003-05:00

Great weekend.............................

Our dumpster is about half full at this point. Now I am trying to hold the thought that it will be big enough to hold all we want to get rid of. Most of the work room and all of the shed is finished, but the attic hasn't even been touched. I am sure (my) Mister is getting sick of hearing me ask if there will be enough room or if we will have to have a second load.

My heart is sick about the stuff I am throwing away. There must have been hundreds of those plastic pots that plants come in. Plastic in land fills, I know they will be there years from now, but I have no use for them and it is the only way the plant people sell their plants. Is it my fault they don't use peat pots to begin with?

So far we have consistently converted to the new light bulbs. I even found a couple of the old style ones the counter the other day. Seems (my) Mister switched them out for the new ones because they were in lights we used frequently. He plans to use them in lights used less often. I am rubbing off on him (poor soul). I have also surrendered to no more plastic water bottles, even if they are convenient. The re-usable shopping bags are going great. The other night I bought close to four hundred dollars worth of stuff and had to use only one plastic bag. If the silly store would keep the bags at the check-out lanes instead of at the door of the store (who is thinking of checking out when they have yet to face the nightmare of shopping?) they would sell more bags and maybe even market to the shopper behind the person using the re-usable bags. The other day I even discovered that our small grocery in town refunds you five cents for every plastic bag you don't use (based on how many of your own bags you do use).

I am working on cutting down on plastic baggies/wrap to cover food, and trying to work up the courage to tackle decreasing my paper towel/napkin usage, and then it is on to cleaning chemicals. I use bleach and would absolutely die if someone took away my Clorox wipes, but I keep entertaining the notion that one day I will be able to do so, and try and be patient with myself.

So Saturday was my youngest daughter's nineteenth birthday. We started the day with a 5K race, and we both ended up winning second place in our age division. This was only the second time I placed in a race. The first time I was also last overall, and was in the bathroom "recovering" from the six miles when they called my name as a winner. It was VERY sweet to hear my name being called. The other cool thing was I used two guys to pace myself against during the race and beat both of them, and at the end passed a girl that I had chatted with at the beginning of the race. Ended up she got third in our age group, and when she turned around and saw it was me that got second she said, "Man! I so should have passed you." Ya! She looked the part of a runner MUCH more than I did; tall, lean, with full on make-up, to my short, stubby, really need to wash my hair look. Just goes to show you never know what is inside the package until you open it!

After birthday cake and presents the two of us went for another run in the rain (thankful it wasn't snow), uptown to buy marshmallows (she wanted Rice Krispy treats) and a rent video to watch. It made me feel good to be alive. It also made me think of you Maria, and the hard time you are having right now. I know you don't believe in prayer, so I sent out good thoughts to the Universe for a timely recovery for you, my friend.

Okay, the sun is up. Time to go wake (my) Mister and get him back on dumpster filling patrol. Enjoy your day...

2008-04-10T06:14:00.000-05:00

De-cluttering...........................

Our fifteen yard dumpster arrived yesterday, and I was almost as excited as Christmas morning. Since the beginning of the year I have been trying to clear the clutter out of my life and this will help a lot. Not to mention that currently I have an old toilet and sink adorning the area beside the garage.

I moved into my current home about 18 years ago on a Saturday. The next day my friend, her boyfriend, and her three children moved into my basement because they needed a place to stay. There was a shower in the basement, but not stool or sink. Shortly after they moved in I discovered that that boys were peeing in the shower (gross but true) instead of coming upstairs to use the facilities. I needed a bathroom downstairs fast. At that exact time my neighbor was re-doing his bathroom and I noted the toilet, sink, and medicine cabinet outside. After inquiring what his plans were for them they became mine and have served me well all these years, and deserve to be retired.

The other thing we did shortly after moving in was to build a big tree house. It too was past it's prime and needed to come down. We are taking the wood that can be saved to Habitat for Humanity but the rest will be dumped. Now that it is down, I can see my pond from every (back) room of my house. I LOVE IT!

And then there is the attic. (my) Mister's personal nightmare. I want our construction friend to move a couple of lights in the kitchen and when I told (my) Mister this he got all defensive and said there was no reason to move the lights. After we talked it came out that he didn't want the work done because he didn't want to have to move all the junk in the attic that would need to be moved before the work could be done. We will give away as much as we can before trashing it, but it is a fact that some things just plain wear out and need to be thrown away.

I totally get that I can be a hard person to live with, and plan to nominate (my) Mister for sainthood upon his death. Here is the latest reason why...

The other day when I borrowed his truck I discovered all the junk that he "promised" to get rid of hanging out in the bed of the truck. When we were "discussing" what could be passed on from the attic and what would need to be trashed I brought up the truck contents and told him how it was bad Feng Shui to keep it around (and went on to inquire why he lets stuff pile up in the first place, blah, blah, blah).

The next day he says to me, "I heard what you said about the bad Feng Shui so I took a bunch of that stuff to Goodwill and took the returnable bottles back to the store and got you five dollars for your vacation jar. The rest of it is in the dumpster." Told you he would qualify for Sainthood!

Enjoy your weekend...

2008-04-08T06:51:00.002-05:00

Police Brutality..............................

Reminder... I live in small town U.S.A. The biggest thing our police officers have to entertain themselves with is setting up stings on the outskirts of town and catch people not slowing to the posted 25MPH speed limit. Not such a tough job I wouldn't think.

It is not unusual for me to see a patrol car driving slowly down my street a couple of times a day. On Sunday I noted that one had stopped at the edge of my property in front of the neighbors edge of property. I really am not a nosy neighbor, but I this concerned me as she is in the stage of active dying and I thought maybe... He drove on down the street a few seconds later.

About an hour later I heard a car pulling into our driveway. I try and get to the door before the door bell is rang to help keep the dogs under control. (Our doorbell is a Pavlovian signal for them to bark.) As I looked out the window I noted the same officer sitting in front of our property shuffling some papers and then he drove off. I opened the door to let in our guest and found a red tag hanging on my door.

I will quickly tell you the violation was for yard waste and liter in the street. Our city picks up leaves from the street, and brush from the edge of the yard. My youngest had misunderstood me and put some branches on the leaf pile. The leaf pile originated from the yard worker of the neighbor that is dying, and yes we added leaves of our own in a pile beside of hers. If we were wrong to do this fine, not at all upset to be informed of this violation.

What totally freaked me out, to the point of throwing me into an instant anxiety attack (don't know why, it didn't seem like a big deal but one was triggered anyway), was the fact that the officer walked up to my door to place the tag on the door handle, but didn't have the common courtesy to knock on my door and clear up the matter with me directly (and it was obvious that someone was home with several cars in the drive and one person sitting in a car in the drive) . Living in the community that I do, this IS common practice and community expectation. We REALLY DO have an Officer Friendly that goes around talking to our children and teaching them about the law and safety issues. I felt totally disrespected and violated. Over a pile of leaves I know...Totally overreacting.

Yesterday morning I called the police station to report this abusive treatment. I talked with the police Sargent, and he assured me this is not normal protocol. He said, "I know this is no excuse, but he is young and I will be talking to him about how things are done in name-of-city. I am really sorry for his behavior and will take care of it." I suggested that he send Junior over to properly introduce himself to me and the Sargent thought this was a wonderful plan.

The Sargent checked into the leave situation and it seems the city only picks them up in the fall. I assured him that I would get ours and the neighbors picked up. Just to show you the inner workings of our town, he did know that the neighbor was at the end of life and a couple other details about my block. Some people might find this Big Brotherish, but I find it reassuring, like we are being looked after.

I have thought a little about why hanging a tag verses knocking on the door was such a big deal to me. The best I can come up with is it shattered my illusion of the give and take that I feel exists in our city. Our police officers are here to serve and protect, not issue summons in secret and throw around their power. I guess the biggest thing was the feeling of discourtesy. I am a total believer that if you have a problem with someone go and talk to them. Clear up the situation and move on. I guess, if I am totally honest, my ego might not be able to stand the thought of someone having a problem with me. NOT ME??? Now there is something I can work on.

2008-04-07T06:38:00.003-05:00

Manifesting oatmeal............................

I am forewarning you that this is one of those posts that is going to make you shake your heads in disbelief; either out of amazement at my powers, or regarding what a nut-case you think I am.

Either is fine with me.

Last night I got a hankering for a batch of "that time of the month" cookies (you all know them as no-bakes). As I started to make some, my youngest said, "You might want to check and see if we have oatmeal, because there is not much in the container up here." I continued on with the other ingredients thinking, (quote) "I will just have to manifest some if it isn't down there already."

My youngest went downstairs to check for me (we have shelves in the basement with overflow staple products), and returned to tell me there wasn't any down there. I went down to look with visions of oatmeal manifesting in my mind. There sat a (small size) box right on the bottom shelf. When I returned to the kitchen singing praises of my manifestation powers my youngest tried to convince me she didn't notice it because she was looking for a big box. (She didn't notice it because it hadn't been fully formed when she went down to look was my take on things.)

When I turned my attention back to the cookies I realized I had confused recipes - cookies for brownies (that is what happens when a fifty-year-old cooks from memory) and had put too much butter in the pan. What to do except increase to a double batch...

I ended up having the EXACT amount of needed oatmeal for the double batch. Not only did I manifest the oatmeal in the first place, but the universe sent exactly what was needed, no more, and no less. Pretty awesome isn't it?

And yes, there was another check in the mail last week; reimbursement for a new mask for (my) Mister's C-Pap machine that he got at the end of last year. My thoughts are creating a great reality!

2008-04-04T07:25:00.002-05:00

I got the exclusive!.....................................

Yesterday the phone rang, and it was an advertising firm offering me EXCLUSIVITY if I signed on to be one of eight companies advertised on a handout to be in the businesses up town with the high school football schedule on it.

I do very little purchased advertising since most of residents make it to us by word of mouth. I wouldn't put my loved one in a home from a list of yellow pages ads so I don't advertise in the phone book. Regardless, I opted to listen to the sales pitch and see if I felt compelled to purchase.

As he was going through the script, I could not suppress a giggle every time he used the word "exclusive." I finally had to stop him and ask why this was such a big deal, and why I would want it. Giving the guy lots of credit, he didn't miss a beat but just went into how that very morning a real estate business said the ONLY way he would sign up is if exclusiveness was guaranteed.

"Wow!" I said, and then: I really feel sorry for that person because he doesn't get that there is abundance in the Universe and there is really enough of everything to go around for everyone. In my experience the more we try to hang onto a little, the more that little dwindles and then we allow the fear to take over.

The poor boy! I think he said something like, "that is a good point, but many people like the idea of being the only one on the listing so we mention it." Just to show him how much I believe in putting stuff out in the Universe to keep things stimulated, I bought the ad.

So, after he finished his job, his manager had to go over things with me again. When we got to the "exclusive" part for the final time I was trying to tell him that I am an adult foster care, but I also provide respite and hospice services. He says, "Tell you what? We'll just give you anything close to any of those categories. How's that sound?" I was too polite to tell him I didn't care about any of it, so I just said, "fine," and we wrapped things up.

Please share your ideas with me about areas of your life and when you feel having an exclusive contract is required or why not? I only have one in my life and that is this little expectation that (my) Mister is intimate with me and me alone since he signed the marriage contract.

I will admit that the last time my youngest went shoe shopping without me I was jealous and thought about making that activity an exclusive between her and I, but as long as she is willing to share what she gets I can let this one slide. For now anyway...

2008-04-02T05:46:00.002-05:00

Friendships...............................

In one of her current posts,Maria was talking about the diversity of the friends in her life and ask about her reader's friends. Rather than fill up her comment section I decided to write a post about my friends...

If I had to do so in one thought, I would say my friends are patient, loyal, and true, because I rarely (if ever) see or do anything with them and yet I know that they would coming running in a minute if I needed them. The one thing that I thought would be easy when I started this business was finding people that wanted to work for me. Turns out this was the hardest thing of all. If I do have a fill-in caregiver, it creates a bunch of extra planning for me as I am really picky that things be done in a consistent fashion to how I would do them. Like when you have infants/toddlers, most of the time it isn't worth it just to go out to lunch (NOT a big fan of eating out so maybe this colors things a bit).

All of my friends have been VERY understanding of this, and keep me in the loop as to group happenings, and I am very appreciative of this.

The other group of friends that have become uber important to me is my blog family. Besides Random, I have not met a one of you, and yet I laugh, cry, and rejoice with you as I read about your life adventures. I honestly don't think a face-to-face meeting would make me feel closer to you then I already do.

If I had to pick BFF, I would have to list my kids and Mister. Maybe, because these are the people I continue to see on a regular basis (they have no where to run and hide), but mostly because we have a truly genuine good time when we are together. I am blessed.

That is a description of my friends in a nutshell. As to the demographics that Maria discussed in her post (taking out my blog family for the moment), well over half of my (small) circle of friends are much older than me (from five to fifty plus years if you count all of my former home care patients that I still keep in touch with). Ninety plus percent of them are or have been married, leaving less than ten percent same sex preference or in a same sex committed relationship. If any of my friends are Republicans OR prejudice they hide it well out of respect for our relationship.

I think where my group of friends are the most diverse is in regards to religion. We range from VERY involved in organized religion to no belief in a higher power of any kind. Each of these views is respected and had no bearing on the friendships in the least.

The other way my group of friends is diverse is in regards to our talents. We each seem to excel in a talent (music, art, computer skills, etc...) that makes a really awesome collective group of supports. Does it surprise anyone that my talent is telling it like it is, and speaking up for a group cause? My secondary talent has to do with advice regarding shoes as an accessory, but since this is a post about my friends and not me I won't elaborate.

Passing on the question, what about your friends?

2008-03-31T06:20:00.002-05:00

Fred has a home.............................

As I stated in the past, I AM NOT keeping Fred the cat. One of our resident's has agreed to adopt him instead.

A few nights back, I was sitting in the living room, and (my) Mister wanders in, glances out the window and says, "Hey! There is a cat that looks JUST LIKE FRED, over at the neighbors." It took me a couple of seconds to "hear" what he said then, "What do you mean a cat that looks just like Fred? Is it Fred?" By this time the cat was gone, and Fred was not in the house. We were certain of this because a shake or two from the kitty treat can and all cats within hearing distance are at ones foot within thirty seconds.

Being the smart man that he is, (my) Mister took the can to the streets. He shook it at the end of the driveway and Fred came a runnin from four houses down. Nutty cat...

So, being the nice lady that I am, I took Fred for a check-up on my resident's behalf. My truck is still waiting for transmission work, my youngest was still at work (which was why I had to take Fred in the first place) so that left (my) Mister's truck. Every since the thingy broke off to move the seat forward I drive it as little as possible. This day when I got in, the door wouldn't shut. (my) Mister instructed me to role down the window. The knob on the end of the window crack is broke off and jagged, but I managed. Next, "as you are shutting the door you have to pull up on the door through the open window. Be careful NOT to catch your fingers in the door!" With certain moves my left (post fractured) wrist is still a bit weak, but with a little assistance I got the door shut (opting to worry about how to shut it after the vet visit later) to the parting words of, "better lock it just to be safe." I go to back out and there is no rear view mirror. The passengers side mirror is there, but dangling by a couple of wires. (my) Mister says, "Ya! just lean over a bit and it works just fine."

As I am backing down the driveway I hear in the distance, "Be careful with my baby," and he wasn't talking about Fred.

But you know what? His truck runs great! The ride was smooth, no engine knocks, grinds, or lurches. So what if it has over two hundred thirty thousand miles on it. When I shared with (my) Mister how well I thought the truck ran, his comment was, "I know. It IS a little noisy on the freeway though." Do you think this might be because the door doesn't shut all the way???

There have been some times (especially of late) that we easily could have talked ourselves into taking out a loan or two. Refusing to cross that line not only gives me GREAT blog material (as in the above funny story), it has proven time and again how blessed and taken care of we are. We have all the things we need and then some. The money ALWAYS arrives when we need it for necessities. That truck, with all of it's cosmetic flaws (I prefer the term old-age wrinkles) makes the one-way hour trip to and from work five days a week. It allows me to run my errands while we save up to get the other vehicle fixed. Heck, it even doubles as storage as (my) Mister has the back end filled with crap that was suppose to have found it's way to the junk yard but hasn't as of yet.

Each month we get closer to having our credit card debt paid off and never having to deal with those crooks again. In many ways I feel like I have been sentenced, learned my lesson, and am about to be freed from bondage. Except for our house payment, all the money we earn will FINALLY be ours to spend ANYWAY WE CHOOSE. Most of my adult life, my paychecks were already spent before I received them. The future we are guaranteed to have now (a fab retirement, with money in the back), is definitely worth all the things we have put off having until we had the cash in hand. And I am doubly blessed to have a husband and child that feels the same way as I do and has been willing to sacrifice right along side of me. Money is NOT everything, LOVE IS!

2008-03-29T06:13:00.002-05:00

Lost and found........................

If you haven't noticed, I sometimes have a strange sense of humor. Here is the latest version of it...

Memory issues are a given around here. Most of the time they are shrugged off, sometime they need a little push. When that happen yesterday, my response was to say:

I thank God every day for attaching body parts or I would spend countless hours searching for my head. Could you imagine if our heads were NOT attached? They would have to create a lost and found for heads. And of course, my head would never be there because people searching for their heads would swipe mine, being that I am so cute and all. I would have to go through life being the headless caregiver...

I can see it now, people that didn't like the way they looked would stand around waiting for a new shipment of lost heads to be delivered and then snatch up all the good looking ones right away (check this out...I have Sandra Bullocks head), leaving many people to continue to wonder "Wherever did I leave my head?"

And imagine the fights that would break out on the street, "Hey! That's my head you have on your shoulders!" Is not/is too/ is not/is... The guys that make fake ids would find their business booming as everyone tried to prove that so and so's head was theirs...

I could go on, but I will spare you... (you're welcome!)

And for the record... I will keep my own head, but if anyone ever hears about a lost and found for thighs please let me know. I have a couple that I would LOVE to replace.

2008-03-28T06:43:00.002-05:00

I've been robbed........................

As I sit here to begin this post I am looking out at snow laden tree branches, a good 1.5 inches covering everything in site! WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

I was a good girl... I dutifully put up with the storm that arrived with March, clinging to the well known fact that when March comes in like a Lion it WILL go out like a Lamb. I just had to hang on for a couple more weeks. And now this? I feel like the Earth isn't spinning on it's correct axis or something.

I hate to tell you how to do your job Mother Nature, BUT ENOUGH WITH THE SNOW ALREADY. I have put my Yaxtrax (the things that go on your running shoes to keep you from slipping in ice and snow) away three times (Yes! The first time was totally wishful thinking on my part.) and I am not getting them out again. If I slip and pull a muscle I am blaming it all on you.

And no... I don't need any cheese to go with my whine... I'm done now.

2008-03-27T06:19:00.002-05:00

Sharing a feeling..................................

In the past three weeks, we have had two new residents move in. The first came to us by way of regular circumstances. I "need" to talk about resident two, but first I have to clarify that what I am going to say are just MY FEELINGS. NOTHING is substantiated, and I am not looking into doing so. This is more of a gut feeling, and maybe a bit educational if any of you have loved one in this stage of life.

A received a call last Thursday inquiring about our place; did we have opening, the rate, yada, yada. I ask the son for some more specifics about his mom and he told me she had been living at a place that as far as I knew has a good reputation in the area, and was quite nice (in the scheme of some of the places out there). He went on to tell me that he felt his mom wasn't receiving good care. For example, she had "lost" her toothbrush and it was a month before they informed him about it so that he could replace it, and when he visited it appeared that her hair was not being combed. Then they raised their rates (to almost five thousand dollars a month), and he felt he was doing his mother a disservice by spending her money for care he felt was lacking. He took her home to live with him and his wife.

He came for a tour that day, and moved his mother in Easter Sunday evening. This woman is what I term, "pleasantly confused," meaning she is sweet, soft spoken, and has trouble remembering where the bathroom and her easy chair are. Day one she was pretty quiet as she checked everything out and worked on getting the lay of the land. Day two (and forward) she began to say things to me like, "Everyone is so nice here," "I'll get better at remembering how to do things for myself. I will," and, "That other place. It was so big, and there were so many people (not able to articulate what she wanted to finish the sentence with), or, "I'm sorry I can't eat all of my food."

As much as I like hearing how nice we all are, my gut tells me it is forefront in her mind because someone wasn't so nice to her. Do I think she was technically abused? NO. If I did I would pursue it with the state. What I do think is some overworked, under paid staff member rushed this resident so that she could get her required tasks finished. I am also thinking that some dignity issues and care standards were less than stellar.

My mind goes back to the woman we cared for last summer that DID have the definite marking of someone that had been abused (hand print bruise on the back of her arm). Her son called me several times before I agreed to increase my license capacity so that we could take her. Though, because of her level of dementia, she was not able to substantiate the abuse, innocent things she said to me confirmed it in my heart and I felt blessed and honored to be able to make her last couple of months of life happy and peaceful. I also continue to have a touch of regret that I didn't get the message and move faster on getting her her.

I can't help wondering if having done that there wasn't some cosmic thing happening that sent this new resident to us before she had to endure what the former resident had gone through. I love the notion that the universe sees me as some kind of Lady Liberty (send me your sick and infirmed... and whatever else it says on her plaque), that can improve the quality of life for our residents.

With the staggering numbers of projected dementia related diseases in the future of our country we have to do something to change the way people with this disease are cared for, as well as what the government sees as being important to regulate. If we don't step up now, it might be us going for a month without having our teeth brushed, or being forced to finish our milk. That is not okay with me.

Now that I have done this business for (almost) five years I am ready to take my knowledge on the road and show others that great care CAN happen, and for a lot less money than it costs to vegetate at a nursing home. I am kicking around some ideas for a book. The current working title is, The Proper Care and Feeding of OPs... You're only old once so make it matter. The only way for things the change is for every individual to speak up and insist on the best care for themselves or the loved one they are in charge of. If we continue to let the system direct the care there will be very few places that I will want to live in. Fortunately for me, I am going to make long term care insurance a MUST HAVE (yes, even over shoes) once I turn 62, and my oldest always fully funds her Roth so between the two I will be able to buy quality care if I need it.

Please join me in thanking the universe for sending me this delightful resident. Also, hold me up in prayer and/or thought as to how I am to fine tweak my message and get it out into the world, and into the normal course of elder care.

2008-03-25T06:23:00.002-05:00

A night on the town...............................

If you recall a few posts back, my youngest had some trouble with my truck when she borrowed it for one of her night classes. As we are saving up for some needed transmission work I opted to drop her off at class and then run a couple of errands with her car while waiting for her class to get over. You know where this story is headed don't you?

Since the arrival of new resident #2, I have had to pick up a few things for the bedrooms, one of them being a new area rug for the room that currently has a couple of throw rugs (dangerous with a walker). Once inside my favorite discount/markdown store I quickly found a first and second choice and headed to the counter to find out the prices. As I am waiting in line I found them on the back of the rugs. Choice one was $99 and choice 2, $39. I told the cashier that I would be good and take the less expensive of the two. She said, "well let me just scan that other one." IT WAS MARKED DOWN TO $20!!! And you don't believe in miracles... Of course I took them both.

I loaded them into the car and got in to head to my next destination, and the car didn't start. With all my new found spiritualism I thought, "Well, I'll just sit here and pray for some angels for a minute and everything will be fine"... Nothing. "Okay, I'll just sit and listen to (my recording of) The Course in Miracles and it will start in a minute." Nothing. "No problem, I will just pray for an angel to come help me." As I said this a guy gets out of a truck in front of me so I ask him if he had jumper cables and he looked at me, says, "nope," and heads into the store without so much as a backwards glance. Then I saw a guy messing with something in the back of a pick up so I walked over and ask him if he would like to be my knight in shinning armour, which he readily agreed to, ceptin neither of us of had jumper cables.

Since I didn't think it was the battery anyway (the car continued to make that obnoxious beeping noise every time I got in and out [with keys in the ignition] It wasn't like anyone could steel it now, could they? and the lights worked) so I gave in and called (my) Mister to send a tow truck, and went back to listening to the Course to pass the thirty minuted estimated time of arrival. About three minutes later two (angel) guys came by and ask if I needed help. I explained the problem (well okay, I told them the car didn't start which is as much as I knew about the problem), and that a truck was on the way but they were certainly welcome to peak under my hood if they wanted to. They were just getting started on diagnosing it when the tow truck arrived (less than 10 minutes. That's what I call service!) so them the three of them had a nice discussion and then tried to jump the car. NOTHING!

If it wasn't the battery, the consensus among the group was that it must be the starter. As the two guys offered their condolences and began to walk away I stopped them and said, "You were my angels that stopped to help me, I can't let you walk away without at least a hug." Group hugging ensued in the parking lot and one of the men gave me a business card for his church and invited me to attend. Even though I have given up organized religion I thought it was a very nice gesture on his part.

Once Bill (not his real name), the tow truck driver got the car hooked up I ask him, "Would it be much of a problem to swing by the college and pick up my daughter on our way?" "We can do that," he agreed, so I called her on her cell, told her to be out front, and off we went.

... "So Bill... What else would you like to share about yourself?" He didn't expect I was going to ride for thirty minutes in silence did he?

He told me he was in his second year at the community college and he was studying to become a master mechanic. Just after we picked up my youngest I got the best idea ever. I told Bill it would be great to have a mechanic in the family with three old vehicles and that he should date my youngest. Never mind that little thing that she is already dating someone. She politely declined so ask her who we could fix him up with if not her. I took a moment to make sure he wasn't dating and when he said no we decided on my daughter's BFF. With the miracle of cell phones we were able to call her up, right there in the tow truck.

"Hi BFF, my mom wants to talk to you, hang on."

"Hi BFF, You love me right? (BFF) "You know I do."

"You would do anything for me right?" (BFF) "Of course."

"Well, I have this really cute boy I want you to go out with so I can get my cars fixed for free." (BFF) "Okay."

After getting the green light from BFF, I checked out Bill a bit more. "Do you smoke?" (Bill) No.

"Do Drugs." (Bill) "I've tried pot, but nothing else." "And you're not going to pressure her into sex right away are you ?" (Bill) "Hardly." "Do you like to bowl?" (Bill) "I suck at it." "That's okay, so do they." "Do you like to go camping?" "My family goes to ___ lake every fourth of July."

I let him off the hook after that and went on to tell him how cute BFF is and that she wears the same size shoe as my daughter and I so how can she be anything but a great gal? This young man took all of this in stride which in my opinion speaks to his character. He gave us his phone number to pass on to BFF (I don't give out phone numbers without permission and she didn't answer her phone the second time we tried). Later, when my daughter called BFF back to go over the conversation, I told BFF that I expect them to name their first born after me... At least her middle name!

What might have been a rotten night was transformed into a great adventure, just because of my attitude. It wasn't going to do me any good to get upset, so I opted to sit back and enjoy the ride.

One lesson that did occur to me, was in regards to the many people that went in and out of the store while I was sitting in the parking lot waiting for a tow. I wasn't upset that they didn't offer help, but it did occur to me that they were doing what I always do. I am always in such a hurry I don't even look at other cars in the parking lot. It made me wonder if I had ever passed anyone needing assistance when I was all wrapped up in the drama called my life? I will try and pay attention from here on out, just in case this is the lesson I was meant to learn from last nights adventure.

2008-03-24T06:17:00.002-05:00

Lessons..................................

The more I do the workbook lessons in A Course in Miracles, the more I recognize the miracles in my life.

First, for those of you that gave up religion, let me say that while the course uses words synonymous with God, IT IS NOT A RELIGION, so don't be afraid of it. The benefit I am getting out of the course is that little voice in my head/gut is not only getting stronger, it is speaking up faster than before. And, just in case there is a perv or two reading this, the voice I am talking about is the one that directs my desire to "Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you," not the other kind of voice.

While I am positive that everyone out there believes me to be perfect, I can piss and moan with the best of you. Over the past couple of weeks I have been doing just that regarding a (medical) situation with one of my residents that HIPPA prohibits me from going into details about. She went to the doctor last week and "Dr. Patty" was VERY unhappy with what WASN'T done. I immediately called a pal that works with in a medical field and vented to her, and of course (my) Mister got an ear full. Then the strangest thing happen...

The following morning, during my meditation time, that voice opened up to me about how this was the totally wrong way to be approaching the problem. All of my complaining and righteousness (a kind word for know-it-all-ism) was only serving to upset me and wouldn't affect the problem in the slightest. The miracle...I was able to let it go right then and there. I passed that problem on to a higher power and am trusting that it will be handled in the best interest of my resident.

And then there was the conversation I had with my son on Friday night. He tends to have a negative outlook on life, and I kept pointing this out to him during the conversation. Being his mom and all I guess I felt justified. And remember this was the evening of the morning that Fred woke me up at 3:00 AM. I was planning on going to bed early, but my youngest went up to our trailer and when she got there at 6PM she called and told us she had forgotten to take the key (Damn that ADHD!) so (sweet) Mister agreed to drive half way up to meet her with the key. Due to the spring snow storm (five inches), the two hour round trip took him three and a half so I had to stay up until 11 PM.

The point is, I had all kinds of dreams about that conversation. In the morning it was clear to me that I needed to make amends for my behavior. NOT for my son's sake, but for me and my soul. I called him (got his voicemail) and explained to him that I had been tired and crabby and was sorry for being so negative about his being negative and that when he had some time I would like a do-over on that conversation. As soon as I hung up the phone I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me.

I have always been very good at giving other people advice, but not so good at taking my own. Now it seems like I am learning to take my own good advice, and by doing so being blessed beyond belief. And if that isn't a miracle I don't know what would be considered one.

2008-03-21T04:49:00.003-05:00

Fred................................................

Yup, Fred is still among us. And NO! I am not keeping him...

I will confess to mentally trying to hatch a plan in which another family member actually owns him so I get the fun of having him around without having to go back on my word about not keeping him, but that has not taken full-on form as of yet. I did hear through the grapevine that (my) Mister is questioning why Fred is still here "if we are getting rid of him," but he is often confused on many things that go on around here so knows sharing his questions with me won't clear things up any faster than letting time "tell all."

Have I ever told you that in one of my past lives I believe I was the young woman that the fairy tale "The Princess and the Pea" was modeled after? If I have one gain of sand (or any other fleck/speck of foreign body) underneath me I can't sleep? One wrinkle in the sheets (top or bottom) or the lines on the comforter are not lined up EXACTLY straight, I can't relax enough to fall asleep. And to have any pressure on top of the covers when I am under them can bring me out of the deepest of sleep. Makes for some interesting partner sleeping let me tell you.

And remember, I have the only bed in the house without a door to keep critters out.

Well, Fred has taken to climbing into MY bed sometime after his midnight snack! The first couple of nights I would kick him over on to someone Else's side and was able to get back to sleep, but slowly he has taken to curling up next to ME; first, against the back of my legs, this morning into the curve of my waist. ON TOP OF MY COVERS. (BTW, (my)Mister is getting VERY jealous of Fred, since he has tried the same kind of snuggling thing in the past with negative consequences and wonders why Fred gets to lead such a charmed life.)

After throwing him ( gently of course) in bed with my daughter I was up for the day, and we will just leave it with, "and it has been a very productive three and a half hours that might otherwise have been wasted on sleeping."

Know anyone that wants a cat?

2008-03-19T07:20:00.002-05:00

BLIND HORSE....................................

Read this, and then we will chat...

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.

From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing....

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing.

If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell.

It lets the blind friend know where the other horse is, so he can follow.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Good friends are like that ...

You may not always see them, but you know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.

And remember...

Be kinder than necessary------

Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live simply,

Love generously,

Care deeply,

Speak kindly....

***********************************************************************************

I had a good five minute cry after reading this. Since it is NOT PMS time I am wondering if I have been unintentionally been being a bad friend to someone? If you are reading this and believe this to be you, please accept my heartfelt apology and let's talk.

I have been pretty self absorbed lately, though I prefer to call it introspective. Working on manifesting new residents, my next career move, the Course in Miracles, and other self-improvement tasks has taken me farther out of the world than just running a home-based 24/7 business ever has. Am I selfish because I am liking it? Having spent MUCH of my life doing for others and putting them first, I am going to say no.

Having said that, I will admit to finding it hard to strike a balance. Black OR white has always been one of my baseline problems. I am either in the world or out, passionately pursuing some new idea or totally coasting on neutral. Blissful or angry at the world, completely consumed or not giving a rat's you-know-what. This doesn't always make it easy for those around me, but when I am on the manic end things DO get done! OMG! Do you think I qualify for a psych diagnosis???

See what I mean?

So, yesterday I got wind of yet another new book, and became completely obsessed with having to have it. Being the dutiful budget(er), I looked it up on Amazon new books and since it is so new, with shipping it would have only saved me a couple of dollars and I would have had to wait days to get it in my possession. I totally figured out how to justify the expense ($25) and got hold of my youngest to have her pick up the book on her way home.

That not being selfish enough, I left poor Mister to do all the night care while I climbed into bed to read for three and a half hours last night (knowing I would have to function today was the only thing that got me to stop reading and go to sleep). That guy is such a blessing in my life!

Oh! The title of the book that got me in such a tither?

THE INSTRUCTION Living the Life Your Soul Intended, by Ainslie MacLeod

I have determined I am a level 9 soul which means I still have some lives to live. Also, that I have issues with a desire for safety, and the challenge of obstinacy and restlessness. To work on these things one taps into their spirit guides, which I have also been working on doing (though not as much as I should have been) since the first of the year. I think they sent me the book to get me back on track with chatting them up on a more regular basis.

I'll let you know if I make any progress.

2008-03-18T06:36:00.002-05:00

Out of the mouth of babes (not to be confused with the classic, sexy blond)..........

Dee sent the following to me this morning. I couldn't resist sharing it with the rest of you, along with some comments of my own...

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the
chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

Or if she likes sports he should be happy to take over OP care so she can do her long runs and go on race vacations whenever she wants to.

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.

God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10

But after you get unstuck of the loser(s), and decide you deserve to be with a nice guy, there will be one just waiting in the wings for your enjoyment.

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then.
- Camille, age 10

When it comes to many marriages these days FOREVER has been encapsulated into periods much shorter than twenty-three years thanks to no-fault divorce. Too sad.

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

For sure a fool... My favorite kind of fool... One that is in love

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at
the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8

This one is perfection. The only thing I might add is in addition to yelling at the same kids, they are NOT speaking to one another.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8

Can't touch that!

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

The one and only "date" I went on with (my) Mister was a disaster. He is much more relaxed and talkative when we are just hanging out at home. Good thing I never cared much for dating.

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets
them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)

Not sure whether to laugh or cry at this one. Actually what happen was I laughed until I cried on the first read through.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers
and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9
Sad, but true, this is what many people do when their marriage goes sour. They make themselves numb to the hurt and pain and stay together long after they should for a variety of reasons. I believe it is never too late to change your mind and fix things (note: I said YOUR mind, NOT the other person's, and "fixing things" can take on a variety of forms).

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)

Also, when they are under three and over eighty.

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
that.
- Curt, age 7 (Good Point)

This rule must be where the saying, "sixteen and never been kissed" comes from.

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)

True confessions... I kissed my first boy when I was five years old (Even at a very young age I have NEVER been able to turn down a dare). Does the fact that I went on to marry others make me a loose woman???

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to
clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
This is SO true! Single women just have to ask their boyfriends to do things for them and the guy can't resist rescuing (the Rapunzel complex) her by helping. Once married some guys feel like they have done the ultimate rescue and the wife is left on her own with the mundane day-to-day chores. MUST NOTE: My guy helps out around the house all the time. I think I am the one in this relationship with the Rapunzel complex...

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8

Sad to say but I believe relationships would take on a different/better quality if the legal aspect were removed. No fighting over a divorce. Partnerships would have to be worked out as they move along without the fairytale of happily ever after pre-programed in us. If there were no marriage for anyone, same-sex relationships would finally be on an even footing and people would be free to partner with another to share expenses, medical (and other)benefits, tax breaks. Marriage can be (and currently is for me) a really great thing, but it will never be the end all and be all of relationships; Love will never be able to be pigeoned-holed that easily.

And the #1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10 ( The boy already understands)

2) Tell your wife she is the sexiest cook you have ever known (even if she can't boil water)

3) Always say, "I love you" and give her two compliments before telling her what is really on your mind. If nothing else, over time, it will give a heads up that something is up and she can get a jump start on preparing her defense.

4) Learn to appreciate her interests, if only from the aspect that most of them she will prefer to do with her girlfriends instead of you, leaving you plenty of free time to do what you want to do.

5) Invite her into your world to share in your interests, and resist the urge to try and figure out how she can, no matter the topic, always manage to relate it to shoes (when we go fishing I will need new water shoes for my outfit... when I hold the light over the engine promise you won't drip oil on my shoes... Could you write me a computer program that would automatically take me to all my shoe web sites?)

AND FOR THE GALS.............................

1) It is fine to refer to his parts in a descriptive manner (rock-hard biceps), even name then (Rocky mountain arms), but stay away from sizing things. As "cute" as we think it is he just WON'T appreciate it in any manner or form, (not even if it is a VERY favorable size) and will not be able to help himself from entering into the "comparison conversation" and nothing good has ever been spun out of that one.

2) Early in the relationship try out terms like, "cute, handsome, and stud," to find out which one makes his ears perk up. File this information for those times he seems to have gone totally deaf to you, and can only hear the television set.

3) Always say "I love you" and give him two compliments before telling him what is really on your mind. If nothing else, over time, it will give him a heads up that something is up and he can get a jump start on preparing his defense.

4) If you want your partner to help around the house make sure you can say something positive about the outcome, especially if it didn't come out the way you thought it would.

5) Face it, no matter how much he says he doesn't mind spending hours standing in the shoe store while you look around, it would be better for your marriage in the long run to send him to the book store or sporting goods store while you browse, and meet up for coffee at a pre-appointed time.

2008-03-17T06:37:00.002-05:00

Happy Daze.........................

Yes, I know that it is St. Patrick's Day (also MY "name-saint," so happy Saint's Day to me!), but this is a post about Easter eggs.

We dyed Easter eggs over the weekend, and had a blast. I even conned (my) Mister into coloring a couple for me by showing him the special one I made "just for him." As we were putting the finishing touches on them I ask my youngest if she would like me to hide some for her to hunt for. So what if she is going to be nineteen in a couple of weeks. Though most of us act like it, there really is no law that we must always act some perceived age. Really! She lit up at the thought of an egg hunt so a plan was hatched (pun intended).

I hid a dozen eggs in the morning, and we all felt like kids again watching as my youngest hunted them down. After she would pass right by one without detecting it I would whisper it's location to the OPs and they would giggle as she overlooked it again, and again. ADHD to the third degree...

And just like I ALWAYS burn the last batch of cookies when I bake, I ALWAYS forget where I hid (at least) one egg so I got to get in on the hunt at the end. Ya! I am all about the fun...

My recommendation for today is to make a list of at least five things that you LOVE doing and pledge to do at least three of them before the end of the week. Oh!... And remember to wear green today, unless, and of course, you LIKE getting pinched...

2008-03-14T06:42:00.002-05:00

TBP..........................

That stands for Totally Boring Post, so don't say you weren't warned...

For some nutty reason I wanted to share my yesterday with all of you. Sort of a "typical day in the life of Patty."

I started the day with the normal two showers; one for me, one for a resident, made bacon and eggs for breakfast (I had coffee), and then threw together a new recipe for chops in the crock pot (which won rave reviews at the dinner table. Too bad I wasn't there to hear them. I love it when people appreciate my cooking).

Then I played around with the new kitty. I know Random will relate, but I can't seem to stop feeding him people food. JUST TO SEE IF HE'LL EAT IT! To date I have not found anything he doesn't gobble down, including popcorn and potato chips (it was only a tiny piece of each, not an entire bag). Most likely because there isn't much to eat outside this time of year and he is still catching up. And ya, we are calling him Fred now, and NO he is not staying. No one has claimed him yet, and I found out in our state if you feed and water an animal for seven days they become your property (doesn't that sound horrible?). If I don't hear anything by Sunday I am going to put an ad on Craig's list. He is a great cat, personable, pushy, and playful. Mmmmm, sounds like someone else I know... He even has the other two cats to the point where they can be in the same room with him for a few seconds before hissing. See, that "in your face approach" can too be affective in some situations!

But back to my day... I finished up the morning with the regular chores and began putting together an exercise program for our new resident. I haven't played therapist in a long time so it was fun to be reminded of my old job.

After lunch the nurse came. New resident has had type 1 diabetes since age 17 so I am getting a really good education on how to care for that. After more animal antics (no need to go to the zoo when you live here), it was off to my hairdresser with a resident to get her a perm (I have someone to come in and cut and curl hair, but she doesn't like to do in-house perms).

I have gone to the same hairdresser for twenty something years, and have followed her when she changed salons. She changed again, at the beginning of March, and her new place is NOT handicapped accessible. The owner informed me they didn't have to be since they are "grandfathered" in. Has she no idea that sometimes one does things because they are the right thing to do not because one has to? Anyway, (my) Super Mister built a ramp for me to place over the steps as it was the only way we were going to get the resident in the building. Since it is also difficult to get her into a pick-up truck, and the ramp was built out of plywood, we opted to make it steep so it would fit in the trunk of a car, and Wonder Woman (me) could move the thing.

I tell you, I felt like Wonder Woman after I got her in and out of the salon. She is not a small woman and at that angle I had to use all my strength to get her up/keep her from flying down the ramp. I guarantee that none of the woman standing around watching could have done it. Just call me Power Patty.

So while the perm solution was working it's magic, my hairdresser and I problem solved some positioning issues she has been having at the new hair station. Being the boss, I haven't engaged in a brainstorming session in some time, and I had forgotten how much I missed it.

As I mentioned, I needed my youngest,s car for the evening, so she took my truck to her evening college class. Apparently my truck did not like venturing downtown (he is VERY sensitive and old now so I treat him with kid gloves and lots of TLC), because my youngest called when her class was over to inform us that when she stepped on the gas peddle NOTHING HAPPENED. My poor baby (car, not her)! Due to the miracle of Triple-A, we got her (and him) hauled into our town to our mechanic's shop. When (my) Mister went to pick her up he thought the truck worked just fine (I tell you, he HATES big cities. Remember when I took him to Chicago?), but he left him just to get checked out.

I ended my day with desert, a fabulous Splenda sweetened cheese cake I had made earlier in the day. Normally I have been leaving everything sweet alone, but I wanted to try this. It was so creamy, melt on your tongue smooth, that I enjoyed every bit guilt free, and I can't imagine a more perfect ending to a perfect day. So excited to see what today holds!

2008-03-12T06:38:00.002-05:00

Worthwhile goals.....................................

I will work as if I don't need the money, love as if I have never been hurt, and dance as though no one is watching.

I read this quote this morning and thought it worth sharing...

Since I am on marriage number three I am claiming that I have somewhat of a handle on the second one.

I have not been OUT dancing in a long time, but last night, dancing to some jingle tune on Wheel of Fortune, I didn't care one hoot about the older crowd watching me. They were probably just amazed that anyone could move around like that and not fall over from embarrassment.

It has been easier lately to move more and more into "working like I don't need the money" as we get closer and closer to being debt free. I totally know this is cheating and not what the quote is meaning in any shape or form. What I am finding is that for me working like I don't need the money means working my passion. Doing work that brings me joy first and a paycheck second. Or even passing up work that doesn't "feel" right for me.

In the past I have always "worked like someone was watching me." Being in health care I always found it amusing how most workers scurried and panicked when the "big wigs" were coming in for an inspection, or they were due a supervisory visit. Be it a closed door (in the nursing home) or home alone (with a patient doing home care therapy) I always pretended that a higher up was watching me. In other words I always did my job to the best of my ability, so there was no need to panic when my work was being scrutinized. Was I always perfect? Did I have nothing to improve upon? Of course not, One can always learn more and do better. That is called growth, and it is a good thing. Totally different than slacking on most days and faking on important days.

Back to the first line of the quote, by not worrying about lack of money we received the gift of the most perfect new resident. Talk about dream job!!! And there MAY be an extra little bonus that I would have never imagined in a million years attached to her moving in. Until it is completely settled I am going to keep it a secret, but go ahead and start getting excited for me anyway.

2008-03-11T07:35:00.002-05:00

Another check in the mail.......................

Remember one of my New Year's mantra, "The check is in the mail?" Well you are going to LOVE where the latest one came from...

Long time readers might recall that LAST February I took a cruise in conjunction with doing a half marathon in New Orleans. When I cruise I put a cash deposit down once on board to pay for the things I might purchase on the ship. Well, that cruise I didn't spend much so I was cut a check at departure time for the difference. Apparently I didn't cash the check because yesterday I received another check from the cruise line (for $168.47) with a note that said I had not cashed the first one, and if I find it please destroy it.

It is NOT my style to not cash a check. I can't believe that I didn't cash it, and yet I am not even going to try and remember something that may or may not have happened over a year ago. Since I went on the cruise first and did the half second it makes sense that I stuck the check somewhere or trashed it with other things at the hotel. Normally I can tell you down the the penny where all of our money is.

Still, I gotta say that spending a few minutes repeating my mantra is much easier than taking on a second job. To date, the total of "checks that came in the mail" unexpectedly is over $500.00, and this in just over three months. I think it is a great return on my time investment.

And just in case you are interested in manifesting money of your own, another key phrase I have picked up over the past six weeks is, "I am in the process of..."

And then there is my manifestation "debt free/money in the bank" board. The latest addition to it was over the weekend. I made a sign that said, "We own it," and (my) Mister and I held up the sign in front of our house while the youngest took our picture of us. Now that picture is on the board and I am "in the process of living in a paid for house!" Life is good!

2008-03-10T07:02:00.002-05:00

Six weeks...........................

Yup, it's been that long, so my self-imposed fasting from blog land is over.

The past six weeks have been really good for/to me, and to try and give you all a re-cap wouldn't do it justice, so I will share a bit about my weekend with you instead...

My youngest has started training for our annual 78 mile trail relay so she decided she would come running with me on Saturday afternoon. As we reached the end of the driveway a young cat came up to us and then started jogging with us down the road. When it stopped at the end of the street, we decided we would deal with the kitty in the cold when we got back if it were still there.

Sure enough, Kitty picked us up when we started down our street, and kept following us right into our garage. What else could we do but give him/her some food, water, and a warm blanket? Kitty knew what to do with everything and was soon curled up in a ball puring contentedly.

Kitty looked to be in VERY good shape. Small, but not scrawny, came when called, and let us pick him/her up like it was the most natural thing in the world. This cat had to belong to someone. My youngest went to several homes on the block and the best that could be discovered was the kitty had been in the neighborhood for three days.

Saturday night, the phone rang and (my) Mister was on the phone for more than two minutes. No one EVER calls him so I ask who it was (he promised to love, honor, and let me be nosy so it was okay to ask), and soon I was talking to a woman about Kitty. Seems one of my neighbors has called her to discuss what she should do about kitty and the woman on the phone told her she would call the people on our street and see if anyone had lost a cat. I shared with her that we had brought the cat into the garage, we are talking about other animal things and all of a sudden she says, "Wait! Is this Patty?" As I was trying to recall if I had said anything I shouldn't have about anyone in the short conversation I replied in the affirmative and ask who I was talking to. Turns out it is one of the women I met and had contact with about the dog park last spring. Once we discovered this she said she would tell the concerned woman not to worry any longer because she knew the kitty was with a lover of animals and would do right by it. What a nice compliment.

So you all know where the story goes from here. By Sunday morning I had deemed that our house guest needed more than the cold garage could offer so kitty was invited inside. I checked for flees and ear mites (clean on both counts...THIS IS AN INSIDE CAT) and washed one of his paws to see if the dingy whiteness came clean. Nope... He has all ecru colored paws, I just thought they were dirty. Not a scratch, hiss, or arching of the back occurred when I was messing with kitty. Talk about a laid back personality.

Currently he is running around the house while the other four pets hide in corners, planning their mutiny. Being psychic and all I can "hear" them thinking. Enough is enough! I'm not sharing my people with one more critter no matter what they think!"

NO!... NO! NO!... We are not keeping Kitty. I will call animal control today and see if anyone has reported him/her missing, and we also have a lead on someone that lost a cat and might be ready to take on another. Anyone out there want a new kitty?

2008-02-04T10:13:00.001-05:00

Taking a time out................................

Hey fellow bloggers, it is time for me to put my addiction out there and admit that I have allowed writting and reading blog posts to get in the way of other, important things in my life.

Try as I might, I can't seem to strike a balance between time on the computer and time for other things.

My solution is the same approach I took years ago when I thought I was drinking too much diet coke. I am going to step away from blog land for a few weeks and see if that helps me to find a better balance.

I am letting you know because I don't want anyone worrying about me or why I am not posting. Rest assured that I am fine, and I will continue to think positive thoughts about your lives even if I am not keeping up on the day to day happenings in them.

I love you all, and I will be back.

P.S. For those of you that I e-mail, I am also limiting this so if you don't hear from me in my usual timely manner you will understand why.

2008-02-01T11:19:00.000-05:00

The weather man was spot on..........................................

Instead of blogging and reading posts this morning I have been shoveling. Not only do I have OCD when it comes to people driving on my driveway before I get it shoveled, I am the only person in America that doesn't own a snowblower. My little blue shovel gives me a good workout and I feel a great sense of accomplishment when I am finished.

Yesterday my back yard was totally void of snow. Our driveway has been shoveled four times (Mister did is once before he left for work being the sweety that he is) so far, it isn't even noon, and there is no indication that the snow will being ending any time soon. Good times!

Thought I would share my view in the event that some of you live in warm weather climates and miss snow.

2008-01-30T09:14:00.000-05:00

Perceptions........................

I called my licensing person (one must be licensed by the state to provide adult foster care in my state), to ask him a question about paper work yesterday and found out that he is retiring at the end of the week. I am so glad that brain kept nagging me to remember to call because I would have missed having a chance to thank him for his service and wish him well.

Several years ago I was at some conference, chatting with other providers and the topic turned to licensing. This guys name came up as one of the toughest, meanest licensing people in the history of licensing. Two weeks later He called me to tell me he had picked up my area and would be making a visit within the week.

I will admit to being a little nervous (okay, train wreck might be a more apt description) the morning he was to arrive, but when I opened the door the fact that he looked normal enough (not a horn to be found) calmed me a bit. Turns out he is a really nice guy!

He dinged my license a bit (my water was a tad too hot and one of the pill bottle's label did not match the dose I was giving per verbal order from the doctor), but the way I figure it, if he doesn't find something I can do better at, either he isn't doing his job to the best of his ability or he is wasting my time. We made a plan of correction to fix those problems that day and then both went about doing our jobs.

Over the past couple of years he has always been prompt in addressing my needs/questions, and I have never perceived him to be harsh or "out to get me," just very good at his job. I will miss working with him directly, but in chatting yesterday found that he is a hospice volunteer so I am guessing that our paths will cross again in the future.

That is the funny thing about perceptions; they are rarely totally accurate. Everything one brings to a relationship clouds every particle of the relationship making it unique to each of us. The guy that some of us think of as a jerk might be some one's really great husband and father. That lady that drives us crazy with her - fill-in-the-blank - may be using that same skill to the benefit of others. (yes she could be!)

So here is a little activity for you to try from the Course in Miracles... The next time you are feeling less than loving towards someone say (to yourself so as not to get carted away), "The spirit of God/Love/Whatever in me salutes the spirit of God/Love/Whatever in you." And then continue the encounter noting if anything changes, either in physical form or simply in your attitude. This is no guarantee that it will stop people from having jerk-like behaviors, but it might assist you in not getting all worked up about it, or at least seeing that jerk-they-may-be they are also a fellow human being wanting to be loved and accepted.

2008-01-28T09:17:00.000-05:00

The latest use of Craig's List........................

Did you hear that some woman advertised for a hit man to murder her lover's wife on Craig's List?

Made me wonder about the depth of her desperation? Or maybe she just wanted attention? To see if she could get away with it? What would compel someone to act in this manner?

First, Craig's List was no-way involved, or at fault so keep using it for the purpose it was intended for. Apparently, the couple of people that answered this add for "employment" called the police once they determined the woman was not joking.

Second, the woman was married herself, which doesn't give me good feelings for her lover. Back when I was checking out on-line dating services I used to get these e-mails from married men whose "wives didn't understand them." I would write them back and tell them to treat their wives like the most special person in the entire world for two full months and if she still "didn't understand them" I would "consider" chatting with them. Interestingly enough I NEVER heard from them again.

When I discovered my first husband's affair I ask for a meeting with the two of them. His girlfriend said to me, "So what if we are sleeping together." My words for her, "Last time I checked sleeping with another man's wife would classify one as a whore. So I guess if you don't have a problem with the label than neither do I." The look on her face gave me much more satisfaction than having her killed ever could.

Getting on my soapbox for a minute so feel free to scroll past it...

Have enough respect for yourself to be honest in, and about your relationships. Whether a marriage, partnership, friendship, or working relationship invest in the relationship what you want to get out of it. Not all relationships are meant to last forever, and it IS possible to have an amicable ending. If you have given to your relationship what you have, and it isn't working respect the relationship enough to find a resolution to it. And just for the record, lying, cheating, and deception are not acceptable ways to resolve things. These things really suck when they are done to you, but much more importantly they eventually destroy the person you are if you continue to practice them. Stepping down now...

When I hear stories like this one, I try and imagine what would have to occur for me to put a hit out on someone. I will admit to screaming at my kids things like, "Knock off the fighting or I'm going to end it for you both" a time or two. Heck, in my most dysfunctional moments I have even picked up a knife and threatened with it, but since I have also been at the other end of a knife a couple of times I can say with authority these were just threats, and not designed for lasting harm. What I have learned, one bad relationship at a time, is that if I so desire there can always be another bad relationship out there for me to screw up if I want it, without risking be imprisoned by the penal system. Move along people and forget the hit man. The drama fix it might give you is just not worth it.

Maybe I should have (my) Mister step in here and take an oath or something that the only role knifes play in our relationship these days is in food prep, and neither of us think we are in a bad relationship, but it might be more interesting to keep ya all wondering.

Fortunately for me, I finally learned how to love and respect myself. It was only at that time that I could appreciate the goodness of someone like (my) Mister and enter into a positive relationship with him. Translation...No need to snoop through my Craig's List account honey to see what I was up to while you were gone for the weekend. You already know what's listed there.

2008-01-27T09:16:00.000-05:00

Having extra time on my hands this morning I decided to fill out the answers to the meme I found on Maria's blog this morning.

The answers are in regards to 2007:

1) Where did you begin 2007?

The same place I have begun the new year for as long as I can remember; asleep in my bed. the way I see it, the arrival is one of those things that is going to happen with or without my participation in the event. So far I have been right.

2) What was your status on Valentine's Day?

Celebrating my seventh wedding anniversary to (my) Mister (we married on February 13, 2000)

3) Were you in school anytime this year?

The older I get the more I am enrolled in the school of life, searching to learn from the day in and day out. I also took a three day course to learn the art of Thai Massage to feel the needed requirement for continuing education credits to keep my P.T.A. licence valid, and a Reiki level one class.

4) How do you earn your money?

The care and feeding of seniors ( OPs, Grandpa/grandma/ whatever your term you use). Within this context I am able to help those at the end of their lives have the type of dying experience they want. This is my favorite part of my job and I hope to grow it to be able to assist more families in 2008.

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?

Yes. On September 14 I was stretching my youngest's hamstrings, standing on a soft bed, fell and messed up the bones in my left wrist. I had to have outpatient surgery the following week to re-align the bones and have a plate and four screws put in to hold it in place.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?

Not that I can recall. My normal encounters with the police are waving at them as they drive by my house patrolling the area.

7) Where did you go on vacation?

2007 was a good year for travel. In February I went to New Orleans, took a five day cruise to Mexico, and then met my oldest back in New Orleans and we ran a half-marathon and spent a couple of days sight-seeing. In August I flew to Denver and met Random for the first time. She picked me up at the airport and we drove to Spearfish, SD to do a half-marathon together. We had a blast and felt like we had known one another for our entire lives. On December 26 of 2007 (my) Mister, youngest and her BF went to Cozumel for a week. See why that debt isn't getting paid off?

8) What did you purchase that was over 1000$?

We converted a sun room into living space to extend the size of the television room where we hang out with the OPs. The total cost was around $11,000.00 and we paid cash. We also shelled put $9,000.00 to have a brick parking pad added to the front yard, also with cash. And there was the Cozumel vacation, $5,0000 for us to go, and $1000.00 to pay someone to care for the OPs so that we could go($6,000.00 cash out-of-budget). I sooooo could be out of debt!

9) Did you know anybody who got married?

Not a legal/recognized by our government kind of wedding.

10) Did you know anyone who passed away?

Yes. We had three hospice patients pass away in 2007.

11) Did you move anywhere?

Still in the same residence, I did a lot of moving in regards to my spiritual growth, moving into a more loving place towards myself as well as others. This was a great move but also an on-going one.

12) How did you celebrate your birthday?

I turned fifty this year and completed my first marathon to celebrate the event. My entire family (well, except for my son) participated with me. When I crossed the finish line my oldest (who had finished two hours plus before me, grabbed the mike and sang, "We are Family," as I requested of her, and then the announcer came on and said, "Happy Birthday." It was great, but at the time all I could do was sob because I had beat the cut-off time by six minutes and had "Officially" finished, and all I wanted to do was get to a porta-potty and get rid of the pile of crap I had been carrying for the past six miles due to (in my opinion anyway) poor placement of porta-potties on the race course.

13) What concerts/shows did you go to?

Went to a mini lecture by a Voodoo Priestess as part of a cemetery tour we took when in New Orleans. That would be it...I don't get out much.

14) Are you registered to vote?

Yes! And I take my right to vote very seriously and exercise that right each time it is offered. I am a firm believer that if one does not vote they lose their right to bitch about the government. Not giving up that right, as there isn't much else in my life to bitch about.

15) Where do you live now?

In a really great house, in a quiet neighborhood (if one doesn't count screaming children in summer), in small town America. More importantly is the fact that I am living in the moment more and more instead of planning for something in the future while life passes me by. I heard (again) just the other day: "Life is what happens while we are planning for it."

16) How did you spend your summer break?

I rarely get a weekend break since my job is 24/7, let alone a summer break. Not complaining, I like my job.

17) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?

Be in shape enough to complete a full marathon. Improved upon NOT getting upset/frustrated/angry about things other people chose to do. Ditto in regards to letting other people's choices affect me negatively.

18) What has been your favorite moment?

I have reached a point in my life where I Cherish all the moments in my life, even those others might see as negative because those are the ones I learn the most from. To answer the question I will pick the moment the surgeon that repaired my wrist told me if I gave him two weeks without running he would get me repaired and set up to continue with my plans for to run the marathon. 5.5 months of complete focus on one goal would not be wasted after all!

19) What's something that you learned about yourself?

How to give up a little more of my ego control, and when I do this life is much more joyful.

20) What was your worst month?

Life is good, and each month had something good in it. Sorry to be a downer.

21) What music will you remember 2007 by?

Batting zero here folks. I don't listen to that much music. Pressured to pick I would have to say the race play list I have on my XM portable that I listen to when I run as my overall focus for 2007 was training for the marathon.

22) Who has been your best drinking buddy?

I usually drink alone, while sitting in my hot tub relaxing. I did this maybe five or six times over the course of the year. Wait! I did have a drinking buddy, my dog Emma. She loved to crawl along the side of the tub and lick the coldness of the glass. And don't scream I would let her have a drop or two when I was down to the end of the glass. I used it as training to get her to go out on the ledge. Ever know a dog that loved Cosmos?

23) Made new friends?

Again, I don't get out much. I cultivated the relationships that I have with the hospice staff, and a couple of them blossomed into friendships. Since I have made blogger friends over the past year I guess I am not a total loser!

24) What was your best month?

See #20

25) Overall, how would you rate 2007 out of 10?

9.5

26) Have any car accidents?

Nope. Sometimes not getting out much has its perks.

27) Did you have a New Year's Resolution?

I gave up making resolutions years ago as it was to self-defeating to not keep them. This year I came up with some mantras to help with my growth. "The check is in the mail," and "Everything will turn out as it is suppose two," are the ones I am currently focusing on and they are working fabulously.

28) Do anything embarrassing?

More than I can remember I am sure. One that comes to mind was the time I came up from downstairs to get dinner started. As I was in the kitchen, I said to my resident with Dementia, "____ there is no one in there with you. You're talking to yourself again" only to have her daughter peak her head into my line of view and say, "No she's not. I'm in here with her." Nice Patty! Her daughter didn't seem to think anything about it so maybe it didn't sound as bad as I thought it was.

29) Buy anything from E-bay?

No. I have never bought anything from there.

30) Get married?

See #2

31) Get arrested?

Do handcuffs in the bedroom count? JUST KIDDING, really!

32) Did you get sick in 2007?

No. I worked the day I broke my wrist, the day of surgery, and all the days of my recovery.

33) Been snowboarding?

Years ago I had one experience with skis and hills; the BUNNY hill. I can still see my body covered in bruises after that "fun" experience. In other words...NO!

34) Are you happy to see 2007 go?

I am only happy to see 2007 go because I am so excited to see what 2008 has to bring to my life.

2008-01-26T04:34:00.000-05:00

What about you?.................

Walking through the television room yesterday I heard the question, "What is the most you have ever spent on a pair of shoes?"

I checked with my youngest and we determined it was $60.00 (for a pair that regular price was $300.00). Considering that some people think nothing of spending a thousand bucks on a pair of shoes I guess my shoe splurges are pretty pathetic.

What about you? And Random, if you think hubby might see your response some day, it is okay for you to apply selective memory when answering.

*************************************************************************************

Dr. Oz had a chef as his guest on yesterday's show. A writer for Esquire did a piece on the two of them regarding how the career of a heart surgeon and a chef are similar.

Dr. Oz ask this chef if he could pick, what would his last meal be. The chef actually took the question up a notch and told how he had been ask a similar question that added, "where would it be, and what kind of music would be playing?"

I still haven't come up with my final menu, but I actually like to eat very simply. Since I know the place, a sunny beach, and the music, the surf splashing against the shore, I am thinking that pre-sliced fruits and veggies maybe with a little cheese would go well with the scene. What would make those foods special is someone else preparing them for me. Of course it would have to be someone close to me because I don't like strangers touching my food (but that is another post). And of course all those close to me would be there to share the meal with me, just dying to do something for me, so this little quirk of mine would not be a problem.

What about you? What would you pick for your last meal, including the surroundings and who would be there?

2008-01-23T10:33:00.000-05:00

Learning through doing.......................

"I learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, I learn to love by loving.

~ Saint Francis de Sales

I totally believe what the above quote is saying and believe it can be expanded to any focus one might be engaged in at the moment. A big focus in my world right now has been in regards to unconscious roadblocks I throw up that are keeping miracles at bay.

Most of these roadblocks occur in my head, in the form of negative thought. I have come a long way in reducing the negative thoughts in my head, and yet others seem to be lurking, waiting for their perfect moment to cast doubt into the forethought of my mind. Let's use money as an example...

For months, and months, and months we always have enough funds to take care of all of our needs and a great share of our wants. In many of those months I was not totally clear as to where the funds would originate from, and they often came in forms that I would never have imagined, but they ALWAYS showed up to take care of us. Because of these facts I very rarely worry about paying our monthly bills, having enough money to eat, or finding money for (within reason) extras.

The (current) thorn in my side is in becoming debt free. We are working at it, we are heading there with good progress, and yet I can't get the old thoughts like "I will always have a car payment" from surfacing. Mind you, we have not had a car payment for over two years but I keep replaying the thought process that I have held for forty plus years.

When we stopped using credit cards we had amassed a whopping $104,000.00 worth of debt. We have that balance down somewhere around $15,000.00, and I am trilled with that fact, but I have let that chunk of debt become a noose around my neck. Last spring/summer we were cruising on through the debt and were slated to pay off the balance by August 2007. Couple of things presented themselves and it was pushed back to November, then April 2008. Another lose of income later, and now April isn't looking that realistic either.

What is interesting is at the same time I am letting this debt have a personality so I can be angry with it, I am making choices (to spend six thousand dollars to go on vacation for one example) that logically explain why this bad boy is still hanging around.

Sure, I have really logical sounding reasons to spend the money on other things, but that isn't the point. The point is that my thoughts are keeping this debt around long past any learning opportunity. Paying down this debt has most importantly shown me it can be done, and I can live a wonderful life without using credit. Why then can't I let go of that deep seeded notion of "I'll always have some debt?" Crazier still, why am I doing things to keep it around like a pet and/or negative reminder of past mistakes?

I have been manifesting money like crazy, and I know that it IS possible for a large chunk of money to show up and pay off the last of this debt. TODAY! RIGHT THIS MOMENT. HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE. I know this is as great a possibility as the sun coming up tomorrow. I also know I am blocking this from happening because I hear little whispers of doubt, and "voices" stating my unworthiness to receive a gift of this magnitude. Since I have been irresponsible with funds that could have been used to pay off this debt how could I possibly deserve to have more come my way?

And even as I write that what comes to mind is that if I was reading this after ANYONE else had written it I would instantly say that of course they were worthy, money is but one lesson given to us to learn things from, and for better or worse our thoughts create our reality. That it is not ones unworthiness, but the limitations one places on the universal abundance that is keeping the payoff at bay. Since I believe we are all interconnected why can I believe one thing about another and not hold the same belief for myself?

Here is what I am going to do to tackle this block...Every time I notice one of those thoughts I am going to ask it what it is afraid of. I am going to explore why I am fearful of being debt free. A few ideas come to mind right away, but I want to sit with them for a bit before sharing. I am going to work through this, because debt IS going to be a part of my past, and not a part of my future. It already is, and I need to be ready to handle my increasing wealth in a trustworthy, loving fashion, as doing so will benefit many more than myself, and that is really what it is all about. We are all one, and what we do to the detriment of ourselves we do to one another.

2008-01-22T07:11:00.000-05:00

A belated Christmas present........................

This past weekend my youngest and I participated in a fifteen mile trail race about three hours north of our home. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth I took note of the fact that she wasn't complaining about going to the race when we had to leave later than expected, AND her boyfriend was unable to go with us for the weekend. It wasn't until we met our friend at the race and she told him she was there because it was my Christmas present that I remembered I had told her I wanted her to run with me for my present in mid- December. Makes me wonder what other things I forget and as a result lose out on?

One of the campgrounds we are members at is only fifteen minutes from the race so we went up there Friday night and hung out in our trailer for the day on Saturday since the race didn't start until 6:30 in the evening. I was so excited to do a nighttime race, just because I had never done one before.

It was cold outside (8 degrees when we started the race, the bank sign said 2 degrees when we drove home after the race), and for some strange reason this added to the excitement for me. Me against the elements I guess. While waiting for the race to start I kept second guessing myself about adding an extra layer, but ended up going with what I normally wear. Good thing too because I was plenty warm, and dripping wet with sweat by race end.

We did the race as a relay, each of us to do 7.5 miles, and I got to go first. As usual, I fell to the back of the pack and got to enjoy the peace and stillness of the woods without interruption. The sky was clear so between the stars and my headlight I had no problem maneuvering the course and staying on track. It was beautiful! The snow was much deeper than anything I had ran on so far this year so just before hitting the seven mile mark I got really tired and ask my angels to carry me for a bit. They did much better than that...They provided a really long downhill that I flew down. At the end of it I recognized the big bulky form in the distance as (my) Mister's winter parka. My youngest and I made the exchange, she took off down the road, and we took off back to the town hall so I could change out of my wet clothes.

I had some idea of when to expect my youngest at the finish line, but more importantly I have a strong intuition when it comes to my kids. I knew that my youngest really was only doing this for me (like I did the para sailing for her) and while I kept hoping she was having a little fun my gut was telling me different. Enough time had passed that (my) Mister was saying she should be coming, but I knew "not yet." Finally I said, "she is almost here" and jumped out to meet her at the finish line. As I was watching to see the headlight turn into her form I heard talking beside and behind me and turned to see her getting out of a van. I was right about her arrival time, but not about the method of arrival.

Since I had placed her in last, the guys on the four wheelers were following close behind her (they did this to make sure everyone made it back to the end of the race) and this bothered her. Finally she told them, "I don't like to be followed" and they back way off. Then the cold made her Ipod stop working and this was not only her distraction device, but her watch and this really sent her spinning out of control. I was right, SHE WAS NOT HAVING FUN! After about four miles she finally came to the conclusion that there was no reason to keep going if it was going to leave her with a bad taste for running/racing in her mind so she let the guys catch up to her and ask, "Can I be done now?"

I can't tell you how proud I was of her for giving the race a go, while at the same time getting that since we run for fun when it isn't fun anymore it is time to call it a day. There are so many things in life in which we have to tough it out no matter what and she is a star at doing this. I think it shows a great deal of inner maturity that she doesn't do this across the board. My poor self-esteem would never had allowed me to "let myself be done" at her age.

We were not in the car two minutes when she was unveiling plans for next years race. She wants to find two more runners so we can have two teams and she and I can do a leg together. Now that REALLY sounds like fun! Any takers?

2008-01-17T13:52:00.000-05:00

500 posts, almost............................

This is post 499.

I took note that post 500 was coming last week sometime and I have been thinking about how to celebrate the moment. I thought I needed to do so because I have seen other bloggers make note of their 500TH post and determined from that it is blog protocol. God knows that quest to be perfect directs me to follow the proper protocol. Even in blog land.

My thinking about how to make 500 special lead me to think that to do so would to be going against my personal style. The more I thought about noting 500, the more I kept thinking about how many years it has been since I have done something simply because that was what the crowd does, and/or that I normally avoid swimming with the crowd.

That lead to remembering things like milestone birthdays. 30, 40, and 50 were not big transitions because I spent the years of 29, 39, and 49, preparing to face them. It was almost a relief when they arrived so I could move my focus along to something else.

So, this is it folks, the big milestone post, and then post 500 will be more in keeping with my style; just an ordinary, everyday post that talks about what I need to talk about. No hidden, special meaning.

This is how I have decided to make post 499 special:

Four (4) things I want to ask forgiveness for:

1. To (my) Mister I would like to ask forgiveness for driving so irresponsibly the other day and getting a speeding ticket. I understand there are many other things that $120.00 (and that for a mere five MPH over) could have been spent on. I appreciate how hard you work to provide for us, both financially and emotionally. I totally took for granted how great it was that you didn't get upset at all when I shared my "little surprise" with you. Forgive me for both.

2. To my youngest I would like to ask for forgiveness for selfishly keeping you on the phone yesterday for a mini-lecture on the proper way to balance a checkbook when your focus was on doing homework. I tend to think that my needs are more important than the rest of the family at times, and I am sorry for that. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of you, and how hard you are working to get your adult life off to a great start.

3. To the two drivers that scared the crap out of me with their lack of driving ability the other night I would like to ask forgiveness for calling you (both) an idiot. And then, even as I heard the voice in my head tell me it wasn't a very loving thing to do, I continued to view you in a negative light for several minutes after I was safely out of your range. Not only did it serve no higher good, if you read number one above this might be considered the pot calling the kettle black and very bad form.

4. To all my blog readers, forgive me for totally coping out and picking four for things to ask forgiveness for. Of course I could have thought of nine, but of course I prefer to think of things that I do well or feel good about rather than examples of how far from perfect I am. I think I share enough of those for you to all get the idea loud and clear; I am about as far from perfect as possible. At least I am lovable so hopefully that makes up for not being perfect.

Nine (9) things I have not shared with blog land, and maybe not with anyone in the past...

1. I have a mole on my face. A not very glamorous one, along my jaw line. I have always wished I had a glamorous one like Marilyn or Ginger (from Gilligan's Island). A few times I have even tried drawing one on, above my lip but I always chickened out and wiped it off before leaving the house.

2. Back when I believed we got into Heaven by our works I did something for someone else (I actually did the something first so it really was something done by a pure heart), and never told anyone about it so that I would have an ace in the hole, a wild card if you were to assure my admittance to the big house. You see, the way the belief went if you told someone of your good works they no longer counted.

3. Did you notice that I used the word "something" and still didn't spill the beans? What was the big thing I did that I believed to be my ticket to Heaven? One day I was on my way somewhere, noticed a need, and pulled over along the side of the road, got out of my car and helped a blind man cross the street. Am I insane or what? That was what I chose to keep a secret as some of my best work? I've been keeping THAT a secret for over twenty years? I guess it is a really good thing that I don't believe that secret works are the ticket to heaven anymore, but that love is the answer. And one needn't hide that love under a bushel.

4. When I was in junior high school I didn't want to have to take P.E./gym class, so I signed up for choir to get out of it. As much as I enjoyed singing I was not at all good at it so I had to be in the girls glee club instead of the "real" choir. I hated this (but apparently NOT as much as I hated exercise at the time because I stuck it out, and stayed in the glee club) and felt like a lower class citizen. To make it not matter to me, I became as invisible as possible in the class and mouthed most of the songs to be assured I was not picked for solos (like I was good enough in the first place). Unfortunately I was as short then as I am now so I had to stand in the front row, no way out of that one.

5. One of my proudest moments in junior high school was the night that that lower class glee club got a standing ovation. Ya, today I can see that it might have been a pity standing ovation that some of the parents pre-planned and everyone else went along with as they were shocked that anyone would give the girls glee club (also might have been referred to as girls geek club, and this before geek was a good thing) any kind of praise let alone an standing ovation. But that night, for just a moment, I felt part of something bigger than myself for the first time ever.

6. I am a total freak about washing clothes right Vs. wrong side out. I swear, those items that have the tag that recommend washing the garment wrong side out could totally be the death of me as my mind plays out a VERY dramatic scene of me coming to terms with either forcing hand to put it in the washer inside out, or brain being pissed because I would rather "ruin" the garment than wash it as recommended.

7. I am a loner at heart. No, really. I know that I CAN chat non-stop to anyone, anywhere. I know that I have freely invited people into my home so that I am NEVER alone here. I know I have a people orientated occupation, but all of these things have been born out of my need to learn to trust other people. Even now that I have learned to do that with (select) others, the yearning to not have to do remains pretty strong. I am thinking I must have been a monk in a past life or something since I am so good at interacting with people, speaking to a group, and inviting people into my space for their benefit, yet given a choice I would move to a deserted island in a heartbeat.

8. I have (a couple of) craft projects that I started over twenty years ago and are no where near completion. Talk about hanging on to the past. As each year passes the odds of me ever finishing them grows ever greater and yet I remain hopeful/optimistic that the day will come that they will be completed. I could probably increase those odds if I actually picked them up and worked on them, but that is an entirely different issue...

9. I really like the television show Rob and Big that is on M-TV. First off I don't watch M-TV. When my kids were home that channel was banned in our house (which means they only watched it when mom was gone). If any of you have seen the show you might better understand why this show doesn't fit my personality. Like last night, the episode was about someone going #2 in their pool and their retaliation. I don't even have a pool! Oh, and Rob is a skateboarder and I (think) Big has something to do with music. What happen was one day I was wasting time in front of the television and happen upon a show that had this dog that was so ugly he was cute (Meaty is his name). They were having a Rob and Big marathon and by the time they got to the episode where they get a mini horse (named mini-horse) I was hooked. Even though they live in the Hollywood hills they built this little horse a mini-stable-palace, and it is very clear that they love their animals. I think what I like about the show is that in every episode they play. In fact, as far as I can tell, they do little with their lives but play. Must be they speak to my inner child. Oh! If you plan on checking out the show, be warned that there IS adult language and subject matter.

Finally, nine things (in no particular order of importance) I learned in blog land today...

1. Daniele is still waiting for her mattress to arrive

2. Random got a new shower curtain, and Miss Daisy got some new snow boots.

3. Amy shared a wonderful quote about grief and loss.

4. Sheri continues to bless those around her even as she speaks of how she herself feels blessed.

5. Nancy held plank position for 120 seconds. Wait-a-go Nancy!

6. Lena ran into an old friend in the grocery and had a good "catch up" with her.

7. Maria wrote a wonderful letter to her seventeen-year-old-self, and warns her against dying her hair red at age thirty-five (and gives herself lots of other really great advice as well).

8. Elizabeth got a job! Wait-a-go girl!

9. T-girl has embarked on a spiritual journey, and is feeling better about life in general.

Thanks to all my blogger friends, and don't be upset if I didn't get to you on the list. I would have added more than nine, but this post has already consumed much more time than it should have (I started it last Thursday...Life has been extra busy as of late) and I really need to wrap it up. I really appreciate all the blogs I read and being able to share in the ups and downs of your lives. Every single one of you are important to me and enrich my life though your blogs.

So there is is everyone...Patty's idea of a special post. Here's to another 499 for better or worse, and the hope that mostly they lean towards the better.

2008-01-16T08:41:00.000-05:00

Rags to riches......................

SELF-EMPOWERING QUOTE OF THE WEEK From WWW.HOLISTICLEARNINGCENTER.COM

A self-made millionaire was asked to what he attributed his success...he had come from a very poor home with adopted parents who made it clear that they really didn't think he'd really amount to anything. So when asked, his answer was,

"I had all the disadvantages required for success."

~ Larry Ellis

After this quote, the following question was posed:

Have you ever wondered how someone can turn their rags into riches?

That is exactly my take on my early childhood experiences, and while I am making some of my living from my transformation I am talking more about spiritual/inner riches here.

Close on the heels of my parent's death (five months apart when I was eight years old), was a less than stellar stay at a less than stellar foster home. Without a doubt, my time there had a direct correlation on the way I chose to parent; EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF THE WAY I HAD BEEN TREATED. Considering the way my kids have turned out the negative treatment I received as a child was worthwhile.

In addition to my parents, a couple of "adopted" parents, and some special nursing home patients, the death of three of my five siblings has all played a role in my coming to terms with the process of death and dying.

I have gone from someone that used to get the willies just driving past a funeral home, to someone that willingly invites death into my home, AND sees the process as a gift. It didn't happen over-night, and some of the loses were harder on me than others, but in retrospect they all played a role in my being able to feel the way I do about the transition from this world, as well as my ability to help others when their loved ones transition. I can't begin to tell you how being able to do so blesses me and makes me feel like I am fulfilling my life purpose. I have yet to find a better feeling than knowing I am fulfilling my life purpose, doing "what I am suppose to be doing."

So what hardships have you overcome and turned into blessings; for you or others? What are you going through right now that you might look at a different way and turn it into a positive? I would love to hear about your rags to riches experiences. Maybe you could blog about them? If you do let me know.

2008-01-15T14:48:00.001-05:00

Thanks everyone............

For all the thoughts and prayers. Things went well today and I know everyone that sent good thoughts and prayers played a role in that.

I love and appreciate all of you.